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Thread: Funny Stuff

  1. #1
    Junior Member Soonjrfighter's Avatar
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    Apr 2002
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    Katy Texas
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    Talking Funny Stuff

    You know you're a Firefighter if…

    You can tell what type of fire it is by the smell of smoke 10 miles
    away.

    You have ever had a heated debate over the color of firetrucks.

    You have ever spent 10 min trying to force open a door only to have
    someone come along and open it by turning the handle.

    You have ever taken 10 or more showers in 1 day.

    You lay out your cloths from that day so if there is a call at night
    you can find them quickly.

    You take great joy in smashing the windows of a car parked in a fire
    zone or in front of a hydrant.

    You have ever been airborne without an aircraft and water was your
    thrust.

    You always wear red suspenders.

    You have ever slept in a hosebed.

    You carry a ton of specially modified tools in your pocket.

    You ever cursed out someone for armor-alling the seats to make them
    look nice.

    You've ever clung to the air horn chord for dear life because the
    driver is insane.

    You have ever played jingle bells at Xmas time on the air horns to
    clear traffic.

    You double your weight every time you go on a job a building.

    You have ever said, "she's hot tonight" and not been talking about a
    girl.

    You have ever had "yoda ears"

    You have ever called a person found after a fire a "crispy critter"

    You have ever smoked and there wasn't a cigarette in sight.

    You have ever stomped out a fire with your boots because you couldn't
    wait for water.

    You have ever walked 3 miles into the woods in 100 degree heat in full
    turnout gear and a 5 gal or more water can strapped on your back just
    to put out a fire.

    your kids are afraid to get into water fights with you.

    "climbing the corporate ladder" has nothing to do with career
    advancement.

    your work gear makes you sound like Darth Vader.

    You roll around in anything that just burned to make your new gear look
    old.

    You take pride in the fact that you haven't washed your gear in years.

    You carry enough in your pockets to give the Swiss army knives
    competition.

    You carry enough in your car to extinguish a minor blaze.

    You have ever juggled hot coals with your gloves.

    Your Own vehicle has more lights than a Christmas tree

    All the shirts you own say you are a firefighter

    You find yourself living at the fire department 365 days a year!

    When you go to rent a movie, and they insist on getting Backdraft EVERY
    TIME!

    You are caught on the back of a truck with your girlfriend or wife in
    the middle of something and the page goes out for a call.

    if you have more pagers than than money in your wallet.

    if the smell of a fire excites you more than sex does.

    if a great stop has nothing do with a moving vehicle.

    if assembling a mile and a half of hose to catch fire in running up
    hill is a good day.

    The microwave goes off and you run out of the house thinking it was
    your pager.

    you ever tried to patent a 911 blocker with the phone company

    if you can hear that the siren will go off even before your dog notices
    it.

    If you have ever woken up thinking your pager went off and as you look
    at it, it goes off

    if you have ever tested your gloves by putting a fuzzie out on your
    hand.

    If you have ever been awakened with a CO2 extinguisher

    If you have ever dried your gloves on the trucks exhaust

    You know you're a firefighter when you really think that rusty old
    hydrant looks good in the garden.

    All your friends give you t-shirts from their departments for your
    birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc.

    if your wife voluntarily chooses the lumpy side of the bed to avoid
    being trampled in route to a call!

    your wife/girlfriend has learned to duck and cover when she hears the
    pager go off for fear of being run down.

    if you had to extricate someone by cutting the car doors off on one
    side and realized there was nothing wrong with the doors on the other
    side.

    If youhave more toy fire trucks than your kids do.

    When you have ever made a jacuzzi out of a 2100 gallon dump tank and a
    rescue boat motor (15 horse Merc). ..It was hot!.............Watch yer
    toes!

    When you take all of your improtant stuff (like wallets and pagers) out
    of your pockets before going to a training involving a portable tank.

    you walk into the station with you belt on and someone yells here comes
    batman

    You eat till you're sleep, then sleep till you eat.

    You can blame the 10 lbs that you've gained on the food cooked at the
    station.

    You take your other half out on a date to the fire house/hall.

    You spend more time on a holiday with you're fellow firefighter than
    you do with you're family.
    You know you're a firefighter if you want to keep the fire truck at
    your house just so that you can be the one to drive it!

    you are a ff if you refer to yourself as Satan and the fire as your
    house

    if your house is on fire and you still respond to the station

    You talk about alcohol foams and you are not refering to the head of
    your beer.

    when you wish some Fragrance manufacturer would bottle the burnt smell
    after a fire and used as a mens spray cologne.

    Your idea of ventilation is done with a chainsaw and not a
    bag-valve-mask.

    You have ever dressed from head to foot in rubber and it was not a
    sexual experience.

    You run towards a dangerous situation instead of away

    if you ever said that real fire trucks/engines are RED DAMMIT!!!!

    you have a wreck with the fire chief on the way to the fire trying to
    beat him there

    All of your calenders have every third day circled.
    You've been called a nozzle hog.

    If you collect fire helmets and hang them on your bedroom wall and so
    far have one of each color.

    You respond to the fire station during a thunder storm - in case
    there's a fire started by lightening.

