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Thread: Dilemma

  1. #1
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    Default Dilemma

    Hey,
    Just wanted to get some advice from people out there testing and going through the same process. Here is my situation, I have been dating this girl for 2 1/2 years and was thinking about proposing in the near future. But she wants to live in the Seattle area and I am sitting #3 on a fire departments list that will be hiring. We recently broke up over it and Im trying to decide if taking a job in Oregon is worth the sacrafice. I ve already sacraficed a lot like everybody to persue and obtain a fire job. I have a back up plan in case i dont get hire in Oregon and it is to go to medic school in the Seattle-Tacoma area. any thoughts would be much appreciated.


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    Cbar, I've been through the same situation before. I met my ex in Italy andI wasn't a FF/EMT at the time. We were together for 3 1/2 years, and I thought of proposing, but I got so caught up in the job, I ended up neglecting her and sh ended it.

    What I've realized from that is 2 things. 1. Follow your dream no matter what. If you want to be a fulltime FF but it's not a guarantee, you can't let this girl hold you back. Then in the future when you want a family etc, and she's in your life, you'll be at some career or dead end job you hate and regret. Hence, why I'm currently pursing GA, CO, FL, MD, NH, and MA fire depts. 2. Is she "the one"? If she is, maybe you should stay with her. But if you do, you have to commit to her 100% and put your job at around 50%, otherwise the relationship will never work. But if you put her at 100% and your job at 50%, will you ever be able to pursue your dream without jeopardizing your relationship?

    I'd spend some time thinking about both sides, pros and cons. Write yourself a list. It sounds stupid but it'll do you good.

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    how old are you?

    that is why you date to see if there are any deal breakers, and sounds like even if you move to seattle, there may be a few more deal breakers,

    does she understand a firefighters life, and if you were to get hired by say seattle, could she live with the lifestyle for twenty years???

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cbar84 View Post
    We recently broke up over it and Im trying to decide if taking a job in Oregon is worth the sacrafice.
    Divorce rate is very high in today's society is pretty high. No one ever thinks it will happen to them. Well it happened to me. I left the department and area that I grew up in and I loved for my ex-wife. It has taken me many years to find happiness and a department that I love working for.

    Make the decision on what is best for your life.

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    Im 27, been testing for 4 years and am on 5 lists. 4 in washington 1 in Oregon. Plus another interview next week. and 3 tests in 3 consecutive weeks after the interview.

    The only deal breaker there is, is that her whole family lives up here and she doesn't want to be that far away from them,

    Yes she does know about a firefighters life. Her whole family is in the fire service, Uncles/Cousins ect...... It really just depends on where I get hired, The big thing is its not fair to have her wait any longer on me, I think she needs to live her life and I need to Live mine and then whatever happens happens. The door hasnt been closed to a relationship but she cant move forward in her life unless we did this. So I guess its all dependant on if i get a FTJ in Oregon or if I will stay up in washington and go to Medic school.

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    I considered the paramedic route a few times, but overall, I knew that just wasn't an aspect of the job that I wanted to do. Sure you make yourself more marketable, but a medic cert does not guarantee a job. It just gets your foot in a few more doors.

    So say in the six months to a year when you finish at TCC(?) and you're out there testing; when the only job offer comes along again at a department in OR, what are you two going to do then?

    I left a great relationship to be where I am now. No regrets. I met someone even better and I couldn't be happier.
    You two are already broken up. Move on.
    Jobs are not being handed out left and right you know.

    Hang tough.

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    I would want my daughter to marry a person with a halfway good paying steady job, before she got married

    A compromise is live where your first get hired with the pledge that after say two years, if she still wanted to move closer to family you would start applying with the hope of getting hired

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    If you are single, unattached and have no baggage (children....)

    DO NOT LET A WOMAN DICTATE YOUR LIFE

    There are plenty of women out there. There are NOT plenty of fire jobs. Take the first one that is offered to you, and advise her "you can come with me or stay here, but I am gone."
    "Loyalty Above all Else. Except Honor."

