Station Grant Timeline

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Didn't see it posted anywhere around here so figured I'd let everyone know about it. And yes, that is close to 3 months worth of an application period on this one:

http://www.recovery.gov/?q=content/program-plan&program_id=5516

•May 21, 2009: Release of guidance package;

•July 2, 2009 – September 29, 2009: Receipt of applications and expedited peer review process;

•October 15, 2009 – December 31, 2009: Awards announced and processed on a rolling basis. Please note that from mid-September to mid-October, all financial systems within DHS must be shut down to reconcile obligations. As well, OMB must reapportion grant monies back to FEMA after the first of the fiscal year, so this will cause delays in grant awards

They missed the 21st on the PG, but it's supposed to be in review at the top right now so should see it shortly.

[todd3603]

Thanks for the update :D

[centralfire]

Will this affect the AFG awards as far as when awards will start?

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Nope, independent so shouldn't affect.

[JAD733]

Did they release the program guidance packagae? and if so where would it be located.

[chief60]

Interesting the content no longer comes up with the link. It is all blank.

[onebugle]

Did they release the program guidance packagae? and if so where would it be located.

Not yet, but when they do it will be posted on the AFG website: www.firegrantsupport.com

[mccookfire36]

Just an FYI guys, I did see a copy of what appears to be the Guidance Documents.
Just this morning, but still not posted on the web page. I am trying to confirm for sure but it came from DHS.

[mccookfire36]

It is only the overview of the program, just read the entire Document, It does offer some excellent Advice though.

DHS Document titled

Assitance To Firefighters Grants
Recovery Act Plan

May 15 2009

[ApuFromSpfld]

http://www.dhs.gov/xlibrary/assets/recovery/FEMA_Assistance_to_Firefighter s_Grants_Recovery_Act_Plan_051 509.pdf

[neiowa]

Well ,certainly looks like the kind of product this new bunch of goofballs DC would come up with. Make sure to discuss how you FEEL about fire stations.

[jam24u]

Well ,certainly looks like the kind of product this new bunch of goofballs DC would come up with. Make sure to discuss how you FEEL about fire stations.

bango! nail on the head. I wonder if the station qualifications will be the same as supreme court nominees? They MUST have an agenda stuck in there somewhere.

[SLY4420]

Guidance is finished and should be posted this afternoon, I understand. I've seen it.

[waterboy1]

Any info as to when the application dates are? Is it going to be two weeks 1 month etc?

[SLY4420]

The three month application period must have been a rumor, because the guidance currently says:

Dates: Completed applications must be submitted no later than 5:00 p.m., Eastern Time, July 10, 2009.

[onebugle]

Posted on Grants.gov:

FY 2009 American Recovery and Reinvestment Act Fire Station Construction Grant Program

The synopsis for this grant opportunity is detailed below, following this paragraph. This synopsis contains all of the updates to this document that have been posted as of 05/29/2009 . If updates have been made to the opportunity synopsis, update information is provided below the synopsis.
If you would like to receive notifications of changes to the grant opportunity click send me change notification emails . The only thing you need to provide for this service is your email address. No other information is requested.

Any inconsistency between the original printed document and the disk or electronic document shall be resolved by giving precedence to the printed document.

Document Type: Grants Notice
Funding Opportunity Number: DHS-09-AFG-115-00R
Opportunity Category: Other
Posted Date: May 29, 2009
Creation Date: May 29, 2009
Original Closing Date for Applications: Jul 10, 2009 Please note that the application window for this opportunity opens the week of June 8th in the Assistance to Firefighters Grant system.
Current Closing Date for Applications: Jul 10, 2009 Please note that the application window for this opportunity opens the week of June 8th in the Assistance to Firefighters Grant system.
Archive Date: Aug 09, 2009
Funding Instrument Type: Other

Category of Funding Activity: Recovery Act

Category Explanation:
Expected Number of Awards: 70
Estimated Total Program Funding: $210,000,000
Award Ceiling: $15,000,000
Award Floor:
CFDA Number(s): 97.115 -- ARRA Assistance to Firefighters AFG
Cost Sharing or Matching Requirement: No

[LVFD301]

The firegrantsupport main page has expanded their folder tab - theres now space for another tab....

now its not... Testing?

[3rdFloor]

I haven't seen it on the firegrantsupport page yet (I, too, saw the tap space expand and then contract), but this looks like the real thing:
http://www.fema.gov/pdf/government/grant/arra/fy09_arra_fsc_guidance.pdf

(linked from this page: http://www.fema.gov/government/grant/arra/index.shtm#0)

[LVFD301]

Looks like the real deal to me!

[onebugle]

I haven't seen it on the firegrantsupport page yet (I, too, saw the tap space expand and then contract), but this looks like the real thing:
http://www.fema.gov/pdf/government/grant/arra/fy09_arra_fsc_guidance.pdf

(linked from this page: http://www.fema.gov/government/grant/arra/index.shtm#0)

Looks like the real deal to me. FAQ's are posted as well.

Key Milestones:

5/29/09: PG released
6/8/09: Application period opens
7/10/09: Application period closes
7/27/09: Peer review
Sept. to Dec.: Issue awards

[SLY4420]

Approximately 100 awards. This should be fun!

[LVFD301]

It should demonstrate a need....

[onebugle]

It's official....posted on the AFG website.:)

[ktb9780]

Let the games begin... no rest for the weary. Not even a month reprieve fomr this. Looks like evewrything I have been telling people would be there is there... and a whole lot more. How about them spreadsheets? Better have a EAP, Green Energy consultant on staff to comply here.Noted points:


30% solar generated hot water
2% natural daylight in rooms
500 year floodplan elevations
24/7/365 STAFFED for higher consideration
vehicle exhaust systems
segeregated sleeping and showering facilities
emergency power sprinklers and alarms
motion activated lighting


and all of that was just on the first read! 100 projects predicted funded, whew, the competition and odds are off the charts here.

Geez Louise.. this one is no walk in the park guys! You better have a WHOLE LOT of this done now or you don't stand a chance.

[islandfire03]

So if you're not a career dept don't waste the ink typing out an application is how I read it.
Sure they will throw in a combination and maybe one PG county type vol stn with live-ins to make it look good.

