1. #26
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    Yep, yep yep. You're right, I got a real good chuckle out of those Kiwi.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  2. #27
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    Sorry, I got a bit of spare time.

    15 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

  3. #28
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    Default Oh I could not resist

    Stayback500ft This ones for you.

    It is the year 2000 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save > the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

    Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah," He shouted, "where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

    The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft." Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore, unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

    The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began the calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord. "No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

  4. #29
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    Default And for those who submit a false resume

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

    MORAL OF THE STORY: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

  5. #30
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    LadyCapn, I noticed that you refer to BC as "up there" and Ontario as "down here"... Interesting choice of words.

    I was wondering: is that because of the mountains on this side of the country? Or is that because once we've all had a few too many, we tend to roll down hill, and those who can't hold on, end up in Ontario? (my wife is from the Pembroke/Petawawa area, so if you tell her to, she will smack me.)

    And for Man-o-fire, I lived for 4-1/2 years in Calgary, while posted with the Strathcona's 88-92. Aside from my home town of course, it is the BEST CITY IN THE COUNTRY!!! Cowboys - well you can keep em, but give me them COWGIRLS any day.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  6. #31
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    Talking

    Re #15

    http://www.sheepcam.com/

    No I will not.

  7. #32
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    It is becoming painfully obvious that the international influence on this board (specifically from you Canadians and New Zealanders--but there's plenty of smack coming from the Aussies and Brits, too) is exceeding acceptable limits.

    It is really getting hard for me to think of New Zealanders as merely sheep farmers, Aussies as boomerang-throwing crock-wrestlers, Candians as....ice fishermen, I guess (and Canadian COWBOYS?!! That kind of freaks me out...) and Brits as, um, I don't know....producers of bad rock bands, maybe (except for the Beatles)?

    Keep this stuff up, and you'll permanently elevate my perception of you folks.
    Bryan Beall
    Silver City, Oklahoma USA

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    Sadly, several minutes of my life are now gone, forever I might add, because I was watching the sheep cam.

    Nevermind that I can look out my window (literally) and watch a real-life herd of cattle moving around.

    The Internet: Technical Marvel, or Idiot's Pasttime?
    Bryan Beall
    Silver City, Oklahoma USA

  9. #34
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    16: if there is a way to make fun at something, Kiwi will probably suggest a link that involves sheep or some other farm animal.

    17: If you have a question or a problem about something, someone in the Forums has been there and experienced it, has the same question or problem or has a possible answer or solution.

    17a: The best part of 17 is that those same people are always willing to share that information or offer support to those in need.

    Hey Silver anything to add to the intellectual growth of our Brothers and Sisters, we are more than happy to oblige.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  10. #35
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    Silver City 4

    the truly stunning thing is that you visited the site at all.

    did you see any sheep cause I watched the damn thing for 2 hours and never saw one.

    Can you post a picture of the cows???


  11. #36
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    Kiwi, it's like a car wreck....you just have to look.

    I'll see what I can do about pictures of my cows.

    In the meantime, check out

    Cow Tipping

    ...and....


    Cow Pictures
    Bryan Beall
    Silver City, Oklahoma USA

  12. #37
    StroutKristen
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    Red face THE DEVIL AND THE OLD MAN

    OLD MAN AND THE DEVIL
    A few minutes before the services started, the
    townspeople were
    sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly,
    Satan appeared at the
    front
    of the church. Everyone started screaming and
    running for the front
    entrance, trampling each other in a frantic
    effort to get away from
    evil
    incarnate.
    Soon everyone had exited the church except for
    one elderly gentleman
    who sat calmly in his pew without moving,
    seeming oblivious to the
    fact
    that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
    So Satan walked up to the old man and
    said, "Don't you know who
    I am?"
    The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
    "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
    "Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
    "Don't you realize I can kill you with a
    word?" asked Satan.
    "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned
    the old man, in an even
    tone.
    "Did you know that I could cause you
    profound, horrifying,
    physical
    AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
    "Yep," was the calm reply.
    "And you're still not afraid?" asked
    Satan.
    "Nope."
    More than a little perturbed, Satan asked,
    "Well, why aren't you
    afraid of me?"
    The man calmly replied, "Been married to your
    sister for over 48 years

  13. #38
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    I guess I should make sure the bar is nicely stocked for stayback's cross Canada tour.

    I have noticed that ya'll pretty much start off in left field behind the bleachers... and before you know it your in the parking lot drinking and steeling cars....

    Oh well... I will join ya'll one day.... I am in the middle of my two week "vacation"

    What is the name of that Aerosmith album.... permanent vacation....
    "No one ever called the Fire Department for doing something smart..."

