Why register? ...To Enhance Your Experience
+ Reply to Thread
Page 37 of 47 FirstFirst ... 2734353637383940 ... LastLast
Results 721 to 740 of 939
Like Tree23Likes

Thread: Just be funny!

  1. #721
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    7,218

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    Mike was going to be married to Laura, so his father sat him down for a little
    chat. He said "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother and told her to try them on. She did and said 'they're too big, I can't wear them.' I told her 'exactly.. I wear the pants in the family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
    Mike thought it was a good thing to try. On his honeymoon Mike took off his pants and told Laura to try them on. She did and said "these are too large, they don't fit me". Mike told her "exactly,.. I wear the pants in the family and don't forget it"
    So Laura took off her panties and said "here try mine". Mike did and said "I can't get into your panties"
    Laura said "exactly! and if you don't change your smart ars attitude, you never will!"

    FM1


    OH MY!!!

    I am guessing that Mike wasn't a firefighter, huh???








    We've never had that problem......
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers


  2. #722
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    HUSKER LAND
    Posts
    2,425

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer
    OH MY!!!

    I am guessing that Mike wasn't a firefighter, huh???

    We've never had that problem......
    He wasn't a Marine either. hehe

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  3. #723
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    7,218

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    He wasn't a Marine either. hehe

    FM1


    Probably just a panty waist, huh???
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  4. #724
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Betwixt here and there.
    Posts
    3,474

    Default

    Is there a doctor in the house?
    Last edited by firecat1; 08-17-2011 at 03:39 PM.

  5. #725
    Forum Member Jonnee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,256

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    Is there a doctor in the house?
    Hey you guys ok up there? Snowed in like it was February, eh?

  6. #726
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Betwixt here and there.
    Posts
    3,474

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonnee View Post
    Hey you guys ok up there? Snowed in like it was February, eh?
    We're ok, just colder than a witch's...um... never mind. Just put out a SAR for my poor car. *starts digging again,muttering---"I know it's under there SOMEwhere".*

  7. #727
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Betwixt here and there.
    Posts
    3,474

    Default

    You don't have to be a Spiderman fan to get a laugh from this...
    Last edited by firecat1; 08-17-2011 at 03:39 PM.

  8. #728
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Somewhere in the southeast.
    Posts
    1,072

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    We're ok, just colder than a witch's...um... never mind. Just put out a SAR for my poor car. *starts digging again,muttering---"I know it's under there SOMEwhere".*
    Wow, someone elsse that actually knows that saying. I said that to some of my young Marines the other day and they just looked back at me with this blank, stupid look on their face!

  9. #729
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    HUSKER LAND
    Posts
    2,425

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by firefightinirish217
    Wow, someone elsse that actually knows that saying. I said that to some of my young Marines the other day and they just looked back at me with this blank, stupid look on their face!
    We used it in high school, and made it a point to call it the "witches left t*t". Being a witch, with a cold dead heart, it fit.

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  10. #730
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Somewhere in the southeast.
    Posts
    1,072

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    We used it in high school, and made it a point to call it the "witches left t*t". Being a witch, with a cold dead heart, it fit.

    FM1
    What's even more sad is that, as the Fire warden, I was passing word today about some faulty surge protectors that the USMC had bought that were causing fires and I made reference to Clark W. Griswold and the way he overloaded plugs, again, blank stares from all the youngins. What's this world coming to when a person has gone their whole life without watching Christmas Vacation, a friggin classic man.

  11. #731
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Memphis Tn,USA-now
    Posts
    5,436

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by firecat1 View Post
    Is there a doctor in the house?
    "How come nobody ever asks if there's a comedian in the house.I have NEVER had the opportunity to ask 'May I be of assistance here?I'm a professional comedian'...."
    George Carlin

    Try THAT on the people who don't know movies from the early 90s.

  12. #732
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Betwixt here and there.
    Posts
    3,474

    Default

    Ya want comedians? Excerpts from Rita Rudner---

    "Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony."

    "Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do, because their clothes all button and zip in the front."

    "Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly."

    "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

    "The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him."

    "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

    "My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping."

    "Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."

  13. #733
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Somewhere in the southeast.
    Posts
    1,072

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson View Post
    "How come nobody ever asks if there's a comedian in the house.I have NEVER had the opportunity to ask 'May I be of assistance here?I'm a professional comedian'...."
    George Carlin

    Try THAT on the people who don't know movies from the early 90s.
    But Christmas Vacation man, that's like not knowing what the Die Hard movies are. That's just ludacris, they show it every year during Chrstmas. What's even worse is I had one young Marine admit that he's never seen the movie A Christmas Story, that's just horrible parenting if you ask me, .

  14. #734
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    HUSKER LAND
    Posts
    2,425

    Default

    I miss Rita Rudner, a classy lady, and one helluva good dame.

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  15. #735
    Forum Member firecat1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Betwixt here and there.
    Posts
    3,474

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    I miss Rita Rudner, a classy lady, and one helluva good dame.

    FM1
    Her delivery is priceless. Some of the most banal lines were made hilarious just by a slightly turned head, a raised eyebrow and a sweetly sarcastic voice.

  16. #736
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    7,218

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    I miss Rita Rudner, a classy lady, and one helluva good dame.

    FM1


    Check her out.

    She is still a hottie.


    http://www.ritafunny.com/
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  17. #737
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Memphis Tn,USA-now
    Posts
    5,436

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by firefightinirish217 View Post
    But Christmas Vacation man, that's like not knowing what the Die Hard movies are. That's just ludacris, they show it every year during Chrstmas. What's even worse is I had one young Marine admit that he's never seen the movie A Christmas Story, that's just horrible parenting if you ask me, .

    Do they even know who John Wayne is?
    A neighbor is just gushing about the Coen Bros. effort at "True Grit",saying that it was better than that "old one" I'd loaned him on dvd recently.
    "Fill yer hands,you sonofabitch!" was the only thing that I could think of to say in reply.
    My niece tried out for the part of "Mattie" and got passed over,even for a bit part in the background,so I am considering a boycott of the flick.

  18. #738
    Forum Member Miller337's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    924

    Default

    If anyone is looking for some real characters and real funny $@#% you gotta go over to tactics. Those guys are funny scarey but very funny.

  19. #739
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    7,218

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson View Post
    Do they even know who John Wayne is?
    A neighbor is just gushing about the Coen Bros. effort at "True Grit",saying that it was better than that "old one" I'd loaned him on dvd recently.
    "Fill yer hands,you sonofabitch!" was the only thing that I could think of to say in reply.
    My niece tried out for the part of "Mattie" and got passed over,even for a bit part in the background,so I am considering a boycott of the flick.

    True Grit is John "The Duke" Wayne! All others are nothing.

    I don't like remakes. Look at how many times they have made a movie about the Titanic??
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  20. #740
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
    Posts
    12,837

    Default

    From my JOKEMAIL.COM:

    Why I Fired My Secretary

    Posted: 12 Jan 2011 12:34 AM PST

    This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.


    My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.

    As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” I said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

    We went to lunch but not where we’d normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” I replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”

    After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…

    Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.

    And I just sat there…

    On the couch…

    Naked.


    This post was submitted by admin.


    OOUUUCCCHHHH!!!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Funny Ad in FHM
    By DFW333 in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 03-27-2007, 10:08 AM
  2. Well I think its funny
    By protomkv in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-25-2004, 02:38 PM
  3. This is funny..do men really think this way?
    By JenniJ375 in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 57
    Last Post: 04-22-2004, 09:55 PM
  4. Too Funny
    By MalahatTwo7 in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-10-2004, 05:25 PM
  5. Funny Pic
    By hickman1698 in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 12-19-2003, 10:22 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts