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  1. #1
    MembersZone Subscriber Engine58's Avatar
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    Default Darwin Awards are out for 2004 ...

    Darwin Awards are out for 2004 ...


    Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honor
    given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
    themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was
    the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him
    as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this
    year in reverse order are:

    7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
    because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
    Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
    fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
    down, killing both him and his sister.

    6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
    suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
    weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
    white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
    create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask
    that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
    place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube
    approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into
    his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police
    found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family
    very awkward.

    5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
    another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants
    of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.
    They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their
    ankles.

    4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
    tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle.
    Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of
    these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other
    end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
    Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
    alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
    assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"
    Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

    3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
    friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
    friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

    2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of
    a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
    potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had
    been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
    entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
    dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
    described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
    retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
    the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
    of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
    lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
    of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

    AND ! THE WINNER.

    1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
    tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
    Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed
    to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to
    his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the
    machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the
    mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed
    and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
    ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles
    are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's
    scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from
    him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was
    compresed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer,
    and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a
    new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
    using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery,
    and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.


    NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.But
    because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity,
    we have allowed it
    Andrew
    Firefighter/EMT
    New Jersey


  2. #2
    MembersZone Subscriber ff7134's Avatar
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    Default

    These are the people who keep us in business!
    AKA: Mr. Whoo-Whoo

    IAFF Local 3900

    IACOJ-The Crusty Glow Worm

    ENGINE 302 - The Fire Rats

    F.A.N.T.A.M FOOLS FTM-PTB

  3. #3
    MembersZone Subscriber
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    Default

    Job Security at it best I always say. Being in the safety profession and emergency response I love waiting for these. Gives a good look at the stupidity that is out there
    Les Hartford
    Assistant Chief
    LMR Fire Dept.

    The views posted here are strickly my own and not of any of the groups I am affiliated with.

    IACOJ Member

  4. #4
    MembersZone Subscriber gordoffemt's Avatar
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    Default

    Un...freakin'...believable!!
    Lt. D. Gordon
    Greendale Fire Department
    Greendale, IN

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