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Thread: Just be funny!

  1. #626
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    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson View Post
    No sh** guys,this really happened.I seen it happen.
    One time,I was Messenger of the Watch and had been training a guy in the duties as Inport Messenger of the Watch(same as underway MOOW -answer the phone,assist the Bosun of the Watch/Petty officer of the watch-inport- and make 1MC announcements but we didn't use the bosun's pipe before 1MC announcements).
    So came the day he appeared in the watchbill for his first watch on his own as Messenger and he was a bit nervous about it.He asked me questions as he donned his undress uniform prior to reporting to the quarterdeck and I reminded him that there was a laiminated card right next to the microphone for routine announcements and for fire calls,for example,all he had to do was fill in the correct information for the location,class of fire and where to provide the gear from.
    After supper was over and the galley secured for the day,the Command Duty Officer hands him a slip of paper with the fire drill information and,since my ship had a policy of not requiring permission from the Officer of the Deck to call away emergencies,drill or actual,my former student swung into action.But he suddenly blanked on what he was supposed to say.
    Then he remembered what I'd told him about the card that was available to guide him through the announcement and he read from it:
    "Rapid ringing of the bell!Rapid ringing of the bell!Fire,fire,fire.Class Alpha fire in Compartment 1 tac 33 tac Zero tac Lima.First Division Berthing.Away the inport mobile repair party away,provide from Repair Five!" and did it twice more as prescribed.
    Because he spoke the words "rapid ringing of the bell" instead of using the brass bell and striker thoughtfully provided to the quarterdeck watch,the drill had to be secured because every man on the ship,plus on the two other ship we were nested with who heard the topside speakers,was rolling on the deck laughing about it.
    After a bit of quick refresher training by me,since he admitted to have been under instruction with me previously,the drill was called away again with better results.

    Ya think most of us sailor types have stories like that. Mine was from a few months after I had joined my first ship, and was standing my second or third watch "unsupervised". The cox'n called up and asked for a pipe to be made. I made the announcement in a clear an concise voice.... right up to the end, which was then followed by "OVER." I hung up the mike, realized what I had just said and turned to wait for the phone to ring. Naturally it was the cox'n demanding to know who had just made that last pipe.

    My response to him was "I had been hijacked by some army guy who grabbed the mike from my hand, Chief." I heard a sputter and some mumbling as he hung up the phone. Fortunately Chief Petty Officer First Class Snerch (YES that was his name) had a very good sense of humour.

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    We had a Lt.Col. Colon in charge of live fire howitzer operations that lasted 10 days. All he had to do was make 18 movements to 3 spots, when the FO ordered them.

    After making one of the movements at night, and all howitzers ready for fire ops, our gun got the fire mission. After I called "on target", the gunner closed the breech. Just before putting in the primer, the gun commander yelled "check fire...check fire". All operations ceased.

    After a short comm between him and command, we found out that we were at the wrong spot. While he was talking, the Lt.Col heard "...for every colon, there's a dumbass, a-hole", or something close.

    As soon as day break hit, I was hitting a shovel against lava rock for over 3 hours trying to dig a 6x6x6 hole. If it wasn't for a CSMO, I probably would still be there trying to dig that hole.

    It's funny to me now, but wasn't back then.

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

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    HAHAHAA I like that one FM!


    This next is in the format that I received it, so no yapping off about "shouting" etc.

    HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

    WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.

    MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

    I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

    COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

    UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

    THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

    AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

    "YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

    "WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.

    HE ANSWERED, "IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

    "YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!," I EXCLAIMED.

    HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.



    THEN, THAT UGLY,



    OLD,



    BALD,



    WRINKLED FACED,



    FAT-*****ED,



    GRAY-HAIRED,



    DECREPIT



    SON-OF-A-B!TCH



    ASKED,



    "WHAT DID YOU TEACH??"

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    This young mother was having a really frazzling day so when the telephone rang and she heard a kind voice asking,"How has your day been,dear?" she broke down into tears and said,"Oh Mother,it's just been one thing after another.The twins are both teething and can't stop crying,the furnace went out and to top it off,my husband just called saying that he ran into some friends from the Navy and now he's bringing them home for supper!I just don't know what to do!".
    And the voice said,"Now,don't you worry.One of our neighbors is in heating and air,so your Father will call his company and they'll send someone to fix the furnace and I am on my way to fix supper for you while you calm the children down.And when Frank gets home,I'll give him an earfull about dumping his friends on you so suddenly."
    The woman says"Who's Frank?I'm married to Rick." and the woman who'd called asked,"Isn't this 555-1234?"
    "No",she replied,"this is 555-1235."
    "Oh",says the calling woman,"I've made a terrible mistake".and the young mother asks,Does this mean that you aren't coming over?"

