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Thread: Just be funny!

  1. #681
    Forum Member mtg55's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by malahattwo7 View Post
    did you eat your vegetables today?
    haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahah ahaha!!!
    Matt G.
    Battalion Chief
    IACOJ-Member
    FTM-PTB


  2. #682
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    Default Vaseline Joke

    A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his
    grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in
    bed." The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and
    went out to play.

    Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's
    Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed." Again
    the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went
    out to play.

    Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked
    his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied
    "they're still up in bed." The little boy started to laugh
    and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you
    they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on
    here?"

    The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my
    bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue

  3. #683
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    LOL gotta love kids

  4. #684
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtg55 View Post
    Crossbow?! Nice! I thought the howitzer was a good idea, until the police showed up....
    I also,uh, know a guy whom I have never met before who uses .22 shorts in his .22 rifle for "hunting" in the backyard but he says got tired of explaining to the cops that he was just using a hoe with a telescope mounted on it to keep sharp on his gun mounting skills for deer season.
    That's what he says,anyway.
    Last edited by doughesson; 10-22-2010 at 01:41 PM.

  5. #685
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
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    THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE STORY........


    In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

    He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
    The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

    Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

    Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

    Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

    Guess it wasn't the same f......g elephant.

    FM1
    Last edited by FIREMECH1; 10-27-2010 at 02:52 AM.
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  6. #686
    Forum Member PaladinKnight's Avatar
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    Nope.... probably not.
    HAVE PLAN.............WILL TRAVEL

  7. #687
    Forum Member NFD-Firefighter's Avatar
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    A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read:HUSBAND WANTED:MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),MUST NOT BEAT ME,MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. Two days later the doorbell rang. She opened the door, and much to her dismay, there sat a gray-haired gentleman in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. "Are you responding to my ad?" the woman asked. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" "Yes, I am," the man replied. The old lady sneered: "Just look at you. You have no legs !"The old gentleman smiled and said: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "You don't have any arms, either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, and softly replied: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" The wedding is set for Saturday.

  8. #688
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NFD-Firefighter View Post
    A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read:HUSBAND WANTED:MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),MUST NOT BEAT ME,MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. Two days later the doorbell rang. She opened the door, and much to her dismay, there sat a gray-haired gentleman in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. "Are you responding to my ad?" the woman asked. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" "Yes, I am," the man replied. The old lady sneered: "Just look at you. You have no legs !"The old gentleman smiled and said: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "You don't have any arms, either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, and softly replied: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" The wedding is set for Saturday.



    Bahhhaaaa
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  9. #689
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    We're all so happy for Grandma.

    Quote Originally Posted by NFD-Firefighter View Post
    A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read:HUSBAND WANTED:MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),MUST NOT BEAT ME,MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. Two days later the doorbell rang. She opened the door, and much to her dismay, there sat a gray-haired gentleman in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. "Are you responding to my ad?" the woman asked. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" "Yes, I am," the man replied. The old lady sneered: "Just look at you. You have no legs !"The old gentleman smiled and said: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "You don't have any arms, either!" she snorted. Again, the old man smiled, and softly replied: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" The wedding is set for Saturday.

  10. #690
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
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    {image courtesy of doughesson}
    Last edited by firecat1; 08-17-2011 at 03:39 PM.

  11. #691
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
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    Default Speeding in PA....

    1) Good:
    An Erie, PA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD'. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS' . . . and a bucket full of money. (And we kids used to just sell lemonade!)

    2) Better:
    A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Pittsburgh, PA. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

    3) Absolute Best:
    A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, 'I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball.' He replied 'Pennsylvania State Troopers don't have balls.' There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  12. #692
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    This is not supposed to be FUNNY!

  13. #693
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    Quote Originally Posted by jodie079 View Post
    This is not supposed to be FUNNY!
    It isn't!
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  14. #694
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    Quote Originally Posted by jodie079
    This is not supposed to be FUNNY!
    Trust me, it isn't.

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  15. #695
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
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    What about for redheads and brunettes?
    Last edited by firecat1; 08-17-2011 at 03:39 PM.

  16. #696
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    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    What about for redheads and brunettes?

    So you think they could function in that maze????

    May get lost yet!
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  17. #697
    Forum Member EastKyFF's Avatar
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    An enterprising young blonde marries a wealthy, elderly man, planning to shag him to death on their wedding night and skip away with her inheritance.

    At the hotel, she emerges from the bathroom in her negligee to find her new husband sporting earplugs, a nose clip, and a very large condom that fit him perfectly.

    Shocked, she asks, "What is this getup?"

    He says, "There are two things I hate: The sound of a woman screaming and the smell of burning rubber."
    "Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.”
    --General James Mattis, USMC


  18. #698
    Forum Member EastKyFF's Avatar
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    One morning three South Georgia good old boys and three Yankees were in a ticket line at the Albany train station heading to Athens for a big football game.

    The three Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the three Southerners bought just one ticket among them.

    "How are the three of you going to travel on one one ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.

    "Watch and learn," answered one of the boys from the South.

    When the six travelers boarded the train, the three Yankees sat down, but the three Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.

    Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets.

    He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "Tickets please." The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

    The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

    That evening after the game when they got to the Charlotte train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the three Southerners didn't buy even one ticket.

    "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees.

    "Watch and learn," answered one of the Southern boys.

    When they boarded the train the three Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the three Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.

    Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankees' bathroom. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket please."
    "Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.”
    --General James Mattis, USMC


  19. #699
    55 Years & Still Rolling hwoods's Avatar
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    Talking well........

    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    What about for redheads and brunettes?
    They get to go thru the open part............
    Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
    In memory of
    Chief Earle W. Woods, 1912 - 1997
    Asst. Chief John R. Woods Sr. 1937 - 2006

    IACOJ Budget Analyst

    I Refuse to be a Spectator. If I come to the Game, I'm Playing.

    www.gdvfd18.com

  20. #700
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    Quote Originally Posted by hwoods View Post
    They get to go thru the open part............

    I think they missed that!
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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