1. #1
    Firechickie
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Question Firefighter dating Firefighter

    Hey,
    I'm a 24 year old female vol. FF. I've got my certification for firefighting and for heavy rescue. The entire time i was involved in the firedepartment i was married to a cop, so it wasnt the "female in the firehouse to be w/the firemen" like some would think. I've worked hard to earn and keep my title. After I had gotten divorced I moved to CA and did my vol. firefighting out there in LA. I have come back to NY to my old home town, not where I was originally was before i left NY though...
    I am now dating a fireman there, and it seems at times a good thing and yet i have mixed feelings about it.
    When things are good with us.. Its nice to know that we are there with each other, at a meeting or at a 4am call on the engine. And yet when things arent it interfears with the one thing i love.. The Firehouse.
    Besides the talk I have to listen to, just because he was in this dept before i was, i feel as if i should not be there..
    I love him, and yet if it dont work out I feel as if he'll make my life a living hell there..
    I had already suggested that even though things are good between us that I switch depts but he said he want me there and if i leave he'll leave me..
    What do i do?

    ------------------
    FFD, Firefighter 108

  2. #2
    siren-seiren
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Exclamation

    OH PA-LEAZE GIRLFRIEND!! IT IS GOOD THAT YOU ARE CONSIDERING THE POSSIBLITIES OF CLASHES TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP VERSES THE VFD. HOWEVER, AS THE SAYING GOES,"DON'T GET YOUR MONEY AND YOUR HONEY AT THE SAME PLACE!" YES I KNOW, I KNOW, YOU'RE A VOLLY; SAME PHILOSOPHY. I'VE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, NO GOOD! VOLUNTEERING AT ANOTHER DEPT. MAY OR MAY NOT HELP SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS(S) WITH ROMEO. SOME MAY SEE THAT YOU ARE 'RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS'. I WOULD SUGGEST STAYING WHERE YOU ARE; THERE'S NO GOOD/SOUND REASON FOR YOU TO GO--IS THERE?
    NOW, IF THE ONLY GOOD THING TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS THAT HE IS THERE FOR YOU AT THE DEPT. WELL, THERE ARE PLENTY OTHER HUMANS TO BOND WITH WHO'LL UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH CONCERNING THE FIRE DEPT. YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE OUTSIDE OF THE DEPARTMENT, NOT INSIDE. CONSIDER THE FACT THAT BOTH YOU AND HIM VOLUNTEER AT THE SAME PLACE AS AN ADDED BONUS.
    NOW WHAT BUGS ME THE MOST IS THE LAST PART OF YOUR POST, THE THING ABOUT HIM LEAVING YOU IF YOU LEAVE THE DEPT. IF THAT IS HIS ATTITIDE, HE IS NO GOOD! HAS HE EVER HEARD OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE? IF YOUR SITUATION DOES NOT WORK OUT TO YOUR SATISFACTION, JUST REMEMBER, YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH WORSE, I.E., DIVORCE!
    YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO HELP YOURSELF IN THIS. REALLY THINK THINGS THROUGH. MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY, DON'T SACRIFICE YOUR SELF RESPECT.
    BEST OF LUCK!

  3. #3
    Ron Shaw
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    It almost sounds like you want out of the relationship. My best advise to you is to work things out between yourselves or move on. If your boy friend sees your post, it's sure to set him on fire.

    Good Luck!

  4. #4
    firefly1361
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. My volley boyfriend just broke up with me. He did it in the engine bays of all the places. He also had mixed feelings about women on the engine. He said the womans place is in the Auxiliary or on the Medic. When things were good between us we had fun. I was able to precept him when he took EMT and had to do his internship and he helped me study and with ropes and knots when I took fire fighter. Dating a volley from the same station you're at is like dating your Co-workers. It can be an appetite for destruction in which case mine was because now he won't talk to me constantly makes fun of me and harasses me and he has gotten into the habit of messing with my turn out gear. He just wanted to be one of the guys. Now he's one of the biggest losers I know. Some day we will have to work on the same engine crew and he's going to hate it just because he and I dated and broke up... Good Luck with your relationship, going to another station is just going to make things worse. Stay Safe

    Heather

  5. #5
    Captstanm
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    I can only say go with where your heart is. My first wife hated the fire department and the females because "thats why all you guys work there...to talk to them." Yet..she divorced me and married a firefighter...go figure. Then....I dated a volunteer (I was career) and we married... That in itself got me scrutinized by our illustrious chief( female) and transferred to a station in the rural area. Even though when the wife was at station I was at home and when I was there she was working her normal job. I was harassed (i feel) because I married a volunteer. So...she quit...(and misses it). Since I volunteer in another jurisdiction from the one I USED to work in we have talked of volunteering together as she is still very interested and even though she won't admit it..she misses it. But she is busy with work and cant find the hours...so she SUPPORTS me 100%. Never @#$@%# one bit about me running calls or pulling duty. DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO!

    [This message has been edited by Captstanm (edited March 19, 2000).]

  6. #6
    e33
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Lightbulb

    "firechickie",

    While I dont know thw whole story here, all I can say is it may not be the best idea to be involved with people you "work" with. On the other hand it can work I think, if things are right. You have to evaluate that on a per case basis. The thing that bothers me is how Heather said that her exboyfriend is now harassing her. Stuff like that is intolerable. Also the comment you made regarding your significant other leaving you, should you switch depts? Whats the deal with that? It seems like the problem is deeper rooted maybe. I do not want to sit here and offer advice on a topic this personal, especially since I am not privy to the whole situation. Best I can say is do whats in your heart. Personally I think your switching stations would be a responsible move, but if that makes him leave you maybe you are a better person and you deserve a better guy. Make sense? There are alot of adults that don't act like adults and they are hard to spot until this kind of stuff happens. Always try to be the bigger better person, if you arent happy then what is the sense?

    Good luck and take care

    ------------------
    The opinions and views expressed herin are solely mine and not on the behalf of any department or organization I belong to.



  7. #7
    Diane
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Angry

    E-mail me and I'll tell you my opinion and "sob" story.

  8. #8
    nozzlegirl430
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Lightbulb

    I think you need to decide what your priorities are. I am a firefighter married to a firefighter for 9 years. We are currently employed on the same department. You need to decide if you want a relationship or not. My advice is volunteer opportunities are more plentiful then meaningful relationships. Leave firehouse stuff at the firehouse or kiss your boyfriend goodbye. Good luck.

    Jay

  9. #9
    csgos
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Exclamation

    On my department, we have a couple who are married or live together, are fighters, and have a child between them. They both work the same shift, but different stations and battalions. I do not know how it works with them. Both have about four years time with the department.

    I am a career firefighter, and have been for over 26 years. My first wife did not care much for it. My current wife cares about it, and like myself, we are both volunteers also. I feel that her being a volunteer helped her with her present job as an emergency communications dispatcher. Any yes, she at time has to dispatch me to calls.

    To answer the question, the following should be considered:

    1) Are both willing to understand the other
    in what he/she wants to do
    2) Are both willing to make committment that
    their spouse, after God, is each other's
    foremost responsibility.
    3) Are both willing to sit down after a hard
    shift , and listen to the gripes, along
    with the good times

    These are questions that should be answered, before a committment is made. It is a simple matter of priorities

  10. #10
    dmedic
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Can we say control freak? Why do you think he wants you at the same Dept? You need to ask yourself what you want. If you want to make a career out of firefighting, concentrate on making yourself marketable (maybe add paramedic to your list of cert.) Maybe this guy's afraid you'll get the accolades he wants? Anyway, it sounds like he's less than supportive of you, so perhaps you should make plans to make your own way. Also, does your relationship revolve around the firehouse? Maybe taking your personal life out of the sta. will help.

  11. #11
    NCRSQ751
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    As long as your relationship in no way interferes with your duties in the FD, there should be no problem.

    I have seen many situations where folks mix personal and professional with bad results. Personal fights should be left at home, disagreements about the FD should stay there.

    If you can seperate the two, and remain professional while acting in a fire mode, it's no one's business but your own - hang tough. The first time you bring your relationship in the firehouse and air dirty laundry, you'll get what you ask for. This goes for any work place.

    ------------------
    Susan Bednar
    Captain - Forsyth Rescue
    North Carolina Strike Force 1

  12. #12
    fireseeker
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    My personal thoughts are concerned with the idea that if the relationship starts to effect your peroformance, or his, a choice needs to be made. This job is hard enough when you are totally commited to it. Even when you give the scene your full attention, stuff happens. I know this may sound selfish, but if I am doing a search and my partner's mind is not totally on the job at hand...stay outside. I need to have somebody with me to be my partner, they need to see the things I don't, find the things that I miss, and watch my back while I'm watching theirs. Anything less isn't fair to me or anybody else on the scene. Especially those who we are trying to help. I hope I don't sound too harsh, and I want to be helpful, but you and me do a dangerous job. We need to give it our full attention if we are going to survive...I wish you well...take care my friend

    ------------------
    fireseeker

  13. #13
    R5
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Question

    Dudes! Fellas! Gang! Gals! Ain't it gettin kinda serious (for a change)? Definitely not a situation anyone would like to be in. Only advice (it that's what it is) would be to follow what others have told you to follow- your heart. Listen to your heart, it rarely makes mistakes!

    Also, firefly 1361, your ex-dude must be the biggest loser in the entire world. Like another post pointed out, some adults don't act like adults. I hope your situation improves.

    One other thing, how is he gonna feel when you're both on the engine, you get the nozzle, and he is left sitting at the front door humping (no pun intended!) hose while you and the others are kicking some fire butt and taking some fire names?

    Ha! Take 'em when you an get 'em! Seriously, look around and make sure your there for a pal to talk to when needed.

  14. #14
    Fireman Ry
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Exclamation

    People have to grow up. You can't have hostilities in the firehouse because there are lives on the line.

    ------------------
    Ryan B.
    Stay Safe

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