And Now For Something Completely Different

[MalahatTwo7]

Sorry folks, I just couldn't resist this any longer. I felt we needed a little bit of light humour, so here it is:


DO SHEEP GET STATIC CLING WHEN THEY RUB AGAINST ONE ANOTHER?

What are your thoughts on this?

[StayBack500FT]

ROTFLMAO!!! A sheep question from the wild,womanless wilderness of the Great White North...It's just too much!!! I think I've just had a stroke!! OMG!!! You 27's are giving it to me on a silver platter now!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Just gotta love you dang Canadians!!!!!:p :D

[MOTOWN88]

What is the enviorment???? Is it a low humidity room filled with carpet or are they out roam'in the plains???? If they are outside in the open then no. If they are in your house, which I hope to GOD they aren't then yes they will cause a static "LIGHT UP".



SOME MORE BARN YARD QUESTIONS

What do cows drink with thier cookies????
When cows laugh does milk come out of thier noses???


AHHHHH THE MYSTERIES OF LIFE!!!!

[Grit76]

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

Where do you get more seedless oranges?

:D

[superchef]

Thanks guys you brighten my day with your charming wit :D :D :cool: ;)

[ggtruckie]

Sheep and static cling:
Maybe during an electric storm,... Wait Maybe, just maybe, this is the cause of mysterious Wildland fires, unsafe sheep practices, we need to get them all electricly grounded, quick start a public sheep fire prevention program.

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
I think they use Scotchgaurd?

Where do you get more seedless oranges?
I just drink the juice.

Yeah, But why do Firemen wear red suspenders?

[NJFFSA16]

Sheep! Man's best friend? :rolleyes:

http://www.muttonbone.com/loveewe.html

Who woulda thunk???;)

[PFire23]

Deep thoughts from comedian Steven Wright.......

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a Train stops
On my desk, I have a work station..


If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up
with,"Quit while you're ahead"?


Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older, then it dawned on me...they were cramming for
their finals...

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and
forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?


Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while
they delivered the mail?


How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the OTHERS here for?

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he
still wrong?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?


If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?


I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be
gone. I said, "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the
water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are
furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

[Bones42]

Sheep! Man's best friend?

Long story here....can't be repeated on forum....have to keep some members out of jail.....will have to wait till first IACOJ meeting.
Had something to do with a "birthday" party and some state police and...baaaaaaaaaaaaad ideas.

[MalahatTwo7]

NJ, THAT WAS RUDE!! :D Nice website, ya bugger.

I heard it said, when I lived in Alberta, that to prevent the static cling problem during thunderstorms, most sheep farmers used really large open top rubber boots and velcro gloves. Then they would link all the sheep together on line (a bit of string, I think) that way they could ground out the entire flock. See they would take the lead sheep and while the farmer is wearing his big rubber boots, he would stick the hind feet of the sheep in his boots (and this is where the velcro gloves come in handy)and that would ground out the whole lot and thus eliminate the static cling problem. :p

So Bones,what's the story??? ;)

[firefighter26]

27, don’t you have anything better to do at work? Oh, wait.. it is Friday and I am sure you didn't have anything better to do anyway.

I have just one thought that has been bothering me for a couple days, and maybe Capt. Gonzo can help me out:

Someone can give you a penny for your thoughts, yet it costs you two cents to give them to someone else, or in Gonzo’s case, three cents (I heard captains have to pay a little more).

I was just wondering where that extra penny went?:confused:

Maybe it pays for 27’s rubber boots and “grounding rod!” :eek:

See ya at the call 27, remember, the pump panel is on the other side of the truck :D :D ;) :D :D

[martinm]

Why is dyslexia such a hard word to spell??

[E229Lt]

Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway?

Why do you put your suits in a garment-bag and your garments in a suit-case?

If you're driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, do they do any good?

[ChiefReason]

Do you get pressure behind your eyeballs when you pee?

Can you stack BBs on a windy day?

Does a chicken have lips?

What is the flashpoint of a roomful of sheep?

Notice how I keep the discussion on fire?

[NJFFSA16]

If humans "pull the wool over their eyes," what do sheep pull over theirs?:rolleyes:

[efd1172]

if crazy glue sticks to everything how does it come out of the tube?

if nothing sticks to teflon how does it stay in the pan?

and finally what happens if you pour crazy glue in a teflon pan?

[BGFD21]

Why do they have mailboxes at the Post Office, You are already there. :p

[Steamer]

Sooo NJ...how did you come to know of this "Love Ewe" website, and why were you looking when you found it in the first place? :eek: :D I'm really worried 'bout ya bro'! :rolleyes:

If you're traveling at the speed of sound, can you hear your wife tell you to "turn left back there"?

If the "black box" is so indestructible, why don't they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?

[CaptainGonzo]

If someone is said to drink like a fish, and fish drink but don't get drunk, why does a drunk drink like a fish?

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll stay in your boat all day drinking like a fish while trying to catch a fish.

If you get goosed and someone uses both hands, do you get geesed?

[Firefighter631]

If 7-11 is open 24 hrs a day, why are there locks on the doors??????????:D :D :D :D

[FlyingKiwi]

I am dyslexic.

dyslexia rules K.O.

