Camden 9-1-1

 A vision of a more efficient fire service for Camden, New Jersey and other cash-strapped cities across the nation.  The full blog is found at

Camden 9-1-1. Your emergency is our concern. Ma’am thank you for calling back and properly entering your credit card information. How can we help you? How long has your daughter been choking? Is she blue in the face yet? Have you followed the instructions on our website for the infant Heimlich? Okay. Please go to the website to complete the instructions, then call back again if you need assistance, but be advised that our medic unit is in the shop, and we’re down to one rental van from Enterprise this evening.

Camden 9-1-1. We’re here to assist you. Sir. You need to remain calm. We do not tolerate abusive language, and we will not send assistance until your manners improve. Thank you, and I’m sorry to hear the fire in your apartment has spread. How many rooms are now involved? I see. You left the building. Is there anyone remaining in the building who could provide an assessment? I see. Everyone left the building. Again, we encourage people not to abandon property until a proper assessment has been completed.

Please answer yes or no to the following questions so we can determine which size hose to deliver to your location. How many floors are in your building? Two? How close are the buildings on either side of your building? Okay. You live on a rowhouse block. How many doors from the nearest corner is your house? Sir. Sir. You’ll need to work with me here. I know you’re anxious and think you see fire in the front windows on the second floor now, and we’ll have someone deliver the self-suppression equipment you need just as soon as you complete the assessment questions. Please hold.