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  1. #1
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    Default Tourist Information From Canada

    Now that Vancouver has won the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some
    questions that people the world over are asking about Canada...


    Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?

    (UK)

    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch

    them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

    A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad

    tracks? (Sweden)

    A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles; take lots of water.

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: Are there any ATMs in Canada? Can you send me list of them in Toronto,

    Vancouver, Edmonton & Halifax? (UK)

    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?

    (Scotland)

    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

    Ca-na-da

    is that big country to your north. Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing

    is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and

    we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (Australia)

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is

    .. Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night

    in Calgary, just after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

    A: No, we don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you

    tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female

    population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

    A: Only at Thanksgiving.

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year

    round?

    (Germany)

    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is

    illegal.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its

    name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

    A: It's called a moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains

    of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying

    yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R & R and I want to contact the girl I

    dated

    while I was staying in Surrey, B.C. Can you help? (USA)

    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

    A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
    -I have learned people will forget what you said,
    -People will forget what you did,
    -But people will never forget how you made them feel!


  2. #2
    MembersZone Subscriber mcaldwell's Avatar
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    Default

    LOL, that's pretty funny.
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

  3. #3
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    Default

    That's pretty funny.

    But you guys still have me confused on this Boxing Day thing. Why would an entire country celebrate such a brutal sport? Does it have anything to do with this ancient poast time hockey?

  4. #4
    Forum Member StayBack500FT's Avatar
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    Default

    LMAO!!! Too funny!!
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

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    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  5. #5
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    ROF-LMAO HEHEEHEEE. Except that they forgot two questions:

    1) How many of you actually live in Igloos?

    2) How many dogs are in your sled team? (refer to answer on Hippo racing)
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

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  6. #6
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    Ahhh Malahat, thats two easy - in this vast wasteland of snow and ice, everyone lives in igloo's and when the weather warms up we migrate north with the hippo's!

    2) How many dogs are in the sled team - two many factors for that: #1 Sasquatch may attack and kill your dogs, you may need to eat your dog (usually the slacker), the harsh conditions can claim them - but worst is being trampled by a herd of migrating hippo's!
    -I have learned people will forget what you said,
    -People will forget what you did,
    -But people will never forget how you made them feel!

  7. #7
    MembersZone Subscriber mcaldwell's Avatar
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    Years ago when I worked at Lake Louise in Banff National Park, there was a report of a guest once asking what time we let the bears out.

    Sure ma'am, just after 11:00 am, once they have finished playtime with the daycare kids.
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

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    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

    Now this is an understandable question considering almost everyone in the rest of the world seems to think we speak french
    IACOJ

  9. #9
    Forum Member Dave1983's Avatar
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    Originally posted by LadyCapn



    Now this is an understandable question considering almost everyone in the rest of the world seems to think we speak french
    You dont?
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  10. #10
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    AWESOME POST!

    The funniest questions are from the Americans, don't you think? hehe Just joking, guys! The speaking English in Canada and the hippo racing are the best ones.
    2005 Pontiac Wave 5 Hatch
    Pontiac... built for drivers

  11. #11
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    Also, on my first glance of the title, I thought you were going to ask for tourist information on Canada..
    2005 Pontiac Wave 5 Hatch
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  12. #12
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    Originally posted by Dave1983


    You dont?
    True Canadians speak the Queens English (thats PROPER English), Not quite sure how we wound up with the french????
    Ahhhh butt with out them we wouldnt have gravy on our friesnow would we!
    -I have learned people will forget what you said,
    -People will forget what you did,
    -But people will never forget how you made them feel!

  13. #13
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    Question Errrrrr...

    Posted by George
    But you guys still have me confused on this Boxing Day thing. Why would an entire country celebrate such a brutal sport? Does it have anything to do with this ancient poast time hockey?
    Sorry, I can never tell with you Americans, so few of you are good at sarcasm or wit, or even for that matter, voting - Was this question an attempt at humour, or do you really not know the origins of Boxing Day?

    I'd be happy to enlighten, just wasn't sure if you really didn't know this (especially since you pretty much know everything else ).

    Cheers

    Expert on strange British traditions...

  14. #14
    MembersZone Subscriber ullrichk's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dave404


    True Canadians speak the Queens English
    We know about Peter Jennings. Who's the other one?
    ullrichk
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    perfesser

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  15. #15
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    Default Re: Errrrrr...

    Originally posted by Fawlty
    Posted by George


    Sorry, I can never tell with you Americans, so few of you are good at sarcasm or wit, or even for that matter, voting - Was this question an attempt at humour, or do you really not know the origins of Boxing Day?

    I'd be happy to enlighten, just wasn't sure if you really didn't know this (especially since you pretty much know everything else ).

    Cheers

    Expert on strange British traditions...
    It was not only an attempt at humour (check the spelling) I thought it was a damn good one.

    I know the origin of Boxing Day, but I wonder if it might not be educational if you ran it down, just so I don't get something wrong.

    Thanks.

  16. #16
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    Originally posted by Dave404


    True Canadians speak the Queens English (thats PROPER English), Not quite sure how we wound up with the french????
    Ahhhh butt with out them we wouldnt have gravy on our friesnow would we!
    Actually I think we still would have gravy, we just wouldn't put cheese curds it it.

  17. #17
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    Originally posted by manofire2


    Actually I think we still would have gravy, we just wouldn't put cheese curds it it.
    MMMMMMMMMMMM I love poutine !!!!!!!

    The only trouble is finding somewhere that makes decent poutine, with GOOD gravy and not some chicken based crap
    To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.

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  18. #18
    Forum Member Dave1983's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dave404


    True Canadians speak the Queens English (thats PROPER English), Not quite sure how we wound up with the french????
    Ahhhh butt with out them we wouldnt have gravy on our friesnow would we!
    Ketchup, yes. Malt vinegar, yes. Gravey, NEVER
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  19. #19
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    Poutine is good... I am SOOOO fussy with gravy though.
    2005 Pontiac Wave 5 Hatch
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  20. #20
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    And it has to be real cheese curds, not just shredded mozzarella
    IACOJ

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