Funniest Radio Dispatches/Responses/Comments?

**adamkhalil** · 07-08-2005, 10:25 AM

I'm pretty sure that this thread isn't in existance. I did a search and didn't find it so hear goes: What is the funniest thing you've ever heard auctually broadcast over the radio?

(If this thread exists, please flame gently :-p)

**adamkhalil** · 07-08-2005, 10:27 AM

I forgot to include my own:

A local ff answering the call added on "THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!" after verifying his information with the dispatcher. Too many years in the NAVY i guess.

Also, we've had a request for the football game's score one Sunday afternoon run.

**hwoods** · 07-08-2005, 11:06 AM

I think we've touched on this subject several times in the 4 years that I've been here, but, the search is NOT perfect, and new folks get to learn (or be entertained) Here's one of my favorites:

An Engine Company was on the scene of a "Wires on Fire" call right after a Thunderstorm blew thru the area. This one station had several things going, and a rookie was on the radio of Engine XX3 "Engine XX3 to Communications, Send Pepco out here right away" (Pepco is the local Electric Utility) Dispatcher says "Engine XX#, Can you contact them from there? we're really busy up here". Engine replies "Never mind, I see their truck just went by." A pause followed by "Engine XX3 to the PEPCO Truck" repeated about 3 times, quickly. A stunned silence on the Dispatchers end, followed by "Engine XX3, hold on, I'll call them for you". Rookie knew he had a radio, and he knew the Pepco truck had a radio, so........

The Brothers at the College Park, (Md) VFD would remember this one, (as would Firehouse.com founder Dave) There was a business in a row of stores on Lehigh road, on the South edge of the University of Maryland campus, called "Maggie's Drawers". Box Alarm was struck late one evening for a Fire at, you guessed it. Maggies. The dispatcher was having a hard time getting the call out, due to the chuckles of those working with him, and when the first engine arrived, and reported in a normal matter-of-fact voice that "We're on side one, with Heavy Fire from Maggie's Drawers, Next Engine get our dual lines at Rt. 1 and Lehigh" The radio kinda got real quiet for a bit.

Chief Jack Reckner of Jeffersontown, Ky. would remember this one from an earlier life. A still alarm for a odor of Gas in a Dunkin Donuts one night (about 3 am). Jack was the B/C, I was the Captain on the Rescue Company. "Battalion 4 is on side one, establishing the Donut Command" "Rescue Squad 7 is on the scene, Command do you want me to take the Coffee sector?" That one was a source of amusement for a while.

**Farmun** · 07-08-2005, 11:17 AM

Here in Lexington we have a factory along a major route here downtown that is called "Big *** Fan Company." This is no joke, look them up on the web. They make high volume, low speed industrial fans. They even have a huge mural on the side of their building of the backside of a mule and their company name (coincidentally the city council tried to have it removed but that is another story).

Anyway, E1 was responding with other units to a report of smoke in the structure at this factory and while the officer (2nd Platoon) managed to control himself and not say "...we'll have big *** command..." he did say "...we'll have command at the Big *** Fan Company positioning in the rear..." Don't think he knew what he said until after it came out.

Just in case you think I'm lying check out their web address at http://www.bigassfans.com On the right side of the page near the bottom click on "ABA upset with Big *** Fans." It's worth a good laugh.

**fireguy919** · 07-08-2005, 01:24 PM

Felt bad for dispatcher she did not know how to tone this one out. “Station _ firefighters this is an alert ...............dead silence. We have a report of an a an occupied structure fire. Confirmed victims on second floor.” we called for mutual aid from our sister station and the next station that runs with us. Dispatcher asked “are you sure you want them to roll”. She left out one minor detail. We where responding to a dog house on fire. It was occupied and there was a second floor. First in engine reported heavy smoke showing when pulling into the area.. Was a lot of fun. Neighborhood was of higher class people so to say. Dog box was two story three rooms on each floor. Had running water, lights, radio, tv. These dogs had it better than me. Light had shorted out and caused the fire. Every now and again when we are out on training someone will get on the radio and bark

**Dave1983** · 07-08-2005, 02:25 PM

I heard something funny yesterday. A couple departments (including mine) were working a water rescue from a wave runner accident. About 20 minutes in, dispatch calls the IC to advise of heavy weather in his area. He comes back with "yep, I see it".

