Thread: Beavers-

  1. #1
    MembersZone Subscriber

    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    2,983

    Talking Beavers-

    Someone sent me this. Good for a Monday morning laugh!

    This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

    This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.


    SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;


    T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County


    Dear Mr. DeVries:


    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:


    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.
    Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the MichiganCompiled Laws, annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

    The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to
    restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.


    Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may res ult in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

    We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.


    Sincerely,
    David L. Price District Representative
    Land and Water Management Division




    ** This is the actual response sent back: **
    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
    R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
    Dear Mr. Price:

    Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across
    the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

    While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be
    highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
    As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

    My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or

    (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.


    I have several concerns. My first concern is:- aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation,
    so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

    The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent
    rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.


    If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter they being unable to read English.


    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
    Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

    So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass
    them then.


    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!
    Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump)!


    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.


    Thank You,
    Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers

  2. #2
    Disillusioned Subscriber
    Steamer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 1999
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,475

    Default

    Far too often job sites are filled with undertrained and inexperienced employees. This occurs when these jobs are started without the proper permits. This usually results in job site injuries and deaths, as represented below:
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    Last edited by Steamer; 06-20-2005 at 11:47 AM.
    Steve Gallagher
    IACOJ BOT
    ----------------------------
    "I don't apologize for anything. When I make a mistake, I take the blame and go on from there." - Woody Hayes

  3. #3
    Forum Member
    DeputyChiefGonzo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2000
    Location
    Somewhere between genius and insanity!
    Posts
    13,584

    Default

    ROTFLMAO!
    ‎"The education of a firefighter and the continued education of a firefighter is what makes "real" firefighters. Continuous skill development is the core of progressive firefighting. We learn by doing and doing it again and again, both on the training ground and the fireground."
    Lt. Ray McCormack, FDNY

  4. #4
    MembersZone Subscriber
    F52Westside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Posts
    268

    Default

    Our MI Government at it's finest.
    Stay Safe & Bring 'em Home!
    Eddie C.
    I.A.F.F. Local 3008

    "Doin' it for lives n' property"

    ** "The comments made here are this person's views and not that of the organizations to which I am affiliated" **

  5. #5
    Forum Member
    Dave1983's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Gator Country
    Posts
    4,157

    Default

    Oh my...Thats dam funny
    Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

    IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

    "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
    RUSH-Tom Sawyer

    Success is when skill meets opportunity
    Failure is when fantasy meets reality

  6. #6
    MembersZone Subscriber
    mcaldwell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Panorama, British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    3,022

    Default

    Dam Straight!
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

  7. #7
    Sr. Information Officer
    NJFFSA16's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    25 NW of the GW
    Posts
    8,434

    Question Cherie amor and the Beaver

    Oh my gosh Cheffie....I thought it was gonna be a story about a red beaver............ya know, the one I wanted to feed? :

    Cute little thing....yup. Buck teeth an everything.
    Proudly serving as the IACOJ Minister of Information & Propoganda!
    Be Safe! Lookouts-Awareness-Communications-Escape Routes-Safety Zones

    *Gathering Crust Since 1968*
    On the web at www.section2wildfire.com

  8. #8
    Forum Member
    DaSharkie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Posts
    4,713

    Default

    You know, I had my suspiscions that something this rediculous had to be true. So, I went to snopes and looked it up - lo and behold it is true - http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm

    How friggin' pathetic is that? What a waste of tax dollars, time, and resources. No wonder people do not trust the government - at any level.

    This story being true, only makes it funnier.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

  9. #9
    Forum Member
    RspctFrmCalgary's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Now in Victoria, BC. I'm from beautiful Jasper Alberta in the heart of the Can. Rockies - will always be an Albertan at heart!
    Posts
    6,329

    Default

    Another old, but good one.

    I swear, it has been YEARS since I was on anyone's "forward" list and still have seen most of these LOL.
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

    Sheri
    IACOJ CRUSTY CONVENTION CHAIR
    Honorary Flatlander

    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

  10. #10
    Forum Member
    StayBack500FT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    2,236

    Default

    Too funny!!
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  11. #11
    Forum Member
    firemanpat29's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    florida
    Posts
    427

    Default

    Stayback Im disapointed in you.
    I saw you name here and was expecting a great post,
    and all we get is "Too funny"? Rough week? You cant
    set our expectations of you this high then drop us
    this hard.

  12. #12
    Forum Member
    HFRH28's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    573

    Default

    Enough of the dam jokes! As to the letter, why does something like that not suprise me?

  13. #13
    Permanently Removed
    CALFFBOU's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    6,520

    Default

    Are you guys talking about beavers?

    Last edited by CALFFBOU; 06-21-2005 at 12:19 PM.

  14. #14
    MembersZone Subscriber
    sbfdco1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    ><(((*>
    Posts
    556

    Default

    Originally posted by CALFFBOU
    Are you guys talking about beavers?

    ROTFLMFAO


    Bou, that was hysterical!

    BIG 10-4!
    Jim
    Firefighter/EMT
    IACOJ
    ftm-ptb-rfb-egh-ktf-dtrt!

    September 11, 2001 - NEVER FORGET!

    BETTER TO DIE ON YOUR FEET THAN LIVE ON YOUR KNEES!

  15. #15
    Permanently Removed
    CALFFBOU's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    6,520

    Default

    Thanks! Too bad I couldnt get the picture to post as usual.

  16. #16
    MembersZone Subscriber
    F52Westside's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Posts
    268

    Default

    i second sbfdco1's comment

    Bou, that was hysterical!
    Stay Safe & Bring 'em Home!
    Eddie C.
    I.A.F.F. Local 3008

    "Doin' it for lives n' property"

    ** "The comments made here are this person's views and not that of the organizations to which I am affiliated" **

  17. #17
    MembersZone Subscriber

    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    2,983

    Default

    deleted by user
    Last edited by superchef; 08-17-2007 at 02:46 PM.

  18. #18
    MembersZone Subscriber
    MalahatTwo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
    Posts
    12,837

    Default

    I had a good laugh over that one enough so that I shared it with my co-workers too.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  19. #19
    Forum Member
    StayBack500FT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    2,236

    Default

    LOL!! Sorry to disappoint...I'm afraid I have to tread lightly in a thread titled "Beavers" so as it would be too easy to break the Terms of Service.
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  20. #20
    Forum Member
    StayBack500FT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Posts
    2,236

    Default

    O.K...here goes...

    The Possum Bluff Sportsmans' Club meeting was quickly adjourned after Cletus opened his Carhartt's and announced that his surgery was successful.
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    May we never forget our fallen, worldwide.

    I.A.C.O.J. Safety/Traffic Control Officer

    E6511

    "Who's Who Among American Teachers" - 2005, 2006 Honoree

  21. #21
    MembersZone Subscriber
    MalahatTwo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
    Posts
    12,837

    Default

    SB! I didnt know you were a member to Possum Lodge!
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  22. #22
    Forum Member
    firemanpat29's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    florida
    Posts
    427

    Default

    much better stayback

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Log in

Click here to log in or register