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Thread: Good One!

  1. #1
    Forum Member FWDbuff's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Good One!

    A fire chief died and went to heaven.
    When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates.
    He told himself, "I am a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line."
    He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in, I'm a fire chief."
    The angels replied, "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."
    While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out
    wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF." The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven.
    The waiting fire chief was really upset now and went to talk to the angels.
    He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?"
    To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's GOD, he just thinks he's a fire chief."
    "Loyalty Above all Else. Except Honor."


  2. #2
    Forum Member FWDbuff's Avatar
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    Mrs. Midred Farquas
    910 Smith Street
    XXXXXXXX
    Fire Chief
    Fire Department
    XXXXXXXX
    XXXXXXXX

    Dear Chief,

    I am taking this opportunity to thank you for putting out the fire in my house at 366 Lincoln Street, although you will note from the address above that I do not live in the house any longer. I can see that a fire in the cellar is fairly easy to put out. You just fill it up with water. Too bad my fire wasn't in the cellar.

    I was quite worried when the fire engines arrived, with all that confusion and running around. My husband said, "it's a good thing it was daylight or there might have been more accidents." I hope the man who fell off the fire engine when it lurched in front of the house is all right. The other engine, the big one, just missed running him over.

    They really got the hose off the engine fast and piled it up in the middle of the road and started looking for the ends. One man pulled out one end, put a big spray nozzle on it and dashed into the house. Another man found the other end and put a big nozzle on it and ran to the side of the house. Then they both shouted to "start the water". How ingenious, I would have thought they would have had to screw the hoses onto a hydrant or truck to get water out of them !

    I felt so sorry for the man with the cap on who was left with the engine. He was wringing his hands, pulling on knobs and, one would have thought that he almost looked like he didn't know what else to do. He finally got into the engine and drove it down the street out of sight.

    I also felt sorry for the man in the white helmet who kept dropping his portable radio and waving his arms a lot. Lucky for him it was a mild day so, when the water from the hose hit him, he probably didn't catch a cold. After he found his helmet, hand light and portable radio, he began waving his arms again but, since I was so far away, I couldn't hear what he was saying. He seemed a might upset and angry.

    After a while, the smoke was getting blacker and blacker so, I thought it best that I get some of my belongings out of the house. I was putting together some of my most valued possessions when two men with tanks on their backs and masks on their faces rescued me. You men are so thoughtful.

    They were in an excitable state and talking incoherently through the masks. One pointed to a door; I tried to warn them but, it was too late. They opened the door to the closet and both charged in. I was able to get the bigger fellow out without too much trouble but, the smaller man's tank was caught in the wall. He certainly hit the wall hard and the big man was right behind him.

    I immediately went to the window to attract attention. I know there was a lot of men outside running around and yelling. Just then, the man with "Captain" on his helmet and another man with "Battalion Chief" on his helmet, were running around the house at top speed and collided head on. The "Battalion Chief" was furious; the "Captain" didn't get up. It's a good thing that they moved him because that's where the big metal ladder landed when it fell over.

    In the excitement, someone had closed the closet door where the little man was trapped and, it wasn't until a little bell started ringing on the man's tank that anyone thought about him. You people certainly think of everything ! Imagine a bell on you that rings when you get caught in a closet.

    They got the poor man out but he almost suffocated when they attempted to revive him with the breathing machine. Three other people were turning knobs on the bottles and the air hose while arguing about how to use it. Fortunately, the man had enough strength to keep pushing the face mask off or he might have smothered there and then.

    By this time smoke was blanketing the neighborhood. I was most impressed when your new ladder truck pulled up and the men raised the big ladder and chopped a hole in the roof. My neighbor still wonders why they cut a hole in his roof instead of mine but, I continue to tell him that he should shut up and leave the firefighting to the professionals.

    I went upstairs where it was very hot and smokey. I opened the windows and, it wasn't too bad. Outside, men were struggling with a ladder which was caught up in some electrical wires and branches. Someone had moved it, stranded a guy on the roof and, they now were trying to get it back to him cause he couldn't get down. They certainly were excited, dancing around with that ladder !

    Then I heard a lot of noise coming from the stairway - hacking, coughing and swearing. The language was awful ! A man exhorting the others, "get up there, you @*#%&#@*, get up there !" Through the smoke, I could see a man lying near the top step of the stairs. He shouted, "Hey Cap, there's a lady up here !" It must have been "Cap" who yelled back, "Give her the line, maybe she can get a shot at it and, watch you language, you @#$&*X$."

    Because of the difficulty I had getting that big hose around, I would suggest that the bigger men hold the hoses while the little guys run around with the tools.