[onebugle]

Interesting read. Looks like alot of hoops to jump through to get awarded. Since they are looking to stimulate the economy, high consideration goes to communities that have suffered the highest increases in unemployment rates. Puts us at a disadvantage where there are states and communities with double digit unemployment.

Will be interesting to see if the Town will allow us to pursue this grant.

Good thing they increased the narrative to a max. of 10 pages. Looks like you will need most of that to plead your case and cover all of the bullet points for each section of the narrative.

[ktb9780]

Yep I am taking the same read on that guy... you'll need all that space and then some.The high unemployment rate is also a key thing too it looks like.;)

[ktb9780]

Interesting read. Looks like alot of hoops to jump through to get awarded. Since they are looking to stimulate the economy, high consideration goes to communities that have suffered the highest increases in unemployment rates. Puts us at a disadvantage where there are states and communities with double digit unemployment.

Will be interesting to see if the Town will allow us to pursue this grant.

Good thing they increased the narrative to a max. of 10 pages. Looks like you will need most of that to plead your case and cover all of the bullet points for each section of the narrative.
Notice that was 1 year increases from 2007-2008, better get on the the phone to your county workforce development or the unemployment office to snag those figures right now..

[onebugle]

Notice that was 1 year increases from 2007-2008, better get on the the phone to your county workforce development or the unemployment office to snag those figures right now..

A quick look at federal figures for that time frame shows 40 states had increases in unemployment rates from slightly less than 1 to 2 point increase. Looks like some what of a level playing field, but the financial need section will be the kicker where the current rates and poverty can be addressed.

[jam24u]

Krist!. I've done a cursory & partial read through and have just about decided to look elsewhere. Rats

[mcfdrichey25]

The strict requirements and in depth planning and implementation of this grant will eliminate many applicants that not only don't want to mess with all of the requirements, but also those who don't have the resources to get this done. We are definately bordering on the edge of available resources to complete this project, but I'm going to give it H*$L!!

The one thing we have working for us is that our unemployment rate is around 16% which is more than double that from last year due to good ol General Motors in our county.

Now if I can manage to stay married all the way through SAFER it'll be a successful year!! ; )!!

Kurt, standby for phone calls to start coming from 931 area code!!!

[ktb9780]

The strict requirements and in depth planning and implementation of this grant will eliminate many applicants that not only don't want to mess with all of the requirements, but also those who don't have the resources to get this done. We are definately bordering on the edge of available resources to complete this project, but I'm going to give it H*$L!!

The one thing we have working for us is that our unemployment rate is around 16% which is more than double that from last year due to good ol General Motors in our county.

Now if I can manage to stay married all the way through SAFER it'll be a successful year!! ; )!!

Kurt, standby for phone calls to start coming from 931 area code!!!

Yea you better hurry, only taking on a few of these and with the surprise announcment that is 3 weeks early my timetable just went to you know where in a handbasket. 1:1000 odds on this one.:eek:

[fireflame9]

A $500,000 fire would almost all vol. dept's. a new facility but the program guidelines I have heard about will kill all our dreams. 420 building is more contractors and builders working than 70 to 100 being estimated being built.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

8-10k apps, and I don't see them sticking to 100 awards, so 1 in 100 will make it the toughest nut to crack over truck apps in AFG. But I like challenges. :) Argued a rural combo into a suburban 100' platform in 2008 award land so I'm up for threading a needle or two here.

I don't think it's going to go how DHS thinks it will either. If the priority is slightly to those that will put money towards the project then that will kick out a lot of areas that don't have any funding and are closing stations and laying off people. Fixing some stations in those areas won't do much to get those other stations reopened. The call volume and population thing is always fun for smaller areas, but when there are those going for brick facade and other decorations versus someone aiming for a pole barn with all of the fixin's inside and an easier time adding the green initiatives of solar power & hot water then I think things may end up a little skewed from the expectations.

[onebugle]

One of the highest priorities will go to those that are basically "shovel ready". I wonder how many that are "shovel ready" meet the "green initiative" that the feds are looking for.

I know our design does not include the solar part of it. Probably another nail in the coffin that will prevent us from applying (the TM & BOS being the biggest problem).

[WJVaughn]

I don't see how this does anything other than pay off some more campaign promises to the big labor unions. I have guys that could build me a heck of a building for not a bunch of money but I could not even begin to meet the green initiative stuff. Not in this time frame.

[ktb9780]

One of the highest priorities will go to those that are basically "shovel ready". I wonder how many that are "shovel ready" meet the "green initiative" that the feds are looking for.

I know our design does not include the solar part of it. Probably another nail in the coffin that will prevent us from applying (the TM & BOS being the biggest problem).
Yeah and I bet the guys with the "green technology" are not seeing anything other than "green backs" in their eyes right now. You can bet the bargain basement will not be in their vocabulary this year!:rolleyes:

[mccookfire36]

This will be interesting to follow. Its about time we got the guidance documents. Ok, so just outa curiousity here, roughly how many do you think have the land, permits, plans, studies done? We here have site plans, the land, studies done, permits ready to go. Been working on the narrative, and will be tweaking that. But wow 100 awards or less. This will be fun to watch the next few weeks. And I think you guys are right I think alot of folks thought this was gonna be a quick way to get a station.

[GrantCoRescue]

Just seen the news. Wow only 100 awards.

The city in the next county has been talking about this grant for over a year. They said in the paper that they are 99% done.

The leauge of mayors told cities to start writing a while back, and laid out just about everything.

What they are asking for.

6.5 million for a Central EOC. and 1.7-2 million each for 2 sub stations. Also 2 million for a airport station. The airport grant may be under the airport F.D. and not the city. State Reps have also been working with them.

We will see what happens...

[firedawg667]

"We also provide the highest consideration to requests where the applicant’s land is already zoned for the new or modified structure and where the applicants have already obtained the permits for their project including any State or locally required environmental assessments. However, no preference is given to requests for constructing new stations or to requests for modifying/improving stations already in existence." (2009AFSCGguidance, pg. 4, C. Funding Priorities)

The last line is stumping me. How does one modify/improve a station that ISN'T already in existence? Is anyone else finding lots of contradictions in the funding requirements?