  14. #39
    StroutKristen
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    Post NATIVE

    I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE PROUD OF BEING A CALIFORNIA NATIVE....WITH A FAMILY FROM MISSISSIPPI.....I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS MY DEAL......

  15. #40
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    Default Stayback...a poster child?

    OTHER THINGS LEARNED......

    16...you never know who might be lurking on these forums.



    17...don't be surprised when you find out who's lurking on these forums.

    18...sometimes, other "brothers" show up on these forums.




    I'm attorn-ely grateful for some of the opportunities presented here...hee, hee. Need I say Moran that?

    Stayback....you're one of a kind!!
    Proudly serving as the IACOJ Minister of Information & Propoganda!
    Be Safe! Lookouts-Awareness-Communications-Escape Routes-Safety Zones

    *Gathering Crust Since 1968*
    On the web at www.section2wildfire.com

  16. #41
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    Wink I'm not easy!!

    Um, I have now detected two fellow forum members who refer to me as "Easy". Please note my user name is "EastKyFF", derived from "Eastern Kentucky firefighter", which is what I am.

    I'm medium, not easy

  17. #42
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    I'd like to thank the academy for all the compliments!


    My tour managers are working out the schedule, look for dates and times at a venue in your area! I'm thinking of naming it the "OhmyGodIjustgothitinthefacewithastopsignandIhopeno onefromCanadasawme Tour".
    -----------------------------

    On another note -- Could you imagine if we all worked the same fireground together? How would this pan out in the Incident Command System?

    Gonzo -- Incident Commander?
    StayBack -- Traffic Control Operations?
    Steamer -- Ummmm...dare I say...Media Coordinator?(Oprah)
    NJFFS_A16 -- Sarcasm Logicstics?
    EastKyFF -- Song and dance review coordinator?
    Kiwi -- Animal Control Operations?
    Malahat boys -- Doorstops? (hehe)
    Superchef -- Mess Hall

    I'm sure there are more............
    Last edited by StayBack500FT; 05-30-2002 at 09:50 AM.
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  18. #43
    StroutKristen
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    Question CISD

    What about CISD? Lord knows with Stayback in charge of traffic control......anyways....just kidding!

  19. #44
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    Default Re: I'm not easy!!

    Originally posted by EastKyFF
    Um, I have now detected two fellow forum members who refer to me as "Easy". Please note my user name is "EastKyFF", derived from "Eastern Kentucky firefighter", which is what I am.

    I'm medium, not easy
    Okay....Just don't be difficult!
    Proudly serving as the IACOJ Minister of Information & Propoganda!
    Be Safe! Lookouts-Awareness-Communications-Escape Routes-Safety Zones

    *Gathering Crust Since 1968*
    On the web at www.section2wildfire.com

  20. #45
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    So, if you are medium... does that mean someone has to buy dinner, and pay for the room?
    "No one ever called the Fire Department for doing something smart..."

  21. #46
    StroutKristen
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    Question HUH???

    I better not touch this one.....as a female.

  22. #47
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    Talking

    Well, I learned that big brother is watching (literally) and that the next forums I sign up for, I will be more creative with the name. There aren't too many Diane's on Long Island that are members of a fire dept.!! (I haven't gotten in trouble yet, though!)
    "When I was young, my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope is to leave the world a little better for my having been there."
    -- Jim Henson (1936 - 1990)

  23. #48
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    Stayback

    Can I nominate the Malahat DC as the official Wheel Chock for your crew, We do not need to let him drive in the cab, just throw him up top with the rest of the inanimate objects.

    I also feel if there is space in one of the lockers we could take Moran along as a hose ramp.

    PS thanks for the nominatation, it made me feel sheepish and embarassed to be allowed to ride in such an esteemed crew.


    Strout, if you touch it, you may go blind.

  24. #49
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    Kiwi -- ROTFLAMO!!!
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  25. #50
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    Oh, I've already been instructed by my wife not to be difficult. That goes back to picking out stuff for the house we just built. "I dunno, honey, do we want that hardwood or the kind that is one nanolumen brighter?"

    I'm just sitting here all slap-happy because our primary elections are over with. No, I'm NOT in the county where one candidate aired a videotape purported to be his opponent gettin' nekkid with a man that wasn't her husband. Now THAT is easy!

    #21 (or wherever we are): DON'T PUT YOUR POSTS IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS AND DON'T USE RUN-ON SENTENCES AND MAKE SHURE YOU SPEEL EVRYTHING RITE. (This is the "Maplewood Rule")

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