1. #1
    IrishWife
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    Default A slightly different concern

    I've read the thread about how worried some are about their spouse or loved one putting their lives on the line every day/shift/call.

    Oddly enough, I'm not worried about my husband dying on a call at all. He is a strong, smart, brave man and once he's through the Academy, I know he will prove to be one of the best, physically. He was born to do this job, I know it is his calling (I knew it before he did).

    Strangely, my issues lie within the psychological and emotional aspect. For both of us, actually. So far this winter, there has been what seems like a very large number of fire related deaths in Ohio (and Northern Kentucky, near where we used to live), and most of those deaths have been children. We have 2 little ones of our own, and when you add in my husbands future job and babies dying in fires.... I've been experiencing anxiety like I've never had before. I am NOT "that" kind of person! Why am I feeling this way?

    I'm not afraid to lose my husband to a fire, or another job related death. But I am afraid to lose him other ways. Will he harden up? Will he become devoid of emotion? Will be become bored during his 48 hours home with us? Even worse... will he not feel anything at all when he does experience something bad? I only ask these because my husband is already emotionally stunted to begin with (I jest, but only a little). He has trouble showing sympathy and sharing empathy. I don't expect exact answers, because I know no one here knows him. But insight would be nice. Perspective would be greatly appreciated.

    We've talked, and he's asked how much I want to know about his future job. I think I just want to know about the happy endings, or things he's excited about. Is it possible to separate knowing the good from the bad? Or should he share all, or nothing? Next friday there is going to be an open house, and we can meet a department psychologist. We're planning on going, but until then, any words of wisdom would really be appreciated.

    Have a safe and happy weekend!

  2. #2
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    Maybe wait until he's out of the academy and actually in the field...?
    ‎"I was always taught..." Four words impacting fire service education in the most negative of ways. -Bill Carey

  3. #3
    Back In Black
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    Barring any underlying mental health issues, he'll be fine, i'm sure.
    I am now a past chief and the views, opinions, and comments are mine and mine alone. I do not speak for any department or in any official capacity. Although, they would be smart to listen to me.

    "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list."

    "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water."

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    Default In need of answers :/

    My boyfriend of 4 years is a full time firefighter. Hes my best friend but ever since he joined the local fire dept i constantly worry and have unanswered questions. He has been on now for 1.5 years including the academy. i worry when he doesnt text or call all day or gets home hours late.. its making me lose sleep and i think the worst of everything.. I get upset because he is always tired when he is home and never really up for anything. he says he is so busy he cant let me know if hes alright or not.. which is understandable cause we live in a busy town but i just dont know what to do and i need advice :/ i havent really met any of the guys he works with because he is still getting into the flow of everything.. I ask him if we can all go grab a drink and he says im not comfortable asking yet since i recently got sworn in. i understand that but i just feel he doesnt want to share anything with me and i worry so much about something happening to him and me not knowing.. or how he doesnt send a message or anything the whole day.. The dept is all he talks about and how he loves it and wants to live his dreams with me not worrying but how do i not worry? he goes on calls that are to emotional for him to tell me.. but id tell him anything is it because i dont know what its like? or he would rather talk to the guys up there about it.. why arent i good enough for that?

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    Not to try to make you feel bad or anything but that's the way it goes, When you go through something that is traumatic you don't want to talk about it to someone that doesn't know what you have been through. And I know that you would try your best to understand but people on the outside just don't fully get it. Like I have told stories to my family about saving someone's life and all that I got back was " oh that's cool" people don't really understand what we do and sometimes it feels like others try to belittle our job. It's tough being with a Firefighter, but stick in there and support him because he does have a lot on him. I hope that helps

  6. #6
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    Try to remember the first year or so after academy will be the roughest. He is the probie, the rookie, the new guy and "hey you". He will be doing chores and training most likely while the others drink their coffee, read their paper or watch tv. Once he is no longer that probie he will have a little more time open and not as much busy work. I think we all try to let our significant others know we are okay but sometimes time is tight and it is hard to remember all this when you are thinking about cleaning gear when you get back, fill the SCBAs, clean tools and prepare for the next call. As for the emotional part, most get a sense of work vs home. Some can talk about it and some keep work at work. When the helmet is on you are the firefighter and when you take it off and go home you are the husband again. Not something for everyone but there are ways to deal with it. Not sure how as the one at home really untill you get use to it and see how he responds to it all.

  7. #7
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    i didnt realize firefighting was so exciting.

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    thank you that helps a ton. i hope as time goes on it gets easier for me!

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