[leewhiz]

Having read through this and being a member of a volunteer department, it definitely appears that this was not written for the volunteers! I feel that this was written for a few departments in the US that lobbied during the ARRA and are just waiting for this to come out for funding. As I sent out to my members this evening - it would take nearly 40 days full time to just to be close to having all that is requested. And on top of that, a volunteer department needs to determine if they need a bunkroom, not Washington. As I am doing tonight, it's time to flood your Senators and Congressmen with your thoughts on how irresponsible this is written for the volunteers, which by the way cover the majority of this country.

[onebugle]

"We also provide the highest consideration to requests where the applicant’s land is already zoned for the new or modified structure and where the applicants have already obtained the permits for their project including any State or locally required environmental assessments. However, no preference is given to requests for constructing new stations or to requests for modifying/improving stations already in existence." (2009AFSCGguidance, pg. 4, C. Funding Priorities)

The last line is stumping me. How does one modify/improve a station that ISN'T already in existence? Is anyone else finding lots of contradictions in the funding requirements?

The last sentence is describing 2 different types of projects.

However, no preference is given to (1) requests for constructing new stations or to (2) requests for modifying/improving stations already in existence.

Whether you build a new station or modify/improve a current station neither takes preference over the other.

[firedawg667]

Thanks for the clarification onebugle. Doesn't end the heartburn and I'm with leewhiz, this guidance seems written for a select few. A vol dept would need to hire a professional to; first begin to write for this grant and, second manage this grant to stay within all the standards requirements.

[volfireman034]

Does small rural fire dept. that needs to build a new station becuase the old one has gravel floor, roof leaking and only hold 2 of our 3 trucks. ( the 3rd sits outside) We have no bathroom just a out house, no room for one. In fact the building it just 4 feet bigger then the 2 trucks are wide and 17inchs longer then our pumper with the pumpers bumper touching the back wall. We only want to build a $35,000 building 40 ft by 45 ft, 3 bay doors, with 2 bathrooms and alittle room for a training area. Do we even have a chance?

[islandfire03]

As I read through the PG it seems to me that it's strictly geared towards those with their 10 -15 million $$ project all planned ,permitted and approved, but with no funding.
The cost of meeting the "green" requirements will be much more than the 35k you want to spend to put up a metal prefab building volfireman. This is not a common sense approach to building what is needed,rather a govt program to build the gold plated toilet seat .

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Actually the green initiatives aren't that bad. The ideal is sustainability but in residential you're talking bamboo floors and whatnot along with no-vapor paints. Commercial is steel and concrete for the bulk, with the opportunity to do the vaporless paints, low-E windows, insulation, etc, etc. Skylights will help meet the natural lighting, solar electric or hot water is easy enough on any new structure. Heck, most of the newer developments around here are touting Solar Ready houses so the junction box is already intalled from Day 1, just the panels and a plug to be in business. The costs appear more expensive but over the long run the reduction in recurring costs will help reduce budget impact. There are grants all over the place for green initiatives, the only rule is that you can't bring federal money to the table if you offer up a match in this program. So add in some solar stuff, rainwater capture system for watering the lawn/washing trucks, and if funded since they're the last things to get put in (in most cases) once notified chase some private foundation grants to help with the local costs. Or to make more improvements.

All fire stations need bunk rooms and other living areas. Not just for live in crews for regular shifts but standbys and severe weather. Plus the creature comfort. Up north I did a few multi-day stands during blizzards, down here I showered a few times after calls before I went home just to keep the dirt in the vehicle to a minimum. Evacuations, standbys, etc, all get done at a fire station so might as well have the basics. Plus you get some younger members with no social life they'll run live-ins for shorter response times. ;)

[Catch22]

I gotta go with some of the others in regards to this program, I think it's quite obvious who will be awarded these grants. Unfortunately, I don't even know if my career department's going to be able to pull it off.

I was honestly excited about this program, as we need a second station in the eastern part of our district. Looks like we'll look at some alternatives to help us with the funding (USDA, CDBG, etc).

[WJVaughn]

"Plus you get some younger members with no social life they'll run live-ins for shorter response times. "
Hey, hey. I use to resemble that remark. Dont be dissing the "not so populars".

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

So did I. :) Was in college in the home town in PA for the first 5 years in the service, never less than 8th in annual responses made. Always made more than half of the 600 calls we averaged. Think top mark was over 70% a couple of those years. Saw a lot of fire in them days.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

And people, you need to stop harping so much on that "100 awards" crap. They said the same thing about SAFER and look how far off that prediction is. With so many big cities laying people off and closing stations there are a lot that clamored for this program and now aren't even going to apply because of other issues. If unemployment rates mean a decent amount won't be much funding coming to Texas, only state not really affected by the last crunch or the housing market drop. Unemployment rates aren't that bad at all. Especially for teachers, they're still hurting for those all over the place in our area.

[DFDCar1]

We too came to the realization that we really don't have much of "shot" at this one, especially given that there is onlt $210M across the country. What I think is important, is that EVERYONE, regardless of how good a "shot" they think that they have, submit an application, so that Congress and the Prez see just how meager the $210M is/was!

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

That way the program keeps coming back. And they siphon the SAFER money into this one and the regular AFG. Phone calls are still being made to 2008 DJ recipients about taking hiring awards so why increase that program if they can't give out the money now...

[LVFD301]

I think each and every department should apply. (at least all that have any kind of need)

I don't care if your narrative says "we need a new station" and thats all.

I think we should make the FEMA IT people go CRAP!!! I think we should show so much demand and need that the FEMA computer goes down for week.

Some way, some how, we have to show need to the people in DC.

[PATF1engineer]

The green building requirements are kind of a mixed bag. If someone has a project that they are sitting on for a lack of funding that is already designed, they may need to scramble to incorporate some of this. For a company that is starting more or less from scratch you need to make sure your architect or contractor is aware of these requirements and is qualified to address them. These types of requirements are not uncommon in government contracting, like it or not.

You also need to read the entire guide document. There are provisions regarding the Buy America act for materials, and about prevailing wage rate requirements. This will effect the cost.

Definately a lot to ask for many volunteer departments, but they can't say no until you ask.

[islandfire03]

Adding the "green "part is all well & good and not a large percentage of the overall cost of a seven or eight million career station with individual bunk rooms and seperate shower & bathroom facilities. However some of the greatest needs are for the rural volunteer depts that have trucks parked outside or under a carport with a gravel floor and no running water to the building.
The department thats looking for a simple 35k metal building with a poured concrete slab floor will not stand much of a chance based on call volume ,small population served and inability to meet the requirements of the PG.

