1. #351
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    the fat forkers were nestled all snug in their beds
    while visions of doughnuts danced in their heads
    (maybe some of them were cops who vollied on the sides - perhaps they were armed.... sorry wrong thread)
    and ma in her kerchief and I in my cap
    had just settled down for a long winter's nap

    when suddenly up on the roof arose such a clatter
    I ran to the window and threwup last night's hash.

    And what to my blearied eyes should appear
    but a red headed exercise freak and eight tiny leaders of cheer

    "Sweat to the oldies and sweat out lots more
    we'll have you in leotards out on this big floor"

    Seeing their nemesis and hearing his war chant, the fat food fighters ....
    Proud to be honored with IACOJ membership. Blessed by TWO meals cooked by Cheffie - a true culinary goddess. Expressing my own views, not my organization's.

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    ....tied up Richard Simmons with tinsel and said no you can't,
    They conspired and charted and finally got started,
    Slowly and steadly they pulled and they tugged,
    Beerboy had them drag Richard on his mug,
    Up the steps and onto the Magic Bus,
    Never was heard such a terrible fuss,
    Later that night came a terrible sight,
    Beerboy and Richard wearing little pink tights,
    Beerboy now converted was drinking lo-carb beer,
    and firmly grasping one of Santa's reindeer,
    On his face was a wanton leer.

    But wait, from down by the river tumbled the tumbling tumbleweed.....

  3. #353
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    OMG, it was the 1000 square mile brush fire, which only *LHS could control. His voluminous posts told us....
    Proud to be honored with IACOJ membership. Blessed by TWO meals cooked by Cheffie - a true culinary goddess. Expressing my own views, not my organization's.

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    ...that there was surely but one way to control the Great Tumbleweed Conflagration. But wait there's more.....

    (about what, nine pages more?)

  5. #355
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    ....the probie, pulling his arms from the sink full of palmolive and old crusties' dishes, ran to his gear, threw it on and took off in the brush rig in the direction of the tumbling tumbleweed conflagration.....
    Chris Minick, P.E., Firefighter II
    Structures Specialist, MD-TF 1

    These statements are mine and mine alone
    I.A.C.O.J. Building crust and proud of it

  6. #356
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    With lights all a flicker, and siren at the scream, he was off like a flash. Onwards to the bright flames in the sky, he drove at such a pace.... (but being the "Diligent Driver" that his Captain taught him to be, it was a courteous flash at that, obeying all posted road laws enroute.)

    And then he saw the sign of "Stayback" ahead, and he knew that all would be....
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    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  7. #357
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    Confusion. 100 Explorers with RED ,BLUE andORANGE 10,000,000 candle power flashing lights and 300 Decibel sirens descended on the intersection in their POV's.

    There was even a push bike with helmet light flashing.

    As they all entered the intersection at the same time..
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

  8. #358
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    ...there was a huge pile-up. Gonzo walked over and stated, "this is the biggest pile of...

  9. #359
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    Crusty wannabes I have ever seen. They have a long way to go if they want to.......

  10. #360
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    ....wait is that the monkey riding the dog while he swings Mr.Lumpybms' paper with the "women of the Tundra' in close chase and Capt Gonzo and Corny riding in the Guinness pumper singing...

  11. #361
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    Thumbs up

    (rotflmao)
    "I truly believe that tradition is important to the long-term survival of the fire service."-Lt. Andrew Fredricks, FDNY,9-11-01

  12. #362
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    ...(singing post continued)
    ...I love Cheesy Poofs
    You love Cheesy Poofs
    If we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs
    We'd be lame...
    (note to self, read note to self)
    Why do I *always* have to be the calm one?
    Note to self: first spell check then post.

  13. #363
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    ...but being left directionless after the cheesy puff jingle, the forked fat folks wrapped their heads in tinfoil hoping that it would stop the jingle from dancing about in their head. Thus with their heads wrapped in tinfoil and their bodies wrapped in Saran Wrap, the flatulating fetid forked fat folks sought guidence from their esteemed leader BeerBoy. However, Beerboy was distraught and in quite the foul mood. Given his phenomenal electrical engineering skills (outshone only by his ability to combat blazing conflagrations whist inebriated) he was unable to fathom why the firehouse beer fridge wouldn't cool the copious quantities of beer ("uh, it's only one or two")despite his carefully engineered wiring schematic. BeerBoy decided to hold his breath until his face turned purple, unfortunately......

