Here comes my call for help...bear with me...have 28 yrs in Fire/Ems and am totally losing it. See the world as a bad place...sick of lying. deceit, humans who have a jaded view of life. Wife who cannot or will not understand me.
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Thread: Need a bit of help
03-10-2010, 10:58 AM #1
- Join Date
- May 2006
Need a bit of help
03-10-2010, 11:01 AM #2Shawn M. Cecula
IACOJ Division of Fire and EMS
03-10-2010, 11:10 AM #3
Bro, find someone you trust. Talk to him/her. Thats the best place to start. Someone who will listen to you is an invaluable resource. Maybe some time away? any relatives/friends/total strangers you can visit outta state? I know I fish a lot. Its relaxing, and luckily it was warm enough to do so this week. It helped me, just didn't know if you had any hobbies to fall back on. Anything healthy you can do to ease your nerves and relax your mind. Key word "healthy". As much as I've been found in the bar recently (lol), they say it doesn't help. I was told yesterday that we do no good helping others if we first don't help ourselves. I just thought that was a pretty good tid bit. Anywho, I hope whatever it is you do helps. Just make sure you are thinking with a clear head before you make any decisions about your career/mariage. Good luck Brother. Take care.Matt G.
03-10-2010, 11:14 AM #4
Seek help now Brother!
Go to your own doctor's and talk to them. They can recommend a marriage counselor or go see your Preacher, Priest or Rabbi.
You really need to get some help soon or the worst could happen and you would be regretful. Don't let this just lay there.Stay Safe and Well Out There....
Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers
03-10-2010, 03:15 PM #5
- Join Date
- May 2006
Capt: Doesn't get too much worse for me than showing up for shift this morning, going home sick and drinking a 12 pack at home. (last drink 2 yrs ago). Tired of whining little babies at work, for 27 yrs I arrived one hour early and always was the last man to leave. Tired of station tones waking me up. Tired of exercising so I can do the job, tired of bosses whining all the time. TIRED>
03-10-2010, 03:31 PM #6
Sounds like a serious case of burn out, you really need to talk to someone. Go to your doctor and ask for leave due to stress. Find someone who you trust and can talk openly to....get a hold of this now.
As a female firefighter I am thankful that my husband is also a firefighter, so we talk regularly and he understands... it helps me out alot.
As for your wife...spouses who do not understand the career either don't want to or don't care to. Granted not every spouse is like that but you can't force someone to give a damn about what you do.
My heart goes out to you brother....I have big shoulders...vent all you want! We are all here for you!
03-10-2010, 03:31 PM #7
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
find someone to talk to. Your FD probably has some sort of counselor service you can go to if you have no other options.
From what you posted it sounds like you've been a good dedicated fireman for the last 27 years and have just hit a rough patch. Don't let this rough patch ruin your career or take away your love of the fire service. Talk to someone and get this worked out, do what you need to do to get back to where you were. I've got to second what lewiston said, its probably burnout or PTSD, you can work it out if you get the help and get back to loving your job.
Remember, this isn't something permanent its just like getting sick or breaking a bone, you can heal. With some time and a little help you can get over it and be back to 100%. You just need to go see a professional be it a counselor, clergyman, or someone else with the skills to help you work through it, just like youd go to the doctor for a broken bone.
Last edited by nameless; 03-10-2010 at 03:34 PM.
03-10-2010, 03:38 PM #8
If you have anemployee assistance program,do yourself a favor... call them and make an appointment.
I went through a rough patch when I first made LT. back in 1988 and found myself taking the frustration home from the firehouse with me... which affected my home life and saw me heading to the intersection of Separation Road and Divorce Drive.
Talking to the counselors at our EAP made a world of difference... wifey and I are still together after 30+ years.
"Illegitimi non carborundum"!"The education of a firefighter and the continued education of a firefighter is what makes "real" firefighters. Continuous skill development is the core of progressive firefighting. We learn by doing and doing it again and again, both on the training ground and the fireground."
Lt. Ray McCormack, FDNY
03-10-2010, 04:04 PM #9
- Join Date
- Apr 2004
- Bossier Parrish, Louisiana
27 years in. That's quite awhile.
Retirement isn't an option you should overlook. The world and the fire station is a different place now, and maybe it's time to move on... away from the station.
Call EAP. Do what is right for yourself. You have done your time and do what you need to do.
