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Thread: Just be funny!

  1. #326
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    {got this through email}

    AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

    Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

    I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

    First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it was a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... wasn't it?!

    I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

    After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

    I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

    Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

    The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

    In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

    Have a good day!

    Thoughtfully yours, Alex



    I probably don't have to ask you to forward this one.

  2. #327
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    This snowy wind is making me a bit squirrely...
    Last edited by firecat1; 03-11-2010 at 12:45 PM.

  3. #328
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    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcusKspn View Post
    OK... Thats just SSSSCCCARRRRRYYYY! beyond belief.
    ==

    On another note.... Which one 'a you guys is the "Slay-Driver"????

    {I think I've seen "That Look" on Harve once or twice.....}
    RUN FOREST! RUN! EHEHHHEEHHEHEE
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    Or maybe.......
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    Just....SHH!
    Last edited by firecat1; 03-11-2010 at 12:45 PM.

  7. #332
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    This goes out to a certain "team" that we all love:

    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Incur their wrath at your own risk........
    Last edited by firecat1; 03-11-2010 at 12:45 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    Incur their wrath at your own risk........
    LOL
    I thought your picture quote was referring to the Webteam at first!
    Last edited by ffbam24; 12-31-2009 at 12:33 PM.

  10. #335
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    Quote Originally Posted by ffbam24 View Post
    LOL
    Sherry, I thought your picture quote was referring to the Webteam at first!
    I'm not Sherry and nope, webteam not even thought about for this one.

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    Talking Some For The Ladies In The Crowd

    where was he?
    Posted: 31 Dec 2009 05:40 AM PST

    She left him on the sofa when the phone rang, and was back in a few seconds.

    “Who was it?” he asked.
    “My husband,” she replied.
    “I better get going,” he said. “Where was he?”
    “Relax. He’s downtown playing poker with you.”
    ===

    Getting a second opinion

    Posted: 31 Dec 2009 05:40 AM PST

    A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
    “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
    By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
    “What took you so long to answer?”
    “I was in bed.”
    “What were you doing in bed this late?”
    “Getting a second opinion.”
    ===

    just relax

    Posted: 31 Dec 2009 05:40 AM PST

    A man was on his death bed. His wife was stroking his hand lovingly and speaking gentle words to him for the last time.

    “I gotta tell you something honey” said the man very weakly.

    “No sweetie, it’s all right, relax” replied the woman.

    The man took a deep breath and said, “I have to say that I cheated on you with your sister, your mother and your aunt!!”

    The wife cooed, “Sssshhhh, I know, just relax and let the poison do its job.”
    ===

    {and for us guys:}

    The Curse

    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

    The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”

    The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

  12. #337
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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    I'm not Sherry and nope, webteam not even thought about for this one.
    Oop! I realized that this morning. Sorry. I was reeeealy tired last night

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    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Red face

    I didnt make this!
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    I used to be the guy on the phone, calling to say "I'm sorry. I can't talk right now.. cutting the grass."
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    The graphics on this are really funny. And turn up your sound...

    http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs13/f/20...alanbecker.swf

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    If only it were true
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    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

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    If this has been posted already, I apologize. Enjoy.

    THE CHIEF HAS ARRIVED :

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bu5vOxVYKdU

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    Quote Originally Posted by safdkiltie View Post
    If this has been posted already, I apologize. Enjoy.

    THE CHIEF HAS ARRIVED :

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bu5vOxVYKdU
    We have achieved C.H.A.O.S!
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

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    Smile, your face will thank you!
    Last edited by firecat1; 03-11-2010 at 12:45 PM.

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    Smile in -40 degree windchill, and your face WILL freeze that way...
    I fish for a living, but I have to work for money...

  22. #347
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhvfd1214 View Post
    Smile in -40 degree windchill, and your face WILL freeze that way...
    I did and it did. See?

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    Every cat "owner" knows this!
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    This reminds me of what this place has turned into over the last few months

    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Anyone here from Chicago?
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