During my time as a firefighter I have made some really good freinds, and some not so good ones, but all in all we have always had each others back. But with a recent turn of events at my FH, I am not so sure anymore that we have that sense of brotherhood, and I am not so sure that it in in me either.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a firefighter, but I took a Leave of Absense recently with the hopes that these probelms will dwindle away. I know you going to say I should face my problems, but I have, and I kept getting beaten down. This isn't about me getting my way around the station, It is about botherhood, I dont know if they are truely my brothers anymore.
This is also the first time I have ever walked away, and it doesn't feel right, but I had to, for the company, and for myself. I may end up leaving that station for good in the long run, I sure felt like it. However I thought I would give it some time to see if everything works out.
I am writing this on here, not for pity, or your support, but because I need to let everyone how I feel, and since I can't deal with going down to the station to do it, I would go to my extended family to let them know how I feel.
Thanks for listening.
Lost and disoriented
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Thread: Throwing in the towel
04-05-2002, 08:01 PM #1
- Join Date
- Feb 2001
Throwing in the towel
04-05-2002, 10:29 PM #2
- Join Date
- Jul 2000
- Crowley, LA
I know how you feel. I am in a company with 7 people. 4 of those are roughly the same age(5 to 10 years younger than me), grew up in the same small farm town, and know all the same people. The 2 capt's, are 20 years older than me, but still grew up in the same town. I am considered an outsider and am treated differently. It can get frustrating. We don't have the brotherhood that everyone talks about, or that people hear about. Also look at how times have changed. People used to get off of work and the wife was there. Now, the wife works, so time off is spent with her, not with the brothers, although we don't have the shift BBQ's either. It is frustrating sometimes, but the love of the job keeps me going back. Good luck, and don't lose site of why you took the job.Craig Walker
Union Strong...Union Proud
An Irishman is the only person in the world who would walk over 12 naked women to get to a bottle of Stout.
04-06-2002, 10:42 AM #3
- Join Date
- Jan 2002
- Richmond, VA
Hey brother-been where you are.It's not a good feeling.It's can be very hard sticking it out.You feel as if you are giving more, doing more, taking up the slack, etc..Getting toned out isn't as exciting anymore.Kinda a domino effect occurs when something as important as "team" and "brotherhood" is missing.
I left my Fire Department roughly 18 months ago, in 2 1/2 hours I will be sitting down to take the written test of the hiring process again.Kinda odd when I think about it cause 9 years ago-give or take a week- I was taking the same test for the same department.
Lotta guys I worked with are happy to see me in the process again-but they ask why I am coming back.Things haven't changed alot-some say they have gotten worse.So why would you knowingly step back into a situation that is the same,if not worse, and go back through it again?Here is my simple answer.
I need to do this job,I need to serve my community.It is simply where I belong-where I am the most effective.All of the things I have done in my adult life have centered around service to my country,community, and fellow man(that covers female folk as well!).I have meade the realization that I may be good at other things but that when it is all said and done I am BEST at being a Firefighter.Besides, it's fun.
So-as I said before-are EXACTLY where I was 18 months ago.I let other people,blue shirts and white shirts, allow me to get wrapped around the axle with all the not so bright stuff they were oing,and not doing.While I was bitching about it all I lost sight of why most of us do this job, and what is most important:
You community,city,town-all those people who need us
(and don't understand all we do and frequently make it difficult to do what we do).
Those guys(and gals) who wash the apparatus with you in the am.Those guys(you get the point) who sit with you a drink a pot of coffee with at 0300 after a worker.
Stick it out mate,just a little longer.Try a little harder.Remember why you started doing this to begin with.Be infectious(in a good way) maybe those guys you work with will start to come around.Or you could do what I did,and have a very sore leg-from kickin yourself in the arse every day for 18 months...
Hey,don't forget to hum something very serious whilst you read this!Rob
"Well done is better than well said" - B. Franklin
04-06-2002, 10:39 PM #4
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
- sussex county, nj
hi brother, stick it out. face the problems head on dont take it to the grave it will kill you. tell hem how you feel and take the actions but you will feel better getting off of your chest as long as it done in a constructive manner, we do what we do because we were born to do it. never waver from what is your calling, hang tight brother..we have all been thereart
04-07-2002, 06:11 PM #5
- Join Date
- Feb 2001
- Illinois-where pertnear is close enough!
I thought that I was looking in a mirror. Look at my profile. We came into the forums together in February, 2001. You have 141 posts. This is my 144th. We are both from the U.S.!
I, too, have done some soul-searching. We try to find that esprit de corps; that photo/that one motto that gives our department its identity. Like all families, there are tensions from time to time. Attitudes need adjusted; visions need to be re-focused. But through it all, you never lose sight of why you are doing it. It transcends your brotherhood. It is called the neighborhood. It is for community, for mankind and to ease human suffering, just to name a few. You can have 25 of the most uncommon and different personalities with one common goal and that is to HELP others.
I realize that we may need help from time to time, because we are not impervious to suffering the emotional pain of an incident.
Something that has worked for me for many years is to find something that makes me laugh; cartoons, the 3 stooges, a book, a movie and recently, we go to a comedy club. It really helps. It is a complete diversion from what we do. You almost feel a little guilty about it because it feels so good! At my age, you're just happy that you can feel something! I still read the trades, watch videos and communicate with fire service personnel and run the department, but I get away from it occasionally. Three years ago, I took up bicycling. It is great! Get on that bicycle and you aren't thinking of anything else. We take week-end trips to bike paths in other counties and in other states.
So, do you get the picture? Don't let it consume you. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.
You will know if they are your brothers when they come up to you offering you their time to listen and show geniune concern for your concerns. And if it isn't meant to be, just remember why you got into it in the first place.
Do what is best for you.
Did you see the one where Curley was the tillerman on the ladder truck? Hilarious!
Peace to you.
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