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Thread: Jokes

  1. #21
    FIREMAN 1st GRADE E40FDNYL35's Avatar
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    A couple of Truckies are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"








    ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
    NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
    343
    CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
    LT. John Ginley Engine 40
    FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
    FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
    FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
    FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
    FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
    FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
    FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

    Charleston 9
    "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
    *******************CLICK HERE*****************


  2. #22
    Forum Member zippo99's Avatar
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    there is a fire on tenth floor of a building.
    A young good looking woman waiting at the window to be rescued watches the ladder pulling up.
    The moment the Firfighter gets to her he smiles and sais :"I already see the headlines in the papers tomorrow"-"Young pregnant woman rescued by firefighter".
    The woman very surpized sais : "but I'm not pregnant"
    the FF replys : " yeah, but we are not down yet"
    *The BOSS rules*

  3. #23
    Forum Member kghemtp's Avatar
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    ROTFLMAO! Zippo, ya kill me! I'm just sore because I didn't post that one first!!
    ~Kevin
    Firefighter/Paramedic
    --^v--^v--^v--^v--
    Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong
    Dennis Miller

  4. #24
    Forum Member zippo99's Avatar
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    Kevin, I'm sorry, I just hope I got the translation right.
    I know my English ain't that good, and I'm just to lazy to look it all up in a dictionary.

    A cop pulls a car over.
    He gets to the driver and asks him for his papers.
    Driver : "Why did you pull me over, Sir?"
    Cop : Broken taillight, you exhaust is hanging loose... that's gonna cost you."
    Driver : "okay, but make sure I've got my car back by 03.00 PM tomorrow, thanks.
    *The BOSS rules*

  5. #25
    Forum Member BCmdepas3280's Avatar
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    Must be true:

    A few minutes before church services start, everyone is sitting in
    their pews and talking. Suddenly, in a flash of light and a puff of smoke,
    Satan appears. The people scream and run out, trampling each other in a
    frantic effort to get away from Evil Incarnate. In seconds everyone is gone
    except for one elderly gentleman sitting calmly in his pew.

    Satan walks up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

    The man replies, "Yep, sure do."

    "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asks.

    "Nope," says the man.

    "Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asks Satan.

    "Don't doubt it for a minute."

    "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical
    agony for all eternity?" persists Satan.

    "Yep."

    "And you're still not afraid?"

    "Nope."

    More than a little perturbed, Satan asks, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

    "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

    IACOJ Membership 2002
    {15}

    Mike IAFF

    The beatings will continue until the morale improves

  6. #26
    Forum Member kghemtp's Avatar
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    Alcohol & Calculus don't mix; Never drink & derive!
    ~Kevin
    Firefighter/Paramedic
    --^v--^v--^v--^v--
    Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong
    Dennis Miller

  7. #27
    Senior Member WannabeintheFD's Avatar
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    How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
    Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to chop a hole in the roof.

    You might be on a redneck fire department if...

    Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.

    You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.

    Your firehouse has wheels.

    You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.

    Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.

    You've ever been toned out on an outhouse fire.

    That outhouse fire was with entrapment.

    You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.

    At least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.

    Your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.

    You don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.

    You've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.

    Your rescue truck can smoke the tires.

    Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.

    Your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.

    Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.

    The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.

    You've ever referred to a light bar as sexy.

    Your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.

    You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.

    Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.

    Your pumper smokes more than the house fire.

    The only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.

    Your apparatus has carbon monoxide detectors mounted in the cab.

    You return from a fire with more junk than you arrived with.

    The Chief's car has a rag for a gas cap.

    You have tobacco spit stains on the side off your engines
    I havent failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.

    - Thomas Edison

  8. #28
    MembersZone Subscriber COFire's Avatar
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    Talking Blonde joke

    A blonde girl skips home from school one day and tells her mom, "mommy today we learned how to count, all the other kids only got to 5 and I could count all the way to 10"

    The mom says "very good dear, I'm proud of you"
    The girl asks, "is it because I'm blonde?"
    her mom replies, "yes dear it is"

    the next day the blonde girl skips home and says, "mommy today we learned the alphabet, all the other kids could only get to H and I knew the entire alphabet"

    the mom says "very good dear, I'm proud of you"
    the girl again asks "is it because I'm blonde?"
    again the mom says "yes dear it is"

    So the third day the girl skips home and says "mommy, today in gym class all the other girls were changing and they all had really small boobs, but I have these, and flashes her perfect 34C breasts"

    the mom says, "yes dear I know, and I'm still proud of you"
    The girls still asks "it it because I'm blonde?"
    the mom replies " NO IT'S BECAUSE YOUR 25!"
    COFire
    PROTECTING THOSE WHO DEFEND AMERICA ============================== =====

  9. #29
    MembersZone Subscriber COFire's Avatar
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    Talking

    A blonde, brunette, and a redhead excape from prison, with the search party hot on their heels they stop at an old barn where they find some old gunny sacks up in the hay loft. So the brunette tells the others to hide inside the sacks and stay quiet.