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    WHY PARENTS DRINK:

    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
    was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope,
    propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad."

    With the Worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and
    read the letter.

    Dear Dad:

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with
    my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have
    been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you
    would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight
    motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's
    not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

    Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and
    has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having
    many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
    doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it
    with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the
    meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can
    get better. She deserves it.

    Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm
    sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your
    grandchildren.

    Love, Your Son, John

    PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted
    to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card, that's
    in my center desk drawer.

    I love you.

    Call me when it's safe to come home.
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    WHY PARENTS DRINK:

    Call me when it's safe to come home.
    ROFLMAO! Priceless! Thanks for a good laugh to start the day off right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    ROFLMAO! Priceless! Thanks for a good laugh to start the day off right.
    Hahaha, second that.
    Matt G.
    Battalion Chief
    IACOJ-Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    ROFLMAO! Priceless! Thanks for a good laugh to start the day off right.


    When you arise at this time, be quite as others are trying to sleep.
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    When you arise at this time, be quite as others are trying to sleep.
    That should be amened to read:

    "Let sleeping Old Captains lay."

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    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin

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    That ain't right!I guess you didn't see the youtube video of this scene set to "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"?That one will scar your psyche,man.I ain't kidding.

    Quote Originally Posted by MarcusKspn View Post

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    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson
    That ain't right!I guess you didn't see the youtube video of this scene set to "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"?That one will scar your psyche,man.I ain't kidding.
    WTF.... You are just going to leave us hanging???? Post up the link.

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

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    Topic: JOKE OF THE DAY
    On a Wing and a Prayer
    August 31, 2010
    Catherine Jones
    We all need some laughter in our day. Here’s a joke you can trot out at your next training session.

    A photographer from a national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at a national park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the firefighters as they battled the blaze.

    When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

    He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!”

    The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures.”

    “Why?” asked the pilot.

    “Because I am a photographer,” he responded, “and photographers take photographs.”

    The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, “You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    WTF.... You are just going to leave us hanging???? Post up the link.

    FM1
    Well,I could be like my ex but here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WYOZ6WIgXI
    Actually,you'll have to look it up yourself under "Full Metal Elf".I can't get the link thingy to work for me on some videos that I'd like to post here.
    I try but some days the technology wins out over me and I have to reboot the computer.( I kick the SOB again)

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    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson
    Actually,you'll have to look it up yourself under "Full Metal Elf".
    You could spin that 100 different ways. And I would watch all of them.

    Good Night Chesty Puller..... wherever you are!!!

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    You could spin that 100 different ways. And I would watch all of them.

    Good Night Chesty Puller..... wherever you are!!!

    FM1
    My nieceling probably makes him roll over in his grave when she recites,"This is my bassoon.There are many like it but this one is mine..."

    And don't you think R.Lee Ermey was having entirely too much fun doing that scene?
    BTW,"The Siege at Firebase Gloria" was on "This" the other night.I'd never watched in one sitting before.
    Last edited by doughesson; 09-04-2010 at 12:32 PM.

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    Remember this, on your next birthday.....
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    Remember this, on your next birthday.....
    He sure don't have long on this earth!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonnee
    He sure don't have long on this earth!!
    Neither do WE !!!


    .
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    Neither do WE !!!


    .


    Make the best you can, each day!!
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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    Exclamation To Arms! To Arms!

    TRENTON — Several senior citizens were trapped in elevators and dozens more had their health compromised when a squirrel sparked a 50-minute power outage at the Josephson and Abbott senior-living complexes in the West Ward on Sunday morning, officials said.

    The senior high-rises went dark about 8 a.m. and ignited hysteria within the apartments, both of which have “numerous occupants” who depend on home oxygen tanks, according Battalion Chief Richard Seeds of the Trenton Fire Department, who said the incident “caused problems with oxygen.”

    Realizing the urgency of the situation, a fleet of city firefighters arrived on the scene within two minutes of being dispatched to deal with the emergency, Seeds said. He added, “It was a pretty large undertaking considering the amount of people who occupy both buildings.”

