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  1. #1
    Forum Member LeuitEFDems's Avatar
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    Default Question from a newly single guy

    Ok, here's my predicament....please don't give me too much crap about it!
    My ex-g/f from Florida moved up here in July. We have since parted ways. Most of her stuff is still up here. She's saying I should pay to send her stuff down there, wheras I think SHE should. what do you guys/gals think?
    The comments made by me are my opinions only, not of the Fire and EMS services I am affiliated with.

    I have lost my mind..has anyone seen it? it's not worth much..but it's mine


  2. #2
    Permanently Removed CALFFBOU's Avatar
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    Default Yo...

    Tell her...."Your stuff is here, come pick it up."

    Done.

  3. #3
    Forum Member LeuitEFDems's Avatar
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    Default

    Thanks Bou,
    That's been the consensus...but she still doesn't see it that way...so, I just wanted to get more input on it...
    The comments made by me are my opinions only, not of the Fire and EMS services I am affiliated with.

    I have lost my mind..has anyone seen it? it's not worth much..but it's mine

  4. #4
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    Default

    Let me start off by telling you I am a woman, so I probably know the other "side" of this story. An important question though is why did she not take the stuff back with her when she moved back? Was it a sudden move? Did she not "feel" like hauling it all back then? In THAT case, we're y'all planning on trying it again? If so, then she may have left her stuff there in the hopes that y'all would get back together. If not, then this is her way of trying to force you into doing the "I'm sorry, please come back and we'll try again. Your stuff is still here. I'm lonely without you." Yes, I am cynical. I've never done that to a guy, it's not fair to either of us. However, I know too many women who've tried to pull that stuff on brothers on my crew. I'm not going to bother with the trivial stuff, I don't really want answers even, the questions are more for you to think about the answers to them. Personally, if it was my stuff, I'd have moved it the first time unless absolutely impossible. I wouldn't ask the guy to mail it to me either. If it were my stuff, it would be my responsibility, not his. I'm surprised you haven't thrown her stuff out already actually. IMHO tell her to "move it or lose it." Good luck! I'll try to answer any other questions if you have any more. TC SS

  5. #5
    Forum Member LeuitEFDems's Avatar
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    Default

    thanks aklontz for the other side...
    I should have specified what happened in my original post. She ended up going back abruptly with her mother...they flew back..so she could only take 2 bags at that point in time...no biggie. She came back up a few weeks later to get her car. She could have put most of the rest of the small stuff in her car, but all she took was her computer...and unfortunately, I wasn't around when she left...There are a few big items (deck, bed, etc) here that needs to go down.
    As for not just throwing it all out, I'm too nice of a guy...that's why it went on longer than it should have...and we're still talking to each other...
    The comments made by me are my opinions only, not of the Fire and EMS services I am affiliated with.

    I have lost my mind..has anyone seen it? it's not worth much..but it's mine

  6. #6
    Forum Member MetalMedic's Avatar
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    Default

    Originally posted by LeuitEFDems
    As for not just throwing it all out, I'm too nice of a guy...that's why it went on longer than it should have...and we're still talking to each other...
    There's the problem... nice guys finish last. I have been finishing last a long time... I am sure there is a GOODWILL nearby. You can get rid of her junk AND get a tax write off.

    Remember, no matter how good she looks, there is some guy somewhere who is tired of her crap!
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  7. #7
    unrepentant fool ranahan's Avatar
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    Default

    I say offer her a choice.

    Either she or her designee comes up to get the stuff, or you sell it all and send her the money (minus any cash you had to pay out in order to sell it, i.e. classified ads).

    Then again, maybe it's thoughts like this which explain why I'm single.

  8. #8
    MembersZone Subscriber CFD Hazards's Avatar
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    Default

    Tell her that on garbage day it will be out by the curb. If she wants it she can come get it but one way or another, it will be out of your house.

  9. #9
    Forum Member FiftyOnePride's Avatar
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    Default

    Talk to her, tell her that this stuff has got to go, and one way another it will. Whether you are bluffing about throwing it out or not is your decision. But if you make that choice she has to make apparent, I bet she won't call your bluff. If she does, tell her she has x amount of days to get it, or it is going away. Away to where? Depends on the stuff, donate it to charity, tell her your relationship has "taken a turn." Lol.
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  10. #10
    Forum Member FWDbuff's Avatar
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    Default Whatever you do, do it LEGALLY

    I was in a very simular situation. Just by chance, I happened to be talking to an attorney friend of mine, and told him of the situation. I was going to put her stuff out at the curb, or give it to goodwill. He STRONGLY advised me against it- Until after she had been properly notified. I dont know what the law is in your area, but I had to send her a registered letter (return receipt requested) advising her that she had 30 days to reclaim her items or they would be officially "abandoned" and would be treated as such. If I had trashed her stuff without the legal notice, she could have hauled me into court and won. Sucks, but thats the law.

