Dating my fellow FF

[pyrolady]

Does anyone have any experience with dating other members of their department?

[NCRSQ751]

Yep, I certainly do have experience with that. I would be hesitant to do it again too.

I've seen it work out well, people get married and live happily ever after, but like with any relationship in a place where you will regularly see each other and have to work together, if it doesn't work out it can be hell.

The biggest difference between the FD/EMS/Rescue service and the typical corporate office is that one of you may need to rely on the other to back you up or haul you out of a fire one day...you can't just hide in a cubicle.

I'd keep that in mind when making such choices.

[NCRSQ751]

X

[This message has been edited by NCRSQ751 (edited 12-23-2000).]

[Quint1Medic]

Oh, what an awful idea...

A) Most relationships end, right? Now, the person you just broke up with has loooooong shifts to talk about you. With people you work with. And it might not be nice.

B)If you're a career firefighter, be careful. Fair or not, your actions reflect on every other female firefighter. If you must date within your department, be discreet.

[Pastor Dawn]

I agree with Quint1Medic. Be incredibly discreet if you must date someone in your department. As a minister, I'm privy to the thoughts and feelings of members in my department and I have seen nothing but broken hearts and friendships when the dating goes sour. Just remember, it's easy to be attracted to someone who is with us in incredibly emotional periods, but would you still like that person if he or she no longer was a firefighter? Give it some thought before you decide what to do.

[Nik]

My husband and I are both on our fire department, so I don't know if that necessarily qualifies as "dating," but I thought I'd respond anyway.

I think I'd have a hard time being with someone who *wasn't* in the emergency services, because there are so many instances where support needs to be unspoken. If we've gone to a bad call, we talk about it, unlike some stories I've heard of people unable to talk to their family members because they feel they just wouldn't understand.

On the other hand, it sure can sometimes put a damper on personal time, such as going to a movie or such and wondering if the pager is going to go off.

I think it can be hard, though, being involved with someone on your department because like it or not, you are going to be more protective of them than anyone else. Someone once asked me, "So what are you going to do if he's trapped inside a burning building." I'd have to be responsible, just like I would with any other ones of my fellow firefighters. But hell, I know deep down there'd have to be a couple of people holding me back. (or I'd just make sure to be on the RIT team!)

Nik, P17

[BayRidge60]

I met my fiancee because she was a member of a department in a neighboring county. When we wanted to move in together, she left her department and came to mine because I was an officer there. It was a hard thing for her to do and I appreciated it deeply. Since then, things went sour for me in our department and she found the courage to transfer departments again...this time with me. I don't think I would know how to be with someone that can't understand what I do from the perspective of doing it herself.

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Glenn Ralston
Firefighter/EMT-D
Bay Ridge Fire-Rescue
Queensbury, New York

[ladyfirefighter]

Dating in any workplace situation can get ugly. I'd be hesitant to do it if I were single again. If the relationship doesn't work out it is sure to cause some strife.

Surely there are some nice single firemen in neighboring departments? LOL

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Stay Safe...
Rebecca Richardson FF/EMT
Isles of Capri Fire Rescue
South Florida

[joelene22]

Dating in the workplace is usually not a good idea. When it comes to firefighting, it's never a good idea to do anything that may cause trouble in relationships between firefighters. These are men and women whose LIVES depend on each other - they have to trust each other and work well together. If you do date in your department, good luck and be careful.

It's not all bad. These things can work and work well. My boyfriend is my first lieutenant. BUT we were together for 4 years before we were put into this kind of situation. It would be hard to start a new relationship and go through all that crap that comes with a new relationship when you have a relationship as firefighters first. I think we handle it well. We talked it out a lot before I joined. When the tones go off, I am a firefighter and he is my lieutenant - no special treatment, no playing around, no interpersonal problems - there is no room for that kind of stuff on the fireground.

[EMTGodess]

Me and my boyfriend both work out of the same volunteer ambulance company. He is a EMT-CC and i am an EMT-D...one being an ALS provider and the other being BLS has made our relationship stronger..we knowour jobs and work bery well together..he knows his postition as ALS and when it comes to just BLS calls he allows me to take control. He is also a FF and since our ambualance company is not connected with the ambulance it does make stuff easier. We don't flaunt our relationship when we are either on a fire call or medical call. We have talked about if we broke up how it would be. We worked on the ambulance together even before we were a couple and have vowed to not let our personal relationship get in the way of patient care whether we stay together or not.

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I save lives....what do you do?

[ff ladybug]

I've tried it a couple of times and never had it work out to well. Some guys act distant when you date them and work with them. I had one guy start some vicious rumors about me when we broke up to ensure that he wouldn't lose face, even though he broke up with me.

[eelamb]

I have dated within the department and had a good experience with it. There are some things you have to watch for if you do choose to date within your department. Your personal life should be completely different and separate form the department. Don't talk about your relationship or show it at the stations. It did not work out with the person I dated, but we are very good friends now. We have a very professional relationship and we work well together.

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Erin Lamb
FF/ Engineer
eelamb@hotmail.com

[Diane]

I wouldn't recommend it. It's especially hard when he (ex) marries someone else and you have to see them together everywhere and at every function!!

And when he is your superior officer, it is more frustrating.

[Eng522ine]

NO WAY!!! It's begging for trouble. Like the old saying goes "don't dip your pen in company ink." My girlfriend (who is not involved in the fire service) doesn't even like going to the station. She says it's my place and she doesn't feel that she belongs there, except for social functions. She has her places that I do not go simply because we feel that everybody needs a certain amount of "personal space" and a place where they can go a cool out or just relax. It works well for us.

If you're in a career department or a volunteer department (like me), I think you're nuts doing it. Hey, just one guy's opinion, for whatever it's worth. Good luck with it though, if you do pursue it. Be safe.

[Nik]

I was married to my husband before he (and then I) got on the fire department. I did actually ask him how he would feel about me joining the department, and he was honestly enthusiastic about it. He's a source of encouragement and strength for me, and vice versa.

I hear what you're saying about people needing their own spaces to unwind and relax, but I don't we're crowding each other's space at the fire dept, because we're doing what we *both* love to do.

Still, nothing wrong with either opinion, to each their own, right?


[This message has been edited by Nik (edited 04-13-2001).]

[firelouie]

BAD IDEA.