    You stay in town during the 4th of July - in case there's a fire
    started by fireworks.

    If you are running in the opposite direction of everyone else

    you refer to a room at 1300 F as "Toasty".

    you respond to sound better than Pavlov's Dog.

    the term "Hard Suction" doesn't make you chuckle

    when you are the mother of the bride and you tell everyone in the
    wedding party, nobody moves when the pagers went off during the ceremony.

    you have more lights on your personal vehicle than your dept's trucks

    If nine out of the ten toys your child receives for Christmas are fire
    trucks

    If you play with the fire toys more than your child does.

    You know you're a firefighter if your idea of a water fight includes a
    100ft. tower with dual monitors, and several shots of 2.5 inch lines

    If you wash your Fire Truck more than your personal vehicle.

    If "humping hose" doesn't excite you.

    When you call ur friend in Maryland, you live in Nevada, and get
    jealous and turned on at the same time when he gets toned out

    you've ever felt like a ghost-buster while operating a water-vac

    you've ever stood on a street corner holding a bunker boot asking for
    donations

    you monitor other city's fire dispatch and miss a call for your own.

    you get excited over the color red and the smell of diesel

    Your idea of a good time involves soaking the new probies.

    Hope you enjoyed some of these
    Last edited by Soonjrfighter; 07-22-2002 at 06:35 PM.
    ALL SOUTHERNERS ARE EXEMPT FROM ANY AND ALL OF MY YANKEE COMMENTS ON ANY AND ALL FORUMS.

    THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!!!

    LADIES LOVE ME.
    FLAMES FEAR ME.


  2. #2
    Junior Member Soonjrfighter's Avatar
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    Apr 2002
    Location
    Katy Texas
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    Default

    Rules of the SOUTH



    If you are going to live, or visit in the South, you need to know the rules.
    In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Southerner's mind, the
    following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern state:

    1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do
    all week at the gym.

    2. It's called a 'gravel road,' No matter how slow you drive, you're going
    to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.

    3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color, don't
    wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent. The big lumps of it
    -- they're called "clods."

    4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we
    saw Bambi. We got over it.

    5. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our women will get you
    whipped -- by our women.

    6. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead
    breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout
    you fish for -- bait.

    7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

    8. Men, if you want to wear earrings, pierce your nose and whatevers, and
    wear your hair long, go right ahead, but if we call you ma'am, don't be
    offended.

    9. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
    approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear
    at the time.

    10. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you
    paid in the airport for one drink.

    11. No, there's no 'Vegetarian Special' on the menu. Order steak. Order it
    rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham
    and turkey.

    12. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You
    want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened -- add a lot of
    water.

    13. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
    ice.

    14. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have
    quarter of a million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

    15. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
    it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

    16. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks -- because they want to. So,
    you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

    17. We eat dinner together with our families, we pray before we eat (yeah,
    even breakfast), we go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, we go to high
    school football games on Friday nights, we still address our seniors with
    'yes, sir' and 'yes, ma'am,' and we sometimes still take Sunday drives
    around town to see friends and neighbors.

    18. We don't do 'hurry up' well.

    19. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them
    with either salty fatback or a ham hock.

    20. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp, too. You really want sushi
    and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

    21. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
    Interstate 65 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

    22. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on
    them. You want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat
    -- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.

    23. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both
    are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight
    at the church on either day.

    24. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly.
    Understand the concept?

    25. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks
    the fish and bothers the gators -- and if you hit it in the rough, we have
    these things called Diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

    26. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
    an idiot -- his name is 'Sir,' no matter how old he is.

    27. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park
    your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

    28. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions.
    The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all 4 of them -- enacted
    a measure to stop this. There is now a $10 fine for beating up the flag
    burner.

    Now, enjoy your visit... I emphasize -- 'visit.'

    Sorry if if this affend aboudy just take this as a joke
    ALL SOUTHERNERS ARE EXEMPT FROM ANY AND ALL OF MY YANKEE COMMENTS ON ANY AND ALL FORUMS.

    THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!!!

    LADIES LOVE ME.
    FLAMES FEAR ME.

  3. #3
    Senior Member upinflames60's Avatar
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    May 2002
    Posts
    123

    Default

    pretty good, i only have 1 comment and one correction. Have u ever seen a burnt body and helped put it in the bag? i garuntee u u woulndnt refer it as a crispy critter. and um some of us have been huntin since we were 3, and shootin a 20 guage since we were 7.
    Burgess Wills
    Firefighter/EMT
    Windsor Vol. Fire Department
    Chuckatuck Vol. Fire Department

  4. #4
    Forum Member
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    Aug 2001
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    Default

    Theres always gotta be that one skeptic. Come on, just lets move on. I loved it all, what a good time wasting way for at work. have a great day and keep it safe people.s
    Firefighter/EMT Mitch Cowen
    Hose Co. 1 1st Lieutenant
    Randolph Fire Co. Inc

  5. #5
    Member
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    Jul 2002
    Posts
    38

    Default Pretty funny

    well iliked them.
    "wait for.....it wait for it....your all so so so so fake"
    Q-uiz

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