A Question for the fathers

[Dave1983]

I need some sound advice on a developing situation with my 14 year old son.

About 4 months ago, he met a girl on-line. No big deal there, except that she just turned 19. At least she says she is. Ive seen her photo and she could pass for 19. He sent her a photo and she knows he's 14.

I thought it to be harmless at first, but he gave her our number and now she's calling on a daily basis. So a couple red flags have gone up.

Here is the problem. I dont want to just cut her off, as she seems real nice (my wife has talked too her) and my son really enjoys this new found friendship. She says she's a student in Miami, which is like 350 miles away, so Im not worried about her showing up at my door (not yet anyway).

My wife has overheard several of the phone conversations and she said its just "friend talk".

Am I over reacting here? And here I always thought I'd be worried about my 15 year old daughter.

Help me out Bro's.

[DeputyChiefGonzo]

Originally posted by Dave1983
I need some sound advice on a developing situation with my 14 year old son.

About 4 months ago, he met a girl on-line. No big deal there, except that she just turned 19. At least she says she is. Ive seen her photo and she could pass for 19. He sent her a photo and she knows he's 14.

I thought it to be harmless at first, but he gave her our number and now she's calling on a daily basis. So a couple red flags have gone up.

Here is the problem. I dont want to just cut her off, as she seems real nice (my wife has talked too her) and my son really enjoys this new found friendship. She says she's a student in Miami, which is like 350 miles away, so Im not worried about her showing up at my door (not yet anyway).

My wife has overheard several of the phone conversations and she said its just "friend talk".

Am I over reacting here? And here I always thought I'd be worried about my 15 year old daughter.

Help me out Bro's.

You have every right to be concerned. The "girl" might just be a sexual predator who isn't female at all. Anyone can cut and paste a pic from a magazine and photo gallery and post it in a chat room.

[Station2Capt]

Dave1983,

You have every right to be "concerned", with the way things are today you can NEVER be to careful. I would keep a very close eye on this. You are correct it very well could be a nice girl wanting to talk to a nice boy. But it could be something else. My advise or suggestion would be deep doing what you are doing, monitoring what your kids are up to. If anything you see sets off any alarms or you get that gut feeling contact a local law enforcment most departments now days have a cyber crimes unit. I want to give you a pat on the back for being concerned for your kids this is a thing that is slowly going away in the world today.

[captstanm1]

Dave....I concur..... You can never be too careful. Conversations between adults is one thing, but when kids the age of your son are involved.....it is a big difference. Keep a close eye on them both.

In today's world I am not suprised at this though. Kids these days are way more into a lot of things than we were when we were their age.

[MalahatTwo7]

I agree with the concensus... err on the side of caution. If Mom has talked with this girl, maybe you should too. Between you and Mom, there is lots of experience with people. This isnt sounding quite right, but I think you'll get the drift of it.

Maybe a wee chat with the young lad too, just to remind him of the dangers etc.

[StayBack500FT]

There are so many bad stories about internet-based relationships...you can't be too careful. Talk to him...tell him about the risks...perhaps show him what we've all said. There are too many creeps lurking out there to take chances.

A comparison: If he was old enough...would you see him go in on an attack line without an SCBA? This could be equally dangerous.

[Rossco]

We have had similar episodes here. I'd keep a close eye on it just to be safe.
This whole internet thing is still so odd to me. I remember in high school, they brought us all down to the gym, single file past a computer. It was all roped off so you couldn't get near it, and no stopping allowed, just glance at it as you went by. That thing had to have a phone receiver on it to actually link to the main frame in another town somewhere. It was more or less just a remote key board. So now we warped into the age of wireless laptops, camera phones, and who knows what's next. I think I'm still pretty hip, but it is taking a lot of getting used to. I'm sure my kids would all have a comment on how hip I am.LOL
I'm telling you I'm a 40 something year old fire chief, but I could be a 14 year old girl for all you know. That's what makes me cringe when my kids get on AIM, and start inviting others into conversations.

[Berks2Montco84]

I think a 19 girl that wants to be friends with a 14 year old boy is weird to begine with. I'm 20 and right now I find 14 year olds to be extremely annoying, especially the way they talk online....

[PFire23]

I'm suspicous of ANY older girl who expresses an interest in my son and quickly send them packing. There's very little reason that an adult would want to "hang" with a teen, something not quite right there.

[hffd23m2]

This does'nt pass the smell test. This 'girl' could be a 50 year old man. Tell who ever they are to get lost! (been there done that).

[FWDbuff]

She says she's a student in Miami, which is like 350 miles away, so Im not worried about her showing up at my door (not yet anyway).

As a firefighter, we ALL have friends within the law enforcement community- have one of your pals make a "friendly inquiry" within the school she says she is going to- IF it checks out, then perhaps think about taking it further......But then again, like Gonzo said, it is way to easy to just impersonate someone using photos, etc........Either way Dave, this is a flag raiser. Not saying it isnt true, but def raising flags.

[sbfdco1]

This is just my two cents, so whatever its worth. I am not a dad, not yet anyway, and I am trying to put myself in your shoes. I agree w/ the general concensus here about the picture and all the sick @*******s in this world. I can't understand why your son is so "into" this friend. Why is he spending so much time talk/chating with a person from the internet? I personally would squash this relationship. There is no reason for it. Your son should be hanging out with his friends for town/school. And what's the story with this 19 yr old. She has resorted to an internet chat for friends??? Now it's a phone call, what is next?

Again, I am not a dad, this is just my perspective. You are by all means entitled to EVERY aspect of your childrens lives. I applaud your concern.

[hwoods]

Couple of Folks have hit on it already. A discreet check to see if she is who she says she is would be a good idea. Most of us in Fire/Rescue are able to find someone in Law Enforcement that could lend a hand with something like this.

AND, A side note to PFire.... I got tied up with an older woman once..... Next Feb. 27, We'll be celebrating our 30th Wedding Anniversary.....

[adamkhalil]

I'm sure i'm stating the obvious, but i think between 10 and 20 each year is worth like 3-5 in maturity and growth. What i mean is that the difference between a 14 and 16 year old is much greater in thinking, etc. than a 22 and 24 year old (IMO). I'm 20 years old myself, and have 3 younger brothers, so i see the difference everyday. I guess my long winded point is that a 19 year old really shouldn't be that interested in a 14 year old...don't women normally like older men anyway?

[RoughRider]

Dave,

Be concerned!! Your son is a young man with raging hormones??? She 19 and fertile!! You don't know this women or her intentions. They may start out as friends but one slip and he is a daddy. You wouldnt want your son playing football for the Gators as a young dad.

Can you say MARY KAY LETOURNEU ?

[Dave1983]

Wow! Thanks for all the replies. I knew I could count on my fellow Firefighters.

A couple of my friends work for the Sheriff, so I was thinking of gettig her info and letting one of them run a check. Im not so worried about her being a guy as my wife has talked to her on the phone. Of course, she could be working with some nut to find kids on the net. You never know.

Another thing is he's not a normal 14 year old. He's VERY bright and is more mature then nost kids his age, even more so then his older sister. Thats why this is such a problem for me. My son and I have built a lot of trust and he's very open with me. I would hate to lose that and have him shut me out.

Thanks again!

[superchef]

Dave
Sounds like you are a pretty awesome dad and you have some equally awesome kids. And I would have to agree with the consensus here. You have every right to be concerned.

[KenNFD1219]

What would you do if it was a 19 year old man talking to your 14 year old daughter?

Have you installed a keylogging program on your computer? You can then find out waht they really chat about.

[PattyV]

If his son found out about the key logging program (and its a strong possibility cause he is smart) then that could serve to ruin the trust relationship between the two, so you would have to be very careful with that.

[captstanm1]

It happens over and over again. Dave...some have hit on it. I know you can get your deputy friend in the Pinellas S.O. to discretely check out this young lady. Should e able to do it with her name and DOB...... How to get that will be the tricky part.

Not sure if they want to progress to a further step, how you can stop it. Remember....the bigger issue you make of it and try to stop it, the harder some kids will work to "prove" they can do it, despite your direction.