1. #1
    alpha192
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post Joke Threads, Merged

    Ok folks, lets hear your best fire/ems/chief joke.

    For example, CaptainCarp included this at the end of a post he added this gem:

    "CHAOS stands for-
    Chief Has Arrived On Scene
    Don't get mad it's just a saying."

    Sorry CaptainCarp, you'll have to come up with another joke to add to this sting.

    Keep Safe,
    James
    Last edited by webteam; 09-26-2007 at 10:32 AM. Reason: Multiple threads

  2. #2
    capt 49-4
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    One day a little boy was standing in front of the firehall. He had on a helmet, boots, and raincoat. He also had a red wagon with a ladder tied on the side of it. A dog was tied to the wagon, but the rope was tied to the dogs testicles! A Fireman came out and said thats a nice looking Fire Truck you have there son. But don't you think it would go faster if the rope was tied around the dogs neck? Yes said the boy, But Then I Wouldn't Have A Siren!

  3. #3
    capt 49-4
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    A firefighter getting ready to go in work on morning told his wife of 12 years, Honey when I get home tomarrow morning lets try something different. When I come in the door I will Yell 1 bell, you take off your cloths. When I yell 2 bells you jump into bed. When I yell 3 bells I will join you and we will have sex. The next morning he comes in the door and yells 1 bell, then 2 bells, then 3 bells and jumps into bed with her. After about 5 minutes She Yells 4 Bells, He asks what the hell does that mean. She says MORE HOSE!!!!

  4. #4
    capt 49-4
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    One day a blond calls the Fire Dept. to report her house on fire. Never hearing of her street name before, The dispatcher asks how do we get there? She says on the Big Red Truck Dah!

  5. #5
    Co11FireChic
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Cool

    Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was miserable and they hadnít seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said, "That does it! I am going out to get me a deer." Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and the chief asked, "How did you get that?" The rookie replied, "I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck". The captain then said, "Iíve had enough of this I am going to get my deer." He came back a half hour later with a 6- point buck. The chief asked, "How did you get that?" The captain then replied, "I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck." The chief, not wanting to be out done, said, "I am out of here. I am going to bag the biggest buck of the day." He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and the captain asked, "What happened to you?" The chief replied, "I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a train."

    ------------------------------------

    There were three Firemen from Company 1 who always went bird hunting together and they always rented a hunting dog named Rex from a local farmer. Rex was a great dog and would always hold point and find any birds they shoot. One year they didn't go hunting and the farmer rented Rex out to some Firemen from Company 2 who used him that season.
    The next year the Co. 1 guys went to rent Rex from the farmer for hunting but the farmer had bad news for them. He told them Rex was no longer any good for hunting and didn't have a replacement for him and to tell the Co. 2 firemen they were not welcome there any more and that if he saw them he would probably shoot them for what they did to Rex.
    The Co. 1 Firemen asked the farmer what the Co. 2 boys did that could be so bad. Well the farmer said last year when they rented Rex it all started off fine until one of the Co. 2 guys decided to rename him. Well what's wrong with that they asked. The farmer said they renamed him CHIEF and now all he does is sit on his *** and bark all the time.

    ~Courtney



  6. #6
    CAPTAIN WHO
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Post

    A Captain, Deputy Chief an Chief all sat down for lunch one day.

    The Captain opened his lunch and in frustration screamed out "Peanut butter and Jam sandwiches again!. If I get a PB & J sandwich one more time I'm going to the top of the hose tower and throw myself off.

    The Deputy Chief then opened his lunch, "Baloney and Mustard again, I can't believe this..If I get another Baloney sandwich I too am going to throw myself from the hose tower".

    The Chief opens his lunch. "Ham and Cheese. By God if I have to eat another Ham and Cheese dinner, I'm going to the hose tower also."

    The next day the 3 of them sat down to lunch.

    The Captain opened his lunch..."PB & J! That's it"! He walks away and climbs to the top of the hose tower and falls to his death.

    The Deputy Chief opens his lunch. "Baloney and Mustard again!" He walks off and also pitches himself from the hose tower, and falls to his death.

    The Chief checks his lunch. "Ham and Cheese!"
    Runs over to the hose tower and falls to his death also.

    Later, at the funeral the Reverend is trying to comfort the poor, distraught widows of the fallen members.

    He walks over to the 3 ladies who are trying to comfort each other. He speaks to the widow of the Captain. " I just don't understand it," she says, " If he just told me how much he hated PB & J, I never would have made it for him again!"

    The Reverend turns to the Deputy Chief's widow. " I too, don't get it, " she said between tears and sobs. " If he only once expressed his hate for Baloney and Mustard, I would never have made it again."

    The reverend then looked to the Chief's Widow, who now was almost hysterical with grief.

    "Let me understand," he said to the Chief's Widow, " You to are blaiming yourself because he never told you how much he hated his lunch, And in telling you, You never would have done it again."

    She looked at him with huge tears in her eye's " I just don't get it" she said between sobs, " I really don't get it!...HE MADE HIS OWN LUNCH!"

    Andy

    [This message has been edited by CAPTAIN WHO (edited 05-28-2001).]

  7. #7
    vollieff
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking

    On a rather bad day for weather, the chief and Asst. chief were sitting at the fire house after work as they have always done for years to chat for a while when the weather radio chimed in with a snow emergency and said that all cars in town must park on the odd side of the street. The chief says "oh my, I better move the chiefs vehicle". He gets up and dashes out and parks the car on the odd side of the street and returns minutes later to protest how far he had to go to find a spot. The next day the chief and Asst. were at the firehouse after work as usual when the weather radio chimed in again and declared another snow emergency, but this time everyone was supposed to park the cars on the even side of the street. With that, the chief jumped and again said "oh my, I better move the chiefs vehicle". Upon returning he again complained to the Asst. about having to park even farther away this time this time. The next day the chief and Asst. again where at the usual spot after work and... you guessed it, the weather radio again declared a snow emergency and wanted all cars to be on the even side of the street. The chief was so upset he began to complain to the Asst. about probably having to park even further away this time. The Asst. calmly looked at the chief and said "hey chief, why don't you just leave the car inside the firehouse where it's supposed to be"

  8. #8
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    Default



    [ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: HFVFD318 ]

  9. #9
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    What do you have when your chief is up to his neck in cement??


