1. #1
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    Default Classes for Men, few more days to register!

    CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY AUGUST 30th.

    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


    >Class 1
    How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Powerpoint Slide Presentation.
    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    >Class 2
    The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
    Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    >Class 3
    Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and avoiding the Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. (Note: this class meets at O'Malley's Brew Pub on Larkfield Rd)

    >Class 4
    Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    >Class 5
    After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink and maybe into the Dishwasher?
    Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

    >Class 6
    Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

    >Class 7
    Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places & Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    >Class 8
    Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    >Class 9
    Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    >Class 10
    Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

    >Class 11
    Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing.

    Class 12
    >How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    >Class 13
    How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates& Events and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    >Class 14
    The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

    Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors
    Jim
    Firefighter/EMT
    IACOJ
    ftm-ptb-rfb-egh-ktf-dtrt!

    September 11, 2001 - NEVER FORGET!

    BETTER TO DIE ON YOUR FEET THAN LIVE ON YOUR KNEES!

  2. #2
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    Default

    ha ha

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    I have some questions.

    1. Is there a minimum/maximum age limit.
    2. Is marriage a pre requisite.
    3. As we males cannot ask for directions, how the hell do we get to the place where the classes are being held.
    4. Are the classes being taught by a male or female teacher. (females have no idea of how to "aim" when in front of a raised toilet seat).
    5. What in tarnation is a sink/diswasher/stove etc.

  4. #4
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    Talking Where in the ......................??

    Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
    In memory of
    Chief Earle W. Woods, 1912 - 1997
    Asst. Chief John R. Woods Sr. 1937 - 2006

    IACOJ Budget Analyst

    I Refuse to be a Spectator. If I come to the Game, I'm Playing.

    www.gdvfd18.com

  5. #5
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    I'll be there but since I am a male and can't ask for directions and don't know how to get to the various training facilities, I guess I will have to bring my wife with me to 'navigate'

    Then as long as she is there I thought she could take a few classes with the ladies....

    1. The NFL and You...You too can sit quietly while a game is on TV.
    Classes meet Sundays at 13:00 Eastern Time and Mondays at 21:00
    Eastern time

    2. Oil...you wanted the new car; you can learn how to change it(or at least take it to get changed) Maps of facilities offering this service will be distributed.

    Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
    3. REAL men don't get lost...why should they ask for directions. A counseling session on acceptance.

    4a. The Fire Station (Part I)- it's ok to go there at times other than an emergency. Class format is a mediator led discussion.

    4b. The Fire Station (Part II) - because it has a phone you don't always have to test if it rings or not by calling your spouse. A demonstration will take place.

    --------
    That's all I could come up with somebody help me out with some more.

  6. #6
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    FFTrainer, NFL games are like holidays in my house, well at least for me. I have actually blown off the in-laws for the J-E-T-S JETS,JETS,JETS!! Spend plenty of time in teh dog house, just installed a plasma tv there as a matter of fact.
    Jim
    Firefighter/EMT
    IACOJ
    ftm-ptb-rfb-egh-ktf-dtrt!

    September 11, 2001 - NEVER FORGET!

    BETTER TO DIE ON YOUR FEET THAN LIVE ON YOUR KNEES!

  7. #7
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    SBFDCO1 -- So you're another sucker for abuse and disappointment just like me...in other words a Jets Fan

    Oh and BTW... blowing off the in-laws doesn't really count as impressive. I would probably blow them off for a root canal! but I knew your intent was good!

  8. #8
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    If there's a ladies class on how the fill the petrol tank up, before the little yellow light comes on...please forward the application form to my address
    United Kingdom branch, IACOJ.

  9. #9
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    While we men are attending those very important classes, maybe the other gender should take some as well:

    Class 1: Refrigerator Exploration. How to leave things in predictable locations in the fridge so your S.O. can find things. Meets 5 weeks, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7:30 pm.

    Class 2: Tolerating His Hobbies. Learn that he is no more ignoring you when he's watching TV than when he's playing with his car or computer. Slides and real-life simulations will be used. Meets Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8pm.

    Class 3: Not Asking. Women who take this course are simply astounded to discover that not only do they not have to ask a man how he likes the new outfit or haircut, but how you can actually achieve a state of higher bliss by not asking. Class runs constantly due to need for steady repetition, running every single day from 6-10pm.

    Class 4: Summarizing Conversations. How to relate an entire conversation you just had with your sister, mother, or best friend in 25 words or less. 10 week intensive training course, meeting 3 nights a week. Advanced students only.

    Class 5: God's Intended Purpose For The Remote Control. Runs most week nights from 7-10, call ahead.

