Quote of the Day
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
-Ronald Reagan

Weekend Funnies
******** Smarter than you think********

A millionaire finds out he is dying, and asks his wife to promise that she will put all his money in his coffin as he wants to go to heaven with it all.

She does promise, and a month later he dies and all of her friends tell her that she is crazy to honor such a request, since he is dead and does not know about his money now. The wife made the promise so the day of the funeral she goes and finds out exactly what he has in the bank.

Then she goes to the funeral and places the large box in the casket. Now her friends really think she is crazy. At the end of the service they come to her and commend her for keeping the promise to him. She said I told him I loved him and would never take his money so I went to the bank and had a check made for him to cash as soon as he get to heavens bank....

******** Stupid Is As Stupid Does************

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline & plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


Today's Joke

Brain Cramps Part 2

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-- former president of American Motors, Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-- former U.S.. President Bill Clinton.

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may re-apply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-- State Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina