Sick & Tired of Stupid Names! How About You?
Okay. Okay. That's enough. I've had it with stupid names for vehicle rescue jobs.
I spent today browsing a website that is touted as having all the extrication information you would ever need to know in one spot. I'm told I should visit it daily just to be in the know. So I thought, well, I better see what all the fuss is about. Click, click, click I went for several hours.
What sort of tripped my trigger was the series of video instructors (actually one was the most obnoxious) describing vehicle rescue evolutions that we all do routinely with stupid names instead of calling them what they really are.
What I saw in video after video were rescue tasks being demonstrated that we all are already familiar with; opening a door at the hinges, removing a door at the hinges, removing a B-pillar, removing both side doors with the B-pillar, etc, etc. So I thought that up until now, if you are pushing or spreading something at a car crash, you would say that you are pushing or spreading. In my rescue training classes, if you are lifting something, then you say you are lifting something. But I guess I'm just behind the times because I came away with the feeling that to be a video instructor, you have to come up with a different name for the every task that we already know by its real name. You have to invent a name just so you can say you invented something I guess.
Here's my top five most stupid rescue task names and a description of what they really are.....
The Florida Floor Jack: You have got to be kidding! The instructor says that one of the advantages of giving every task a unique name is that everyone knows what you are talking about at the crash. Yeah, right!
This evolution is a roof-resting 4-door car, where they do a total sidewall removal, cut the front frame rail and the A-pillar, and basically lift the floorpan and frame of the vehicle upwards while pushing the roof towards the ground. Now how that becomes something that is called a floor jack evolution in Florida beats the crap out of me.
Da Swede Slide; Another really stupid name. You have a car with head-on crash damage and a front seat occupant trapped. Instead of rolling a dash from alongside the outside of the patient, you put the ram in between the two front seats and push the instrument panel and all that stuff forward. Now, in my University of Extrication class, I would assign that job to a crew by saying, "take a long ram and push the center of the instrument panel forward, off the simulated trapped patient. Understand?" Guess I can't do that any more. Nope. Now, it's Da Swede Slide. Gimme me a break.
Cross Ramming: Really? Cross ramming is a really inaccurate name for a side collision situation where you use a ram placed from the center of one B-pillar to the center of the other B-pillar to widen the car back out. There is nothing crossed about it so how does that even come into the picture. In my class that task would just be assigned as "widen the B-pillars from pillar to pillar with a long ram." Sorry, I'm just not into misleading names.
Oyster Cracker: My favorite idiotic name for another one of our simply routine rescue jobs. According to the video instructor, this is the name that is used on the scene in his area. Oh yeah? I can hear it now. "Chief, this guy is really trapped in his car, upside down, with two jammed doors on the same side. What do you think we should do?" "Well, I'd say we need to do the good ol' Oyster Cracker". Hey Chief. Here's a tip from Ron. If that doesn't work, why don't you give the guy a floor jack? How stupid.
Perform a total sidewall removal on the roof-resting, 4-door car and then lift the car upward if that's what you want to do. Forget the seafood. We'll eat later. I wouldn't even do this evolution if it were me and I really don't see the value in this at all but I'm not into oysters either.
A-Pillar Takedown: Again, what? Don't you mean just cutting the A-pillar of a car near the underside of the dash and then a second cut low near the floorpan/rocker and totally removing it? Yeah it might give you access to use your fancy little hydraulic pedal cutter tool to cut the brake pedal shaft but so would jacking or rolling the dash. Guess I don't sell rescue tools though so my solution is too simple.
Anyway, what ones am I missing? There has to be more stupid names for routine jobs out there. Enlighten me... Oh, and take the poll too!