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  1. #21
    wrongWAY
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    A woman from the deep steamy south moves to the northeast. She's never seen snow before and almost wrecks her car one night driving past the firehouse in some freshly fallen snow, and gets stuck. The firefighters go out and push her car. She tells them that she's worried about making into work the next day. They tell her that if she follows a snow plowing truck she'll be fine.

    As soon as she starts out for work the next morning she sees a snow plow and starts following it. She's following, following, and following, and following. The driver of the plow sees that he's being followed, stops, gets out and asks, "Hey, are you following me?"

    "Yes, I am," she says, "I am from the south and I'm not used to driving in snow, but the fire department told me to follow a plow."

    "Well Ok," the plow driver says,"I don't mind ... but now that I'm done with the A&P lot I'm on my way to plow Sears."


  2. #22
    Break-N-Entry
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Responding to alarms we usually drive past a house that is owned by a couple who have a very troubled son. He chases people, has beat up mail carriers, and throws rocks at cars. Someone nailed a hand painted sign on their fence: BEWARE OF DOUG!

  3. #23
    FFTrainer
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    Hey has anybody checked that car following the snowplow to see if it might be Tennessee Speedi????

  4. #24
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Unhappy




    Hmmmm,
    Looks like this Tennessean is going to have to teach some New Jersey boys about Southern belles

    Funny, real funny guys. You know, I have been holding back on the male bashing jokes. Looks like I need to not hold back so much.

    Oh, by the way. We get snow here. Have seen a few blizzards. And if I chose to follow something, it would be a firetruck, not a snow plow......so



  5. #25
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Oh by the way......I picked up on the fact that Wrongway modified that joke. Steamy south and blonde, for a minute I thought he was talking about FFTrainer. You live in the steamy southern part of Jersey dont you FF?

  6. #26
    CFD14
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    now children, play nice together or you'll have to kiss and make up.

  7. #27
    WOODMAN
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Speedi I will stick up for FFTrainer if he is the steamy part of the state I must be from the frozen north and Speedi your far south of both of us.You can make all kinds of fun about New Jersey but we most likely
    heard them all by now.

    Tom

  8. #28
    WOODMAN
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Hey Speedi down in the good state of Tenn. just what is blizzard?

  9. #29
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Question

    Kiss and make up, Ewwwwwww no way. Kiss a boy, yuuuuuck.

    Well I can't get to my mail, but I got a few jokes for you Jersey boys. One of you don't have an email listed though. So how am I going to get the jokes to you?


  10. #30
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    18 to 22 inches

    when I stepped off of my porch into the snow it came to my knees....and before you ask I am 5'3

  11. #31
    pahoseboy
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Just thought I might toss a little something out
    HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at
    > passing
    > > cars
    > >
    > > to see if they slow down.
    > >
    > > 2) Page yourself over the intercom (Don't disguise your voice.)
    > >
    > > 3) Insist that your e mail address is:
    > > Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
    > >
    > > Elvis-the-King@companyname.com
    > >
    > > 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
    > > with
    > > that.
    > >
    > > 5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair
    > > dancing.
    > >
    > > 6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
    > >
    > >
    > > 7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
    > >
    > > 8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
    > > over
    > > their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
    > >
    > > 9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
    > >
    > > 10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
    > >
    > > 11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
    > >
    > > 12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights
    > up
    > > the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
    > >
    > > 13) Don't use any punctuation
    > >
    > > 14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
    > >
    > > 15) Ask people what sex they are.
    > >
    > > 16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
    > >
    > > 17) Sing Along at the opera.
    > >
    > > 18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
    > >
    > > 19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
    > Wear
    > > them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your
    > > boss
    > > is the opposite gender.)
    > >
    > > 20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're
    > doing.
    > > For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.
    > >
    > > 21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
    > >
    > > 22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
    > > because you're not in the mood.
    > >
    > > 23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
    > >
    > > 24) Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess."
    > >
    > > 25) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
    > >
    > > 26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd
    > > time
    > > this week!!!"
    > >
    > > 27) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling
    > > "Run
    > > for your lives, they're loose!"
    > >
    > > 28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its
    > > the
    > > voices in your head that do."
    > >
    > > 29) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to
    > > have
    > > to let one of you go"
    > >
    > > 30) Everytime you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here"

  12. #32
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Thanks those were funny.

    Guys hope you enjoyed your jokes

  13. #33
    eCappy
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    On the first day of school somewhere deep in the heart of Jersey the teacher tells her new 2nd grade class to stand up, introduce themselves, tell the class what a parent does for a living, and then spell that occupation.

    The 1st child, Mary stands and says, "My name is Mary. My Father is a carpenter. C-A-R-P-E-N-T-E-R."

    The 2nd child stands up, and he says, "My name is Matthew, and my Mother is a nurse. N-U-R-S-E."

    The 3rd child stands. He says, "My name is Joe, and my Father is a firefighter. F-Y-R .." He stops, scratches his head, and tries again, "F-Y-R-F .."

    The teacher stops Joe. She tells him he's making a mistake, but that she'll come back to him, and he can try again.

    The 4th child stands. He says, "Yo, my name is Tony. My old man's a bookie, and I lay you 5 to 1 Joey here can't spell firefighter next time neither."

  14. #34
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    Gentlemen, here is a gift, from me to you, with much love

    How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
    Guilt gifts are nicer.

    How is a man like the weather?
    Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

    What should you give a man who has everything?
    A woman to show him how to work it.

    How do you save a man from drowning?
    Take your foot off his head.

    How can you tell if a man is happy?
    Who cares?

    Why are men like commercials?
    You can't believe a word they say.

    Why don't men often show their true feelings?
    Because they don't have any.

    What's the difference between government bonds and men?
    Bonds mature.

    What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
    E.T. phoned home.

    Why do men like BMWs?
    They can spell it.

    What is the difference between men and pigs?
    Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.


    Men are like....
    Men are like department stores....their clothes should always be half off.
    Men are like computers...hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
    Men are like horoscopes....they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
    Men are like plungers...they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

    Hubby : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
    Wife : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
    Hubby : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
    Wife : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, '"What other problem can there be greater than this one ?"

    Have a fun and safe weekend.

  15. #35
    Fyrball105
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Just wanted to step in and come to speedis defence, let you jersey boys know we do get snow here> blizzards as speedi has said. I am a vollie, and we have had one of our trucks stuck in a snow bank that blew across the road, responding to a fire- anyway we had to wait for the people around to go get a back hoe to come down and pull us out.just take it easy on ole speedi, she does know what she's saying sometimes.

  16. #36
    Break-N-Entry
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    Here's one Jersey boy that's been to beautiful Tennessee a couple times. I saw President's Polk's house, a Nashville Sounds game, and even got me a speeding ticket on Route 40. I love Pat Summit and those Lady Vols! Love that moonshine too ... it's got some kick ... but it made me see penguins. Hey, was that Tennesse Tuxedo?

  17. #37
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    Thanks fyrball.....I think.


    Well Break, I can't say that I know how moon shine taste. I don't think that that is served in restaurants any more. Maybe where fyrball is from but not here in the big city. As for the lady VOLs, I'm not really a fan. Now the football team, that is a different matter. As for it being a beautiful state. You are correct. East Tennessee is the better part of the state however. Glad you can appreciate beauty when you see it.

  18. #38
    CFD14
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    And a gift for you Speedi.

    THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she
    brings it.

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

    How do you know when a woman is about to say
    something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    Why do men pass gas more than women?
    Because women won't shut up long enough to
    build up pressure.

    If your dog is barking at the back door and
    your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.

    All wives are alike, but they have different
    faces so you can tell them apart.

    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman that won't do what she's told.

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
    Nothing, she done been told twice.

    What do you call a woman who has lost 95%
    of her intelligence? Divorced.

    Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some
    say monogamy is the same.

    Scientists have discovered a food to diminish
    a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called
    Wedding Cake.

    Speedi, hope you enjoy these. Does 18 to 22" of snow ever make drifts of 14 to 28' like it does here?

  19. #39
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post




    Have you been following me around the internet? I saw those jokes also. Nice of you to give me a gift in return for the one that I gave you. Thanks

  20. #40
    Fyrball105
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    just had to come back again, and yes still moonshine here, can't say I know how it taste though, the smell burnt too much I wasn't going to try and drink it. and I wanted to give CFD a big way to go, glad somebody brought something in for speedi and if you have to think before you thank me then you probably shouldn't...

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