1. #1
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    1

    Default ADVICE NEEDED!! How to better support our FF men?

    What are some of the things that your gfs/wives dont understand about your career... but if they did, it would make it easier on you? What sorts of things do your gfs/wifeys do that best support you (besides all the good nookie)?

    Thanks in advance for the feedback
    Last edited by Bailee2009; 04-07-2011 at 01:04 AM.

  2. #2
    Forum Member
    truckedup133's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    131

    Default

    I wish you all understood that being at the station is like being at home. We love it there.
    Last edited by truckedup133; 02-24-2011 at 01:26 AM.
    "It's a living thing brian..."

  3. #3
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Bossier Parrish, Louisiana
    Posts
    10,674

    Default

    Cold beer in the fridge when it's hot.

    Hot soup on the stove when it's cold.

    Fresh baked cookies all the time.

    And a little nookie after a hard structure fire.

  4. #4
    Forum Member
    IronValor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Richmond, Kentucky
    Posts
    210

    Default

    My girl always knows when I have had a rough shift. Usually we will go out and eat or if she sees that Im not much on going out I get something homecooked. There is always a cold beer and a warm smile waiting on me and I always know that she has My back no matter what.

    Behind every good Fireman. There is a great woman.. Usually rolling her eyes
    Do not let the ghosts of our fallen brothers gaze upon you and ask " What have you done to my profession?" FTB DTRT EGH

  5. #5
    MembersZone Subscriber

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    813

    Cool Support

    Lots of "nookie" and not just any nookie, but the good stuff.....

    Emotional support is always great..... Don't tell him that you "know what he's going through", unless you've been on the nozzle or are a former FF.

    Remember God gave us all (2) ears and (1) mouth, so be willing to listen twice as much as you speak.

    As far as reducing the work schedule stress, be willing to pick-up some slack and be independent when he's gone. Few things bug me more than when I get a phone call about how I didn't empty the trash or something that I didn't get to more than likely because she gave me another miniscul task to complete.

    Don't tell your friends, sisters or anybody else what we share with you but this varies on what the topic is. If it's something you think the Captain may want to know (alcoholism, not dealing w/ the stress in a positive way, etc) then call the Captain. He may get upset initially, but when he gets into his correct state of mind he'll thank you and know that you care.

    When they make their 1st "Grab" make it a big deal, because it is. Ask if you can throw him a "Grab Barbecue" and invite the guys at the house, any close friends, any skeptics (those that were against him entering the FS, if there were any) and make the day about him. Let him tell the story and every time he does and enhances it a lil' bit, walk over and kiss him on the neck.

    If it won't be too embarrassing to him (don't know his personality) GET INVOLVED. This shows you respect the FS, want to understand what he may go through and should put you into a support function for the FD.

    Check for some CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) Classes and if his FD doesn't have this, ask if he would help you to implement this for the family members/support personnel and the guys on the floor.

    When I met my current wife she visited, often helped us make dinner, did ride-outs (she's a Nurse now, but was an EMT at the time) and never told me that she understood what I was going through. She did say she understands why driving Code 3 is the most stressful time for a Driver/Engineer since nobody pulls-over or drives like they should. LOL.

    I had my wife read this and she says to add send him a text in place of a phone call. That way if he's on a call or in training it's a very minor interruption. Don't take it personal if he does not immediately respond also, chances are he's going to be busy or occupied at times. She is an amazingly strong woman that is way more intelligent than I deserve (yep, I'm smitten).

    Well..... As you can see I have a HUGE passion for helping folks help us (as a Captain I take this part of the Job very serious). If you have any other ?s feel free to ask.
    Last edited by mikeyboy; 02-26-2011 at 02:46 PM.
    "Be LOUD, Be PROUD..... It just might save your can someday when goin' through an intersection!!!!!"

    Life on the Truck (Quint) is good.....

    Eat til you're sleepy..... Sleep til you're hungry..... And repeat.....

  6. #6
    Forum Member
    RyanK63's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Fleetville, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    240

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by truckedup133 View Post
    I wish you all understood that being at the station is like being at home. We love it there.
    Amen to that.

    Quote Originally Posted by mikeyboy View Post
    Lots of "nookie" and not just any nookie, but the good stuff.....

    Emotional support is always great..... Don't tell him that you "know what he's going through", unless you've been on the nozzle or are a former FF.

    Remember God gave us all (2) ears and (1) mouth, so be willing to listen twice as much as you speak.

