1. #1
    JAY FROM OHIO
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default Firefighters married to firefighters

    I am a part-time firefighter married to a 24-48 firefighter. I am looking for others who share this life (marriage not a prerequiste). I'd like to hear how you deal with the stress this can add to a relationship. Take care.

    Jay

  2. #2
    SBrooks
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default

    Not quite the same...I am a consulting engineer in the 'real' world (trying real hard to get hired)...and I live in a firestation. Part of my requirements for living at the station (and paying no rent) include being in the station from 2300-0700 at least 5 days a week, and at least every third weekend. Also, b/c I can drive everything, I often have to be at the station to get the apparatus out (i.e. there are no other truck drivers) What this means....

    Well my girlfriend(s, it's an ongoing problem) have always been ok with this for the first few months, but then it's..."We never get to see each other, you put the FD first, why do YOU have to be there, can't someone else do it?" Needless to say, I don't think I've dated anyone for more than six months in quite a while.

  3. #3
    BURNSEMS
    Firehouse.com Guest

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    Howdy, Sound like me and my wife howevere we only Volunteer, But in many instances the stress is all the Same, I am the Chief of a Small Town V.F.D. and my wife is ths Chief of the First Responder Team in in the Same town we utilize the same station but in many instances are seperate when working on Scene we are both Paramedics and have different opinions on tactics and stratagy when dealing with Incidents but we handle each Incident within our own A.O.R. (AREA OF RESPONSIBILITY ).Number One REMEMBER work is work leave it at the Station, Home is home Leave Home Life at home, never use Fire Rescue as a personal platform to air your debates or Complaints. Discuss your needs wants and JOB related issues togeather and come to a equal agreement.Discuss Home Life at home, you are Lucky You have someone who understands your frustration when a Call goes bad or you Lose a House to the Red Devil
    But you need to keep all things in perspective and maintain a open line of communication with each other and use what you have in common as a Comfort not a Crutch.We dont always agree and we do Give each other the Stare from time to time but we have a job to do and That is The PRIORITY every thing else is seconday. Deal with every thing else later.

    ------------------
    Here today for a Safer Tomorrow

  4. #4
    JAY FROM OHIO
    Firehouse.com Guest

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    SBrooks- It has to be difficult to date someone who has no background in the fire service. They probably can't understand that you can care for someone very deeply but when that pager trips you have no control. So do you actually live at the firehouse? That's got to be difficult regardless to have 5 days a week accounted for after 2300.

    BurnsEMS- We do have a lot in common. My husband is chief of our department and I am the prevention officer in addition to my other hats. We have some difficulty because he has been a professional for around 10 years. I volunteered until this March when I was hired. I have my fire inspection certification as well as my fire investigation and he doesn't. That presents some policy development problems. That presents the biggest problem. We have had to learn to leave work at work and keep home at home. Without that advice I don't know how anyone could survive. I am also only a basic and he's a medic. That makes life interesting too.

    Take care all.

    Jay

  5. #5
    Nik
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default

    My husband and I are both volunteer firefighters. Ironically, when he first joined (I joined two years after he did), I hated the fact he was on the fire department. I, too, felt he was putting the department before me and was frustrated by the amount of time he spent at the station during non-call times.

    Well, was I in for a shock. *grin*

    My attitude about the fire department has changed radically. When there was a MVA in the middle of the night, I started wondering, "hell, I'm awake too, why am I not out there?" I started becoming more interested in the department and finally took the plunge. Today, I'm *very* glad to be in the department. I doubt I would be in the department were it not for my husband. We learn from each other, although I admit there is a bit of friendly competition at times. It keeps us working harder, I figure.

    be safe,
    Nik

  6. #6
    Diane
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default

    I've been a volunteer for 9 years and even went to school for fire science. For the most part, I was the only female in my dept. Now we have one in for 2 years and a probie. Hence, my life revolves around men (and boys). All the guys I've dated have been firefighters. And they usually have better ways of fighting fires and doing related things. One was at my fire house and when things didn't work out things got ugly at the fire house. His brother (17) decided to be cute and mess with my gear on more than one occassion (was never disciplined, but that's a whole other issue). The problem I tend to find is that I have nothing to talk about with the non-firefighter types since my life revolves around the fire service even though I work in the pharmacy field (another long story) and do outside activities.

  7. #7
    SBear597
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default

    Well When my husband and I got married, I was a probie and he was an officer. It didn't effect us too much. I did the work and had no problems from any of the "guys".

