1. #51
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    EWWWWWW!!!!! That is not true, I have not eaten any monkey since I was little. I think that is when they stopped passing out the recipes.







    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited August 30, 2000).]

  2. #52
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Hey CFD, I found the monkey recipe wanna come for dinner? Side dish of giraffe

    or would that be main course of giraffe, side dish of monkey? the giraffe is bigger. hmmmmm






  3. #53
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Question

    Ok, now I know what a knish is and what bialy is. Now, tell me this. I have found recipes for New York knish and Boston knish. Is there a New Jersey knish? Bialy sounds delish but too much work to try and make.


  4. #54
    HYTHE FIRE DEPARTMENT
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Three blondes are on an island. They are standing on the beach, and can see the mainland, but cant get off. They find a bottle on the beach, open it, and out pops a gennie. The gennie grants each blonde one wish.

    Blonde #1 wishes she was smarter than a blonde. Poof, she is a red head and proceeds to successfully swim to the mainland.

    Blonde #2 wishes she was smarter than a red head. Poof, she is a brunette. She builds a raft and floats to the mainland.

    Blonde #3 says she can do better, and wishes she were smarter than a red head and a brunette. Poof, she becomes a man and walks across the bridge.

    Ha

  5. #55
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    If she were a man she would never make it across because he would have to inspect the bridge to see if it was sturdy enough. Then being lost as most men are he wouldn't want to ask directions to get across so he would be stuck on the island forever.

    HA!


  6. #56
    HYTHE FIRE DEPARTMENT
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    What I should have said was she turned into a man and decided to stay on the island because the other two had left. He finally had some peace and quite.

    Double Ha


    [This message has been edited by HYTHE FIRE DEPARTMENT (edited August 31, 2000).]

  7. #57
    CFD14
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Who knows; they never get the house

    A brunette, red head and blonde go out for a drink. Each uses brevity to order their drinks. The brunette tells the bartender ML and he gets her a Miller Lite. The red head asks for a BL and the bartender sets a Bud Light in front of her.
    The blonde calls him over and says "I'll have a fifteen."
    "Fifteen." says the bar keep, "what is a fifteen?"
    "You know," says the blonde. "A seven and seven."

    An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

    "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning.
    You have a broken reflector on your buggy."

    "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home."

    "That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. That's cruelty to animals, have your husband take care of that right away!"

    Later that day, the woman is home, telling her about the encounter with the cop.
    "Well, what did he say?"

    "He said the reflector is broken."

    "I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"

    "I'm not sure, Jacob...something about the emergency brake..."

  8. #58
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    LMAO!!!!! you got me there, I am laughing so hard I can't think of a come back.




    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited August 31, 2000).]

  9. #59
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    A man is a person who - if a woman says, "Nevermind, I'll do it myself." - lets her.

    A woman is a person who - if she says to a man,
    "Nevermind, I'll do it myself." and he lets her - gets mad.

    A man is a person who - if a woman says to him, "Nevermind, I'll do it myself,"
    and he lets her and she gets mad - says, "Now what are you mad about?"

    A woman is a person who - if she says to a man, "Nevermind, I'll do it myself,"
    and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says,
    "Now what are you mad about?" - says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you!"



  10. #60
    pahoseboy
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It
    > >was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one
    > >was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
    > >The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see
    > >while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the
    > >mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn
    >baby
    > >by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first
    > >breath.
    > >"Hit him again," the 5 yr. old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up
    > >there in the first place!!"

  11. #61
    FFTrainer
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted
    to send him flowers for the occasion. The flowers arrived at the
    new business sight and the owner read the card: "Rest in Peace."

    The owner was very angry, to say the least, and called to complain."
    Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, and sorry you were offended,"
    said the florist. "But even worse, somewhere there is a funeral
    taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,
    "Congratulations on your new location."

  12. #62
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Smile






    lol, those were funny

  13. #63
    HYTHE FIRE DEPARTMENT
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    A drunk cowboy was driving home late one night when he passes a nun on the side of the road. He slams on the breaks, gets out, and proceeds to beat the living crap out of the nun. As the nun lies there in the ditch, the cowboy spits on her and yells "you're not so tough now are you Batman!"

    Ha

  14. #64
    HYTHE FIRE DEPARTMENT
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    An old man walks into a whore house in Las Vegas and ask for Natalia. The Madame says that Natalia is our most expensive girl, she costs $1,000 for an hour.

    The old man says he only wants Natalia. They bring him to her room, he pays her $1,000 and they proceed to have sex for the hour.

    The next day the old man returns and asks for Natalia. The Madame explained that the price is still $1,000, and no one has ever come back for another turn. He demanded to speak to Natalia. Once again he is shown to her room, he pays the $1000, and they have sex for the next hour.