  14. #364
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    ...his fire tones dropped so...
    Why do I *always* have to be the calm one?
    Note to self: first spell check then post.

  15. #365
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    ....he had to respond to a "Woman trapped in a Port-a-potty"...upon arriving on location he realized it was Joan Rivers who was trapped. He had no other recourse but to pump oxygen into the "Plastic Hut O' Poo"...but being still "under the weather" he accidentally shot an entire dry-chem extinguisher down the vent...realizing his mistake after hearing the screams of desperation...he rushed to force the door...instead he fell and pushed the "Poop Portal" over the hillside where it came to rest on its side in the southbound lane of Interstate 279. As the door flopped open like a crypt on Halloween, a ghastly, crap covered, loud-mouth exited, crying.........
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  16. #366
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    ...I'm going to hold you to the professional standard...
    Why do I *always* have to be the calm one?
    Note to self: first spell check then post.

  17. #367
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    " can we talk?"

  18. #368
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    "Yes!!!" exclaimed a former Cincinnati mayor turned talk show host. (It's amazing what can happen after you get caught paying for a lady's "professional services" by check) "I'll put you on my next show, right next to the ....."
    Proud to be honored with IACOJ membership. Blessed by TWO meals cooked by Cheffie - a true culinary goddess. Expressing my own views, not my organization's.

  19. #369
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    our previous guests Beerboy and * LHS .......
    IACOJ both divisions and PROUD OF IT !
    Pardon me sir.. .....but I believe we are all over here !
    ATTENTION ALL SHOPPERS: Will the dead horse please report to the forums.(thanks Motown)
    RAY WAS HERE 08/28/05
    LETHA' FOREVA' ! 010607
    I'm sorry, I haven't been paying much attention for the last 3 hours.....what were we discussing?
    "but I guarentee you I will FF your arse off" from>
    http://www.firehouse.com/forums/show...60#post1137060post 115

  20. #370
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    Joan gathered herself up...wiped the poo from her doo....and realized she was standing in the southbound lane of Interstate 279. A tractor trailer was bearing down on her...getting closer.....100 feet..80 feet...60 feet.......15 feet!!!! Joan closed her eyes...awaiting the impending final act...but alas, nothing.

    She opened her eyes and there......there was the huge diesel machine, stopped a scant distance from her and the poo. A miracle you ask?

    Uh Uh...no siree Bob....just a face that could stop a Mack truck.

    Joan flagged down a passing police officer, ran to the window and asked.........
    Proudly serving as the IACOJ Minister of Information & Propoganda!
    Be Safe! Lookouts-Awareness-Communications-Escape Routes-Safety Zones

    *Gathering Crust Since 1968*
    On the web at www.section2wildfire.com

  21. #371
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    ......."Excuse me Sir.......Do you have any Grey Poupon?".......

  22. #372
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    Poopon? Listen sister, from where I'm standing YOU'RE the only one with Poopon and it ain't gray. You gots....Poop on yer head...Poop on yer skirt...Poop on yer shoes....Poop on yer...........
    Last edited by StayBack500FT; 12-18-2002 at 07:56 AM.
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  23. #373
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    on yer... ummmm....yer.... uuummmm... welll on yer.... *points towards her, his face bright red* And being the good trooper he is, he takes out his hankerchief and hands it to her.

    And then the wind shifted due to a passing semi truck. The Troopers face turned from one of embarassement to one of......
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    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  24. #374
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    shock. "My God, your perfume smells worse than all that poop!"
    "This thread is being closed as it is off-topic and not related to the fire industry." - Isn't that what the Off Duty forum was for?

  25. #375
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    "Oh, do you like it? It's called Midnight Pasture, I get it at the same place Gonzo buys his aftershave. Maybe you've heard of his brand, it's called...

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