27, to prevent static cling, never ever have two sheep in the same paddock. :D

Couple of Kiwis in the back blocks of Australia found a farmer doing something funny to a big old shaggy sheep.

One Kiwi said " Hell mate you could at least shear it."

Ausi's reply " Sod off, get your own">

:D :D :D

[MalahatTwo7]

Kiwi, Captn G and Steamer, you guys just made my day! :) I RLMFARO!!! We just got back from doing a live burn. :D It went a little off course, but no harm, no foul, and now I read these last posts and while we had fun today, this was the cream and the cherry on top! Thanks Guys, and keep it up. :cool:

[EastKyFF]

Two sheep jokes:

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.


An old shepherd fell asleep against a tree one day. Later two giggling school girls happened by and began theorizing on what men wear under their kilts. With a giggle, they raised the old man's kilt and saw he wore nothing under his! For a laugh, one took a blue hair ribbon from her braid and tied it around the shepherd's, uh, staff. They giggled and ran away.

Later the old shepherd woke to a strange sensation. He examined his anatomy and said, "Well, lad, I don't know where ye ha' been, but I'm glad ye won first place!"

[FlyingKiwi]

That should do it Malahat 27

[HF&R_H28]

Why are there parking lots at beer joints if they do not want you to drive drunk?

[jiffy911]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! Kiwi, I loved the sex hotline graphic. :)
I have a few really corny ones of my own:

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you?
A stick.

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

:D
I'll come back later when I remember some more.
Later!!

[Temptaker]

Flying Kiwi

If you put a sheep and an akidna (sp) together, would it work like velcro?

NJ... hehe... nice site. How exactly did you know about that anyway?

Why do they call it drive through if you actually drive around?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close,
attitude will get you there, and bull**** will put you over the top.

But, look how far *** kissing will take you.

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

[MalahatTwo7]

:p Temptaker, that is THE BEST DEFINITION of 103% or 118% that I have ever heard. I like it and being a military guy, you can bet that this is going to come out sometime in the future, when the ask me to give my 100% plus efforts.

[FlyingKiwi]

:D :D :D :D

After I picked myself off the floor.

I have printed that and it goes on the board at brigade practice tonight.

Jiffy 911

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you?

It could also be called a hit, depends on your aim.

Sometimes you just can not win

A 6 year-old and a 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" says the 6 year-old. "I think it's about
time we start cussing." The 4 year-old nods his head in
approval. The 6 year-old continues, "When we go downstairs
for breakfast I'm gonna say `hell' and you say `***.'"

"OK!" the 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old
what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll
have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the
kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes
out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear at
every step.

The mom locks him in his room & shouts, "You can just stay
there till I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs,
looks at the 4 year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And
what do YOU want for breakfast young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ***
it won't be Cheerios."

[Tooanfrom]

Suicide Bombers----is hanging too good for them?

[jiffy911]

Okay, I found another good one--I got this off of www.paramedicportal.com:

Q: What did the medic say to the stroke patient with left side paralasyis?
A: You're going to be all right.

:D

LOL just thought I'd share.

[FlyingKiwi]

Old couple go to the doctor

Old guy goes in first, gets his exam and then the doctor asks him "Hows your sexlife"

Old Guy replies "Strange really, first time round I sweat like crazy. But the next time I don't sweat at all."

Doctor tells him it will be ok, and then brings in the Old Woman.

He asks her "Your husband says he sweats the first time during sex, but not the time after that."

she replies "Silly bugger, its hot in summer and cold in winter."

Worth a shot.

[jiffy911]

Here's another one from paramedicportal.com :

"One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'"

he he he
:D

[FlyingKiwi]

The ultimate answer to static cling from sheep.

look at http://www.hocusfocus.co.nz

[FlyingKiwi]

Concrete Sheep.

What else.

[Temptaker]

Hey guys, if you want to look at some funny medical stories, you can go to my site.
http://www3.telus.net/justalittlepoke
I don't have any good fire stories up there yet, but there are some funny jokes and comics and stuff... the stories are REAL:eek:

If anyone has funny fire or EMS stories that they want to forward to me, I would be happy to put them up... haven't worked on it in ages

[EastKyFF]

Here's a joke, but let me preface it thusly: The authentic Eastern Kentucky accent changes the short "e" to a short "a". Do not ask me why; why did JFK take the "r" off of "car" and add it to "Cuba"?

Anyway, to illustrate, a "leg" becomes a "lag", "flesh" is "flash", etc. A schwa "e" at the end of a word becomes a "y" or "ie" sound, which is why it's the Grand Ole OpRY, not OpERA.

Now, then:

An elderly woman goes to the doctor for the first time in years. The doctor asks her name.

"Sary," she replies. Confused, he asks her to spell it. "S A R A H," she answers.

"Oh, Sarah," the doctor says. "Well, what's your husband's name?"

"Almer," she answers.

"Spell that," the doctor says.

"E L M E R," Sarah says.

"Oh, Elmer. OK. Well, Sarah, how tall are you?" the doctor asks.