    As far as reducing the work schedule stress, be willing to pick-up some slack and be independent when he's gone. Few things bug me more than when I get a phone call about how I didn't empty the trash or something that I didn't get to more than likely because she gave me another miniscul task to complete.

    Don't tell your friends, sisters or anybody else what we share with you but this varies on what the topic is. If it's something you think the Captain may want to know (alcoholism, not dealing w/ the stress in a positive way, etc) then call the Captain. He may get upset initially, but when he gets into his correct state of mind he'll thank you and know that you care.

    When they make their 1st "Grab" make it a big deal, because it is. Ask if you can throw him a "Grab Barbecue" and invite the guys at the house, any close friends, any skeptics (those that were against him entering the FS, if there were any) and make the day about him. Let him tell the story and every time he does and enhances it a lil' bit, walk over and kiss him on the neck.

    If it won't be too embarrassing to him (don't know his personality) GET INVOLVED. This shows you respect the FS, want to understand what he may go through and should put you into a support function for the FD.

    Check for some CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) Classes and if his FD doesn't have this, ask if he would help you to implement this for the family members/support personnel and the guys on the floor.

    When I met my current wife she visited, often helped us make dinner, did ride-outs (she's a Nurse now, but was an EMT at the time) and never told me that she understood what I was going through. She did say she understands why driving Code 3 is the most stressful time for a Driver/Engineer since nobody pulls-over or drives like they should. LOL.

    I had my wife read this and she says to add send him a text in place of a phone call. That way if he's on a call or in training it's a very minor interruption. Don't take it personal if he does not immediately respond also, chances are he's going to be busy or occupied at times. She is an amazingly strong woman that is way more intelligent than I deserve (yep, I'm smitten).

    Well..... As you can see I have a HUGE passion for helping folks help us (as a Captain I take this part of the Job very serious). If you have any other ?s feel free to ask.

    Exactly what he said.

  7. #7
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    2

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mikeyboy View Post
    Lots of "nookie" and not just any nookie, but the good stuff.....

    Emotional support is always great..... Don't tell him that you "know what he's going through", unless you've been on the nozzle or are a former FF.

    Remember God gave us all (2) ears and (1) mouth, so be willing to listen twice as much as you speak.

    As far as reducing the work schedule stress, be willing to pick-up some slack and be independent when he's gone. Few things bug me more than when I get a phone call about how I didn't empty the trash or something that I didn't get to more than likely because she gave me another miniscul task to complete.

    Don't tell your friends, sisters or anybody else what we share with you but this varies on what the topic is. If it's something you think the Captain may want to know (alcoholism, not dealing w/ the stress in a positive way, etc) then call the Captain. He may get upset initially, but when he gets into his correct state of mind he'll thank you and know that you care.

    When they make their 1st "Grab" make it a big deal, because it is. Ask if you can throw him a "Grab Barbecue" and invite the guys at the house, any close friends, any skeptics (those that were against him entering the FS, if there were any) and make the day about him. Let him tell the story and every time he does and enhances it a lil' bit, walk over and kiss him on the neck.

    If it won't be too embarrassing to him (don't know his personality) GET INVOLVED. This shows you respect the FS, want to understand what he may go through and should put you into a support function for the FD.

    Check for some CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) Classes and if his FD doesn't have this, ask if he would help you to implement this for the family members/support personnel and the guys on the floor.

    When I met my current wife she visited, often helped us make dinner, did ride-outs (she's a Nurse now, but was an EMT at the time) and never told me that she understood what I was going through. She did say she understands why driving Code 3 is the most stressful time for a Driver/Engineer since nobody pulls-over or drives like they should. LOL.

    I had my wife read this and she says to add send him a text in place of a phone call. That way if he's on a call or in training it's a very minor interruption. Don't take it personal if he does not immediately respond also, chances are he's going to be busy or occupied at times. She is an amazingly strong woman that is way more intelligent than I deserve (yep, I'm smitten).

