No longer mad at God

[Michelle Latham]

Thank you SO MUCH for all of your help. You guys really helped me out in so many ways. When you are as sad and mad and hurt and freaked out as I was, it really helps if you can totally vent your feelings and get some feedback.
I wasn't ever saying that *I* was the only person that was hurting (just to clarify some things) but I was saying that I was in a lot of pain and I needed some help so that I could move through it. Losing two dear wonderful beloved friends in such a short time has really tore me up. Sometimes people have to stand up and say, "I need help dealing with this!!"
Even though I'm not angry at God anymore I'm still very upset but you'll love this: Today I cracked up laughing - the first time since I found out that Dale had died. I laughed so hard that tears ran down my face. And it felt good! And I've been quick to laugh ever since. I'm healing!
After posting my initial "Angry at God" post and getting such wonderful replies I felt strong again. I went to the fair and participated in our "Firemen's Muster" and I rode on our fire engine in the parade. I dove back into our fire prevention and recruiting programs and basically got busy so that I wasn't overwhelmed with thinking about Dale and Chris. I'm still hurting like crazy but I feel like the clouds have parted and the sun is starting to shine through. I don't feel like I'm being crushed alive anymore.
I've already gone through these same things with Chris's death so I know I have a few months of saddness ahead of me - but I also know that as each day passes the saddness dulls.
I'm not a quitter. I won't let this kill me inside. Chris's death didn't wreck me and Dale's death won't wreck me. I love being a firefighter and I love life. I'm sad but I'll keep charging on!

Thank you all SO MUCH!

[ 07-29-2001: Message edited by: Michelle Latham ]

[mtnfyre21]

good deal michelle
hope you have a happy life
email me if you ever need to talk about anything
2197 over and out
stay safe and have fun

[larrycook]

Michelle,
God has given you a great help in understanding and you are using well. You will do great in life.
I look forward to reading many more post from you.
God bless you, Larry

[IGO4IT]

Michelle, I am glad you have gotten to the point of being able to cope with the loss. You can tell by my signature that I see death from all sides and you by far are doing all the right things. You have a great legacy to fulfill by passing the spirit of Chris and Dale on to others. Good luck and stay warm

[canman]

Michelle,
Glad to see you've found happiness once again and good for you for going back in and getting involved again. If you have anymore problems we're all here to help.

[Gooch26]

Michelle, I'm glad to see that things are looking up and that you're feeling better. You have a wonderfull sense of humor and I'm glad that it has come back to you. I really look forward to reading your posts. If you ever need any help again from any of us, don't be afraid to ask, we are all brothers and sisters here in the fire service.
God bless and stay safe.
Randall E. Guntrum FF/EMT

[Fire Eater 07]

Glad to hear it Michelle!! Although the pain will never truly go away, realizing that they are in a MUCH better place smiling down on you is a very comforting feeling...
stay safe

[trumpeter75]

Michell I'm glad you're starting to feel better. The forums are always here if you need to vent again.

Keep your chin up Sister.