    The Louis Josephson Apartments at 237 Oakland St. houses 120 senior residents, and the James J. Abbott Apartments at 490 Hoffman Ave. houses 79 seniors, according to the Trenton Housing Authority, which runs the complexes.

    The fire department deployed three fire engines, two fire truck ladders and a rescue crew and utilized the leadership of two battalion chiefs to command the operations, Seeds said.

    PSEG crews also arrived on the scene in quick fashion and restored the power at about 8:50 a.m., officials said.

    PSEG spokesperson Amy Martin confirmed a squirrel was responsible for disrupting the power supply to both high-rises, but she said she didn’t know what exactly the squirrel did to cause the fuse to blow.

    Seeds said every resident who was trapped in an elevator was removed without incident.

    He also said he had no reports on anyone being injured or hospitalized as a result of the power outage.

    Yesterday, a security official at Abbott told The Trentonian “everybody is fine.” The newspaper couldn’t reach any officials at Josephson for comment yesterday.
    Matt G.
    Battalion Chief
    IACOJ-Member
    FTM-PTB

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    Taliban vs. U.S. Marines

    A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they
    hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.

    "One U.S. Marine is better than ten Taliban."

    The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the
    dune where upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few
    minutes,then silence.

    The voice then calls out, "One U.S. Marine is better than a hundred
    Taliban soldiers."

    Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over
    the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of
    battle, again silence.

    The voice calls out, "One U.S. Marine is better than one thousand
    Taliban".

    The enraged Taliban Commander musters a thousand fighters and sends
    them over the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire rings out as a
    huge battle is fought. Then silence.

    Finally one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and
    with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men,
    its a trap.

    There's two of them."

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

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    On one of his trips to Afghanistan,George Bush went walking alone and found a lamp.Curious to see what would happen,he began to rub it,whereupon a puff of smoke appears to him.
    The smoke took the form of a genie who granted ol' George three wishes.
    The first was "I wish I could meet with Osama bin Laden so's we could hash this out once and for all."
    The genie said,"If you so wish,but I will have to give him three wishes as well and I cannot control what he will wish for any more than I can control your wishes." to which Bush agrees,saying" I just want to avoid further conflict between us."
    Poof!Osama bin Laden appears.
    Finding out that he has three wishes that George Bush cannot control,bin Laden immediately says,"I do not want to talk with infidels.I wish that Muslims had a place where we did not have to deal with infidels.I wish that it be surrounded by mountains that no man can surmount and bother us.Finally,I wish that strict Sharia law be in force at all times in this place."
    The genie says,"It is done" and Osama bin Laden disappears.
    Suddenly,one of the military aides appears and tells President Bush that there has appeared a new mountain range surrounding the whole of Afghanistan,units stationed there suddenly reappeared safely back at their parent bases and that satellite surveillance cannot penetrate what is behind it,even from overhead but the naked human eye can detect mountains and plains behind the mountain range.
    President Bush dismisses the officer,turns to the genie and asks,"Is this what Mr bin Laden asked for?" and is told that yes,indeed it is.
    Mr. Bush then says"Can you tell me about it?" and the genie says,"It will cost you a wish but yes,I can.The mountains cannot be scaled by infidels but those of the Faith can.There are mountains,plains and plenty of water for crops and Sharia law is in effect at all times.Infidels and Muslims will be kept seperate by this mountain range surrounding them."
    Mr. Bush then says,"Well,if nothing can get in or out of there,my last wish is that you fill that valley up with water."
    Last edited by doughesson; 09-08-2010 at 01:14 PM.

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    Ooorah! "Lemme see your warface!'AHHHH!" "That's a warface!"

    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    Taliban vs. U.S. Marines

    A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they
    hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.

    "One U.S. Marine is better than ten Taliban."

    The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the
    dune where upon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few
    minutes,then silence.

    The voice then calls out, "One U.S. Marine is better than a hundred
    Taliban soldiers."

    Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over
    the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of
    battle, again silence.

    The voice calls out, "One U.S. Marine is better than one thousand
    Taliban".

    The enraged Taliban Commander musters a thousand fighters and sends
    them over the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire rings out as a
    huge battle is fought. Then silence.

    Finally one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and
    with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men,
    its a trap.

    There's two of them."

    FM1

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    Just a little squrrilly guy...

    `
    Last edited by CaptOldTimer; 07-08-2011 at 01:53 PM.
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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