FF's Daughter Letter

[Parrothead]

Anyone have a copy of the letter about the Ff dealing with his daughter's boyfriends? It was pretty funny,just can't seem to find it again. Thanks.

[SIGNAL99COM]

A Fireman's Little Girl

I am very dedicated to my work. I wear firefighter shirts every day, even when I’m not on duty. The fire department is my second home, and my second family. It often seems as if my life revolves around the fire department, but it means nothing compared to my little girl. I am normally a very friendly person, but if you hurt my little girl you will make me mad. I know my little girl is growing up, even if I don’t like it. She seems to like you, so I’ll tolerate you dating her, but here are a few things for you to think about while you’re with her:

First of all, I go into burning buildings to save people that I’ve never even seen before, you can’t imagine how protective I am of my little girl.

I once broke a man’s sternum by accident while doing CPR to save his life. If that’s how I help people what do you think I do when I’m ****ed off?

I investigate arson fires. I know exactly what clues to look for to prove it was arson…so I also know how to make sure nobody can tell how a fire started... and I know where you live. Remember Backdraft?

I’ve worked more car accidents than you’ll ever see, the sight of blood doesn’t bother me one little bit.

It’s normal for me to carry chainsaws, axes, and various other extremely sharp tools in my car..touch my little girl and me and you take a little ride.

When we burn down a house for training, nobody ever looks in the closets.

I use the jaws of life to tear doors off wrecked cars. They cut though solid metal like a hot knife through butter. So watch your paws or get the jaws.

Sirens and air horns can really muffle the sounds of someone screaming.

Most of my friends are cops, paramedics, or firefighters. WE ARE 911. If you make me mad who do you think you’re going to call for help?

I have access to explosives.

I am well trained in emergency medicine. I know exactly which arteries are the easiest to sever and which ones bleed the most. (remember all the sharp tools?)

Even though my little girl insists that you are a “nice guy” and not like most other guys, I know better. I was once your age, I know EXACTLY what you’re thinking. Because of that I already have plenty of reasons to not like you. It wouldn’t take much at all to push me over the edge, and I just sharpened my axe.

So if you want to date my little girl you better keep these things in mind. Fireman are protective by nature, and there is nothing we are more protective of than our little girls. Whenever you're alone with her, you better remember that someday you may be alone with me!

[DaSharkie]

I'll be more subtle. I still plan on breaking out the pistol to clean it when the boy comes over for a visit. It may be a cleche but a little fear goeas a long way.

Perhaps I'll say something like "You shoot your gun off and I'll shoot mine. I guarantee I won't miss though."

[explr985]

Originally posted by DaSharkie

Perhaps I'll say something like "You shoot your gun off and I'll shoot mine. I guarantee I won't miss though."

Priceless!

[martinm]

For my daughter (who is 13 next month) when a boyfriend appears on the scene, I intend using the Uncle Buck approach...

"Hey, I've got an axe in the car...wanna see it?"

"I keep it REAL sharp, do you know I've been known to circumcise a gnat its so sharp?

"Wait a minute...bug...gnat...is there some connection here...?"

[Parrothead]

Thanks Chris.

[CBlasek]

When I met my fiances family for the first time her dad told me he was with the f.d. and told me to respect her. Which I did. When we got serious, i met her "other" family. She is also a FF/EMT. That was a experience let me tell ya. Kinda helped that I signed up when I met them I think. I was told by "Buc", hes a pretty big guy, 400 pds, 6ft 5, very very strong, "You Disrespect Her, You Disrepect ME!" Than he crushed a pepsi can with his armpit. I kid you not. It was a experience. Now that I am one of the guys, I can see where they are coming from.

[sbfdco1]

No kids yet, but if we do have a little girl(s), one statement...simply put:

"what you do to her, I am going to do to you!"

[blondiemed2004]

AWWW, you guys are so Cute! My dad had something similiar but he was a cop (you can only imagine!)

[ExplorerFFchik8]

Originally posted by sbfdco1

"what you do to her, I am going to do to you!"

Im sorry but thats kinda a scary thought.. what if he kisses your daughter.. hm... or anything further than that, are you sure u want to keep that promise!?? just givin ya something to think about...

[42VTExplorer]

Im sorry but thats kinda a scary thought.. what if he kisses your daughter.. hm... or anything further than that, are you sure u want to keep that promise!?? just givin ya something to think about...

Uhhh, that's the whole point..

To scare the dude into thinking that if he kisses the daughter, or tries to get into her pants, the father will be coming after him

[Dickey]

I once dated a daughter of a cop in high school. I picked her up for a date once and finally met her dad. He was sitting at the kitchen table cleaning his weapons. Scared the hell out of me. He kept asking me questions like "what are you going to do with my daughter?" and "when will you bring her home?" and stuff like that. All I could do was vibrate in place!!!

Now, I did that to my 14 year old niece's date. God it was fun. I think I could almost see him standing in a puddle. She actually came home early that night too!

Very true, don't mess with the family.

Keep your head down and your powder dry.
________________________
Lt.Jason Knecht
Altoona Fire Rescue
Altoona, WI

[Crisb1419]

My daughter is only 5 and step-daughter 7, the first guy comes to the door, invite him in. Sit him down in a chair, look at him very closely. Wisper in his ear, " I have been there before its not that bad, And I have no problem with going back to prison"...

[martinm]

Reminds me of an interview on TV a few years ago. The interviewee was decribing how much fun it was when his 16 year old daughters date came to the house for the first time.



You have to feel sympathy for a guy who walkes into the house and claps eyes on Alice Cooper polishing a shotgun...

[sbfdco1]

Right on 42VT!

Im sorry but thats kinda a scary thought.. what if he kisses your daughter.. hm... or anything further than that, are you sure u want to keep that promise!?? just givin ya something to think about...

[ff7134]

This was my plan....but I have a son only for now.

When I knew the young lad was going to come over for the first time I would be prepared. I would be setting on the couch cleaning my sheriff's office service pistol. I would stop when the boy came into the room and set it down on the table. Go over shake his hand and introduce myself. We would sit down and chat about my work; firefighting, paramedic, WMD Technician(means I know how to blow crap up), police officer, and many other things.

Then me and the lad would go out on the back patio...just the 2 of us. I would remind him of all that I know. I would point out to be a paramedic you need to know the different ways the body works and what kills people. I would also tell him that my daughter is well liked by all the people who work in the county that would...lets say have to search for a dead body. And that I know all of the county sheriff divers so if need be, I could make it so a body couldn't be found. I would then ask him if he ever thought about being a statistic???? Then I would tell him how much I love my daughter......and how I would have to make bad things happen to anyone who hurt her. That is where it would end.

[DaSharkie]

My daughter is only 5 and step-daughter 7, the first guy comes to the door, invite him in. Sit him down in a chair, look at him very closely. Wisper in his ear, " I have been there before its not that bad, And I have no problem with going back to prison"...

HA! That is priceless.

For the record, if I ever have a boy (not that I really want kids) he gets the same lecture as anyone coming over for the girl. A man has to face his responsibilities. It seems many times there is a double standard out there.

[Jonathan Bastian]

Along the same thread, perhaps you will enjoy this:

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her,so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them for you...permanently.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I wil1 not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate. When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns in eyesight; places where there is darkness; places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness; places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home SAFELY and EARLY, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
**************

Pitty on the boy who dates a fireman's daughter!

[explr985]

^^ I like this one. ^^

[AjaxinSC]

I have a 6 month old. I can wait forever for the day to roll around...