Why register? ...To Enhance Your Experience
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
    Posts
    12,837

    Default After Last Night

    After last nights events, (13 June) 2 car MVA with fire and children, my co-worker Carol could not have guessed better to send this to me

    Subject: Fw: Male - female differences

    One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed and my passion starts to heat up and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

    I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

    We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

    Let me tell you, she was so excited, she must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT??!!!" I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.

    -------------------------
    MORE FUNNIES

    Weekend Funnies
    The Perks of Being Retired
    1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

    2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

    3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

    4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

    ***** IDIOT SIGHTING *****

    I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

    ****** Did She Really Say This? *******

    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    -- Mariah Carey, singer

    ******* Water to wine ********

    A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding.The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

    He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

    "Just water," says the priest.

    The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

    The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Hallelujah "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.


  2. #2
    Forum Member firenresq77's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Northwest Ohio
    Posts
    5,213

    Default

    The first one is a classic!!!!!!! Thanks for the laughs!

  3. #3
    Forum Member cellblock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    St Gabriel, La
    Posts
    708

    Default

    ****** Did She Really Say This? *******

    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    -- Mariah Carey, singer
    I have thought the EXACT same thing. I think I'll write a book called the Somolia Diet and tell of how much weight I loose as I wander from one UNICEF camp to another looking for any rice which may have gotten past the warlords.

  4. #4
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    222

    Default

    She's no Nobel laureate, but she's not THAT stupid either.

    Another urban myth debunked:

    http://www.snopes.com/quotes/carey.htm

  5. #5
    Forum Member firenresq77's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Northwest Ohio
    Posts
    5,213

    Default

    After a satirical Mariah Carey "interview" appeared on the Internet in a web publication called Cupcake in early 1996
    he he he he he........

    Sorry, just made me giggle.........

  6. #6
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
    Posts
    12,837

    Default

    The Fishing Trip

    Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and head down the road. Coming out of his garage, rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. Then he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is simply terrible."

    Sleepily, the wife yawns and replies, "I know. Can you believe my stupid husband is out there fishing in that crap!"




    I wonder who would have been suprised more if this was a true tale?
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    England ( UK )
    Posts
    18

    Default

    cellblock, the Somolia Diet *Shakes his head chuckling* pure genius. *Taps a finger to his head*

    MalahatTwo7, thank for sharing ‘Male - female differences’ good laugh on that one.
    He has seen into the eyes of angels and they lookd back upon him as a brother

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts