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  1. #26
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    Alcohol & Calculus don't mix; Never drink & derive!
    ~Kevin
    Firefighter/Paramedic
    --^v--^v--^v--^v--
    Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong
    Dennis Miller

  2. #27
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    How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
    Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to chop a hole in the roof.

    You might be on a redneck fire department if...

    Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.

    You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.

    Your firehouse has wheels.

    You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.

    Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.

    You've ever been toned out on an outhouse fire.

    That outhouse fire was with entrapment.

    You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.

    At least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.

    Your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.

    You don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.

    You've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.

    Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.

    Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.

    Your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.

    Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.

    The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.

    You've ever referred to a light bar as sexy.

    Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.

    You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.

    Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.

    Your pumper smokes more than the house fire.

    The only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.

    Your apparatus has carbon monoxide detectors mounted in the cab.

    You return from a fire with more junk than you arrived with.

    The Chief's car has a rag for a gas cap.

    You have tobacco spit stains on the side off your engines
    I havent failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.

    - Thomas Edison

  3. #28
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    Talking Blonde joke

    A blonde girl skips home from school one day and tells her mom, "mommy today we learned how to count, all the other kids only got to 5 and I could count all the way to 10"

    The mom says "very good dear, I'm proud of you"
    The girl asks, "is it because I'm blonde?"
    her mom replies, "yes dear it is"

    the next day the blonde girl skips home and says, "mommy today we learned the alphabet, all the other kids could only get to H and I knew the entire alphabet"

    the mom says "very good dear, I'm proud of you"
    the girl again asks "is it because I'm blonde?"
    again the mom says "yes dear it is"

    So the third day the girl skips home and says "mommy, today in gym class all the other girls were changing and they all had really small boobs, but I have these, and flashes her perfect 34C breasts"

    the mom says, "yes dear I know, and I'm still proud of you"
    The girls still asks "it it because I'm blonde?"
    the mom replies " NO IT'S BECAUSE YOUR 25!"
    COFire
    PROTECTING THOSE WHO DEFEND AMERICA ===================================

  4. #29
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    Talking

    A blonde, brunette, and a redhead excape from prison, with the search party hot on their heels they stop at an old barn where they find some old gunny sacks up in the hay loft. So the brunette tells the others to hide inside the sacks and stay quiet.

    Before to long the search party ends up at the barn searching, the leader tells one of his team members to search the hay loft. As he was searchin, the leader asks "is there anything up there" the guy replies "just a couple of old gunny sacks" "well whats in them" the leader asks.

    so the guy kicks the brunettes sack, nothing happened, so he kicks it again, and the brunette says "meow, meow" so he tells the leader sounds like kittens. He then moves on the redheads sack and kicks it, again, nothing, so he kicks it again and the readhead says "woof, woof" hmmmm says the guy "sounds like puppies" so he goes over to the blondes sack and kicks it, like the others no sound, so he kicks it again but theres still no sound. So one last time he kicks the blonds sack and the blonde finally yells "POTATOES"
    COFire
    PROTECTING THOSE WHO DEFEND AMERICA ===================================

  5. #30
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    Wines must match the food
    >
    >
    It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
    Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
    "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"
    She smiles and they start kissing.
    Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
    Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours iton her breasts.
    "Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie.
    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white
    wine!"
    She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things reallysteam up.
    Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!
    "Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it on her lap.
    He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.
    Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
    Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams
    furiously. "PIERRE, WHAT THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
    Our hero stands and says defiantly:

    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"
    *The BOSS rules*

  6. #31
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    Default jokes


    There young a boy who was working for this old man, doing odd jobs. The man went in and fixed dinner. He went out and called the young boy to came in and eat. When the young boy came in and sat down he noticed some dried eggs on his plate and he told the old man, that he could not eat out of his plate because it had dreid eggs on it. The old man told him to shut up and eat it, that was the best cold water could do. So the young boy ate and the next day when he came to work for the old man,the man called him in to eat again he noticed dried food on his plate again and the old man said that is the best cold water can do. So the boy eat and about that time the dog came through and the old man said "cold water" you have to do a better job next time when you clean the dishes.

  7. #32
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    ewwwwwwwwww GROSS! What a nice thing to read first thing in the morning .... NOT!

    But last night before bed I read Zippo's Pierre and laughed my f'n *** off!!!
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

    Sheri
    IACOJ CRUSTY CONVENTION CHAIR
    Honorary Flatlander

    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

  8. #33
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    Default blonde joke.

    There's a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of sh** behind.

    The redhead and brunette decide that they should make the blonde go first, to check how deep the sh** is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."

    So the two redheads jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"

    And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."

  9. #34
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    Default k, one more.

    A redhead walks into her daughter's room and finds a beer bottle. She says, "I didn't know my daughter drank."

    A brunette walks into her daughter's room and finds a pack of cigarettes. She says, "I didn't know my daughter smoked."

    A blonde walks into her daughter's room and finds a condom. She says, "I didn't know my daughter had a penis."


    ~wV

  10. #35
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    A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office,
    ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along,
    too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Lexus .
    The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn't
    more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a
    chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
    His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
    After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,"he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."
    "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
    The cop replied, "My God, don't you even realize that your left arm is
    missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"

    "Oh My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"
    *The BOSS rules*

  11. #36
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    Golf is a lot like taxes, you work hard to make the green and then end up in the hole.

  12. #37
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    A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
    "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we start
    cussing!"

    The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues. "When we
    go downstairs for breakfast, I'm going to say "hell" and you say "***"."

    "OK!" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks
    into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast.
    "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

    WHACK! He flies out of his chair, slides across the kitchen floor, gets up,
    and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot
    pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The Mom locks him in his
    room and shouts, "You stay in there till I let you out!"

    She then comes downstairs, looks at the 4 year old, and asks with a stern
    voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?"
    "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat *** it won't be
    Cheerios!"
    *The BOSS rules*

  13. #38
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    I will clean this one up as much as possible!!


    A fireman was fishing with his young son one day
    The man lit a cigarette the boy asked "that looks good
    Dad can I have one?" The father asked "son can you touch
    your penis to your rectum?" the boy said "no sir." the father
    said "then no you cant have one." 20 minutes later the father
    opened a beer and the son said "that looks good Dad can I have one?"
    The father replied "can you touch your penis to your rectum?"
    the son replied "No father I can not" 30 minutes later the boy
    opened a pack of cookies and started eating, the father said
    "Those look good son can I have one?" The son asked " Well Dad
    can you touch your penis to your rectum?" The father said "why
    yes son I can" the son thought for a moment looked up and said
    "Go screw your self then,these are my damn cookies!!"

  14. #39
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    Chief
    Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
    Is more powerful than a locomotive
    Is faster than a speeding bullet
    Walks on water
    Gives policy to God.

    Deputy Chief
    Leaps short buildings in a single bound
    Is more powerful than a switch engine
    Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
    Walks on water if the sea is calm
    Talks with God.

    Assistant Chief
    Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
    Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
    Is faster than a speeding BB
    Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
    Talks with God if special request is approved.

    Battalion Chief
    Barely clears a Quonset hut
    Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
    Can fire a speeding bullet
    Swims well
    Is occasionally addressed by God.

    Captain
    Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
    Is run over by a locomotive
    Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
    Dog paddles
    Talks to animals

    Lieutenant
    Runs into buildings
    Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
    Is not issued ammunition
    Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
    Talks to walls.

    Truckie
    Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
    Says, "Look at the choo-choo"
    Wets himself with a water pistol
    Plays in mud puddles
    Mumbles to himself.

    THE ENGINE
    Lifts buildings and walks under them
    Kicks locomotives off the tracks
    Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
    Freezes water with a single glance
    HE IS GOD!!!!!
    ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
    NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
    343
    CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
    LT. John Ginley Engine 40
    FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
    FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
    FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
    FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
    FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
    FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
    FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

    Charleston 9
    "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
    *******************CLICK HERE*****************

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    What's the difference between an elephant and the Chief's car?

    The elephant has the trunk in the front and the ********* in the rear.

  16. #41
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    This isnt really a joke But I got it in an Email the other day.





    Those of us who grew up in a small town will laugh when we read this.
    Those of
    you who didn't will be in disbelief... but trust me every one of
    these are true.

    1) You can name everyone you graduated with.

    2) You know what 4-H is.

    3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the
    middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the scratches on their legs from running through the woods when the party was busted, see #6.

    4) You used to "drag" main.

    5) You said the "F" word and your parents knew within the hour.

    6) You scheduled parties around the schedule of different police
    officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones
    wouldn't.

    7) You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew
    how old you were (and if you were old enough they'd tell your parents
    anyhow).

    8) When you did find somebody old enough and brave enough to buy
    cigarettes, you
    still had to go out into the country and drive on back roads to smoke
    them.

    9) You knew which section of the ditch to find the beer your buyer
    dropped off.

    10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.

    11) The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

    12) You don't give directions by street names or directions by
    references. Turn
    by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks east to Anderson's, and it's four
    houses left of the track field.

    13) The golf course had only 9 holes.

    14) You can't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

    15) Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads and you will
    never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

    16) The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is
    actually just like your town.

    17) You refer anyone with a house newer then 1980 as the "rich
    people"

    18) The people in the "big city" dress funny then you pick up the
    trend 2 years later.