    NOT ENOUGH CEMENT!!
    COFire
    PROTECTING THOSE WHO DEFEND AMERICA ============================== =====

  10. #10
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    Just got this one in an email...

    A young fireman placed a ladder against the bedroom window of a burning house and rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see- through nightie.

    "Aha," said he, "you're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"

    "But I'm not pregnant," the brunette indignantly exclaimed.

    "You're not rescued yet either."
    IACOJ Agitator
    Fightin' Da Man Since '78!

  11. #11
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    Default Better Joke than Kiwi's

    Kiwi - I am hereby calling you out to a joke telling match to the death....

    An elderly man had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables and some apple and peach trees. The pond was shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

    One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

    As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.

    One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator.

    Old men may move slow but can still think fast!!!!

  12. #12
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    Not the funniest joke... but it does beat the golf club joke.......

    *sigh*

  13. #13
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    I can't go out swinging. If I pull my best joke already the contest would be over. Lets wait on a Kiwi comeback

  14. #14
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    this joke got a wtf out of me...

    a wtf for someone actually wasting my time with this crap.

    So far, you and kiwi are tied for dead last.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarcusKspn View Post
    Kiwi - I am hereby calling you out to a joke telling match to the death....
    How can you have a joke/death match without including the great ones like Malahat, and Doug???? Also, why does everyone seem to pick on Kiwi??

    Ok, off of the soapbox...

    How much for tickets to this show? When does the carnage begin?

  16. #16
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    Default Who, Me?

    A male Bear and a male Rabbit was walking about in the woods one day when suddenly coming across an old bottle. When touching the bottle a genie appeared, as they normally do, and told the pair that they had three wishes each.

    The Bear started: I wish that all bears in this forrest, except for me, were ladies.

    The Genie quickly snapped his finger and all bears in the forrest were female.

    Now it was the Rabbits turn: I'd like to get this bigass castle with a huge field of carrots in front of it.

    The Genie snapped his fingers and the Rabbit got his castle and carrots.

    The Bear: I would just love it if all the bears, except for me, in this country would be females.

    The Genie once more snapped his fingers and the Bears wish was fullfilled.

    The Rabbit was a bit more held back in his next wish than the Bear and only wished for a fine wife and a couple of mistresses on the side..

    The Genie said: Your wish is fulfilled and snapped his fingers.

    Now it was time for the Bear to make his final wish: I want ALL the bears in the WORLD, except for me of course, to be females!

    The Genie once more snapped his fingers and all the bears in the world, except for the Bear, were females.

    Now, the Rabbit made his final wish:





































    I wish that the Bear was gay!
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

  17. #17
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    I dunno, I'll have to see more!
    IAFF

  18. #18
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    ..... I really think they should change the title to battle of the stupid jokes.


    Oh I got one....

    A bear walked into a bar and ordered a rum



    ause:



    and coke

    The bartender goes "Why the pause?"

    The bear said "What? I've had these my whole life?"

  19. #19
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    ohh ohh ohh i have one!

    Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."
    Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
    Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
    "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
    First in, Last out, nobody left behind.....

  20. #20
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    ohh i got another one!

    What is an Eskimo cow called ?
    An eskimoo

    =========================

    THIS JOKE HAS BEEN DELETED BY THE STUPID.COM SENSORS.
    Too bad. You would have found it REAL funny.


    ok im done now

    *oh and i think the people from stupid.com need to look at some of the threads and posts on this site!*
    First in, Last out, nobody left behind.....

  21. #21
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    Two muffins are in the oven. One looks over and says, "Gee, don't you think it's hot in here?" and the other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!!!! A talking muffin!!!"

  22. #22
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    Two canibals are eating a dead clown... One canibal says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you??"
    Jason Knecht
    Assistant Chief
    Altoona Fire Dept.
    Altoona, WI

    IACOJ - Director of Cheese and Whine
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    EAT CHEESE OR DIE!!

  23. #23
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    None of these even got a smile let alone an out loud HA HA You guys have a long longggg way to go

    Hey Snowball, shove over please. At this rate it's going to be a long show and I need to sit down.
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

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    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

  24. #24
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    I will now post my entire arsenal of Pirate Jokes:

    1) Have you seen the new Pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrrr
    2) Where do Pirates like to eat? Arrrrby's
    3) A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.
    The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
    "Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"

  25. #25
    55 Years & Still Rolling
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    Lightbulb Uhhhhhhhhhhh.................. ..

    A reporter was at a Nursing Home, gathering material for a story on longevity. His interview included the final two questions: 1. "To what do you owe your long life to?" followed by 2. "If I may ask, how old are you?". The reporter had interviewed a few elderly folks, and as he walked down the hall, he encountered an elderly male, stooped shoulders, flowing white hair, thin bony fingers clutching a cane, as he slowly made his way to his room.

    The Reporter introduced himself, explained his upcoming story about long life, and asked the Gentleman if he would answer a few questions. They chatted for a while, then the reporter asked: "What have you done in life to get to this point?" The Gentleman replied: "Well, I spent a lot of time Posting on Firehouse Forums...." The reporter said: "Well gee, that's nice..... How old are you now?" The Gentleman replied: "Twenty Six...."
    Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
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