    Class 6: PMS Only Comes Once Per Month. No other excuses. Meets every Tuesday night. Don't come if it's Cranky Tuesday for you.

    Class 7: All Babies Are Not Cute. Slides, graphic examples. Thursdays from 6-8pm.

    And a 16 week class being offered at The local learning center for adults. those interested sign-up below

    Topic 1 - How to fill up petrol tanks within 2 hours.
    Step by step, with slide presentation.

    Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: Why do they have to have pictures of bunny rabbits on them?
    Round table discussion.

    Topic 3 - The modern socio-economic aesthetics of being able to write your name in the snow using urine.
    Group discussion.

    Topic 4 - Fundamental benefits of not changing your perfectly clean clothes several times a day.
    Pictures and explanatory graphics.

    Topic 5 - The after-dinner dishes and cutlery : Why dishwashers are the saviour of womenkind.
    Examples on video.

    Topic 6 - How to use a remote control and programme a VCR.
    Helpline support and support groups.

    Topic 7 - Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open Forum.

    Topic 8 - Physical fitness: How to throw a tennis ball properly.
    Graphics and group exercises.

    Topic 9 - Map reading 101.
    Group workshop.

    Topic 10 - Parallel parking ; The mystery revealed.
    Driving simulation.

    Topic 11 - Learning to live: Why childbirth is really really icky!.
    Online class and role-playing.

    Topic 12 - How to walk into a shop and buy the first thing that you see.
    Time and energy saving tips.

    Topic 13 - How to limit phone calls to a short duration.
    Group therapy.

    Topic 14 - What are the point of flowers? They grow for free in the wild!
    Case studies and video references.

    Topic 15 - Cosmetic salesmen tactics - Jojoba Oil and Aloe Vera do f*ck
    all to your hair, but do a lot to your wallet.

    Topic 16 - (Advanced class) - "The Offside rule: revealed"
    If my basic HazMat training has taught me nothing else, it's that if you see a glowing green monkey running away from something, follow that monkey!

    FF/EMT/DBP

  10. #10
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    Default for those in interested in Continuing Education Classes for Women

    1. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome:
    You Do Not Need New Shoes Everyday.


    2. Communication Skills:
    Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.

    3. Silence, the Final Frontier:
    Where No Woman Has Gone Before.

    4. The Undiscovered Side of Banking:
    Making Deposits.

    5. Parties:
    Going Without New Outfits.

    6. Bathroom Etiquette I:
    Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

    7. Bathroom Etiquette II:
    His Razor Is His.

    8. Valuation:
    Just Because It's Not Important to You . . .

    9. Telephone Skills:
    How to Hang Up.

    10. Advanced Parking:
    Reversing Into A Space.

    11. Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior:
    Leaving the Towels on the Floor.

    12. Cooking:
    How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.

    13. Compliments:
    Accepting Them Gracefully.

    14. Integrating Your Laundry:
    Washing It All Together.

    15. Sex:
    It's For Married Couples Too.

    16. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?":
    Learning Why Men Lie.
    If my basic HazMat training has taught me nothing else, it's that if you see a glowing green monkey running away from something, follow that monkey!

    FF/EMT/DBP

  11. #11
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    Dr.Parasite...BRILLIANT!

    You have just been nominated Dean of students, seeing as you already have a PHD. I propose all classes are FREE! We need to have pre-requistes though:

    Most important:

    Sex:
    It's For Married Couples Too

    Integrating Your Laundry:
    Washing It All Together.

    Silence, the Final Frontier:
    Where No Woman Has Gone Before.

    The NFL and You...You too can sit quietly while a game is on TV.
    Classes meet Sundays at 13:00 Eastern Time and Mondays at 21:00
    Eastern time

    Jim
    Firefighter/EMT
    IACOJ
    ftm-ptb-rfb-egh-ktf-dtrt!

    September 11, 2001 - NEVER FORGET!

    BETTER TO DIE ON YOUR FEET THAN LIVE ON YOUR KNEES!

  12. #12
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    If there's a ladies class on how the fill the petrol tank up, before the little yellow light comes on...please forward the application form to my address
    I don't know about that one, but we do have one on filling the GAS tank

  13. #13
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    SBFDCO1 -- So you're another sucker for abuse and disappointment just like me...in other words a Jets Fan

    Me too.


    Tanker
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    I.A.C.O.J. Firefighter/EMT-B

    "I'm gonna drill a hole in your skull and pump out all the stupidity"
    Gunny Ermey


    "Never underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups"


    Humpty Dumpty was pushed

    Polishing the Chrome on all the IACOJ "apparati"

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