I Made A "Passing Grade" On This One

[MalahatTwo7]

Jack Knox: How Victorian are you? Find out here

By Jack Knox, Times Colonist May 23, 2010

Three signs that you are a Victorian:

- When walking past Darth Vader playing the violin, you don't look twice or give him money. {Yep. Pretty much}

- You get excited when you see a squirrel in your yard, but don't look twice when you see deer. {yep}

- You know you can count on a full hour's coverage on the news when any amount of snow is on the ground. {OH Yeah!}

Funny stuff. Wish it were mine, but I stole it off the You Know You're a Victorian When site on Facebook. Here's some more: You know you're a Victorian when ...

- You have hugged the Island Farms cow more times than you have your mother.

- You have no trouble convincing the overweight man in polo shirt, khaki shorts, high socks, white runners and a large-lensed camera around his neck that the Queen lives in that big green domed building. {Maybe once or twice...? }

- You don't care about basketball but still name Steve Nash as your hero.

- You go to a sporting event and if Cliff LeQuesne isn't the announcer, you leave.

More than 1,900 members have signed on since Kelvin Gawley launched the Facebook page while a student at Saanich's Reynolds Secondary, from which he graduated in January. He figures at least half the content is his. "I felt there was a lot of unique stuff about Victoria that we all share," he now says.

Darn tootin' there is: the Blue Bridge, Mr. Floatie, the Galloping Goose, the notion that anything below six degrees or above 22 brings a severe-weather warning from Environment Canada. If none of that confuses you, you are indeed a Victorian. Gawley's page paints a fuller picture of the capital than any travel guide.

How about you? Are you a real Victorian? Do you own a Hudson Mack lunchbox? Grumble about dressing up for Jeans Day? Think French is a foreign language? Does the Weather Network music make you cry in February? Do you think $686,000 is a fair asking price for a two-bedroom unrehabilitated meth lab in Langford?

Let's see how you fare on this Victoria Day quiz:

- Complete the sentence:

A) "The smile's in the bag..." {for you}

B) "Up, up and ..." Over

C) "If you want it gone, call ...

D) "Spare change? I just need $2 to get to...." {Sooke/Langford?}

- When it snows, you take

A) the bus

B) the day off

C) grief counselling

D) Prozac

- You have told tourists

A) "No, you have the right motel. There's only one Traveller's Inn."

B) "The statue atop the legislature? Comrade Stalin."

C) "Why yes, there is an 8 p.m. curfew. G'night."

D) "They only lift the Blue Bridge if a tsunami's coming. OHMIGOD!" {HEHEEHEHEHEE}

- You are unfazed by the fact that:

A) Monday Magazine comes out on Wednesday

B) It's easier to buy crack than cordwood

C) The Victoria Day Parade lasts longer than the Basi-Virk affair.

D) Our Yellow Pages have more listings under Aromatherapy (eight) than Snow Removal (four). {ALL of the above}

- You wear a heavy wool tuque to

A) Mount Washington in January

B) Royal Athletic Park in June {either B or C or D}

C) Island View Beach in August

D) the opera

- You can pronounce

A) Ucluelet

B) Tigh Na Mara

C) Tsawwassen, Tsartlip, Tseycum and Tsawout

D) but can't say "Toronto" without gagging {I can so, for all}

- Regina, Vancouver, Calgary and Edmonton are

A) warships based at CFB Esquimalt {they are!}

B) cities in Eastern Canada

C) somewhere past Costco?

D) jealous

- When angry customers want to complain to your boss, you refer them to:

A) Garry Oak

B) Albert Head

C) Ross Bay

D) Wanda Fuca {on occasion}

- The bunnies at UVic

A) should be killed

B) should be saved

C) should be adopted by families personally vetted by Mary Ellen Turpel-Lafond

D) taste like marmot

- Under the City of Victoria's coat of arms is the motto semper liber, meaning

A) "Always free"

B) "Always free until July 1 when the HST kicks in. Thanks, Gordo." Umm yep!}

C) "Go ahead, we dare you not to feed the meter"

D) "We liked the old one better"

All the answers are, of course, correct -- though a true Victorian would be outside gardening, not reading this column.

© Copyright (c) The Victoria Times Colonist

[RspctFrmCalgary]

July 1st my assssss. My Shaw bill had an extra $6.49 on it this month!