Then you add in the requirement to pay federal prevailing wage for all construction cost. That will mean paying prevailing union scale even though you can get the job done for much less money.

I worked as a subcontractor on a large federally funded project years ago and we had to pay our crew almost twice their normal wages and benefits even though our pay scale was very competitive at the time. The worst partwas that we were used to a level of productiviity and the union steward for the general contractor made us work slower or else!
Enough of my rant.

Brian : we already collect our rainwater from the gutters to keep our cistern tank filled. it's the only water supply we have on that island.We don't waste it on silliness like watering the lawn. When it rains it gets watered.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

"Specifically, grant recipients must ensure that their contractors or subcontractors for construction projects pay workers employed directly at the work-site no less than the prevailing wages and fringe benefits paid on projects of a similar character."

This is for your own area, not for the whole country. For instance just ran through Harris County TX and Drywall Tapers are $13/hour with fringe. Head up to Bucks County PA where I grew up and it's $53/hour for the same job title. Looks like cost-benefit isn't going to favor the Northeast here with dang near 4 times the pay for the same job.

Got me there island, who cares about grass on islands. Sand, sea, booze. Important things. :)

[volfireman034]

We already have a very complex watering system to water the our lawn ( weeds that happen to be green and we mow a couple times a summer) It's called RAIN!!!!!!!! oh and maybe training with hose water from a pond lol

Seriously at my station we finally came up with enough money to put a trash dumpster at the station in stead of me taking it home and burning it. We really feelk up town now. lol.

Wonder if we can concider putting bathrooms in a new station that doesn't have a dirt floor and roof that leaks, as solving a enviromental contamination issue instead of using the tree behind the tree for a bathroom ( #1 only)

[islandfire03]

We already have a very complex watering system to water the our lawn ( weeds that happen to be green and we mow a couple times a summer) It's called RAIN!!!!!!!! oh and maybe training with hose water from a pond lol

Seriously at my station we finally came up with enough money to put a trash dumpster at the station in stead of me taking it home and burning it. We really feelk up town now. lol.

Wonder if we can concider putting bathrooms in a new station that doesn't have a dirt floor and roof that leaks, as solving a enviromental contamination issue instead of using the tree behind the tree for a bathroom ( #1 only)

only if you have 20% solar water heating for the tree behind the tree.

[onebugle]

I wonder how many solar shower bags it would take to meet the requirement. A cheap alternative. :p :D

[LVFD301]

We already have a very complex watering system to water the our lawn ( weeds that happen to be green and we mow a couple times a summer) It's called RAIN!!!!!!!! oh and maybe training with hose water from a pond lol

Seriously at my station we finally came up with enough money to put a trash dumpster at the station in stead of me taking it home and burning it. We really feelk up town now. lol.

Wonder if we can concider putting bathrooms in a new station that doesn't have a dirt floor and roof that leaks, as solving a enviromental contamination issue instead of using the tree behind the tree for a bathroom ( #1 only)

Thats funny.

We put an antenna on a tower north of you, in the federal
forest. In order to do our 2 hour job, we had to answer many questions
from the federal forest service, including what arrangements we had
made for the people working to relieve themselves.

I asked what the bears did in the woods.

I ended up pitching a tent upon arrival, with a RV potty, to please
the feds - for a two hour job.

You got to love the government.

[volfireman034]

thats the sad part we already want t0 put a 50 gall0n water tank painted black to help with hot water but it won't qualify becuase it's not a "offical" system and ceritified. Yes we all need t0 flood our congress people and explain to them how bad this hurts us.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Won't matter. These things as Tom mentioned, have been part of federally funded construction requirements for a long time. It's nothing new to be energy conscious. We're looking at building a new place and I want a tankless hot water heater since 40% of the gas bill goes to reheating hot water. Builder has a solar ready house so we can drop panels on without rewiring the place. Long-term costs are what is being looked at here, with long-term benefits. For a pile of money that's coming for free they're giving us the opportunity to save money. Some of you workshop attendees of ours should remember that point I make, money not spent in one area of the budget can be spent in others. Just like taking a maintenance hog of a truck off the road frees up repair line item money for another area if they give you a grant for a new truck, not spending money on lights and heating saves budgeted money for use in other areas.

1st house we owned down here was single pane, aluminum frame windows, 400sq ft smaller than the current casa. Average electric bill 9 years ago in that house was over $200 during the summer set at 78 for 18 hours a day, 76 overnight. This house with low-E windows, 5 people working here last month for 12+ a day and last electric bill was $86, same thermostat settings. We joke about the lawn watering but in terms of environmental damage (think long-term $$$ to fix) proper landscaping prevents erosion and stormwater runoff issues. Because of holding people to standards around here on that most of the Houston area is changing over to surface water supply systems for drinking water needs instead of underground. Costs a lot less per gallon to operate and also replenishes more quickly than the underground supplies. I'm no treehugger but taking on some of these initiatives saves long-term money and I'm all about that. These stations the grant will build are expected to be 50+ year setups, so saving a few grand a year on utilities is a major long-term pile of cash.

[neiowa]

"Specifically, grant recipients must ensure that their contractors or subcontractors for construction projects pay workers employed directly at the work-site no less than the prevailing wages and fringe benefits paid on projects of a similar character."

This is for your own area, not for the whole country. For instance just ran through Harris County TX and Drywall Tapers are $13/hour with fringe. Head up to Bucks County PA where I grew up and it's $53/hour for the same job title. Looks like cost-benefit isn't going to favor the Northeast here with dang near 4 times the pay for the same job.

I'd run that wage thing thru your local COG (council of governments) for the "official" rates. I HATE recommend these bozos at a COG for anything, but they typically have a monopoly on fed grant administration. Davis-Bacon is a total pile of putrifing steaming bovine excrement that you now (post Obama) have to follow on anything construction related. Means paying union wage rates. Ran into this on a CDBG project (where Davis-Bacon has long applied) a few years ago. Contractor (1 man business) was left holding the bag. Local MARKET rate for a laborer was $12/hr. Contractor had to pay his same part time laborer over $25/hr on our sewer job this week. Last week (and next week) the guy made $12/hr. And the town had to pay the COG to audit the contractor's payroll records.