    Well..... As you can see I have a HUGE passion for helping folks help us (as a Captain I take this part of the Job very serious). If you have any other ?s feel free to ask.
    What Happens if it is The Captain that you're with. I guess then it would go to The Chief.
    I Love my Firefighter. He's My Hero and my Best Friend. We've been together 2 years now. He's a Captain in fs for over 30 years now. He's seen alot and done alot. And he's helped me alot.
    I try to help in anyway I can.
    I don't ask him to do alot of the things I can do myself. I have, however, taken it upon myself to learn alot about the job he does. Because I want to know. I want to understand what he's talking to me about. I am not nor have I ever been in fs but choose to learn as much as I can. It's easier when he's talking to me about something when I understand what it is he's talking about. When he comes off a shift & he's exhausted I try my absolute best not to bother him. If he's upset, yeah I try to get him to talk about it. I am more than just his Lady, I'm his Best Friend. His runnin' buddy. His Lover. Whatever he needs me to be. As much as he's a fixer so am I. I just do it with stray unwanted animals. I do what I can to help them, just as you guys and gals do with people, property, and animals.
    Last edited by Blaze444; 04-28-2011 at 01:10 PM. Reason: just had to add something I left out.

  8. #8
    MembersZone Subscriber
    ROOKIELZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    1,650

    Default

    Really; it shouldn't matter what career a spouse chooses; it's about each spouse communicating, understanding and working together.

    Having said that, I recently attended a seminar entitled "I Love a Firefighter: What the Family Needs to Know"

    One of the points made within the seminar is that while new FF's are given a good rundown of what to expect, resources available, etc; the significant others are left in the dark wondering about it all and trying to deal with it on their own. There is no orientation type of information or sessions to introduce them to the lifestyle.

    Very valid; I was left to my own devices often and learned to cope but some spouses could use the information; it would make it much easier for them and by extension, their FF's.

    I found the seminar interesting because I have been married for 16 years to my DC and I am a FF in my own right. Most of it was right on target.

    There are also books out there on the subject if you look.
    I bought one for the wives at our station to help them understand what it is we do, why and what to expect at different times.

    The funniest thing was my husband going through what I had once I joined up and was out on my share of calls.
    HE had to either make or finish making supper. HE came home to a note on the table saying FIRE! HE waited up one night for me to come home because he couldn't sleep while I was out on a call.

    NOW he understands what I went through. The shoe was finally on the other foot.
    IACOJ
    If you are willing to teach;
    I am willing to learn.

  9. #9
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    5

    Default

    Hi Bailee2009,
    Not only gf or wives but every member of fire fighter should support them.
    Fire fighting is one of the difficult job in world and chances of losing life are greater than other occupations.
    So when they will come home after a rough day their family members should welcome them warmly.
    Last edited by Carlten; 06-25-2011 at 02:28 AM.

  10. #10
    MembersZone Subscriber

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    813

    Default

    Blaze444, if he's the Captain use his Crew..... Have the Engineer and FFs help you with the surprise. I've been surprised a couple of times by my family showing-up without me really knowing. Last time, I stumbled upon them while I was out rollerblading (P.T.) around the block.

    As far as involving the Chief, that may work but that's gonna differ from Chief to Chief and FD to FD. They may give him a task to get him outta the Station so you all can sneak in or they may shoot the whole thing down..... Even if it's shot down, at least you tried. If you're not successful don't sweat it and don't take it the wrong way it's not your fault.

    Well, like usual I've taken a short answer and made it long...... Hope this helps.....
    "Be LOUD, Be PROUD..... It just might save your can someday when goin' through an intersection!!!!!"

    Life on the Truck (Quint) is good.....

    Eat til you're sleepy..... Sleep til you're hungry..... And repeat.....

  11. #11
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    NY, US
    Posts
    1

    Default

    Firefighters (men & women) have my outer most respect for everything they do, and all the sacrifices they make. They deserve our support in any way possible, but they especially need the support from those closest to them. The way I see it is that I need to understand my man, no matter what age he is according to the birth certificate, is really a boy who wants to ride in a firetruck, hang around the fire station with other firefighters and play with all the cool toys that come with being a firefighter. I understand it, and accept it. To me it boils down to very simple this: I am just happy that he is happy. =)

  12. #12
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1

    Default Help!

    Hi! I could use a little insight! My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time now and he has recently gone through the academy and become a firefighter. I'm so proud of him and everything he has accomplished, but things have changed a lot. I'm definitely ok with him being gone more and me being alone more, that's never been a problem. but my concern is that his job is going to end up being more important than his family, is this a valid concern? Is he going to miss his kids birthdays? And if he is, how do i get used to that? I worry about something happening to him all the time, does this get any easier? I want to support him as best I can, so if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated!

    Thanks!

