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  1. #1
    ifearwhatyoufight
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post Course I have a scanner!

    A scanner? Heck yeah! Ya can't be travelin around uninformed now can ya? I have a few but I'll tell ya about one of em. My car has a Whackmaster 3000 channel portable scanner. Ever since I figured my power problems out (y'all remember that right?) it's been working fine. I have it programmed so that I can listen in on everything within a 2000 mile radius. Now, ya might think that is a little much, but the problem is in your antenna!! Some guys use a little thing that splits their car radio antenna, that works pretty good, but only for about 30 or 40 miles!.. that's no good! Then some guys try to get fancy and use a little antenna that somehow works through the glass, some guys even put a real antenna on the roof, now that will get you some decent coverage, but still not good enough. I was eatin lunch at Kentucky Fried (Colonel Sanders HIMSELF was visitin our lovely town) and puzzling over this very fact when I hear from the Colonel that the government is closing the local air force base. Now I hate to see the bases close as much as the next guy, but I remembered seein some weird looking planes with bowls on em. Someone called em AWHACKS or something and said they could pick up radio transmissions from around the world!. Now, that sounded like me right? I figured if I could get me one of them AWHACKERS I'd be the big man down at the hall. I drove over there and sure enough, there was one of those big puppies up on blocks. I walked around looking for someone and ran into this old boy Newt who was in the vo-tech with me. He was doin a lube job on an F-15, but said, sure I could look at the AWHACKS. I climbed up on in there and MAN were there some radios! I started thinking if I had some of that stuff I could pick up all the way from Booger County! I went back and asked my buddy what they were gonna do with her and he said part her out!.. I said I wanted that big ol'dish. He said Id have to ask the Colonel for that. I thought it was a little strange, but I drove back down to the KFC and to my surprise the Colonel was still there. His beard was missin and he was in the back with one of the girls havin a drink, but I still recognized him. I asked him if I could have that AWHACKS thing and he said he didn't care what I did as long as I didn't do it there. I was so happy I drove right on out to the base again. I found Newt and told him the Colonel said go ahead! We got us some tools and a cutting torch and started working on that dish. Now getting the dish down was easy, but putting it on my car was a problem. If ya remember, I had that little problem with the chickens in my pick up, since then she's been up on blocks behind the trailer. Till I can get her fixed, Im drivin an AMC Pacer. Weird looking little round car, but with that much glass and some window tint I'm gonna make it into a giant blue light (more about that next time). Me an Newt spent all day beefin up the springs (with just a little weldin and some cutting, Hummer springs fit right in almost) We almost set the dish on the roof when I remember my first Q mishap and we decided to put some steel in there. We found a big plate and welded her up, right after we put the fire in the back seat out, we lowered that dish right down on the car. A few screws and a roll of monster cable and we were ready to go! I plugged the Whackmaster in and waited. I started fiddling with the dials and the next thing ya know I can hear people talking in strange languages, First I thought I just got the drive in window at Mama Fongs, but then I realized that it was the Chinese! Now not even the Chief can pick up China, so I set off to show the fellas. I was drivin along listen to them Chinese and I even heard them fellas up there in Booger goin to a big fire in a double wide! Now I hadn't realized how big that dish was till now, sure I noticed it made the car a little shady, but I thought we'd be ok. I had just turned onto the road when the fellas in Booger called for
    our tanker. I knew I'd have the jump on em cause no one else could pick up Booger on their scanners, so I flipped on the blue lights and took off. I was just getting up to speed when I noticed the steering got a little loose and the engine got really loud. The suspension felt good though, almost like I was floating! Dang, I WAS floating. That bowl acted like a big wing and picked my car right up! Just when I was thinking I should get down, I realized if I caught a tail wind I could make it to the hall first and drive the tanker. I leaned way over and opened my window and sure enough she turned the right way. I cut right across the air base (those boys in the tower aren't too polite, guess they didn't know I could hear em!) I was just getting to the hall and thinking about landing when I hear the boys from the huntin club on the CB and their talking about UFO's! Now that's just what I need to be up here with a UFO, so I close all the windows and try to land, next thing ya know they start shootin!.. buck shot an slugs start tearin through my Pacer, I'm plummeting to earth and screamin at em to stop with all kindsa heck breakin loose. Just then I hear one of em say stop shootin, its Ed!.. He must seen my license plate (AWHACK) I landed with a crash right on the firehouse roof, I was so dazed I stepped out of my car and fell right through to the floor. I didn't make the tanker; but when I get outta the clinic Im gonna see about getting that Pacer to fly again. Ya'll be safe now!

  2. #2
    Captain Gonzo
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    Once again, I'm ROFLMAO! Pacers, Q's and AWACS dishes....what an imagination!

    ------------------
    Firefighters: Today's heroes protecting everyone's tomorrows!
    Captain Gonzo

  3. #3
    chief1001
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    just gotta love dem whackers

  4. #4
    ArmyTruckCompany
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    OMG!!! This is a RIOT!!!! You definetly need something to do with your time!!! You and that guy that has the crown vic with 23,000 lights on it should get together and go to the nudie bar!!!

    As funny as this is, I bet somewhere, somehow....some good ole' boy is ****ed about it!!!!

    ------------------
    "Loyalty above all else, except honor."

  5. #5
    SFD-129-3
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    Well, you described your mobile setup, what about portable scanning? I mean, how do you not miss a traffic stop when you're at the mall trying to pick up some 14 y.o. hottie?

