Having a bad day????? ....... HAVE I got the solution for you !!!!

[PFire23]

I received this in my e-mail, I laughed so hard I cried LMAO. So I had to share it with all of you .......... ENJOY !!!

Hostility or Remedy for Dealing with a Bad Day

Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone
you
DON'T know. During a down market this sure beats taking anger management
classes or going home ticked and being grumpy to your family.


I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I
found the number and dialed it.

A man answered saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed
the
last 2 digits incorrectly.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there
on
my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more
answered, I yelled, "You're an *********!" and hung up.

Next to his phone number I wrote the word "*********," and put it in my desk
drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
I'd
call him up.

He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an *********!"

It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the Phone
Company introduced caller ID.

This was a real setback for me; I would have to stop calling the *********.

Then one day, I had an idea. I dialed his number and when I heard his
voice,
"Hello?" I made up a name.

"Hi. I'm with the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you'd
be
interested in our caller ID program?"

"NO!" he shouted, and slammed the phone down. I was in business again. I
quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an *********."

Keep reading, this gets better...

An old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a
parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.

Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of
the
slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
"Great," I thought, "she's finally leaving."

All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the parking aisle from the
wrong direction and pulls into her space.

I hit the horn and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first."
The guy climbed out his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward the
shopping center as if I didn't exist.

I thought to myself, "This guy's another *********; there sure
are a lot of *********s in this world."

Then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I
wrote down the phone number, and then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the
phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an *********!"

(It's really easy since I have his number on speed dial now)

I notice the phone number of the guy with the black BMW there on my desk
and
thought I better call this guy too. After a couple of rings, someone
answered the phone and said, "Hello?"

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?"

"My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Sure...."

"Don, you're an *********!" And I slammed the phone down.

Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. I must say, for a
while
things seemed to be going much better for me. Now, when I had a problem I
had two *********s to call. Then, after several months of calling the
*********s
and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with this solution:

First, I had my phone speed dial ********* #1.

A man answered nicely, "Hello?"

I yelled, "You're an *********!" but I didn't hang up.

The ********* said, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me."

I said, "Make me."

He said, "What's your name, pal?"

So I told him, "Don Hansen."

He said, "Where do you live?"

"1802 West 34th Street. It's the yellow house and my black BMW's parked
out
front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers"

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, *********!" and hung up.

Then I called ********* #2

Don Hansen answered, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, *********!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are...."

"You'll what?"

"I'll kick your *****."

"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, *********." And I
hung
up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was on my
way
to 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was going to kill my gay lover as
soon
as I got there.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on 34th
Street.

After that, I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
Street to watch the whole thing.

Glorious Satisfaction! Watching 2 *********s kick the crap out of each other
in
front of 6 squad cars, a police Helicopter and a news crew was one of the
greatest experiences of my life.

Now you know what to do if you really have a bad day!

[KLMR23]

TOO FUNNY!

[weir33]

Thanks For the Advice I think I can use that

[RyanEMVFD]

If you think your job is bad...just read this synopsis of a seminar

called "Stress and Disease by Dr.Nickolas Hall," an expert in

psychobiology. He gave an example of

a coping skill for job stress which I would like to share with you.



When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT

days, try this. On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy

and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will

need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-Tip." Be very

sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors

, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be

disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable

clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the

package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer



and carefully place it on the bed side table so that it will not

become chipped or broken. Take the written material that

accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in

small print the statement that "every rectal thermometer made by

Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested." Now close your eyes and say out

loud five times, "I am so glad that I do not work in quality control

at the Q-Tip Company." --
here's one i really love to read every once in awhile.

[Engine5FF]

My wife is in the corner right now dying from laughter.

[bfd5229]

HAHAHAHAH! way to funny. im gonna try that

[dmsmith]

There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 A.M., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 A.M. on Sundays. So a Worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 A.M., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00... Pookie Johnson, The part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Sony Walkman.

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.

What? STILL having a bad day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?

[mdoddsjffhnfc]

HA HA HA!!! That's a good one

[StayBack500FT]

TTHHHAATTT'SSS why I've been getting so many ********* phonecalls!!!!