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  1. #1
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Talking On The Lighter Side

    I got this from a co-worker....

    Why ARE Men Happier ?

    Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

    You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

    The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

    You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

    No wonder men are happier!

    Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.


    Just remember I'm only Da Messenger
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.


  2. #2
    MembersZone Subscriber ROOKIELZ's Avatar
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    The world is your urinal.
    The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    Too true! Sometimes I'm jealous of these facts
    IACOJ
    If you are willing to teach;
    I am willing to learn.

  3. #3
    Forum Member DaSharkie's Avatar
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    I thank God often that I am a man.

    Life is so much easier.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

  4. #4
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    Oh how I love being a Man!

  5. #5
    Forum Member PattyV's Avatar
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    "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I
    look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of
    their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of
    work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
    to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come
    true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
    ~ Jack Handy

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may falsely leave you thinking that you
    have instantaneously mastered the skills of break dancing and singing.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,
    that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
    ~Frank Sinatra

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
    tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
    ~ Henny Youngman
    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
    laughing WITH you.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
    I think not."
    ~ Stephen Wright
    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to start singing at a
    moments notice.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
    fall asleep, we commit no sin.
    When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to
    heaven!"
    ~ Brian O'Rourke

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~ Benjamin Franklin

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in acting, thinking
    and moving like a retard.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
    Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
    not go nearly as well with pizza."
    ~ Dave Barry

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your close friends
    over and over again that you love them.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
    ~ Dave Howell
    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
    converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One
    afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
    buddy Norm.
    Here's how it went:

    "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
    fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
    and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection
    is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
    whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
    In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
    slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain
    cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
    In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
    making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always
    feel smarter after a few beers."

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
    when you are not.


    My friend sent these to me cause she knows of my love of beer, but i think i may have seen them on this forum before. Nevertheless, to save a search...
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  6. #6
    Forum Member Dave1983's Avatar
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    I like being a guy, high heels are are so painfull...er, so I ve been told
    Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

    IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

    "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
    RUSH-Tom Sawyer

    Success is when skill meets opportunity
    Failure is when fantasy meets reality

  7. #7
    Forum Member DaSharkie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Dave1983
    I like being a guy, high heels are are so painfull...er, so I ve been told
    Uh huh. We are learning a lot about you this week Dave. I shudder to think what more we will learn about you. I may need to go into my padded room if the visions begin occuring.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

  8. #8
    Forum Member StayBack500FT's Avatar
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    The whole "child-birth" thing is enough to keep me happy I'm a man!!
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  9. #9
    Forum Member DaSharkie's Avatar
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    Originally posted by StayBack500FT
    The whole "child-birth" thing is enough to keep me happy I'm a man!!
    I'll do you one better. Just having to tolerate "that time of the month" is bad enough as a man, I can't imagine having to actually go through it.

    Still, I don't want to have to go through the whole pregnancy and delivery thing myself. Especially since I don't want kids.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

  10. #10
    Forum Member martinm's Avatar
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    Rick, wise and learned words my friends....now to show this post to the wife!!

    Originally posted by Dave1983
    I like being a guy, high heels are are so painfull...er, so I ve been told

    Thats like saying, "I can't wait to get home and get my wifes underwear off....its killing me!!
    United Kingdom branch, IACOJ.

  11. #11
    MembersZone Subscriber
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    Unhappy Manly Manness

    I thank God often that I am a man.
    Yeah, absolutely positively gotta agree with you there. Only time that I've ever wondered about the merits of being the opposite sex is after taking a rocketing soccer ball to the goolies . Took about two or three minutes of grass chewing and cursing ' 'im upstairs ' for providing us with such delicate equipment without shielding them with a natural cast iron scrotal sack!!

    Thats like saying, "I can't wait to get home and get my wifes underwear off....its killing me!!
    Martinm.. now I'm gonna have to admonish you for the above statement.. some people will start to think us Brits are cheap, I always buy my own, plus of course my wifes are so small they kill me.


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