03-10-2010, 04:27 PM #10
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
get yourself a nice touring motorcycle and get out on the road its a great release. a vacation may help. possibly a change in station may help. I agree with the EAP option if its available. calling your insurance provider for a referral to a counselor would not hurt at all. We cant change the people around us, however we can work to keep ourselves in a good frame of mind. hang in there, it can be better and you can steer things to be more favorable. it might take being a little selfish for a short time to attend to personal needs.
03-11-2010, 02:55 AM #11
EAP does wonders. I myself have used them and they do good work.
Get some help now before you get into the naughty chair at work and it screws things up. You only have a short time left before retirement so you can give everyone the big middle finger, but until then, gotta get some assistance man.
I wish you luck.Jason Knecht
Altoona Fire Dept.
IACOJ - Director of Cheese and Whine
EAT CHEESE OR DIE!!
03-11-2010, 11:18 PM #12
- Join Date
- Jul 1999
- Rural Wisconsin, Retired from the burbs of Milwaukee
Let me make this offer to you, if you would like to talk please pm me. Believe me I have had my moments of sadness and doubt where it seemed the world was evil and no one cared.
Please pm me if you think I can help.
If not, please do talk to someone, a trusted friend, counselor, or someone through EAP. There is help, and even more so hope for a brighter future.
Good luck Brother, take care of yourself. You have made the first step in healing by admitting you need help, now follow through and get the help you need.“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” Leo F. Buscaglia
This place gets weirder and weirder every day...
03-12-2010, 11:23 AM #13
The original poster is showing banned now. He had just 3 posts and I've read all three; nothing offensive. I don't know what's going on here.
Poopchuck, if you're still here, please follow the good advice that you're seeing on here. It's hard after 27 years not to be jaded, burned out, frustrated, etc, I'm sure. Things about the volunteer fire service get on my nerves now with just 18 years in. What you're feeling is no surprise to me; just don't let it expand beyond your working time.
Best of luck, neighbor."Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.”
--General James Mattis, USMC
03-12-2010, 01:02 PM #14
Good advice from all, and for all. Those feelings can come on over time, or after one bad call.
Sometimes we're our own worst enemy when it comes to situations like this. We're so used to being on the helping side that we get really uncomfortable if we need to venture across the line and ask for help.
But, as already noted, there are times when we really need to.Opinions my own. Standard disclaimers apply.
Everyone goes home. Safety begins with you.
03-12-2010, 02:01 PM #15
And maybe it's a typo, but his profile says he was born in 1989."Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.”
--General James Mattis, USMC
03-12-2010, 02:46 PM #16
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
Last edited by michtfd; 03-12-2010 at 02:50 PM.
03-12-2010, 05:00 PM #17
I wonder why he was banned...."You see things and you ask, 'Why'? I dream of things that never were and I say, 'Why not'?
"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
"When you are kind to someone in trouble, you hope they'll remember and be kind to someone else. And it'll become like a wildfire."
03-12-2010, 08:06 PM #18
I read the initial post and replies but had to go work out. During that time I thought about the post only to find out later the poster was banned. I've thought it over and decided to respond because even if the original poster doesn't see it perhaps someone else who is in a similar situation may find it useful. As a result this may get lengthy but like I said, it may help someone.
There have been some good suggestions offered and I will probably reiterate some of them.
First and foremost, if you feel like you want to hurt yourself (cutting, swallowing objects, etc), others (striking loved ones, wanting to fight someone, "get even" with co-workers) or to kill yourself then stop reading right now and get help. Call a crisis line, go to the local ER, call 911 or whatever it takes to get help. Do it now and get the help you need.
If the previous paragraph doesn't apply then make sure you are doing the following until you can make a change and get help. Stay away from alcohol or other drugs, eat 3 healthy meals a day even if you don't feel hungry, stay with your routine, make sure you are taking care of yourself by brushing your teeth, taking a shower, etc. Stay away from caffeine and other stimulants and make sure you are getting 8 hours of rest and continue (or start to) work out, even if it's a couple walks around the block. These are all things we should do but tend to forget about when we get busy, aren't feeling good or we're overwhelmed. If you aren't currently taking a daily multiple vitamin, start. Make sure your body is getting the vitamins and minerals it needs.
Go to a doctor and get a complete physical to include blood work. This can rule out any underlying issues that present in this manner (i.e. thyroid, anemia, etc). As we age our body continues to change and the physical can catch anything that isn't appropriate for your age group.
Talk with your significant other, or someone you spend a great deal of time around, and ask them what they see. When I got home from deployment I didn't see a change but my wife noticed. As a result of that talk I picked up the phone and got help. Those around us see the changes that we don't notice occur. This may also help you determine if the problem is with the department or is cumulative from all the normal stressors in your life.
Talk to clergy, Employee Assistance Program, police or fire Chaplin or find someone in the phone book to talk to professionally. If you go for a couple sessions and the two of you aren't a good fit then find someone else. You have to feel comfortable with the person in order to talk with them and to make progress. Keep in mind that there might only be 3-4 sessions or several and that the provider may want to talk with your significant other as well. This is in order to get a more complete picture of what is causing you to feel this way. They may also have you answer questions, written or oral, that seem mundane and don't appear to apply to you. This is usually a type of standard assessment tool they use so just be honest.
By and large I think society is to reliant upon medications to cure what ails them. With that said, there are times that we do need medications to help us heal or to feel better. Discuss these options with your provider and consider giving a medication a trial period to see if it helps based upon what you and your provider discuss. Again, this may relate to the chemical changes in your body as you age.
The above recommendations are things that I strongly feel you should do. The following are suggestions that may or may not appeal to you. It's up to you to decide which ones interest you.
If working out no longer interest you or seems like a chore then change it up and do something different. Play racket ball, use a punching bag, do yoga, take up combative's (martial arts), climb a rock wall. Just get out of the rut and do something that interest you. We've all see the studies about how exercise helps us in more ways than one so change it up and keep with it.
Sometimes you just need to get your drunk on. I say this with a couple caveat's. If you have a history of substance abuse, medical issues or problems in general with alcohol then don't do this. While a crazy weekend of fun may be just what the doctor ordered, don't let it go beyond that. As with anything use moderation and don't make alcohol another problem you have to deal with.
Consider alternate therapies such as acupuncture, yoga, chi tea or massage. Inquire beforehand if they offer something that helps your "energy". Some people are firm believers and some view it as voodoo. All I'm saying is to give it a chance.
Do some volunteer work with the animal shelter (think pet therapy), Habitat For Humanity, Salvation Army or whatever is in your area. Sometimes helping others less fortunate than ourselves can really help.
If you have firearms then put some rounds down range. Sometimes just shooting something feels good. Not to mention that the concentration needed for target practice or skeet shooting may help you "get away".
What are your hobbies? Do some wood working, art, tinkering or whatever interest you. If you like music then catch a concert.
Consider getting your house in order (literally). Cleaning up the garage or basement may make you feel pretty good and eliminate a unconscious stressor.
Take a trip. Visit family that you haven't seen for a while. visit that museum you've been meaning to get to, catch the Sandhill Crane migration. Just get away, even if it's for an extended weekend.
If you like sports then March is your month for basketball and the MLB is probably starting spring training.
Consider watching some "feel good" movies. If you haven't see "The Blind Side" (Bullock) it is excellent, I also enjoy "Down Periscope" (Grammar) and "The Replacements" (Reeves).
Do something you don't normally or wouldn't under "normal" situations. Take a trip to Vegas or Atlantic City for example.
Consider addressing the problem with co-workers or supervisors. Maybe you need to clear the air so to speak and get things off your chest. Discuss this with a close friend who is familiar with the environment first just to be on the safe side.
Consider a different shift, station or position. Maybe you need to change the work environment.
Get involved with the younger members. Maybe some of the fire they have will relight your fire. I do this because I enjoy helping them learn and improve to become better fire fighters.
Stay away from negative individuals as much as possible. As with a good attitude, a negative attitude can also be contagious.
Not all these suggestions are for everyone but give them a try. They will even help you deal with stressors before they become an issue if you do them on a regular "maintenance" basis.
I'll step off my soap box now. Thank you for your time.
Last edited by FFWALT; 03-12-2010 at 08:09 PM.Train like you want to fight.
03-12-2010, 09:28 PM #19
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
Good post Walt.....maybe the moderator can enlighten us on the banning.
03-14-2010, 05:44 PM #20
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
probably will get banned again for writing something that webteam does'nt like. Called in sick again today....24-48, don't wanna go back again. Good posts all and will take them into consideration. Thanks-Wag
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