Why register? ...To Enhance Your Experience
+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 25 FirstFirst 123456714 ... LastLast
Results 61 to 80 of 489

Thread: Random Jokes

  1. #61
    MembersZone Subscriber
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    Clermont County, Ohio
    Posts
    569

    Default

    A dog with with a wounded leg hobbles into the saloon and up to the bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    A dog with an artifical leg hobbles into the saloon and up to the bar and says, "I'm looking for my real paw."
    Proud to be honored with IACOJ membership. Blessed by TWO meals cooked by Cheffie - a true culinary goddess. Expressing my own views, not my organization's.


  2. #62
    Forum Member Dave1983's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Gator Country
    Posts
    4,157

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiovolffemtp
    A dog with with a wounded leg hobbles into the saloon and up to the bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    A dog with an artifical leg hobbles into the saloon and up to the bar and says, "I'm looking for my real paw."
    Arnt jokes supposed to be funny?
    Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

    IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

    "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
    RUSH-Tom Sawyer

    Success is when skill meets opportunity
    Failure is when fantasy meets reality

  3. #63
    MembersZone Subscriber sj2110's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    14

    Default

    What does chaos stand for?

    Cheif
    Has
    Arrived
    On
    Scene
    Just my humle two cents. I know that doesn't mean much.

  4. #64
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Waterboro, Maine
    Posts
    520

    Default

    How many animals can you fit in a pair of panty hose?




    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    15

    Ten little pigs, two calves, an *****, a beaver, and a fish you can never find.
    There goes the neighborhood.

  5. #65
    MembersZone Subscriber
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    42

    Default

    Two blondes walked into a bar.

    You would have thought the second would have learned from the first's mistake.

  6. #66
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    236

    Default

    I have a new "knock-knock" joke for you.

    You have to start it.

  7. #67
    Forum Member tfpd109's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    On the flatest land around! (In central Il.)
    Posts
    618

    Default

    Knock-Knock (why do we knock? I ought to just ring the door bell) Ding-Dong

  8. #68
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    236

    Default

    Who's there??

  9. #69
    Forum Member tfpd109's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    On the flatest land around! (In central Il.)
    Posts
    618

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SamuelFire
    Who's there??

    Bob (must be 10 characters)

  10. #70
    Forum Member Res343cue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Your 1st due.
    Posts
    1,651

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tfpd109
    Bob (must be 10 characters)
    ...Bob who?





    Oh *****.. what am I walking into?
    Quote Originally Posted by ThNozzleMan
    Why? Because we are firemen. We are decent human beings. We would be compelled by the overwhelming impulse to save an innocent child from a tragic, painful death because in the end, we are MEN.

    I A C O J
    FTM-PTB


    Honorary Disclaimer: While I am a manufacturer representative, I am not here to sell my product. Any advice or knowledge shared is for informational purposes only. I do not use Firehouse.Com for promotional purposes.

  11. #71
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    46

    Default

    (Q) Why did the elephant lay on his back?..........

    (A) To trip birds

  12. #72
    Forum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    9

    Default To begin with, i'm sorry (always a good disclaimer, right?)

    A baby seal walks in to a club..........................
























    yes, that was it............................ MMMPHPHPHPH, MMMMMMMMMMMMMPHPHPHPHPH....... .PATUWY. Sorry, it took me a second to get the duck tape off my mouth from that one.

  13. #73
    IACOJ BOD FlyingKiwi's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,757

    Default

    A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother.
    "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school.
    "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"
    "Very good," said her mother.
    "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
    "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
    The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school.
    "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
    "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
    "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
    "No, Honey, it's because you're 25
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

  14. #74
    Forum Member scvfd412's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    170

    Default my 2 cents

    A state trooper pulls over a car for speeding and the female driver says "I guess you want to sell me some tickets to the Trooper's Ball?" The trooper responded, "Troopers don't have balls, ma'am." After he realized what he said, he simply walked back to his car and drove away.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    How firefighter's identify a HAZMAT chemical using the Tri-COP-Scope Method:

    1. Officer standing/Car running: Not hazardous

    2. Officer unconscious/Car running: Toxic fumes.

    3. Officer unconscious/Car stalled: Oxygen displacing chemical

    4. Officer/Car both melting: Acidic chemical.

    5. Officer/Car on fire: Extremely flammable.

  15. #75
    Forum Member scvfd412's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    170

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nbfcfireman
    Q: why do Truckie's cut holes in roofs?
    A: So they can see what real firemen are doing.
    My favorite!

  16. #76
    Forum Member fireman4949's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Tallahassee, Florida
    Posts
    2,323

    Default

    Two probies decide one day to go hunting together.
    Neither one of them are very "woodsy", but they plan to have a good time nonetheless.
    As they are stealthily walking through the forest, one of happens upon a set of tracks.
    "What do you think made these tracks?" the first probie asks.
    Before the second probie could answer, the train hit them!




    Kevin
    Fire Lieutenant/E.M.T.
    IAFF Local 2339
    K of C 4th Degree
    "LEATHER FOREVER"
    Member I.A.C.O.J.
    http://www.tfdfire.com/
    "Fir na tine"

  17. #77
    Forum Member fireman4949's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Tallahassee, Florida
    Posts
    2,323

    Default

    Two blondes are walking down the street. As they pass a florist shop, the first blonde glances into the store and sees her boyfriend buying a dozen red roses. "Oh, that's just great! she says to the second blonde.
    "What's the matter?" asks the second blonde. "Aren't you glad your boyfriend is buying you roses?" "No." replies the first blonde. "Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend on my back, with my legs up in the air!"
    "Why?" asks the second blonde. "Don't you have a vase?"




    Kevin
    Fire Lieutenant/E.M.T.
    IAFF Local 2339
    K of C 4th Degree
    "LEATHER FOREVER"
    Member I.A.C.O.J.
    http://www.tfdfire.com/
    "Fir na tine"

  18. #78
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
    Posts
    12,828

    Talking This Is So Sad :-(



    Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

    When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

    Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

    "Oh no, my dear," replied Granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous. Simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

    She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along!!!Ē
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  19. #79
    MembersZone Subscriber WaterbryVTfire's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    547

    Talking Lunch?

    A father brings his two boys into a restaurant. One is about 4 the 7. The waitress asks the 7 year old. "What you like today cutie?" the 7 yr. old responds "Bring me a g*d d*mn cheese burger, b*tch!" At this the father smacks the 7 yr old onto the floor. The waitress is shocked, but then asks the younger "And what would you like pumpkin?".
    With that the 4 year old says "Well you bet your sweet *****, it won't be a g*d d*mned cheese burger!!"
    "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles."
    ********

    IACOJ

    ********

    "Criticism is prejudice made plausible."
    - H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

  20. #80
    MembersZone Subscriber MalahatTwo7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
    Posts
    12,828

    Default

    From a Co-Worker:

    Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

    The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

    Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house!
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts