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Thread: Just be funny!

  1. #741
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    True Grit is John "The Duke" Wayne! All others are nothing.

    I don't like remakes. Look at how many times they have made a movie about the Titanic??
    There's about a 3 week waiting list for the book so I am not sure how this version of "True Grit" works.
    Word has it the Coens followed it rather religiously.
    I don't know why "3;10 to Yuma" was redone.I thought it was just fine with Glenn Ford as "Ben Wade".First time I'd ever seen him as a black hat.Whatta surprise.The Russel Crowe/Christian Bale version is okay but it's a seperate movie as far as I am concerned.


  2. #742
    Forum Member FIREMECH1's Avatar
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    Those of you who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar. I have noticed that many who text messages & e-mail, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.
    Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

    And there are those who will not notice the difference…

    FM1
    I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

    Quote Originally Posted by EastKyFF
    "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

  3. #743
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    Those of you who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar. I have noticed that many who text messages & e-mail, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.
    Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

    And there are those who will not notice the difference…

    FM1


    You go ahead and do that, I think, I'll stand back and watch. Do you all kiss afterwards???


    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

  4. #744
    Forum Member Miller337's Avatar
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    The lecherous cynism will abound for at least 20 posts on this.

    If the horse is a consenting adult and there is no laws to forbid such an act I think it is impolite for you to stare.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Miller337 View Post
    The lecherous cynism will abound for at least 20 posts on this.

    If the horse is a consenting adult and there is no laws to forbid such an act I think it is impolite for you to stare.
    Remember the young couple walking near a university agriculture field when they saw a bull and a cow mating in the field?
    The amorous young man thought he saw an opportunity and asked "Wouldn't you like to be doing that as well?" to which his date replied,"Well,it IS a University cow and you did pay your tuition,didn't you?Why not?"

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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    You go ahead and do that, I think, I'll stand back and watch. Do you all kiss afterwards???



    I doubt that I'd be shaking hands with Uncle Jack,that's for sure.

  7. #747
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    550: the number of calendar days until I reach the "Twenty-five Completed Years Service".

    9131: the number of calendar days of actual service, since time of enlistment.

    15652: the number of "Time Alive" days. hahahahaaha

    54.83%: the percentage of Life Spent In Service. {That one is even funnier!}
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

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    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  8. #748
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    Quote Originally Posted by FIREMECH1 View Post
    Those of you who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar. I have noticed that many who text messages & e-mail, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.
    Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

    And there are those who will not notice the difference…

    FM1
    I think I'll just walk away quietly and hope that my presence was noted by my distinct ABSENCE.

  9. #749
    55 Years & Still Rolling hwoods's Avatar
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    Talking And...........

    Quote Originally Posted by MalahatTwo7 View Post
    550: the number of calendar days until I reach the "Twenty-five Completed Years Service".

    9131: the number of calendar days of actual service, since time of enlistment.

    15652: the number of "Time Alive" days. hahahahaaha

    54.83%: the percentage of Life Spent In Service. {That one is even funnier!}

    You forgot the 43,527,865,908,643,376,251.04 Times that you've been dawdling on the Forums...........
    Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
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    Chief Earle W. Woods, 1912 - 1997
    Asst. Chief John R. Woods Sr. 1937 - 2006

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    I Refuse to be a Spectator. If I come to the Game, I'm Playing.

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  10. #750
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    Quote Originally Posted by hwoods View Post
    You forgot the 43,527,865,908,643,376,251.04 Times that you've been dawdling on the Forums...........
    You forgot something Harve...

    He has never been wrong...

    He thought he made a mistake once, but it turned out that he really didn't.

    So he has been 99.999999999999999999999999999 9% correct over his lifetime.
    HAVE PLAN.............WILL TRAVEL

  11. #751
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    From Jokemail.com:

    NEW VIRUS

    Posted: 29 Jan 2011 07:34 PM PST

    There is a new virus. The code name is “WORK.” If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else–do not touch WORK under any circumstances.


    This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain.

    Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your whole life.

    If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry. I think I have five friends but am not entirely positive…..so I’m headed for the bar anyway. Never hurts to be safe

    This post was submitted by Nicoli.
    ==

    TO BE 6 AGAIN

    Posted: 29 Jan 2011 07:32 PM PST

    A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again, ” she replied.

    On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms and then took her off to the local theme park.


    What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: The Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

    Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald’s where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

    Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hotdog, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

    Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

    He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked: “Well, Dear, what was it like being six again?”

    Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. “You farcking idiot, I meant my dress size!”


    his post was submitted by Steve.
    ==

    I think thats enough. There were a couple more that are really funny, but I know that there are younger folks who read in here too, and .... welll. nuff said.

  12. #752
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    The other night I went to my sister's for supper and my 15 y/o niece had her first boyfriend over to meet me and her folks.
    I looked him over and didn't like what I saw:leather jacket,biker boots,tattoos on both arms and neck,tackle box on the face(if I'd waved a magnet near his head,he'd have gotten the fear of God in him) and my niece clinging to him like a vine.
    My sister came into the room and,before she could be introduced,commented that "He doesn't look very nice".
    My niece said,"Mo-om,if he wasn't nice,why is he doing 100 hours of community service?"

  13. #753
    Forum Member CaptOldTimer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by doughesson View Post
    The other night I went to my sister's for supper and my 15 y/o niece had her first boyfriend over to meet me and her folks.
    I looked him over and didn't like what I saw:leather jacket,biker boots,tattoos on both arms and neck,tackle box on the face(if I'd waved a magnet near his head,he'd have gotten the fear of God in him) and my niece clinging to him like a vine.
    My sister came into the room and,before she could be introduced,commented that "He doesn't look very nice".
    My niece said,"Mo-om,if he wasn't nice,why is he doing 100 hours of community service?"


    OH boy an boozer looser. He is how old? In Tennessee he could be tried for child molestation and flogged 50 times or until he passes out.

    He would have came into my house in the first place either.

    My daughter, 16 at the time, brought home a stray once. He said he was a roofer. I said no, you are a looser. Leave while you can. My daughter said I'm going with him.

    I said OK, remember when he needs money for his habit, don't give it to him or come asking here.

    She dropped him like a used ............... head gasket!!
    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

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    On the advice of my legal counsel,I decline to respond as my answers may tend to incriminate me.

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    OH boy an boozer looser. He is how old? In Tennessee he could be tried for child molestation and flogged 50 times or until he passes out.

    He would have came into my house in the first place either.

    My daughter, 16 at the time, brought home a stray once. He said he was a roofer. I said no, you are a looser. Leave while you can. My daughter said I'm going with him.

    I said OK, remember when he needs money for his habit, don't give it to him or come asking here.

    She dropped him like a used ............... head gasket!!

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    So,this veterinarian gets a a phone call at ODarkHundred.
    The caller is one of his dog breeder clients who is frantic because her prize poodle has been set upon by a neighborhood mutt and she doesn't know what to do.
    The vet says,"Here's what to do,Ma'am.Hang up the phone and I will wait five minutes.During that time,I want you to place your phone by the dogs.When the time is up,I will call your number back and the noise of the telephone will separate the dogs from what they are doing."
    The lady says,"Are you sure that will work,Doctor?",and the vet replies,"Why not?It worked on me."

  16. #756
    Forum Member Bushwhacker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
    OH boy an boozer looser. He is how old? In Tennessee he could be tried for child molestation and flogged 50 times or until he passes out.

    He would have came into my house in the first place either.

    My daughter, 16 at the time, brought home a stray once. He said he was a roofer. I said no, you are a looser. Leave while you can. My daughter said I'm going with him.

    I said OK, remember when he needs money for his habit, don't give it to him or come asking here.

    She dropped him like a used ............... head gasket!!

    I am not a Father yet(Thank God) But it always makes me laugh hearing stories like this one.
    Don't any of you guys remember when YOU where the "Losers"?

    Granted most of them are X father-in-laws But it still makes me laugh when ever i think about hearing. "At first i didn't like you, your appearance kinda had me worried but i sure wish she would have stayed with you instead of this Idiot she has now!"
    Courage, Being Scared to Death and Saddling Up anyways.

  17. #757
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bushwhacker View Post
    I am not a Father yet(Thank God) But it always makes me laugh hearing stories like this one.
    Don't any of you guys remember when YOU where the "Losers"?

    Granted most of them are X father-in-laws But it still makes me laugh when ever i think about hearing. "At first i didn't like you, your appearance kinda had me worried but i sure wish she would have stayed with you instead of this Idiot she has now!"
    Nope. Actually I was never in the "Looser" department of parental opinion. Usually quite the opposite.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MalahatTwo7 View Post
    Nope. Actually I was never in the "Looser" department of parental opinion. Usually quite the opposite.
    Hell I give you props then, I must have carried myself wrong or something
    Courage, Being Scared to Death and Saddling Up anyways.

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    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bushwhacker View Post
    Hell I give you props then, I must have carried myself wrong or something
    Thanks. There were times though when I kinda wished I was not quite so "favourable". Some parents ... NO nothing inappropriate ever happened, except that sometimes I would be "invited" to share plans of the family future....... more than a little scary when Mothers are asking questions like that.

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    Yes,but I always minded my manners.My first g/f dad set me straight when he told me his rules for dating his daughter:
    "#1.Be afraid.Be very afraid.When my Agent Orange gets to acting up,it takes very little for me to mistake the sound of vehicle engines for a Huey flaring for a landing in the rice paddies near Saigon.When you return my daughter to the house at the appointed time,you will exit your vehicle with your hands in clear view,speak the perimeter password and announce that you have returned my daughter ssafely and in the same condition as when she left the house.There is no reason for you to approach the house.The camouflaged face in the window is mine."
    There is more that I learned and lived while dating his baby girl.I must have passed muster as I am here to relate those tales.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bushwhacker View Post
    I am not a Father yet(Thank God) But it always makes me laugh hearing stories like this one.
    Don't any of you guys remember when YOU where the "Losers"?

    Granted most of them are X father-in-laws But it still makes me laugh when ever i think about hearing. "At first i didn't like you, your appearance kinda had me worried but i sure wish she would have stayed with you instead of this Idiot she has now!"

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