Yes, the fed gov't is in the pocket of the unions and yes the fed gov't controls the business practices of private contractors. In this case the contractor ate the extra $13/hr. In normal (as these grants) taxpayer would have paid the extra. What retard would defend this nonsense?

[Pelican631]

So our main priority for improving our station is putting in a storm shelter. Our station is a big metal building with absolutely no safe room to be in during a tornado. One of the things our department does is storm spotting. The guys at the station are completely unprotected. I'm guessing adding on a reinforced shelter room would qualify, but does that single small addition need to meet all of the green initiatives and have sprinklers, etc. even if the rest of the station doesn't? I think we could do this for relatively low cost and show a good return on investment, but if we add in all of the other junk they want the cost is going to skyrocket. I guess cost/benefit isn't a concern when the main purpose is to spend newly printed money??

Andy

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

The main focus is get things done once rather than keep coming back. So in a nutshell yes, they'd rather fund you for a whole station that won't need improvements for 30-50 years versus something small now, something else in 8-10 years, live-in capabilities after that, etc, etc. Thinking big and done with is the thought at the forefront, and probably why they say they'll be averaging $2mil per award.

[cornwallfire]

According to my conversations with the help desk folks, it is NOT necessary to add sleeping areas. They said if you are a vol. dept and never have people sleeping there they would not want you to put such a request in your app and it would cause it to become a very low priority request. The message I got was that although a function might be eligible its not required, and that they will be looking at addressing health, safety, and response ability concerns appropriate to the particular department.

[CaptAP69]

Certainly an awful lot of hoops for us to jump through on this one! Career, volunteer, small or large department shouldn't matter amongst us. That has always been our problem, bicker among ourselves and we get the small pieces of the pie. Add all of the programs offered to us (AFG,SAFER, Firehouse Const.), and we still don't hold a candle to the police. COPS Program ONE BILLION per year for two years fully funded with no match and a third year on the way. Until we unite as one voice the politicians will keep throwing us scraps.

[PATF1engineer]

.............................. ..................

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

According to my conversations with the help desk folks, it is NOT necessary to add sleeping areas. They said if you are a vol. dept and never have people sleeping there they would not want you to put such a request in your app and it would cause it to become a very low priority request. The message I got was that although a function might be eligible its not required, and that they will be looking at addressing health, safety, and response ability concerns appropriate to the particular department.

True, nothing is really REQUIRED, but when the PG is full of the terms "consideration will be given" then that's the hint that higher points will come from adding such things. All volunteer departments should have kitchens, bunks rooms, etc. After all severe weather, standbys, and the like all would cause responders to be in-house for an extended period. Slept on a cot behind the engine a few times during heavy snows when I was up north, a decent (any) mattress would have been nice along with a shower.

Same with the sprinkler systems and alarm systems, not required but points to those that include them if they don't have them now. Think about it from the reviewer (ie long-term benefit) standpoint: 2 apps, one for $150k with no sleeping quarters, bunks, etc, and one for $250k with all of those things. Buildings are 50 year lifecycle projects minimum so for a measely $2k a year you have a station that will handle in-house staffing for no additional funding over those 50 years, versus an app that will need the same in-house staffing and then have to dig for construction funds at an inflationary disadvantage. After all, within the next 50 years IMHO all but the most rural of areas will have at least day crew staffing. Population growth and call volume will dictate that. Might as well be prepared now, plus the old rule of ask for what they want you to ask for. ;)

[cornwallfire]

Not to question your experience in this area, which far outweighs mine (by the way, thanks for all your advice on this forum, some of which has been very useful to me), but the guy at the help desk was pretty blunt and clear. He basically said (and I am paraphrasing because I didn't write it down verbatim at the time):

"We won't look favorably on applications that include things the department doesn't really need. If you are a department that doesn't have people regularly housed at the station and you include sleeping quarters in your application it will move much farther down on the priority list."

Of course theres no way to know if everyone in the review process will be on the same page, but thats the message I got from the office. Sprinklers, alarms, exhaust systems etc. he said definitely, everyone should have those safety items per NFPA 1500. Not putting those in would be a major mistake from his perspective.

[MoneyMan29]

So what im hearing from you Brian is:

I need materials to build 3 more sleeping quarters. (we have a room built i could use as 1)

I need a shower facility. (none at the station currently)

I need a decon area. (none at the station currently)

I need a sprinkler system for the building. (none at the station currently)

I need an alarm system. (none at the station currently)

i need a back up generator (none at the station currently)

I need gear extractor and dryer. (none at the station currently)

I need handicapped bathrooms. (none at the station currently)


sounds like a laundry list, isnt that what we were tryin not to do in afg?

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

right idea, wrong application of the theory. ;) that would be like having an SCBA issue and thinking asking for mask, cylinders, pack, and PASS are a laundry list request. in terms of meeting the base goal no single item gets you to the minimum requirement.

the total goal is the building to code. bunk rooms without showers doesn't make enough of an improvement to make the cost worthwhile. here a laundry list would be adding brick facia, copper gutters, biometric locks, etc. what those things do is required of a building but there are less expensive alternatives.

[MoneyMan29]

So I should write it as a building upgrade for 300k and explain it as bringing the building up to code with those things?

Maybe I'm missing what your advising?

Generator 55k
Sprinkler system 100k
Alarm system 10k
Sleeping quarters 8k
Shower facilities 20k
Decon facilities 15k
ADA bathrooms 15k
Gear extractor and dryer 20k
Emission removal system 55k

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Don't know how it will be entered online, but the laundry list theory doesn't really apply since all of those things are requirements to meet 1 deficiency goal of a decent building.

Versus what we call a laundry list in AFG where different items are different focuses (goals) and unrelated other than being all under 'Firefighting'. Hose is a need are radios but the items themselves are not complementary as one can be used without the other and the end goal still met of handling the call. All of them are better together but not required as the station stuff is to make the building habitable.

[CaptAP69]

Read the PG carefully, vehicle exhaust systems, washer extractors and dryers are ineligible expenses for FSC.

[cornwallfire]

Actually "vehicle exhaust extraction sytems" are eligible, "vehicle mounted exhaust extraction systems" are not eligible (pgs 10 and 11). Guess thats understandable since the latter is one that would drive away, eventually.

