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Thread: Just be funny!

  1. #661
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
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    The Bridge

    A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

    The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

    God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind.'

    The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I
    wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

    God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."


  2. #662
    Forum Member mtg55's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    Ummm, could this be someone that we all know in here, showing their daughter how to use a weapon??





    naw I don't think so.
    Bull, I thought we've had this conversation......
    Matt G.
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  3. #663
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    Default From the "Oh,good God!That ain't right!" files

    There were these two little old grey haired ladies roaming the aisles at a flower show.
    One turned to the other and said,"You know,this is boring.For $10,I'd take off my clothes and streak this show,just to liven it up a bit."
    The other said,"I've got that ten dollars but let's go outside to get you ready so I can take off if you get caught."
    "Okay,but I want the money first",said the lady who started all this.
    So,they go outside and hide in the bushes,while the first old lady collects her money and takes off her clothes.She then wait for her friend to take the clothes around to the other side of the building before going through the door.
    Outside,her friend hears a lot of cheering and clapping but it takes a long time for her friend to come back outside.
    Because she is curious,she just has to know,"What took you so long?Were you caught?" to which her companion replies,"No.The award ceremony took up the time.I won $100 for best dried arrangement."

  4. #664
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
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    A plane is flying cross country. 15 minutes into the flight, the captain comes on and says "Lady's and Gentlemen, we've lost an Engine. We still have three left so we won't crash, but we will be 30 minutes late." They fly for another 30 minutes, and the pilot comes on again and says, "Well, we lost engine number 2. We're still all right, but we'll be an hour late". Everybody on the plane gets nervous, and after a while they settle down. 45 minutes later, the pilot makes an announcement, "We've lost engine #3. We'll be 1 hour and 30 minutes late." As the flight attendant walks down the aisle, she over hears a blonde telling her boyfriend, "If that fourth engine fails, we'll be up Here all day!!!"

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  5. #665
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
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    The great question of the universe has been answered!
    {An actual published book.}
    Last edited by firecat1; 08-17-2011 at 03:38 PM.

  6. #666
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    A plane is flying cross country. 15 minutes into the flight, the captain comes on and says "Lady's and Gentlemen, we've lost an Engine. We still have three left so we won't crash, but we will be 30 minutes late." They fly for another 30 minutes, and the pilot comes on again and says, "Well, we lost engine number 2. We're still all right, but we'll be an hour late". Everybody on the plane gets nervous, and after a while they settle down. 45 minutes later, the pilot makes an announcement, "We've lost engine #3. We'll be 1 hour and 30 minutes late." As the flight attendant walks down the aisle, she over hears a blonde telling her boyfriend, "If that fourth engine fails, we'll be up Here all day!!!"

    FM1


    Another good blonde joke!!
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  7. #667
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    How do you confuse a blonde?
    Put her into a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

    How does a blonde confuse YOU?

    When she comes out and wants to know how much longer she has to sit in the corner.

  8. #668
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    Dyslexics of the world:UNTIE!

    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    The great question of the universe has been answered!
    {An actual published book.}

  9. #669
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
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    You got to love this one!!!




    `
    Last edited by CaptOldTimer; 07-08-2011 at 01:53 PM.
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  10. #670
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    My niece's junior high(when did they start calling it Middle School,anyway) band played that during one of their concerts.
    Fathers,Uncles,and other guys started jumping up and dancing along while numerous teen and pre-teen girls just dropped their heads into their hands in embarassment.
    I,of course,started yelling "Freebird!" after that which mortified my nieceling no end.
    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    You got to love this one!!!




    `

  11. #671
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
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    Even my fav comic strip isn't safe from the skwirlies!
    Last edited by firecat1; 08-17-2011 at 03:39 PM.

  12. #672
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    Even my fav comic strip isn't safe from the skwirlies!

    That is the way it is in my back yard. I have a safety hat to wear if I am going to be long out there.
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  13. #673
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    That is the way it is in my back yard. I have a safety hat to wear if I am going to be long out there.
    I bagged two the other day with my crossbow in the backyard.
    The neighbor had some workers out and they got a little big eyed seeing some camo clad guy with a crossbow in one hand with two squirrels hanging from his belt walking across his own yard.
    You gotta let the skwirlies know who owns the yard,trees and garden they feed from.

  14. #674
    Forum Member mtg55's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson View Post
    I bagged two the other day with my crossbow in the backyard.
    The neighbor had some workers out and they got a little big eyed seeing some camo clad guy with a crossbow in one hand with two squirrels hanging from his belt walking across his own yard.
    You gotta let the skwirlies know who owns the yard,trees and garden they feed from.
    Crossbow?! Nice! I thought the howitzer was a good idea, until the police showed up....
    Matt G.
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  15. #675
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
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    Ought buckshot works too!
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  16. #676
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    So do tree-climbing dogs...
    HAVE PLAN.............WILL TRAVEL

  17. #677
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtg55
    Crossbow?! Nice! I thought the howitzer was a good idea, until the police showed up....
    Umm... you forgot to tell me about the police part. Now I understand why the feds wanted to know where my M109A6 Paladin was.

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  18. #678
    Forum Member mtg55's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    Umm... you forgot to tell me about the police part. Now I understand why the feds wanted to know where my M109A6 Paladin was.

    FM1
    I should upgrade, that "self propelled" version seems nice....
    Matt G.
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    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Did You Eat Your Vegetables Today?
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