    The next day the old man returns again and asks for Natalia. The Madame is in shock as it is unheard of for some one to pay that much for sex three days in a row. Once again, they show him to her room. He pays her the $1,000 and they have sex. Afterwards, Natalia decides to learn a little bit about the client. She asks the old man where he is from. "I am from Minsk" he says. Natalia is shocked. "I am from Minks as well, I grew up there"

    "I know" he said," your brother sent me here to find you and give you the $3,000 he owed you."

    Ha

  15. #65
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post


  16. #66
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    One fellow sent to prison wasn't worried at all about serving his full term. When asked why, he said his wife had never let him finish a sentence the whole time they've been married.

    ------------------
    Patti
    Be Safe

    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited August 31, 2000).]

  17. #67
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    The Ferrari Incident

    A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO. It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, a man on a moped pulls up next to him. The man looks over from his moped to the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there?"
    The young man replies, "A 1997 Ferrari GTO. They cost about a half million dollars!"
    "That's a lot of money," says the other man increduously. "Why does it cost so much?"
    "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
    The moped driver asks if he can take a look inside, and the owner agrees. So he pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, he says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
    Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the moped guy what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself.
    Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the guy on the moped! "Couldn't be," he thinks. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror! Whooooosh... Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.
    The young man jumps out, and it IS the other man!!! Of course, both the man and the moped are hurting for certain. Ferrari-boy runs up to the dying man and says, "You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?"
    The man moans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

    Hmmm, he must have been blonde......Whatcha think?



    Be safe out there
    Patti



    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited August 31, 2000).]

  18. #68
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    A man walks into a bar and finds a Genie in a lamp. The Genie will only grant him one wish. The man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *POOF* the Genie turns him into a woman!

    TRIPLE HA!!!!!


    ------------------

    Be safe out there
    Patti

    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited August 31, 2000).]

  19. #69
    pahoseboy
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool




    A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the
    market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a
    special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens
    and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor
    replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the
    horniest rooster you will ever see!"

    So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him
    loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk.
    "Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And
    without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

    Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a
    thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying,
    till Randy had finished having his way with each hen.

    But Randy didn't stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted
    all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

    Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer,
    watching all of this with disbelief, cried out "Stop, Randy,
    you'll kill yourself!" But Randy continued, seeking out each
    farm animal in the same manner.

    Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying
    there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled
    back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already
    circling above Randy.

    The farmer walked up to Randy saying "Oh you poor thing, look
    what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you,
    little buddy."

    "Shhhhh," Randy whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer"

  20. #70
    Break-N-Entry
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    Just for Speedi .....

    Yo! What's up? B-N-E is back in da house, in charge, livin large, and givin a big shout out HELLO to all da 911 party people here in da house! Make some noise if you want a funny my honey from da hood!

    Shopper: Give me a pack of Kools.
    Clerk: Ain't got no Kools, just Newports, they the next best thing.

    Shopper: OK, give me a bottle of Coke.
    Clerk: Ain't got no Coke, just Pepsi, it the next best thing.

    Shopper: OK, give me a box of Tide.
    Clerk: Ain't got no Tide, just Cheer, it the next best thing.

    Shopper: OK, give me Tic-Tacs.
    Clerk: Ain't got no Tic-Tacs, just Certs, it the next best thing.

    Shopper: OK, here. (Puts a book of food stamps on da counter).
    Clerk: Hey, that's not money ... them's food stamps!
    Shopper: Next best thing.


    Just for Speedi ....

    My brother-in-law must be from Tennessee. He so lazy that he never on time for work. He always late. He only be on time once .... daylight savings.

    B-N-E is outa here, PEACE!

  21. #71
    eCappy
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Red face

    Three women; a blonde, a red head, and a brunette are real good friends and they go on a cruise. They shipwreck and land on a deserted island. They find an old bottle washed up on the beach, and it takes all three of them to pull out the cork. A genie appears and says that he only has the power to give three wishes, so each woman may have only one. The red head quickly says that she wishes she was home, and POOF, she's home. The brunette says that she wishes she was home, and POOF, she's home. The blonde says, "This is so cool! I can't believe this is happening to me! I wish all my friends could see me now!"

  22. #72
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Smile


  23. #73
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    A player from Alabama travels to Boston to visit relatives. At a party, he runs into a pretty girl and attempts to strike up a conversation.. "What school do y'all go to?" he asks.

    Annoyed by both his grammar and his Southern drawl, she sniffs, "Yale."

    So the ol'boy clears his throat and shouts,
    "WHAT SCHOOL DO Y'ALL GO TO?"





    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited September 01, 2000).]

  24. #74
    Break-N-Entry
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Red face

    Part Two:

    Then she says, "I'm celibate."

    So he says, "If you sell a bit ... I'll buy a bit."

  25. #75
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink



    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited September 01, 2000).]

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