I think my eyes are about to disconnect from my brain given the number of times I have to re-read this thing to keep track of whats what!

[PATF1engineer]

Read the PG carefully, vehicle exhaust systems, washer extractors and dryers are ineligible expenses for FSC.

Only vehicle mounted systems are not eligible, building mounted systems are eligible. This basically conforms to what the AFG said for extraction systems.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Not to question your experience in this area, which far outweighs mine (by the way, thanks for all your advice on this forum, some of which has been very useful to me), but the guy at the help desk was pretty blunt and clear. He basically said (and I am paraphrasing because I didn't write it down verbatim at the time):

"We won't look favorably on applications that include things the department doesn't really need. If you are a department that doesn't have people regularly housed at the station and you include sleeping quarters in your application it will move much farther down on the priority list."

Of course theres no way to know if everyone in the review process will be on the same page, but thats the message I got from the office. Sprinklers, alarms, exhaust systems etc. he said definitely, everyone should have those safety items per NFPA 1500. Not putting those in would be a major mistake from his perspective.

Such is the separation of reality from bureaucracy...:p

Unless the department is running under 50 calls a year now the long-term nature of the investment says load for in-house personnel over the 50-75 year service life of the building. All stations need showers as part of the bathrooms, otherwise no way to decon the people before they get in their POVs and head home with who knows what on them. And if the area experiences severe weather, major events, etc, may have volunteers staying there. Plus if they want 1720 metrics the ability of volunteers to hang out, eat some meals, all goes towards faster response times.

[cornwallfire]

One of the more bizarre disconnects in the guidance is that you will be evaluated and awarded on the basis of how your area has fared with job losses and increased poverty rates....but if awarded, you are not allowed to give preference to local companies and contractors! We are already seeing this problem with other stimulus money around here, some came in for a bridge but the town was forced to hire a company from two states away to build it!

We are in the same tough position on this one as with apparatus grants due to our low population (1200) and low call volume (50 -75 calls/yr). I wonder if the same cost per population calculations will kick us out of this one....sorry, I can't buy a truck OR build a station for $30,000.

[FHEditor]

Brian Vicker's was able to extract some of the key criteria from the 40-something page document. Check out the latest article at: http://cms.firehouse.com/web/online/Funding-and-Finance/Understanding-the-Fire-Station-Construction-Grants/12$64042

[onebugle]

Brian Vicker's was able to extract some of the key criteria from the 40-something page document. Check out the latest article at: http://cms.firehouse.com/web/online/Funding-and-Finance/Understanding-the-Fire-Station-Construction-Grants/12$64042

Time for a new photo.....maybe the one with the Harley.:D

[cornwallfire]

Just wanted to share a link for finding and presenting economic data. His name is Alfred! From this page:

http://alfred.stlouisfed.org/category?cid=27281

you can select your state, and then access a lot of useful info on unemployment, housing starts, etc. You can generate graphs for these in various formats, all of which may be handy in developing and defending your proposal.

[cvfd47b]

Hi, I am writing the station grant for my department. To provide a background. Our department is in Upstate NY, all volunteer with 50 members. We run about 70 fire calls and roughly 300 EMS calls a year. (Yes I will have the accurate numbers in the application.) Our current building houses six apparatus, a kitchen and a meeting room. The original use for the building was as a railroad station. As a result, the bays are short with the biggest bay being 36 feet long. We are looking to build new truck bays as a addition that would be 60 X 120 ft. The original building would then be renovated to house showers, bunks, fitness room,chief's office and communications center.

Now for the questions:

In putting together our narrative. Are there any requirements about how many feet have to be around the trucks. In other words, currently most of the trucks have very little space behind or in front of them. Is there an OSHA regulation or something else that we are not meeting?

Number 2
In looking at bunk rooms. The argument I am making for having a bunk room at all is for extended standbys and severe weather. My question is-Do we have to have gender segregated rooms or is there a movable wall like the kind used at schools that could work. The reason for this is to have two rooms seems overkill. But, one room with four bunks, two of which could be separated seems more reasonable. I use four bunks because a company of four seems to be the standard. Is that right?

I know this is a huge long shot but I want to give it a try because you never know.

Thanks
Liz

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

no OSHA regs I know of for clearance around trucks. movable wall sounds like a solid plan but what if you have 3m & 1f in? i'm suggesting to most put in space for 6-8 even if only rom for 4 is planned initially. make office or storage out of the other space until it needs to be converted over. but at least the option is there.

also if the original structure is reused makes it easy to meet LEED for demolition. like bad trucks only needs to be done when unsafe structure is claimed.

[cvfd47b]

Darn, I was hoping there was some regulation I could site, Oh well.
I was thinking with the movable wall that each bunk would have one or at least the last two. Kind of like hospital curtains only something more secure. That way if there were one or two members of the opposite sex they would have a separate room in a way.

[firedawg667]

In reading NFPA Standards: NFPA 1500 points you towards NFPA 1581 for some facility specs and section 5.3.1 of 1581 (2005 ed.) states "min of 60 sq/ft floor space per bed" in sleeping quarters. So moveable walls would need to create this amount of spacing. I'm just not sure how double bunks in one room fit in that spec. I'm new to this and still have a lot to learn, but I'm passing it along.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Basically means 2 bunks per 10x12 area (120 sq ft). I know a few stations where they built single rooms with buttons on the wall to the alerting system. Everyone pushes the button for the crew they're on and when tones drop only those rooms are woken up instead of everyone for everything.

[mccookfire36]

I keep seeing that the grant application is not available, anyone having trouble getting the grant app today?

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Not opening today, PG only said week of the 8th so could be any one of these fine days. :)

[mccookfire36]

Not opening today, PG only said week of the 8th so could be any one of these fine days. :)

Thanks, Chief been hounding me since 8 this morning wanting info. Guess I'll tell him not to chew his nails off today waiting.

[onebugle]

Not opening today, PG only said week of the 8th so could be any one of these fine days. :)

Brian,

I think you need set of glasses or a new prescription.:D ;):) According to the PG page 15.

Applications for the FY 2009 SCG will be accepted beginning June 8, 2009, at 8:00 a.m. Eastern Time.

I think they are just a tad late getting it out.

[3rdFloor]

Ah, but the website (http://www.firegrantsupport.com/afscg/) says, "Applications will be submitted via the automated e-grant application and the program office expects the e-application will be available the week of June 8th. "

Much as I'd like it to open today, I'm not holding my breath. Yet!

