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Thread: Random Jokes

  1. #21
    MembersZone Subscriber cdemarse's Avatar
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    old but funny.


    What has 7 arms and sucks?





    Def Leopord
    "Train as if your life depends on it"
    Always Remember *343*


  2. #22
    Forum Member RspctFrmCalgary's Avatar
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    Talking You didn't see this just a few posts up from yours, Ullrichk?

    Originally posted by RoughRider
    A couple had been dabating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

    He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

    "Look!" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. "And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

    For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.


    Services are pending.


    Originally posted by ullrichk
    A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks.

    He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car
    so she could
    zip through traffic around town.

    He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but
    everything she
    seemed to like was way out of their price range.

    "Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200
    in just a few
    seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so
    surprise me!"

    He did just that.
    For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

    Sheri
    IACOJ CRUSTY CONVENTION CHAIR
    Honorary Flatlander

    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

  3. #23
    MembersZone Subscriber ullrichk's Avatar
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    Obviously not.

    But then one would expect some repetition in a purely random sample...........right?
    ullrichk
    a.k.a.
    perfesser

    a ship in a harbor is safe. . . but that's not what ships are for

  4. #24
    MembersZone Subscriber pvfire424's Avatar
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    A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks.

    He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car
    so she could
    zip through traffic around town.

    He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but
    everything she
    seemed to like was way out of their price range.

    "Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200
    in just a few
    seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so
    surprise me!"

    He did just that.
    For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale

  5. #25
    MembersZone Subscriber pvfire424's Avatar
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    sorry , couldnt resist !



  6. #26
    MembersZone Subscriber mcaldwell's Avatar
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    Originally posted by cdemarse
    What has 7 arms and sucks?

    Def Leopord
    DEF LEOPARD DOES NOT SUCK! Sacrelidge!
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

  7. #27
    MembersZone Subscriber cdemarse's Avatar
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    Originally posted by mcaldwell


    DEF LEOPARD DOES NOT SUCK! Sacrelidge!
    lol
    I dont mind them but its still a great joke.
    "Train as if your life depends on it"
    Always Remember *343*

  8. #28
    MembersZone Subscriber tyler101's Avatar
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    Woman Sues Radio Station Over Hummer Prize

    POSTED: 10:15 am EDT July 14, 2005

    LOS ANGELES -- Shannon Castillo isn't laughing about her April Fool's Day Hummer.

    She's suing a Bakersfield, Calif.-area radio station over a toy Hummer H2 she won as the grand prize in a contest.

    Instead of winning the keys to a real Hummer, Castillo and another listener were given radio-controlled toys on April Fool's Day.

    Castillo says it was a humiliating experience.

    Castillo's lawyer, Scott Perlman, says KBDS violated California law and FCC regulations by misrepresenting the prizes being offered.

    Her lawsuit asks for $60,000, about the cost of a Hummer H2.

    Pictures of her getting the "hummer" here: http://www.play1039.net/hummer.html

  9. #29
    Forum Member RspctFrmCalgary's Avatar
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    Originally posted by mcaldwell


    DEF LEOPARD DOES NOT SUCK! Sacrelidge!
    You want me to try to win tickets for you this weekend? LOL
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

    Sheri
    IACOJ CRUSTY CONVENTION CHAIR
    Honorary Flatlander

    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

  10. #30
    MembersZone Subscriber mcaldwell's Avatar
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    Originally posted by RspctFrmCalgary
    You want me to try to win tickets for you this weekend? LOL
    As long as they're real. I wouldn't want you to win a deaf painted tabby cab.

    And as for the free hummer...

    ...no comment, I'll get banned for sure.
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

  11. #31
    Forum Member RspctFrmCalgary's Avatar
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    Oh yeah ... yes the tickets are real, my trip to see U2 was real wasn't it!

    Just gotta be caller 9 when you hear a def Lep tune on the Q tomorrow and Sunday.
    Last edited by RspctFrmCalgary; 07-15-2005 at 11:49 PM.
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

    Sheri
    IACOJ CRUSTY CONVENTION CHAIR
    Honorary Flatlander

    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

  12. #32
    Forum Member Co11FireGal's Avatar
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    Talking

    Originally posted by dmleblanc
    A string goes into a bar and orders a drink. "Beat it, buddy," says the bartender..."We don't serve strings in here". The string goes outside, ties himself into a bow, and frazzles his ends. He goes back in.
    "Hey, ain't you that string that was just in here?" asks the bartender.
    "No, I'm a frayed knot...."

    I love that one! I told it the last time I did a ropes drill though, and all I got was ---->
    IACOJ

    "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap it if we do not lose heart."

  13. #33
    Forum Member PattyV's Avatar
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    I love that one! I told it the last time I did a ropes drill though, and all I got was ---->
    There is a reason for that.
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  14. #34
    Forum Member RspctFrmCalgary's Avatar
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    Marty, I was just caller 6 ... sorry!
    September 11th - Never Forget

    I respect firefighters and emergency workers worldwide. Thank you for what you do.

    Sheri
    IACOJ CRUSTY CONVENTION CHAIR
    Honorary Flatlander

    RAY WAS HERE FIRST

  15. #35
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    How many blonde jokes are there?
    There goes the neighborhood.

  16. #36
    MembersZone Subscriber mcaldwell's Avatar
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    Originally posted by RspctFrmCalgary
    Marty, I was just caller 6 ... sorry!
    No problem Sher. I'll just keep on rockin to my old CD's.
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

  17. #37
    MembersZone Subscriber dmleblanc's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Rossco
    How many blonde jokes are there?
    OK, let's go there...

    A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette's chute fails to open. Terrified, she tries to activate her reserve chute. Nothing. She plummets past the blonde.

    The blonde begins unbuckling her harness..."Oh, you want to race, do you?!"
    Chief Dwayne LeBlanc
    Paincourtville Volunteer Fire Department
    Paincourtville, LA

    "I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream — and I hope you don't find this too crazy — is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, 'Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!' That would be bad."
    — C.D. Bales, "Roxanne"

  18. #38
    MembersZone Subscriber dmleblanc's Avatar
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    Guy in bar: "Excuse me, could you tell me the quickest way to get downtown?"

    Bartender: "Well, are you walking or driving?"

    Guy "I'm driving..."

    Bartender: "Yep, that'd be the quickest way..."
    Chief Dwayne LeBlanc
    Paincourtville Volunteer Fire Department
    Paincourtville, LA

    "I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream — and I hope you don't find this too crazy — is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, 'Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!' That would be bad."
    — C.D. Bales, "Roxanne"

  19. #39
    MembersZone Subscriber dmleblanc's Avatar
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    Guy comes home from work and finds a huge gorilla on his roof. Perplexed, he looks under "Gorilla Removal" in the Yellow Pages. Oddly enough, "Bob's Gorilla Removal" performs just such a service. He makes the call and Bob shows up shortly in a big panel van. He quickly sizes up the situation...

    "Yep, I've seen this before," says Bob..."no problem. But I'm going to need your help." Bob goes into the van and comes out with a banana, a net, a ladder, a shotgun, and a vicious looking pit bull.

    "Okay, here's the plan. You hold the shotgun. I'm going to climb the ladder on the other side of the house and sneak up on him. Then I'll toss him the banana. While he's distracted with the banana, I'll come up behind him and push him off the roof. When he hits the ground, that pit bull is trained to go after his you-know-what's and clamp down like a vise. While he is thusly restrained I'll drop the net on him and we've got him. You got all that?"

    "Sure," says the homeowner, "but what's with the shotgun? We're not going to kill the gorilla, are we?"

    "Nope," says Bob, "you just stand by with that shotgun. If I should happen to miss the gorilla and I fall off the roof....you shoot that f***ing dog!"
    Chief Dwayne LeBlanc
    Paincourtville Volunteer Fire Department
    Paincourtville, LA

    "I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream — and I hope you don't find this too crazy — is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, 'Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!' That would be bad."
    — C.D. Bales, "Roxanne"

  20. #40
    MembersZone Subscriber dmleblanc's Avatar
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    A guy brings his kids to the county fair. There they meet a farmer with an old nag of a horse. The kids really take to the horse, climbing on his back, hanging on his tail, pulling his mane...the old horse pays them no mind, he's as gentle and patient as can be.

    "Hey, old man, that's one gentle horse you've got there. My kids love him. Would you sell him to me?"

    "Nah...I don't think you want that old nag....he don't look too good..." says the old farmer.

    "Oh, that's OK," says the guy, "I don't care how he looks, the kids are crazy about him. I'll give you a hundred bucks for him."

    "You sure about that, mister?" says the farmer, "I'm telling ya, that old boy just don't look so good..."

    "I'm sure," says the guy..."look, I'll give you two hundred for him."

    "Well, alright...." says the old farmer..."but just one condition...I don't give any refunds, so don't come askin'...all sales is final."

    "No problem" says the guy. He pays the farmer and takes the horse home.

    A few days later the guy goes back and finds the farmer.

    "Hey, old man, you sold me a bum horse!" he says. "I want my money back!"

    "Like I said, all sales is final" says the old man calmly.

    "Yeah, but when I got that horse home and put him out in the yard, he started running into everything...he ran into the fence, into a post, into a tree....That horse is blind as a bat!"

    "Yep...I know." said the farmer. "I tried to tell you the other day...that horse don't look too good!"
    Chief Dwayne LeBlanc
    Paincourtville Volunteer Fire Department
    Paincourtville, LA

    "I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream. My dream — and I hope you don't find this too crazy — is that I would like the people of this community to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire, calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do. You can't have people, if their houses are burning down, saying, 'Whatever you do, don't call the fire department!' That would be bad."
    — C.D. Bales, "Roxanne"

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