  13. #13
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    3,952

    Default

    When I did Shift work I thought I had more time with family, even though I was gone more

    I had all day during week days when other people were at work, so places were less crowded so the family could enjoy them more

    Was able to be involved in their school activities during school hours

    Yes birthdays holidays games plays will be missed

    My family would come to the station and we would celebrate, called memories

    Communicate starting today!!!!!

  14. #14
    IrishWife
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default

    iLike ^^^ Ditto what fire49 said (and I'm a fire wife!)

  15. #15
    MembersZone Subscriber

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    45

    Default

    Realizing that this is more than a job to us, it is our way of life. This is our calling and it means more to us than anyone outside the brotherhood will ever understand. We love our family's, its plural because we have two...The wife, and then...The guys!

  16. #16
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    KENTUCKY
    Posts
    410

    Default

    One thing to keep in mind is that by the nature of what we do, we are "fixers". You tell us about a problem, we do a quick size up and develop a solution. You may just want to talk about a problem at home, work, with your family, the neighbor.....whatever. You may not want your firefighter's opinion on what to do about this problem you just want to talk about it. For a firefighter, that's the stimilus to do something. Just understand that is the way we are wired......

  17. #17
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    1

    Default ADVICE NEEDED!! How to better support our FF men?

    I am a wife of a firefighter and I understand all the work of my husband and I am proud of him. By the time he proposed a marriage to me I think of it many times before I said yes to him because I know that it will bring complication in the future if I will agree to him without understanding his field of work.

  18. #18
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    small town iowa
    Posts
    19

    Default

    I am a Firefighter wife tooo but also a fire fighter and soon to be paramedic. So i get both sides of it. You dont know what it is like until you live it. The best thing to do it soo them you understand and show them you are there for them

    The greatest support is between the fire fighter. I am also a mother of three little boys and when you are at something for your kids and the whole fire department shows up to support you off fire grounds!

  19. #19
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Austin, Texas
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LFD2203 View Post
    One thing to keep in mind is that by the nature of what we do, we are "fixers". You tell us about a problem, we do a quick size up and develop a solution. You may just want to talk about a problem at home, work, with your family, the neighbor.....whatever. You may not want your firefighter's opinion on what to do about this problem you just want to talk about it. For a firefighter, that's the stimilus to do something. Just understand that is the way we are wired......
    To understand more about this, I highly recommend reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". There's a whole chapter about how men are wired to be "Mr. Fix-It" and come up with solutions.

    But usually we women don't so much want solutions as we just want to be listened to and sympathized with. Many women will actually get mad if you come up with a quick solution, tell it to her, then turn away as if it's all solved.

    EXAMPLE: She tells you her co-worker was snide and rude to her. You tell her to avoid that person and find a new office "friend." But that's not what she wanted from you...she wanted you to hold her hand, nod sympathetically, and say something like, "That's terrible! She shouldn't treat you that way, you deserve better. "

    Disclaimer: I am a female Firefighter, but I'm no longer married nor do I have kids.

  20. #20
    Forum Member

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LaFireEducator View Post
    Cold beer in the fridge when it's hot.

    Hot soup on the stove when it's cold.

    Fresh baked cookies all the time.

    And a little nookie after a hard structure fire.

    That can't be said better, really!
    And that's what I am doing as well The tips are sp simple!


    ___________
    wpm typing test

  21. #21
    Forum Member
    Rice09's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    177

    Default

    Being supportive in general. It takes a lot out of you both mentally and physically, especially the larger fires and Accidents. Large fires as well as barn fires are a ton of work and long hours. Accidents are a lot of work if you are using tools etc. So there's that. Also the emotional stress if there are fatalities. I don't care how the guys are, they stick with you and it's nice to have support.
    Other then that, beer, food and football.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Firehouse author David Halberstam killed
    By ullrichk in forum Firefighters Forum
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 04-28-2011, 01:21 PM
  2. TV Women vs. Van Der Sloot = Men bashing
    By jam24u in forum The Off Duty Forums
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 06-18-2010, 02:21 PM
  3. Employment advice needed
    By 1FireF1 in forum Louisiana
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 07-02-2005, 12:55 AM
  4. Advice needed
    By Rook3113 in forum Firefighters Forum
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-04-2005, 08:14 PM
  5. The NEW YORK TIMES
    By E40FDNYL35 in forum Firefighters Forum
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-15-2002, 12:06 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Log in

Click here to log in or register