The Big D

[ltdanfireman]

after six years of marriage and four kids my wife and i find ourselves talking about seperation and divorce neither one of us is happy in our marriage but i really don't want to end my marriage if advoidable has anyone been in this situation were you able to save your marriage if not how about the kids

[MOTOWN88]

I feel your pain Brother,

Although we did not have kids we decided that the seperation was the only alternative. It seems I know a hundred people that are, or were, in your shoes. Sometimes it works but at what cost to you and her??? There comes a point I believe when it just needs to end not just for your sake, and not just for her sake, but for the kids sake. If you are a church going person I would recomend talking to the priest or seek an altenative counseling method.

[Steamer]

Motown's right. Sometimes it get to the point where you have to separate before you end up hating each other. My ex and I got to that point. I stayed to be there for my son, but he expressed to me later that he could feel the stress that his mother and I caused. Things ended up much better for him in the long run after the split. And of course, his mother and I absolutely loath one another, so I was in a constant battle with her. It's not as bad as it used to be, especially since we seldom have contact since the boy's an adult now.

Get counseling. Check with your church. Many have contacts for some really good programs. If she doesn't want to go, I would still recommend you go.

These are very tough times for you and your wife. Be patient with each other. There's always a lot of pain in these circumstances, especially when kids are involved.

Good luck.

[PFire23]

Dan,

You and I have talked about this (Oh, this is Jaded LOL) anyway, these guys have given you good advice. Like I told you before, it benefits NO ONE if you aren't happy, cuz if you're not happy no one around you is either. Sometimes, things just don't work out, and rather than beat your head against a brick wall there comes a time to pack up your equipment and concede defeat. It's never easy, because no matter how a marriage ends, be it amicably or with strife, you still have a history with that person, and it will still hurt. You know I'm going thru the same thing right now, and although I am in a happier place, I still have rough days. My kids are happier, they see their dad more than they did when he lived with us, and there is not the constant tension surrounding them like there was before. Kids are perceptive, and no matter how much you think you may be hiding things from them or doing what's in the "best interest" of the kids they will pick up on the underlying currents. You need to decide what is going to be in the best interest of everyone involved, rely on your faith, and remember you have friends who are only a mouse click away. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!!!