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  1. #61
    Forum Member StayBack500FT's Avatar
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    *gasp* *gasp* ...shtrout...no....mmmurmsmush ...sigh....*gasp* *gasp* ______________________________ _________________________
    Last edited by StayBack500FT; 05-30-2002 at 02:05 PM.
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree


  2. #62
    IACOJ BOD FlyingKiwi's Avatar
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    Talking The art of Common Sense

    The District Chief and the Firefighter were in the field at a bush fire. As they hit the sack for the night the FF said: "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."

    The DC said: "I see millions of stars."

    FF: "And what does that tell you, sir?"

    DC: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
    Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant.
    Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
    What does it you, Firefighter?"

    FF: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent!"

  3. #63
    IACOJ BOD FlyingKiwi's Avatar
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    Two-7

    Pay some respect to the guy and remember

    "When in Gnome, do as the Gnome-mens do"

    couldn't resist adding this

    A German decoy, built in occupied Holland in WWII, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood.
    There were wooden hangers, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.
    The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.
    The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooded plank. And early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.

  4. #64
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Here are a few more:

    Not all his ducks are in a row
    If S@#t were brains, he wouldn't have enough to make a wet spot in his shorts
    Somewhere, a Village is missing it's Idiot
    He may be slow, but his work is poor

    I am starting to think that someone should call IX-II (that's 911 for you more upbeat guys with the fancy phones) for Stayback, I think he is need of some O2... before he passes out on us here.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  5. #65
    IACOJ BOD FlyingKiwi's Avatar
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    Not CO2
    he is NMG

    Needs More Guiness

  6. #66
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Kiwi, as a matter of note, he receives the respect that is due him as an officer. Of course it is sometimes very difficult to think "L.S.G." and keep a straight face while talking to him..... but those of us who know the accronym, keep it to ourselves.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  7. #67
    StroutKristen
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION GUINESS

    An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”
    “Why, I’ve been to the pub of course” slurs the drunk.
    “Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening”.
    “I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
    “Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
    “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “I thought I’d gone deaf.”

  8. #68
    Senior Member jiffy911's Avatar
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    StayBack, I just wanted to say thanks--we can always count on you to start a thread that will make us all laugh.
    Jen, EMT-B
    "I got lost in thought...it was unfamiliar territory."
    "I love mankind--it's people I can't stand" --Linus

  9. #69
    StroutKristen
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Exclamation MY FIRST FIRE - NO KIDDING

    Did you know that my very first fire was a Jiffy pop fire?
    My first Hazmat was the dog diareaha in the living room.
    And my first medical aid was the heimlich on the dog after she ate a piece of pizza that was too big. (obviously)
    Anyways......I apologize for this brain fart but the Jiffy login name conjured it up! I need some sleep!!!

  10. #70
    Senior Member jiffy911's Avatar
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    LOL... that's funny! Those jiffy pop things can be dangerous!
    I hear stuff about the jiffy nickname all the time but that's a new one.

    PS--you had to heimlich a dog????
    Jen, EMT-B
    "I got lost in thought...it was unfamiliar territory."
    "I love mankind--it's people I can't stand" --Linus

  11. #71
    StroutKristen
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking JIFFY 911

    I was trying to show my daughter how I use to pop popcorn with my grandmother. The bag never blew up.....so I turned up the flame and.....ooops...instant Jiffy pop fire. The poor child never wants to see Jiffy pop again. But, I remained calm, walked right over to the sink, and extinguished that bad boy. As an extra precaution, I emerged it overnight, underwater, for overhaul.
    As for the dog....well she's sixteen years old....she gets really excited over pizza....and the rest is the heimlich first medical response experience. Take care and God bless!

  12. #72
    Senior Member Temptaker's Avatar
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    Default 24... I think ?

    24. If you start a flame war... don't be suprised when you get burned.
    25. Don't bother to ask questions about plea agreements, the defense lawyer wont answer anyway.
    26. If you offend someone apologize
    27. Read and learn.
    28. If you are questioned on a post, clarify...
    29. Respect other peoples opinions, you never know what you might learn.
    30. Don't give Kiwi alcohol, and then let him out with the sheep.
    31. Stayback and hfd66truck should be traffic and safety officers respectively

  13. #73
    Sr. Information Officer NJFFSA16's Avatar
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    Talking Forrest Gump ??

    Hey...StayBack...it's true! You can't see the Forrest through the trees!

    Let's see...if I follow I-80 west for 2400 miles, turn left...and look for a firefighting nun and a dog on a shrimp boat, eating Jiffy Pop, answering to the name of kristen-something or other......yikes! Where's my map...let's see..there's the Golden Gate bridge...I must be close. What's that sign say?......Hana?

    I admit...I'm lost!
    Last edited by NJFFSA16; 05-31-2002 at 06:12 AM.
    Proudly serving as the IACOJ Minister of Information & Propoganda!
    Be Safe! Lookouts-Awareness-Communications-Escape Routes-Safety Zones

    *Gathering Crust Since 1968*
    On the web at www.section2wildfire.com

  14. #74
    StroutKristen
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking FOREST GUMP

    Sorry about that!!!! I guess it wasn't a good time for show and tell!!!

    A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son
    Dear Son,
    I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
    This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
    It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
    The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
    We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.
    About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
    Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
    Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
    Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
    Love, Ma

    A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son

  15. #75
    Sr. Information Officer NJFFSA16's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: The Letter

    Originally posted by stroutkristen
    A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son
    That one rates 4 stars!

    Proudly serving as the IACOJ Minister of Information & Propoganda!
    Be Safe! Lookouts-Awareness-Communications-Escape Routes-Safety Zones

    *Gathering Crust Since 1968*
    On the web at www.section2wildfire.com

  16. #76
    Senior Member
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    Default On the up and up

    Stroutkristen,
    You forgot,
    His choo-choo is pulling a few empty boxcars.

  17. #77
    Sr. Information Officer NJFFSA16's Avatar
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    Talking

    Actually...they're empty hoppers WoooooohWOOOOOOOOh!
    *
    Proudly serving as the IACOJ Minister of Information & Propoganda!
    Be Safe! Lookouts-Awareness-Communications-Escape Routes-Safety Zones

    *Gathering Crust Since 1968*
    On the web at www.section2wildfire.com

  18. #78
    StroutKristen
    Firehouse.com Guest

    Talking A REALLY OLD DEFENSE

    You know what they say, "It takes one to know one!!!!".

  19. #79
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    Federal Aviation Agency
    800 Independence Avenue S.W.
    Washington D.C. 20591


    Dear Sirs;


    I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time
    getting our airline industry back on its feet.

    Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we
    should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.


    Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked
    woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying
    again in hope of seeing a naked woman.


    We would have no more hijackings, and the airline industry would have record
    sales.
    Now why didn't Congress think of this?


    Sincerely,
    Bill Clinton

  20. #80
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    There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical
    engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side
    of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could
    be wrong.
    The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car
    and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
    The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the
    fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
    Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with
    a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in,
    open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?'

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