"Six-one," she answers.

"And how much do you weigh?" the doctor asks.

"Two-forty," she answers.

"My God, you're big enough to play with Lombardi's Packers!" the doctor exclaims.

"No," Sarah says. "The only Packer I play with is Almer's."
:D :D

[MalahatTwo7]

Ok, Kiwi, people here say that I have too much time on my hands some days. Man, I don't think I can even hold a candle to you Buddy! :) But I like it anyway - good humour.

Temptaker, had a looksee and your site looks pretty good. I liked some of the cartoons especially. :D

[CAPN22]

This is great! keep it up! Don't be Sheepish now.
Ewe really need to keep it going. This is shear hilarious.
I'm getting a baaaaad pain in my side.

What's the similarity between a Chev pick up and you spouse?

On a cold morning, when you really need them. Neither of them will turn over!

[FlyingKiwi]

Why do woman wear white to weddings.

All good kitchen appliances are white

[superchef]

Flying Kiwi

Good thing I have such a great sense of humor. :D

All this time I just thought kiwi's were the brown furry fruit in the grocery. Little did I know they could fly too. ;)

[FlyingKiwi]

Will the real kiwi please sit down.

[superchef]

You made my day. Thanks. I love your sense of humor and that picture.

:D :D

[MalahatTwo7]

Yep I knew it. I kinda figured Kiwi was a little strange, and now I know why that is: He's the missing Muppet from Jim Hanson's collection! The sheep thing was just a ruse to throw us off the scent. :D

I love the picture, its a great shot of you, Kiwi. :cool:

And Cap, don't I know it. I spent 5 fantastic years in Calgary, and you are so right. That's why I usually buy German cars.

[Steamer]

First Wolves, now Kiwis hiding in sheep's clothing. What next?! Is this anything like cross dressing? :D :eek:

[FlyingKiwi]

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

that's "Cross" Dressing.

[SilverCity4]

There was this shepherd who had this whole flock of sheep. He wanted to get the sheep pregnant so that he could increase his stock, but he was too poor to buy a male sheep. So, he figured the only thing he could do was to get the sheep pregnant himself.

One morning the man loaded up all the sheep into his truck and drove them over to a barn where nobody could see him. He, ah, attempted to impregnate each sheep and then loaded them back in the truck and brought them back to the pasture near his house. He went to bed that night after a long day's work.

The next morning he woke up, and looked out the bedroom window expecting all the sheep to be laying down on their sides, because that is what the sheep do when they are pregnant. But, all the sheep were still standing.

The guy is surprised and a little disappointed, but he gets up, loads the sheep back into the truck, takes them to the barn and tries to get them impregnated. He wakes up the next morning and looks out the window and sees that the sheep are all standing up. So, he loads them in the truck, takes them in the barn and does them all, yet again.

The next morning, he is so exhausted by his work, he asks his wife to look out the window and look at the sheep. * She does this and he asks her if they are laying down on their sides.* She says, "No, they are all in the truck, and one is honking the horn!"

[Pvt. Stray Dog]

If a deaf man urinates in a toilet and there is no one there to hear it, does it make any noise?

[DENNIS1975]

what's can a person say to this..
'lol,lamo,laughed so hard until I cry,
you are right I did all three, my wife
thought I was crazy laughed so hard.
a leather helmet off to all for a laugh well done. may be on I.A.C.O.J. web site they can have a joke of the day. thank you all reading and laughed. dennis

[Ohiovolffemtp]

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", what is the opposite of "progress"?

What does Santa Clause call a reindeer who can't fly?

Venison

Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in these forums?

They couldn't find three wise men ... or a virgin.

[E229Lt]

Leaving Montreal for Quebec, I decide to make a stop
at one of those rest areas on the side of the road.
I went into the washroom. The first stall was taken,
so I had to go to the second stall. I had just sat down
when I hear a voice from the next stall... "Hi there,
how's is going" ? Ok, I am not the type to strike up
a conversation with stranger in a washroom. I didn't
know what to say so finally I say: "Not bad" Then
the voice says: "So, what are you doing" ? I am starting
to find this a bit weird, but I say: "Well, I'm going
back east". Then I hear the person say all flustered:
" Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a
question this idiot in the next stall keeps talking to himself!

[Temptaker]

E ngine Lt

Hehehe... I thought he was trying to pick you up. Priceless :D

[hfd66truck]

E LT,

ROFLMAO.........

How long did you wait before leaving your stall?

Dave

[Co11FireGal]

In all of this talk about sheep, aren't you guys afraid the other animals are gonna get jealous?

What about the poor cows?

[RspctFrmCalgary]

ROFLMFAOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Waiting to see if hfd's question gets answered! hehehe

:D :D :D :D :p :p

[Weruj1]

bump .

[PattyV]

You just cant help yourself can you?

I think we should just leave this thread up to Flying Kiwi, he should know everything about static electricity and rubbing against sheep:p

Damn Kiwis...:D :p :D

[MalahatTwo7]

:D Josh, things must be real quiet down in NW Ohio, you keep finding threads that almost older than dirt. :) LOL