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Thread: Just be funny!

  1. #776
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    Quote Originally Posted by pasobuff View Post
    I just have to comment on this!

    I love Who's Line Is It. That was so funny!
    Greg is my favourite out of the regulars on there.
    Watch the time go right out the window ..... it starts with one thing, but in the end nothing really matters.

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    Yeah, I've seen that, very funny!

    A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
    While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

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    A short demonstration of proper rescue tecniques...
    Last edited by Fireeaterbob; 05-10-2011 at 07:51 PM.
    A coward stands by and watches wrongs committed without saying a word...Any opinions expressed are purely my own and not necessarily reflective of the views of my former departments

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    Got Scotch? I think I fit into the first 'toon a little too well... hhmmmm....
    Attached Images Attached Images   

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    Heck yes scotch is bad for you. VODKA its pure, unadulterated and hasn't sat around in a burned out barrel.

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    I can't post the pic here because the newspaper website have copyrighted it, but click on the link below for the story.

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...sing-cigs.html
    Watch the time go right out the window ..... it starts with one thing, but in the end nothing really matters.

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    The other day,I'd won $2,000 playing a scratch off lottery ticket so I asked a neighbor to drive me out to the lottery office to claim it.
    As I got out to go into the bank to deposit the money,I started patting my pockets down which prompted my neighbor to ask if there was a problem.
    I told him,"Yeah.I'm not feeling two grand here."

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    So this guy walks into a bar carrying a bucket with an octopus in it.
    He bets the bartender,"If this octopus can play any intrument that you hand it,will you give me free drinks?".
    The bartender thinks this is a gimme so he agrees and reaches behind the bar and hands over a banjo.The octopus strums away on it like Earl Scruggs ,which impresses the onlooking crowd.
    So,the boys in the house band start handing over instruments which the octopus plays and people start calling their friends to come see this amazing critter in action.
    This one Scot comes in with a set of bagpipes and hands it to the octopus.
    The octopus turns it one way and then the other so the Scot says,"Ha!The wee fishy can't play it,eh?" to which the owner replies"Play it?He's just trying to mate with it as soon as he figures out how to get her pajamas off."

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    haha... I thought you were gonna say, well bagpipes aren't musical instruments...
    Firefighting - one of the few professions left that still makes house calls.

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    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson View Post
    "Ha!The wee fishy can't play it,eh?" to which the owner replies"Play it?He's just trying to mate with it as soon as he figures out how to get her pajamas off."
    Tartan pajamas... *snicker*

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    I was doing some short work at the Peabody here in Memphis last week and there was a convention of chess players in town.(You can't make this stuff up,only write it down for later re-telling)
    There was a bunch of players gathered in the lobby swapping war stories which kept getting louder and louder until they were disturbing the March of the Ducks at 5 pm which is a tradition at the Peabody Hotel that is not messed with under ANY circumstances.
    The manager went over and politely asked them to mve along to another part of the hotel if they wished to continue.
    When one of them asked for the reason they were getting bounced from the lobby,the manager replied "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    Tartan pajamas... *snicker*
    Well,I prefer lissome college coeds in tartan mini skirts but,whatever squalls yer tires.

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    ********************88
    Last edited by Blue Bell; 07-18-2012 at 11:14 PM. Reason: incorrect

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    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson View Post
    Well,I prefer lissome college coeds in tartan mini skirts but,whatever squalls yer tires.

    You are I, Doug, are on the same wave link.
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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    Everyone got your spectacles at the ready? Name:  funny notice.jpeg
Views: 222
Size:  5.8 KB
    It's not the destination, but the journey that matters.

    Stay safe

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaryJane69 View Post
    Everyone got your spectacles at the ready? Attachment 20740
    You said a mouth full.
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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    Default From the "Oh,Good Lord,that ain't right!" files

    So,Billy Bob is walking to his buddy Cletus' farm and when he gets there,Cletus' old lady Mary Ellen sends him out to the barn where Cletus is working.
    Billy Bob sees Cletus in the barn standing in front of his tractor doing a strange dance.
    He's pirouetting and as he does so,he takes off his Westnn Feed Store hat,throws it on a hay bale,and then turns away from the tractor before bending over and looking back at the machine as he slowly unhooks his overhauls to slide them down his body as he shakes his "bon bon". Thouroughly startled by the sight,Billy Bob shouts,"Hey,what do ya think yer doin' there,Cletus?".
    Cletus jumps and says"Geez,Cletus,I wuddent expecting ya over so early."
    Billy Bob asks,"So,what are you doing wiggling around like that?" and Cletus explains:"Well me 'n' Mary Ellen been havin' a little trouble in the bedroom.She made me go to a therapist who told me that I should try to dance sexy to a tractor."
    Last edited by doughesson; 08-08-2011 at 12:51 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    You said a mouth full.
    Yeah aaanndd?
    What are you trying to say?
    In my defense the notice picture by itself was too short to fill the message.
    That's not a mouthful, btw. I could post an image to demonstrate a real mouthful, but it would be too rude for such a website as this
    It's not the destination, but the journey that matters.

    Stay safe

  22. #797
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaryJane69 View Post
    Yeah aaanndd?
    What are you trying to say?
    In my defense the notice picture by itself was too short to fill the message.
    That's not a mouthful, btw. I could post an image to demonstrate a real mouthful, but it would be too rude for such a website as this

    Yeah, I am sure.

    Why not send it to me via email and let me be the judge. Eh?
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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    I've decided that my next house isn't going to have a kitchen.I'll just have some vending machines and a large trash can.
    (No,I am NOT thinking about moving back into the "Crown Royal" back in Paducah)

  24. #799
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    Ah Capt you wouldn't want to see it. But I'm sure you have come across (so to speak) the kind of images I'm talking about during your solitary nocturnal pursuits. *cough cough* Besides you can't call my bluff like that! I don't actually have such a photo. But I've seen them and know what I'm talking about.

    Anyway we've kind of deviated off topic. This is meant to be funny, not naughty. So here's a joke for you guys
    Q) How do you baffle a blonde?





    A) Write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper!
    It's not the destination, but the journey that matters.

    Stay safe

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaryJane69 View Post
    Ah Capt you wouldn't want to see it. But I'm sure you have come across (so to speak) the kind of images I'm talking about during your solitary nocturnal pursuits. *cough cough* Besides you can't call my bluff like that! I don't actually have such a photo. But I've seen them and know what I'm talking about.

    Anyway we've kind of deviated off topic. This is meant to be funny, not naughty. So here's a joke for you guys
    Q) How do you baffle a blonde?





    A) Write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper!

    I wouldn't be surprised by seeing any photo.

    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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