[Not2L84U2]

Hope they adjust the close date to take into account losing a day!

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

As long as it's 30 or more probably not. Don't think they need to adjust unless it passes Friday opening.

[MarionMedic]

All fire stations need bunk rooms and other living areas. Not just for live in crews for regular shifts but standbys and severe weather. Plus the creature comfort. Up north I did a few multi-day stands during blizzards, down here I showered a few times after calls before I went home just to keep the dirt in the vehicle to a minimum. Evacuations, standbys, etc, all get done at a fire station so might as well have the basics. Plus you get some younger members with no social life they'll run live-ins for shorter response times. ;)

So,

Do you think the idea to use "live-ins" until we can have paid personnel would be worth adding to the grant request??

We have a couple "single" guys that would be interested.
Nights would be covered this way, and days by some who work night shifts.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

If you have people willing to hang then why not? Couple it with a SAFER R&R request for retention, add a paid per shift component for the live-ins to take shifts in-house then something for everyone that responds.

[Catch22]

Per the email I just got....


Application Period to Open: Assistance to Firefighters Fire Station Construction Grant

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) recently made available for public viewing the Program Guidance for the Assistance to Firefighters Fire Station Construction Grants. The application period for the Station Construction Grants (SCG) is scheduled to begin on June 11, 2009, at 9:00 a.m. Eastern Time. Applications for these grants must be received by July 10, at 5:00 p.m. (Eastern Time).

SCG was established as part of the Administration’s economic stimulus package under the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 (ARRA). SCG will provide financial assistance directly to fire departments on a competitive basis to build new or modify existing fire stations in order for departments to enhance their response capability and protect the community they serve from fire and fire-related hazards. The grants will be administered by the DHS/Federal Emergency Management Agency’s (FEMA) Grant Programs Directorate in coordination with the U.S. Fire Administration by the AFG Program Office.

The e-application and an applicant tutorial are available through the www.firegrantsupport.com website. The tutorial provides you with valuable grant information and walks you through the preparation and submittal of competitive applications. In addition, the applicant tutorial provides an overview of the funding priorities and evaluation criteria.
During the application period, the help desk will operate Monday to Friday, from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. and 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. on Saturdays (Eastern Time). However, the helpdesk will close at 4:30 p.m., on Friday, July 3rd and will not be open on Saturday, July 4th. Applicants who have questions regarding the Fire Station Construction Grants opportunity should contact the help desk at 1-866-274-0960 or at firegrants@dhs.gov.
The AFG Program is administered by the DHS/FEMA Grants Program Directorate in coordination with the U.S. Fire Administration.
Assistance to Firefighters Fire Station Construction Grants Program Guidance - visit http://www.firegrantsupport.com/docs/2009SCGguidance.pdf
Assistance to Firefighters Fire Station Construction Grants FAQs – will be available through the www.firegrantsupport.com website.

[mmagette]

Application Not Yet Available

Still on their site at firegrantsupport.com

[MarionMedic]

It's open.
Let the scrambling begin.

[MarionMedic]

If you have people willing to hang then why not? Couple it with a SAFER R&R request for retention, add a paid per shift component for the live-ins to take shifts in-house then something for everyone that responds.

One more question.

Is it better to seek a new Station for:
A) new station for increased/chage in service demands
B) replace uninhabitable station

Ours has no bunkroom, roof was damaged in Katrina and leaks like collander, and due to leaks mold has set in.
But we have NOT had health department to look at it.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Both are high ranks but I'd say uninhabitable takes precedence since you're dealing with health and safety risks just for being in the structure.

Bet you could probably get the health department out there before this week is over so you'd have some kind of certified statement to back up the need.... ;)

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

And on that note, they do have a question asking for the date of citation or order related to the building being cited for health related violations.

Pretty cut and dried on the entry portion. To standardize figures from all applicants there is a link to another federal site for the unemployment statistics. Use those instead of what else you guys may have from other sources, if they compare and things don't match might cause issues.

[Not2L84U2]

Did anyone else notice the 19,000 character limit. Guess it's not 10 pages after all.

[Catch22]

Did anyone else notice the 19,000 character limit. Guess it's not 10 pages after all.

I haven't gotten to that point yet, but I encountered my first glitch. On the page where it asks for hydrant coverage, square miles, etc., it kept saying I had something I hadn't completed, even though every slot had been filled out. I had to adjust some numbers that I put in until I could look at my previous grant to make sure it was right. After I changed them, it went through fine. Dunno what was going on there.

[todd3603]

Just ran through it to the 70% complete mark, no glitches. I was glad to see the core of the application was the same as previous AFG and did not have recalculate alot of statistical data, should lend alot more time to core of the application.

[MoneyMan29]

I agree. Just finished 2 apps to the narrative part and was glad to see i didn't need new or off the wall questions to answer above and beyond the AFG.

[joehale2317]

I assume the cost/benefit formula is still the same... Funds requested divided by population divided by lifespan? I wonder what the target number will be?

[Not2L84U2]

I assume the cost/benefit formula is still the same... Funds requested divided by population divided by lifespan? I wonder what the target number will be?

What are you using for lifespans? 50 years?

[joehale2317]

Probably 50 years, Yes. However, after meeting today with our city manager and our architect, I'm not even sure we will be applying. They seem to think that the LEEDs certification and all of the green construction will drive up our overall project cost by 25-30%. Too much more additional cost and too much red tape to cut through on this one.

[onebugle]

What are you using for lifespans? 50 years?

The lifespan will be dictated by the type of construction. Check with the architect or engineer, they should be able to give you an accurate figure.

I have a figure of 75 years. We are currently in a 100 year old building and counting. Just goes to show that modern construction methods are inferior to the days of yore. :p :D

[ktb9780]

Did anyone else notice the 19,000 character limit. Guess it's not 10 pages after all.
Yeah, what's up with that. PG says 10 pages for narrative yet a 19K charachter count same as AFG which will work out o 5 pages. HHMMM, I feel an email to AFG coming on to ask what happened to the other 5 pages.:confused:

[ktb9780]

Getting pretty plain to see that they mean what they said about "shovel ready". If you don't have a set of detailed plans in your hands, it is almost impossible to fill out the project budget questions with any accuracy at all. :confused:

[onebugle]

The tutorial is out.