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    Take the job.
    Plenty of other girls out there.

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    You're #3 and done with final interviews, background, phsyc eval? Or are you just #3 after a written. If its the latter, all I can say is you are still a LONG way from actually having the job. Just my two cents.

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    Ok my man unless she is pulling in tons of dough in the seattle area shes gotta go and you gotta take the job in Oregon or where ever it may be. If shes not willing to move a few hours drive away from mommy and daddy or whatever it may be in Seattle to be with you is she really worth proposing to? In this tight economy people are barely getting by, or having to travel sometimes all the way cross country to work/find work. Build your house first aka invest in yourself and your future then when you have that job that you want and worked for the woman of your dreams will show true. Don't settle for good when you can settle for the best. Good luck brother.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cbar84 View Post
    Hey,
    Just wanted to get some advice from people out there testing and going through the same process. Here is my situation, I have been dating this girl for 2 1/2 years and was thinking about proposing in the near future. But she wants to live in the Seattle area and I am sitting #3 on a fire departments list that will be hiring. We recently broke up over it and Im trying to decide if taking a job in Oregon is worth the sacrafice. I ve already sacraficed a lot like everybody to persue and obtain a fire job. I have a back up plan in case i dont get hire in Oregon and it is to go to medic school in the Seattle-Tacoma area. any thoughts would be much appreciated.
    Brother, there's a saying you may have heard before - "Don't settle for the one you can live with, settle for the one you can't live without." If you're broken up and even have the heart to ask this question, she ain't the one.

    Live well, stay safe.

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    Wow, what a great topic for discussion. I see it differently than most here with the exception of the poster who wrote,
    "Don't settle for the one you can live with, settle for the one you can't live without."
    What a great saying!

    I have been in the fire service for 28 years. I really like my job and it has provided extremely well for my family, both on duty and off duty. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am very pleased with my life choices.

    Having said all of the above, IT'S JUST A JOB! It's not who I am and it is not my identity in life. I am more proud of being a husband and father. Your family comes first. The job will put a great deal of pressure on your relationship, you want to be connected with someone who is very special to you. The divorce rate is very high in the fire service. A relationship with a good foundation is a must. I cannot tell you how many firefighters get their dream job only to lose their spouse. How sad.

    You will be spending 1/3 of your life at the fire station including many holidays. She will be raising the kids, taking them to school, and disciplining them while you are at work. It's not unreasonable for her to want to be around her family. Relocating is hard enough. Imagine how she will adapt to an area where she does not know anyone and you are gone 1/3 of the time. You have your built in support system through the fire department. While she will meet some of the spouses, it's not nearly the same.

    I would rather work in an area that might not be my first choice and have a healthy marriage than work in the "ideal" place and have an unhappy family.

    Paul Lepore
    Division Chief
    Aspiringfirefighters.com
    Paul Lepore
    Battalion Chief
    www.aspiringfirefighters.com

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    Quote Originally Posted by FWDbuff View Post
    If you are single, unattached and have no baggage (children....)

    DO NOT LET A WOMAN DICTATE YOUR LIFE

    There are plenty of women out there. There are NOT plenty of fire jobs. Take the first one that is offered to you, and advise her "you can come with me or stay here, but I am gone."
    I think FWDbuff hit the nail on the head with his post! I recently went through a situation like this and the outcome was certainly not an easy decision. She did not want to leave her family and her hometown, so I was stuck. I kept asking myself, "Is this the end of the road for me?" I am giving up my dreams for this?" I don't think so. Because of the stiff competition involved with landing a firefighter job, one has to go where the jobs are. That involves testing all over the country, in my opinion.

    To the original poster, as selfish as it may sound, you have got to look out for number one. Don't short-change yourself and never let anyone hold you back from getting your dream job. Good luck to you and keep the faith!

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