    Now I'm with the Auxiliary and I do the Paper and Computer work for the Station I volunteered for. The hardest part is to do the work without your husband interfering, which I run into every month. SO I try not to the work when he's home. If I have questions he is to only answer what I ask and not to stray from there.

    We have two different views on how to do things at the station. I may not have a say as an auxiliary member in the station but at home my opinions are known and I leave it at that. He sometimes takes what I say to heart or sometimes he ignores me. But we get along and work together when we need to and that's what's counts.

    Everyone Stay Safe, adn Enjoy Life.


  8. #8
    Tom Lafleur
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    I've been a paid on call FF for 33 yrs. been married for 23 yrs. Told her from the getgo, that sometimes plans would get messed up.She lived with it(not to happy at times) but she is now a dispatcher , and I still beat her out of the house!! In 23 years of marrage, we haven't been caught in a comprmising position LOL.

  9. #9
    Bobaff
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default

    Most will tell you that relationships with firefighters just don't work. Well, for the most part this is true. Firefighters (whether male or female) are dedicated to the profession, we like what we do and it is all we want to do (for the most part). Its hard on the family, no doubt about that. I believe, no, I know that the key to surviving a relationship with a firefighter is understanding. I am quite newly married but I dated and lived with my wife for 3 years before we wed. She understands my dedication and loves my enthusiasm for my job. Most of all she understands the bad days and knows that when the come to just ignore me until I am ready to talk. She believes in me and what I do for others. This is the biggest thing in our relationship and without it we would have never married. Her support and understanding is the most important thing and because of that I treat her like the princess she is.

    Just remember UNDERSTANDING

  10. #10
    JAY FROM OHIO
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default

    I think that having a good sense of humor and being flexible is a must. It's nice when you've had a rough day to be able to come home and talk with someone who can truly empathize with you.

  11. #11
    Pelican Lake
    Firehouse.com Guest

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    I was in about the same way as "BURNSEMS" & "NIK" except I was in EMS before my husband and as I was Squad Supervisor (at the time) I would get alot of flack about the time I spent gone from home on calls and the close relationship that was formed with my peers (FF & EMT's). Anytime there was a real "bad call" he would always give me the "If it bothers you so much way do you do it" So I told him to join and find out! He did! He's a FF now. I think we now have a closer relationship and a truer understanding of each others need to be there to help other people. It's alittle stressful on scene sometimes because I do interior where he doesn't (due to his size) He is the "pump operator". And when he thinks I've been in too long. But he's beginning to deal with it.
    Stay Safe & Happy

    ------------------
    People Helping People


  12. #12
    FireBabe
    Firehouse.com Guest

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    I've been a Firefighter now for 12 years and I have to admit that it has prevented me from having the time to meet "appropriate people" in social situations (far to busy with training and meetings) for a relationship - until NOW! Most volunteer Firefighters I know tend to marry earlier or were older than me so relationships with them were just NOT an option, nor appropriate. Just recently I have met another single firefighter - similar age, experience and position. It's great we are able to support each other and compare notes, training ideas and the like. We understand the committment and dedication needed to be a firefighter. Finally I've found someone who understands this mad compulsion to help others and be my very best at it.

    Take care and be safe

    JJ

    ------------------
    Lt JJ Edmondson,
    Clyde-Cardinia Fire Brigade,
    Victoria, Australia

  13. #13
    morriss
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Default

    A similar story as above. I am a Nuclear Engineer by trade and a volunteer Lieutenant in the local fire company. My wife is a RN and an ALS Technician in the local rescue squad. Sometimes there is stress placed on our marriage due to time committments involved, but we have decided to each give alittle. I am not as active as I once was. I still do my part for the company, but my entire life does not revolve around the firehouse as it once did. I guess being a member for 17 years effects this also.

  14. #14
    Nik
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    It's interesting to read the replies and how many times people in EMS/FF service seem to automatically connect with each other. I can understand how a non-EMS/FF person would feel, as I've dealt with similar situations with my husband being in the National Guard. I hate having him away when he is away, but I've learned this is something that he wants to do and enjoys doing, and I'm proud of him for his dedication.

    One funny experience we had (bad at the time, but funny later) was driving to a fire alarm call and accidently going the LONG way around. He was driving and I was riding in the engine with him.. if you think a husband and wife lost in a car is bad, try a fire engine! We almost declared we'd never ride with each other AGAIN, that was, until we calmed down. grins

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