**Weruj1** · 07-08-2005, 08:10 PM

**nmfire** · 07-08-2005, 08:31 PM

There is always the preverbial "Engine 1 on scene, we have one mailbox with heavy fire showing on all sides. Direct exposure to nearby lawn with extension to the post!"

**BFDLT32** · 07-08-2005, 09:14 PM

Medic unit arriving at scene of MVA (T/C for Bou) during an ice storm. Call was on a bridge over the freeway. Had to approach from downhill. As the unit was approaching the unit began to slide towards the guardrail and concrete wall. Just as the mic was being keyed to announce on scene one of the members yells "Oh *****". Needles to say there was a lot of good hearted ribbing when it was over. Best of all there was no damage to the medic unit.

**Bones42** · 07-08-2005, 11:39 PM

Few weeks ago had a call at one of the local hotels. Turned out to be a dirty detector head at the top of the elevator shaft. Was a good 10 minute discussion about head, top of shaft, etc.

**Rossco** · 07-09-2005, 02:41 PM

A neighbor town was called to an mva, and the first on scene called dispatch and said the vehicle had ejaculated one male subject.
Luckily, he survived the incident. The victim I mean.

**Weruj1** · 07-09-2005, 02:47 PM

HOLY CRAP !!!!!!! ROFLMAO !!!!!!!!!!!! I am glad I wasnt in the middle of drinkin anything !

**firenresq77** · 07-09-2005, 05:22 PM

Originally posted by Rossco
A neighbor town was called to an mva, and the first on scene called dispatch and said the vehicle had ejaculated one male subject.
Luckily, he survived the incident. The victim I mean.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

**cdemarse** · 07-09-2005, 09:24 PM

I still love the dispatch for a seizure at burger king.

"Ambulance 1 your needed for the flopper at the whopper."

**LeuitEFDems** · 07-09-2005, 09:47 PM

Not a dispatch....but a communication from one of our illustrious medics to crews on their way into the woods for a sick female hiker...."The patient is now post dictal...continue on with stokes and BLS equipment..." (said in heavy, out of breath voice due to the fact he ran 1/2 mile up the mountain into the woods.) There was radio silence for about 30 seconds as everyone was looking at each other chuckling....

**tyler101** · 07-09-2005, 10:45 PM

Got a dispatch for a person having grandma seizures.

**SpartanGuy** · 07-09-2005, 10:46 PM

Fire at the Hooters restaurant in the township next to us. We're automatic on all structure fires, and we were coming in as second due. Their first in engine established the 'Hooters Command'.

While approaching, I called and requested an update and instructions. Command replied:

"We've got our hose in the front door. We need you to go take the rear and force your way in...."

We got a laugh out of that.

**captk12** · 07-11-2005, 10:48 AM

.delete...

**stillPSFB** · 07-12-2005, 09:23 AM

First unit arriving on scene at a bin fire in Chinatown established "Ho Chi Minh Control", to which dispatch replied "You guys must be lousy at geography - Ho Chi Minh City is in Vietnam, so we suggest that you might want to change the control name to Shanghai Control before you cause an international incident!"

**Rayr49** · 07-12-2005, 02:51 PM

Here in ranch country pastures are sometimes measured in square miles rather than acres.

One dark moonless night a dept responded mutual aid for a wildland fire. They were following a "two track trail" in the middle of nowhere and the fire was not visible from their location. This prompted the following radio exchange.

"IC, this is XYZFD Brush-1. We're following a two track north in the pasture. How do we get to the fire?" The answer heard all over the county was; "Continue north till you find the dead cow. Turn east and you will get to the fire."

Stay Safe
IACOJ

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