  6. #6
    Lewiston2Capt
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Oh man. Wait a minute I have to wipe the tears from my eyes and get rid of the pain in my side. ROTFLMAO. You may want to look into putting a tail on that thing to give it some altitude control. Think of how fast you could get to calls if you wouldnt have to worry about passing them pokey cars going the speed limit. Just watch out for birds, especially with your luck. And just think how fast you could go if you mounted 6 Q's on the car and fired 'em up at the same time.

  7. #7
    DFDRev
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Lightbulb

    I think Firehouse Mag should give him a regular column!!!

  8. #8
    Plug-Ugly
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    That is some funny stuff! Thanks for the laugh.

  9. #9
    FFD#30
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    ifear you rock man, i'm with dfdrev give this guy a regular column. I think everyone knows someone who trys to take it to that level.

    Keep up the good work!!

  10. #10
    PlattsFire1
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    I find this especially funny, seeing how I'm a volunteer AND I'm in the Air Force. Keep 'em coming!




    ------------------
    Mike

  11. #11
    jizumper-5
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    I must say that I enjoy the weekly installments of "That's my Whacker"!

    ------------------
    Keep Safe!

  12. #12
    ceno2749
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    I have not laughed like this in a looooong time!!! PLEASE keep 'em coming!!!

    [This message has been edited by ceno2749 (edited 05-18-2001).]

  13. #13
    lumpy649
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Definitely give him his own column! This stuff is too good! I'm still wiping the tears away... and my stomach muscles sure got a workout!

  14. #14
    Nick SBFD 6
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Thumbs up

    I'm waiting for the one about the rescue member who's got a defib, backboard, KED and MAST trousers in the back of his 1976 F150 with the 42 outlet strobe supply and 12 band 2-way radio.

  15. #15
    PlattsFire1
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Hey Nick, go to the first responder/bls forum and read the section on personal jump bags in pov's. Some of these guys actually carry around portable O2 in their cars. One of them even said he had an AED!

    ------------------
    Mike

  16. #16
    FFShooty
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Thumbs up

    Since arriving back at my home....from the Wacker Capitol, PA Fire Expo....I must offer up a standing "O"....Ifear...you are da wacker....I mean hoople...I mean..DA MAN!!!!!

  17. #17
    daysleeper47
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    LOL! And that is what we call some silly-a*s sh*t. Gotta love that. Write some more of that and keep it coming.

    ------------------
    Joe
    Daysleeper47
    "When the bell goes ding-ding, its time to get on the woo-woo."
    "Dusting desire - starting to learn. Walking through fire with out a burn..."
    Youngstown Fire Department

  18. #18
    nomad1085
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    That is god awful hillarious!! A few Q's and a AWACS dish on the 3000 channel scanner. What more could you need. However: to Platts on the jump bags, what is the problem with O2 and AED's? Our Vol department does BLS First response in an area that is somewhat far from the ambulance garage. All of our EMS members have jump kits, a few have O2 (Regulators are expensive) and several of the people that work in town or are always around have AED's in their cars. I don't see what is so strange about that. Maybe it is odd out your way, but where I live it is really pretty common. Now, KED's and backboards, that is pushing it, big time.

    Keep the stories coming. They add some much needed humor to the usually argumentative light/ siren topics.

    Matt

  19. #19
    LtStick
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    I loved it I never laughed so hard in my life. You should wright a book or something. I definitely agree you deserve your own column. You could give Jeff Foxworthy a run for his money but, instead of you might be a Red Neck if. It would be you might be a whacker if.
    keep them coming we can always use a good laugh.

  20. #20
    Brian Dunlap
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    What a Riot....This Guy should have his Own Column there is alot of talent there !!! And I love the Title Idea "Thats my Whacker" -- Great Job !! Keep 'Em Comming

    ------------------
    STRATFORD FIRE CO. # 1 NEW JERSEY STATE FIREMEN'S CONVENTION OVER-ALL CHAMPIONS 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, and 2000 !!

  21. #21
    Ford45
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    What more can I say but, WOW!!! I'm astonished anyone could take something like a mobile radio and make something that funny out of it! ifear, you are incredible! keep it up, you remind us all that we ARE supposed to have a little fun in our work. Peace.

    ------------------
    Matt
    Newtown Fire Association
    Station 45

  22. #22
    Firekatz04
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Ifear... just WHAT kind of nonsense IS this. You really need help... You have WAY too much time on your hands...
    .
    .
    .
    .
    I'm sorry, I need help... getting up off the floor... maybe even call for an EMS assist for a HIFICGU (Help I've Fallen, I Can't Get Up). GREAT stuff once again!! I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard, oh wait, it was your LAST post. Keep It Up!!!

  23. #23
    Squadee2
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    Dude, they are great! Best laugh I've had
    in some time!!! Your definately "touched".

    KEEP'M THINKIN', BE WARPED!

  24. #24
    Nick SBFD 6
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    FFShooty, you hit it right on the head about the PA Expo, we just got back (7 hour ride) and oh my god! I would like to be the lightbar salesman down there!

  25. #25
    SFD-129-3
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    So Nick, the way I see it you just traveled 7 hours for an expo and you're calling somebody else a whacker?
    Pot.
    Kettle.
    Black.
    You.
    eh?

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