    19) Anyone you want can be found at the local gas station or the town
    pub.

    20) You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town
    or one of your friends drives a grain truck to school occasionally.

    21) The gym teacher suggest you haul hay for the summer to get
    stronger.

    22) Directions are given using THE stop light as a reference.

    23) You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over
    and ask you if you want a ride somewhere.

    24) Your teachers call you by your older sibling's names.

    25) Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

    26) You can charge at all the local stores or write checks without
    any ID.

    27) The closest McDonalds is 45 miles away (or more).

    28) The closest mall is over an hour away.

    29) It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding
    lawn mower.

    30) You've peed in a cornfield.

    31) Most people go by a nickname.

    32) You laugh your butt off reading this because you know it is all
    true and you forward it to everyone who lived in your town (because you know them all!)
    Ryan

    I.A.C.O.J. Probie

    You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt

    Lets not forget those lost on 9-11-01

  17. #42
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    10) It was cool to date somebody from the neighboring town.
    It was also the best way to expand the gene pool.

  18. #43
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    Zippo that Pierre and Marie deal is a HOOT !!!!!!!!!!! LMAO !
    IACOJ both divisions and PROUD OF IT !
    Pardon me sir.. .....but I believe we are all over here !
    ATTENTION ALL SHOPPERS: Will the dead horse please report to the forums.(thanks Motown)
    RAY WAS HERE 08/28/05
    LETHA' FOREVA' ! 010607
    I'm sorry, I haven't been paying much attention for the last 3 hours.....what were we discussing?
    "but I guarentee you I will FF your arse off" from>
    http://www.firehouse.com/forums/show...60#post1137060post 115

  19. #44
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    Lightbulb

    A fire broke out in a six story apartment building last week in a near by town. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette escaped the flames by climbing up onto the roof. When the fire department arrived they got out a blanket held it up and the Chief called out to the brunette to jump into the blanket. The brunette jumped. As she was falling 'swoosh' the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she landed on the street like a brick. The firefighters then held the blanket back up and the Chief told the redhead to jump. "no Way! I seen what you did to my friend." exclaimed the redhead. "I am sorry" said the Chief. My wife was a brunette and she divorced me. I just don't like brunettes. We have no problem with redheads-jump it's your only chance" So the redhead jumped. On the way down'swoosh' the firefighters pulled the blanket away and she hit the pavement like a tomato! The firefighters again held up the blanket and the Chief tolf the blonde to jump. The fire was getting worse and her only chance of survival was to jump. "No I am not jumping. I seen what you did to my two friends." "I sorry" said the Chief "I explained what happened to the brunette and well when the redhead jumped we were distracted. It will not happen again just jump!" The blonde thought for a moment. "OK I'll jump-but first I want you to lay the blanket on the ground and back away before I jump into it."


    call me
    1 212 479 7990
    ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
    NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
    343
    CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
    LT. John Ginley Engine 40
    FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
    FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
    FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
    FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
    FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
    FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
    FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

    Charleston 9
    "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
    *******************CLICK HERE*****************

  20. #45
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    What do a runaway truck ramp, a tornado, and a redneck divorce have in common?



    Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!

  21. #46
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    Why Women Can't Fix Cars
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    "The uniform is supposed to say something about you. You get it for nothing, but it comes with a history, so do the right thing when you're in it."
    Battalion Chief Ed Schoales
    from 'Report from Ground Zero' pg 149
    I.A.C.O.J. Member

  22. #47
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    A fire chief died and went to heaven.
    When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates.
    He told himself, "I am a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line."
    He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in, I'm a fire chief."
    The angels replied, "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."
    While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF." The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was really upset now and went to talk to the angels.
    He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?"
    To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's GOD, he just thinks he's a fire chief."
    ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
    NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
    343
    CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
    LT. John Ginley Engine 40
    FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
    FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
    FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
    FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
    FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
    FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
    FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

    Charleston 9
    "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
    *******************CLICK HERE*****************

  23. #48
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    Breaking News!

    There is a report in that a 2 seater private plane has crashed into a cemetary in Poland. The fire department has reported recovering over 300 bodies and are still digging.
    ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
    NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
    343
    CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
    LT. John Ginley Engine 40
    FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
    FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
    FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
    FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
    FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
    FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
    FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

    Charleston 9
    "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
    *******************CLICK HERE*****************

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    What do you call the sweat that forms when 2 rednecks make love??????











    Relative Humidity,,,,,,,

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    Feel free to insert your favorite Officer, Political, or Administrator position here.


    "What do a Fire Chief, and a Light House in the desert have in common?"

    "They're both awfully bright, but completely F*@#ing useless!"
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

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