    Good Luck to you!
    "Loyalty Above all Else. Except Honor."

  11. #11
    District Chief distchief60b's Avatar
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    Default

    "If ya want it come get it or I am taking it to the homeless shelter!" or...."The Salvation army says thanks for the donation."

    That may work.......

    You got to watch them Florida Cracker women....they are mean and hard headed..... Where in Fla is she from?
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  12. #12
    Forum Member DeputyChiefGonzo's Avatar
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    It might be worth your while to have an attorney draw up an abandoned property letter and send it to her via registered mail. If you know where she lives, you could have a legal notice posted in the local newspaper. Better to spend a few bucks now than being dragged into court.

    On the other hand, if it does go to court... you have your choice of Judge Roy Brown, Judge Judy or the People's Court!
    ‎"The education of a firefighter and the continued education of a firefighter is what makes "real" firefighters. Continuous skill development is the core of progressive firefighting. We learn by doing and doing it again and again, both on the training ground and the fireground."
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  13. #13
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    As the saying goes " Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned" By throwing out her stuff it would probably get ugly fast, and probably start new and more complex problems. As a few of the guys stated, do it the legal way to avoid any problems that might arise.
    "I have no ambition in this world but one, and that is to be a fireman. The position may, in the eyes of some, appear to be a lowly one; but we know the work which a fireman has to do believe that his is a noble calling."

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  14. #14
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    There's the problem... nice guys finish last. I have been finishing last a long time...
    MAN... I couldn't agree more!! I can't find one woman who'd agree with that though!
    It might be worth your while to have an attorney draw up an abandoned property letter and send it to her via registered mail.
    Do something that like w/ a registered or certified letter.. tell her, "Either you come and get it by (insert date here..) or I will be more than happy to move it for you...... right to the curb."

    C'mon now.. time to put your foot down and stop her from walking over you!

  15. #15
    Disillusioned Subscriber Steamer's Avatar
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    The advice about seeking legal advice is unquestionably the best advice you could possibly be given. It's her stuff entrusted to your custody. As much as you might like to set it curbside or just simply get rid of it by any means necessary, if it's not done properly, you'll end up compensating her for it.

    Most jurisdictions require satisfaction of certain requirements such as proper notification and reasonable opportunity to get the stuff. It's those vague terms like "proper" and "reasonable" that'll bite you in the ***. I'll guarantee you that your definition of proper and reasonable aren't the same as hers, and if not careful, your checkbook will reflect just how wrong you were.
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  16. #16
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    Default

    I would start charging her for the storage of her stuff.

  17. #17
    Sr. Information Officer NJFFSA16's Avatar
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    Consult an attorney! Cover your BUTT!

    Personally, I do not believe you are financially responsible for the removal and transportation of said property. However, I would strongly suggest seeking legal opinion. Most likely, you will be told the following:

    Send her a certified RRR letter asking that she make arrangements to remove her property within xx days of receipt. Include a clause that states if she doesn't, it will be considered as 'abandoned' and disposed of without recourse.

    Keep copies. Take pictures.

    Please....consult an attorney who can suggest a course of action and review your legal obligations.
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  18. #18
    MembersZone Subscriber Firefighter1219's Avatar
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    Not sure about the laws in your state, but in some places if you leave without your stuff on your own will, you have forefeitted the right to it. If you are kicked out or forced to leave by some other means, then you are allowed to come back and get it. Check out the federal, state and local laws pertaining to such.

    On a side note, is that why you were looking into moving to FL?
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  19. #19
    Forum Member LeuitEFDems's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for all your input. I have a family member that's a laywer (actually a decent guy...not like a typical lawyer), I'll give him a call. Maybe I can sell it on Ebay
    1219-yes, that's why I was thinking about moving to Fl...still am actually since I like the area and the fire/ems systems down there.
    Stan-She's from the land of the Mouse...Orlando.
    I was talking to her last night when I posted this...found out after that she's going to live with her AA sponsor (one of the many reasons our relationship went south...both figurtivly and literally), so she needs her stuff. But from what I gather, she doesn't have the money to ship it. She's been back down there since the week before Christmas, and is now just wanting her stuff back.
    Thanks again everyone for all the advice, and not giving me too much crap, beleive me, I've gotten enough of it from the guys here. She had joined the same vol FD I'm on, and ****ed off more than a few people...including most of our neighboring dept...another story...lol
    The comments made by me are my opinions only, not of the Fire and EMS services I am affiliated with.

    I have lost my mind..has anyone seen it? it's not worth much..but it's mine

  20. #20
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    Well lets see.....

    Not your crap not your problem. She needs to move it or lose it.
    Just my personal oppinion.

    Good luck.
    Rath De Ort

    RSM

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