Thread: HAAAAA!!!!!!

  1. #1
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink HAAAAA!!!!!!

    WOMEN

    Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.
    They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they
    still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

    Women want to be the best for their
    family, their friends, and themselves.

    Their hearts break when a friend dies.
    They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are
    strong when they think there is no strength left.

    A woman can make a romantic evening
    unforgettable.

    Women come in all sizes, in all colors and
    shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They
    drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care
    about you.

    The heart of a woman is what makes the
    world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring
    joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.

    They give moral support to their family
    and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for
    you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

    MEN

    Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and
    killing spiders.


  2. #2
    URSULAFORHAN
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Buy some winches and then they'd only be necessary for spider (or in my case, snake) squashing.

    ------------------

  3. #3
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Smile

    I know a few that is afraid of spiders and snakes. So, I guess we just ruled them all out.

  4. #4
    Preston
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Thumbs down

    Not funny speedi. Some of us are good for some things anyway.

  5. #5
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    UMMMM....ok never mind, I won't go there


  6. #6
    chf jstano
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    Hey speedi,my wife and I cut a deal---SHE does spiders,I do mice and snakes!

  7. #7
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Smile

    Stano

    You aren't afraid of spiders are you?


  8. #8
    CFD14
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    (x) Speedi, I wasn't going to post this, but you leave me no choice. lol

    Women think they already know everything, but wait......
    Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

    1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

    2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

    3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

    4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game

    5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in The Bathroom Cabinet Too.

    6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

    7. Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not The First

    8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

    9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging

    10. Driving A Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

    11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

    12. Introduction to Parking

    13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

    14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

    15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

    16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu Are Not For Human Consumption

    17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

    18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

    19. PMS: Your Problem......Not His

    20. Dancing. Why Men Don't Like To

    21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

    22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

    23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

    24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

    25. TV Remotes: For Men Only


  9. #9
    firebox1
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Hello speed My name is fabian and I was just wondering if it would be all right to print out some of the jokes you posted on this page if it's all right please email at fcantu@journey.com Please let me know
    Thanks
    Fabian
    tribal fire dept.

    ------------------

  10. #10
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post



    Fabian, feel free to print them. They are not mine, got them from emails and the internet. So print away.

    CFD, if you didn't post it here it would just find its way to my mailbox. Since you did post it I feel compeled to answer.......


    Women think they already know everything, but wait......
    Training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

    1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before...... I have this one down to a science. When I don't talk he gets scared and sucks up. I aced this course

    2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
    If I didn't make the deposits and balance the checkbook the bills would not get paid. He knew how to take money out. Which he failed to write down and didn't see fit to tell anyone. Resulting in separate accounts.
    3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
    You have no problems excepting the compliments from your buddies when they tell you how hot we look in the new outfits so why shouldn't we shop?
    4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game
    I guess that is why mens clothing seems to land in the floor beside the couch, dirty dishes stacked up on the table infront and beside him and he then gets upset because the woman is messy.
    5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in The Bathroom Cabinet Too.
    What for? How much space does it take to leave stubble in the sink?
    6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
    And her fufu sponge is hers, leave it alone and it wont have leg hair in it
    7. Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not The First
    Tears? Who the heck cries in front of a man, women know that men have no feelings what good would it do to cry.
    8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
    Sometimes we get lonely and need to hear someones less than intelligent thoughts, so therefore we pretend to be men and speak without giving much thought to it. That way we don't feel so alone. Then we realize how asinine we sound (talking and thinking manly) so we look for another intelligent life form and call a girlfriend.
    9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging
    Hmmm, I have tried the no nag thing. Found out that when I am nice he doesn't get the message. Went back to nagging.
    10. Driving A Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
    Ummm, I think I need to take the don't speed course again. I failed the first time. I told the instructor that I have a need for speed and he didn't think it was funny
    11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
    I have this one aced also. So much so that it really pi**** him off every time I do it. He now stalks the instructor.
    12. Introduction to Parking
    Ummm, finally learned how to park. I threw the ex out of the car and without his instructions I am now able to park without using the medication the doctor prescribed.
    13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
    I have backing down. You see, I ran over the ex in reverse and now I am somewhat of an expert. Got a certificate for this one. You see, the instructor was a woman.
    14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
    Ok, I had a reply to this one but I think I better be good.
    15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
    See #14. If we cook those things you wont have to wonder if it is fact or fiction
    16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu Are Not For Human Consumption
    I agree.
    17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
    and take away his junk food so that he gets cranky and unbearable to live with?
    18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
    When you men learn how to give them with out being asked for one we will learn how not to be shocked and will learn to except them gracefully.
    19. PMS: Your Problem......Not His
    HIS problem when he pushes the PMS button and we have to take it out on him because he is there......
    20. Dancing. Why Men Don't Like To
    Course for Men.....Sex, why men don't get it
    21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
    I guess buying that new lingerie is out to?
    22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
    Dust, the thing you complain is making you sneeze when you have nothing else to complain about or what the nagging mother law complains about when she comes for a visit
    23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
    I guess wearing pink undies is not a problem for you?
    24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
    Isn't that a man function? We have the womanly duties, you have the manly duties? Isn't that what you tell us?
    25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
    For women only when you lose it, complain for hours and we have to call out a search party (just so you will shut up) only to discover you was sitting on it but was to lazy to move to find it.


    Remember Gentlemen, only in good fun

    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited September 12, 2000).]

    [This message has been edited by Speedi120 (edited September 12, 2000).]

  11. #11
    hazmatemt
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    YOU GO GIRL!!!!
    Jackie

  12. #12
    chf jstano
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    Where ye find spiders,ye shall not find me!!! (until after the missus passes through)

  13. #13
    F02
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    Hey if she put MY remote beside the chair where it's spose to be when I'm done with it.I would'nt have been sittin on it.

  14. #14
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    Lets all get out our dictionaries.

    Lets turn to the l's

    now children, lets look up the word lazy

    there in bold letters should appear the word

    MAN

    Hey if she put MY remote beside the chair where it's spose to be when I'm done with it.I would'nt have been sittin on it

    your remote, when you are thru with it..... is she your wife or your slave?

  15. #15
    F02
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    After 26 years of training she's a pretty good woman.

  16. #16
    CFD14
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    Speedi, how could you have aced #1??????
    I haven't noticed any silence from you yet. lol

    Men are the only ones that can sit in the same room, watching tv for hours and not say anything. And not worry about if "somethings wrong cause he won't speak to me"

    Hey F02, what training tools did you use? My wife gets the hint when I go grab my labs shock collar. Just Kidding. lol

  17. #17
    Speedi120
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    Oh but CFD,
    I am not married to you. I was under the impression that those classes were for couples.

    But hey, if you wish for Speedi to be silent I will see if I can not give you thy wish.

  18. #18
    Capt. LaFrance
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Wink

    Speedi:
    Your constant talking is a genetic's thing:Women, by design, don't f**t or belch. If they didn't talk constantly, they would build up pressure and explode.LOL

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