And on that note, they do have a question asking for the date of citation or order related to the building being cited for health related violations.

According to the tutorial the date(s) must pre-date the ARRA.

[onebugle]

Getting pretty plain to see that they mean what they said about "shovel ready". If you don't have a set of detailed plans in your hands, it is almost impossible to fill out the project budget questions with any accuracy at all. :confused:

They are not making it easy for "shovel ready" projects either. Alot of detail for costs. I have emails flying trying to get a better cost breakdown than I already have.

[waterboy1]

How would I answer #1 " What is the purpose of your request" if we do not own a station? We currently rent a building on a month to month basis. They do not have a clear answer for this that I see.

[ktb9780]

How would I answer #1 " What is the purpose of your request" if we do not own a station? We currently rent a building on a month to month basis. They do not have a clear answer for this that I see.

I would go with Priority #1. I cannot imagine that your "rented" building comes anywhere close to meeting the needs of a FD for having clean rooms, gear storage, exhaust system, SCBA compressor clean air environment segregated sleeping and showering /decontamination faclities, sprinkler and alrma systems or any of the NFPA requirments.

Compare your rented facility to a modern FD buiding compliant with all these standards stated in the PG. What are the differences? Base your arguement on that. Most of these requirments are based on health and safety issues so it should be relativley easy to use a checklist and show what you don't have what should be there to ensure firefighter safety.;)

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

If you claim unsafe/uninhabitable that means some sort of health and safety issue related to the condition of the structure, not what rooms it has. So if it's just a case of the building isn't meeting the demands on the department, sounds like you're adding a station to meet changing demands and explain the rental situation in the narrative. Replacement normally means demolition of the old structure, and since it's not yours you really can't so just want to make sure that you get it all in there about the situation since it's a unique one. Especially if you're renting from a private person/group. Renting from a municipality or county doesn't count since they're legally responsible for fire protection so if they built the building and rent it to the FD to provide protection then by program rules it is your station.

If you're just trying to get away from the rent issue in a private party situation like something that was built for light industry/auto repair then it's replace cramped/non-functional.

Really don't have enough info about the current structure to say exactly which one of those you should choose but hopefully that gives you some direction.

[ktb9780]

If you claim unsafe/uninhabitable that means some sort of health and safety issue related to the condition of the structure, not what rooms it has. So if it's just a case of the building isn't meeting the demands on the department, sounds like you're adding a station to meet changing demands and explain the rental situation in the narrative. Replacement normally means demolition of the old structure, and since it's not yours you really can't so just want to make sure that you get it all in there about the situation since it's a unique one. Especially if you're renting from a private person/group. Renting from a municipality or county doesn't count since they're legally responsible for fire protection so if they built the building and rent it to the FD to provide protection then by program rules it is your station.

If you're just trying to get away from the rent issue in a private party situation like something that was built for light industry/auto repair then it's replace cramped/non-functional.

Really don't have enough info about the current structure to say exactly which one of those you should choose but hopefully that gives you some direction.

Hey Brian, do you think they would consider a 50 year lease as "owning" the land for this. I don;t see anything specifically prohbiting it but there is language saying "own" or "having acquired".

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Depends on who the lease is from. Private party, no. County or municipality, they're responsible for fire protection so since they can apply on behalf of the department I say that's ownership enough.

[ktb9780]

Depends on who the lease is from. Private party, no. County or municipality, they're responsible for fire protection so since they can apply on behalf of the department I say that's ownership enough.

Interesting point Brian thanks.

[ktb9780]

Did anyone else notice the 19,000 character limit. Guess it's not 10 pages after all.

Asst Program Director notifed of problem with 19K character limit and he was not aware of problem and is looking into it. Agreed it should not be that way and needs to be 10 pages (40K characters) so keep pounding those keyboards folks, you will have 10 pages available according to what I am being told.;)

[jam24u]

When this application period ends I would like to see some examples of the narratives. My town officials dropped the ball even after my constant warnings and requests for status reports of their efforts. All aspects dropped back into my lap two weeks ago. I'm steaming a bit over this.

[Not2L84U2]

Asst Program Director notifed of problem with 19K character limit and he was not aware of problem and is looking into it. Agreed it should not be that way and needs to be 10 pages (40K characters) so keep pounding those keyboards folks, you will have 10 pages available according to what I am being told.;)

That's awesome! Thanks Kurt!!

[Not2L84U2]

Asst Program Director notifed of problem with 19K character limit and he was not aware of problem and is looking into it. Agreed it should not be that way and needs to be 10 pages (40K characters) so keep pounding those keyboards folks, you will have 10 pages available according to what I am being told.;)

Just an update to this, I spoke with a gentleman on the phone and he said that we will be copy and pasting the 5 pages into the narrative and then printing off and faxing in the other 5 pages with our EIN and various other information in the header of the pages we were to fax. He said they may get the website updated before the close of the application period but was not sure.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Last time I programmed a web page (last month) the character limit is something defined within the web page, and changing a field limit in the database is a simple edit within the admin screen there too whether it's SQL from Microsoft or Oracle. Of course if it was done full blown nerd/scalable fashion they'd have the max field length in a database table so it would only take changing 1 number to allow for more to be put in. Either way, not earth-shattering situation to make a change so no reason it shouldn't be done within a day.

I see the faxing being a lot of fun on both ends.

[BC79er_OLDDELETE]

Why sprinklers? http://cms.firehouse.com/content/article/article.jsp?id=64184&sectionId=46

Definitely an odd twist of fate since they just got the 2008 AFG grant to put them in.

[accesslocks]

Hey....I still have 10 more days left to apply!!! LOL.....

I received this email today from AFG....Hurry now app period closes 7/10 !!

Now if that isn't funny!!! anyone else get this email????

[MIDWESTCHIEF]

Yep, I got it also and shortly after an apology that it was sent by accident.

[onebugle]

It was the AFG's first test of the new SCGWS (Sanity Check for Grant Writers System). :D ;)

[rands1]

Grant writers have sanity? I thought only the insane took this job.

[3rdFloor]

Grant writers have sanity? I thought only the insane took this job.

You say that as if you think I had a choice! "Grant writing" certainly wasn't in the description when I applied for this job...