    Before to long the search party ends up at the barn searching, the leader tells one of his team members to search the hay loft. As he was searchin, the leader asks "is there anything up there" the guy replies "just a couple of old gunny sacks" "well whats in them" the leader asks.

    so the guy kicks the brunettes sack, nothing happened, so he kicks it again, and the brunette says "meow, meow" so he tells the leader sounds like kittens. He then moves on the redheads sack and kicks it, again, nothing, so he kicks it again and the readhead says "woof, woof" hmmmm says the guy "sounds like puppies" so he goes over to the blondes sack and kicks it, like the others no sound, so he kicks it again but theres still no sound. So one last time he kicks the blonds sack and the blonde finally yells "POTATOES"
    COFire
    PROTECTING THOSE WHO DEFEND AMERICA ============================== =====

  10. #30
    Forum Member zippo99's Avatar
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    Wines must match the food
    >
    >
    It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
    Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
    "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"
    She smiles and they start kissing.
    Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
    Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours iton her breasts.
    "Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie.
    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white
    wine!"
    She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things reallysteam up.
    Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!
    "Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it on her lap.
    He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.
    Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
    Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams
    furiously. "PIERRE, WHAT THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
    Our hero stands and says defiantly:

    "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"
    *The BOSS rules*

  11. #31
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    Default jokes


    There young a boy who was working for this old man, doing odd jobs. The man went in and fixed dinner. He went out and called the young boy to came in and eat. When the young boy came in and sat down he noticed some dried eggs on his plate and he told the old man, that he could not eat out of his plate because it had dreid eggs on it. The old man told him to shut up and eat it, that was the best cold water could do. So the young boy ate and the next day when he came to work for the old man,the man called him in to eat again he noticed dried food on his plate again and the old man said that is the best cold water can do. So the boy eat and about that time the dog came through and the old man said "cold water" you have to do a better job next time when you clean the dishes.

  12. #32
    Forum Member RspctFrmCalgary's Avatar
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    ewwwwwwwwww GROSS! What a nice thing to read first thing in the morning .... NOT!

    But last night before bed I read Zippo's Pierre and laughed my f'n *** off!!!
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

    Sheri
    IACOJ CRUSTY CONVENTION CHAIR
    Honorary Flatlander

    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

  13. #33
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    Default blonde joke.

    There's a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of sh** behind.

    The redhead and brunette decide that they should make the blonde go first, to check how deep the sh** is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."

    So the two redheads jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"

    And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."

  14. #34
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    Default k, one more.

    A redhead walks into her daughter's room and finds a beer bottle. She says, "I didn't know my daughter drank."

    A brunette walks into her daughter's room and finds a pack of cigarettes. She says, "I didn't know my daughter smoked."

    A blonde walks into her daughter's room and finds a condom. She says, "I didn't know my daughter had a penis."


    ~wV

  15. #35
    Forum Member zippo99's Avatar
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    A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office,
    ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along,
    too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Lexus .
    The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn't
    more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a
    chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
    His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
    After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,"he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."
    "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
    The cop replied, "My God, don't you even realize that your left arm is
    missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"

    "Oh My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"
    *The BOSS rules*

  16. #36
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    Golf is a lot like taxes, you work hard to make the green and then end up in the hole.

  17. #37
    Forum Member zippo99's Avatar
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    A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
    "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we start
    cussing!"

    The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues. "When we
    go downstairs for breakfast, I'm going to say "hell" and you say "***"."

    "OK!" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks
    into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast.
    "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

    WHACK! He flies out of his chair, slides across the kitchen floor, gets up,
    and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot
    pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The Mom locks him in his
    room and shouts, "You stay in there till I let you out!"

    She then comes downstairs, looks at the 4 year old, and asks with a stern
    voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?"
    "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat *** it won't be
    Cheerios!"
    *The BOSS rules*

  18. #38
    Forum Member firemanpat29's Avatar
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    I will clean this one up as much as possible!!


    A fireman was fishing with his young son one day
    The man lit a cigarette the boy asked "that looks good
    Dad can I have one?" The father asked "son can you touch
    your penis to your rectum?" the boy said "no sir." the father
    said "then no you cant have one." 20 minutes later the father
    opened a beer and the son said "that looks good Dad can I have one?"
    The father replied "can you touch your penis to your rectum?"
    the son replied "No father I can not" 30 minutes later the boy
    opened a pack of cookies and started eating, the father said
    "Those look good son can I have one?" The son asked " Well Dad
    can you touch your penis to your rectum?" The father said "why
    yes son I can" the son thought for a moment looked up and said
    "Go screw your self then,these are my damn cookies!!"

  19. #39
    FIREMAN 1st GRADE E40FDNYL35's Avatar
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    Chief
    Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
    Is more powerful than a locomotive
    Is faster than a speeding bullet
    Walks on water
    Gives policy to God.

    Deputy Chief
    Leaps short buildings in a single bound
    Is more powerful than a switch engine
    Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
    Walks on water if the sea is calm
    Talks with God.

    Assistant Chief
    Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
    Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
    Is faster than a speeding BB
    Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
    Talks with God if special request is approved.

    Battalion Chief
    Barely clears a Quonset hut
    Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
    Can fire a speeding bullet
    Swims well
    Is occasionally addressed by God.

    Captain
    Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
    Is run over by a locomotive
    Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
    Dog paddles
    Talks to animals

    Lieutenant
    Runs into buildings
    Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
    Is not issued ammunition
    Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
    Talks to walls.

    Truckie
    Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
    Says, "Look at the choo-choo"
    Wets himself with a water pistol
    Plays in mud puddles
    Mumbles to himself.

    THE ENGINE
    Lifts buildings and walks under them
    Kicks locomotives off the tracks
    Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
    Freezes water with a single glance
    HE IS GOD!!!!!
    ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
    NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
    343
    CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
    LT. John Ginley Engine 40
    FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
    FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
    FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
    FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
    FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
    FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
    FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
    FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

    Charleston 9
    "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
    *******************CLICK HERE*****************

  20. #40
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    What's the difference between an elephant and the Chief's car?

    The elephant has the trunk in the front and the ********* in the rear.

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