Thought these were rather funny and you might enjoy the read.
From The New Yorker by Henry Alford
6 c. olive oil
Unscrew a 100-watt light bulb while it is still gorgeously warm. With a rubbing motion, thrill the skins of the tomatoes until they start to pucker and tumesce. Uncork the oil; drizzle onto tomatoes until lubricious.
Skinny-Dipping at Dusk
8 c. water
25 lbs. cocoa
Store the water in a cool place, allowing it to bio-ripen for a period lasting months or even years. Meanwhile, fill your largest roasting pan with cocoa. Roll in cocoa.
Unplug the telephone and assume a position on your couch which suggests an odalisque or any late-career Ingres portrait. Should people or problems present themselves, bite into a nougatty chocolate and say teasingly, “I can’t help you. I’m very Ingres-y with you.” Let the slipcovers puddle around you like a light vinaigrette.
Summery Chinese Toboggan Salad
1 can bamboo shoots
1/2 c. sesame oil
4 stalks celery, chopped
Juice and zest of 3 lemons
1 wooden toboggan
Put the toboggan in a food processor and pulse for ten seconds on Eviscerate. Remove the splinters from the processor and toss with other ingredients. Arrange on a plate with your bare hands, letting your fingers burrow into the mixture as they do when encountering the rich loam of the earth. Strike your gong.
2 c. high-quality vinegar
10 toffee caramels
Unsheath the caramels laughingly, unconcerned of outcome. Fork-***** to soften. Using the soft pads of your thumb and index finger to palpate the caramels, tease them into the vinegar, saying, “Mummy knows what’s best.” Put the whole concoction away someplace dark. Have a glass of Prosecco with a friend, displaying blitheness and a tendency, when food has been dropped on the floor, to plop it back onto your plate with a soulful, sensuous expression.
Can you leave the vinegar alone for between three days and three weeks? Try to, darling—what you’re doing here is tempering yourself as well as the candy. Enjoy this. Because when you return to the vinegar the caramels will be gone.
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Thread: Summer Recipes
06-26-2003, 02:49 PM #1
- Join Date
- Nov 2001
06-27-2003, 06:47 PM #2
I know it's not a recipe Chefie, but I have found the best store bought marinade I have ever tried. It's called "Stubbs" marinade and has a picture of the chef on the bottle. They are mostly fresh ingredients like ginger, garlic, red pepper and lime juice. I hope this doesn't offend the BBQ purists out there but I like it."What makes a person run into a building others are running out of?...Character."- Dennis Smith
06-27-2003, 08:02 PM #3
- Join Date
- Nov 2001
I like the mixture of ingredients. There is nothing wrong with using a bottle, if you do not have time to do all the chopping etc. I like to make my dressings fresh because bottled things tend to be very high in sodium but if you have something that works good, keeps everyone happy stick with it. I would be willing to bet though that if you bought the fresh limes, garlic, ginger etc. you could whip up a great sauce.
I will have to start a thread with some real summer ideas. I'll try this weekend in between reading and writing. and reading and writing and ..Fire Chiefs have sooo much to learn.
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