    If you remember, after the fire was out, there was a rash of accidents. A man wearing a white hat and, with more bugles than the others on his collar came upstairs and berated the man with "Capt." on his hat for throwing debris out the window without checking to see if someone was below. Shortly thereafter, there were shouts to stop. The man with all the bugles had just been hit by a falling sofa while walking along the side of the building.

    The officer with "Safety" on his helmet was injured and almost drowned when he fell through a hole in the floor and ended up in the flooded cellar. A chair had been placed over the hole but the man in the white hat who had gotten wet earlier made them move it because someone might have tripped over it. He then told the man with "Safety" on his helmet that he was a dopey bastard anyway ! Such language !

    A "Capt" was making a close examination of a wall when someone struck it with a heavy tool from the other side. The "Capt" seemed okay but his helmet was wedged on his head; they couldn't get it off. He also seemed somewhat shorter.

    The man with the white hat became very pleasant, although he was still quite wet. He told me how lucky I was and pointed out to my neighbors and myself the importance of calling the Fire Department in case of a fire. Most big fires are the result of delayed alarms. Imagine what would have happened had I waited to call.

    In closing, I would like to say that we haven't had so much excitement and commotion around here since the little boy rang the false alarm and the big ladder truck rolled backwards down the hill into the car with "Chief" painted on it and the bell in front.

    Thank you again for your efforts on my behalf and, I will try not to leave the iron on the ironing board again.

    Respectfully yours,
    Mildred Farquas
    "Loyalty Above all Else. Except Honor."

  3. #3
    MembersZone Subscriber Emberxx's Avatar
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    I also felt sorry for the man in the white helmet who kept dropping his portable radio and waving his arms a lot. Lucky for him it was a mild day so, when the water from the hose hit him, he probably didn't catch a cold. After he found his helmet, hand light and portable radio, he began waving his arms again but, since I was so far away, I couldn't hear what he was saying. He seemed a might upset and angry.

    ****************************** **

    RFLMAO - This reminds me of a story...you see, I had been on all of about three shifts and we were downstairs washing the apparatus. Someone had hooked up a rubber booster hose outside with a valve on it to make for quicker rinsing. I was still learning the ropes (or the hoses ) so to speak, and went to turn the water off and accidentally turned it on - all the way on. At which point the hose started doing the lovely "snake on acid" thing - at exactly the same moment that my Battalion Chief walked out of the truckroom door.

    He stood there, soaked from head to toe, water dripping from his dress whites and sloshing in his parade glossed shoes -which, it turned out, he was wearing to attend a fire board meeting.

    I knew, as sure I ran to catch a hold of that stupid hose and looked to my fellow firefighters (who were, of course, by this point laughing so hysterically that any thought of saving me from my stupidity were nonexistant) , that my days as a firefighter were over before they were ever started!

    Finally I managed to get the valve turned in the correct direction and the water slowly came to a stop. Silence. And then, unbelievably...he laughed!

    Luckily, my new Battalion Chief had a sense of humor. But don't worry, he got me back a few nights later when he woke me up in the middle of the night - to stand for a "fire watch" in the hose tower!
    "When you throw dirt, you lose ground."

    IACOJ

  4. #4
    Forum Member PattyV's Avatar
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    I knew, as sure I ran to catch a hold of that stupid hose and looked to my fellow firefighters (who were, of course, by this point laughing so hysterically that any thought of saving me from my stupidity were nonexistant) , that my days as a firefighter were over before they were ever started!
    Yeah all of them seem to be a bit like that when you are a newbie. I remember when i was learning how to ship a standpipe for the first time, they all just stood around and started to giggle when i did something (not actually doing anything wrong). then all of the sudden, they all put their helmets on (great for the old self-esteem) and half place themselves in the cabin of the truck.
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  5. #5
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    Hahaha this is a great thread
    2005 Pontiac Wave 5 Hatch
    Pontiac... built for drivers

  6. #6
    Forum Member Dave1983's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FWDbuff
    A fire chief died and went to heaven.
    When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates.
    He told himself, "I am a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line."
    He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in, I'm a fire chief."
    The angels replied, "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."
    While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out
    wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF." The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven.
    The waiting fire chief was really upset now and went to talk to the angels.
    He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?"
    To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That's GOD, he just thinks he's a fire chief."
    LMAO!!
    Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

    IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

    "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
    RUSH-Tom Sawyer

    Success is when skill meets opportunity
    Failure is when fantasy meets reality

  7. #7
    Forum Member Dave1983's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FWDbuff
    Mrs. Midred Farquas
    910 Smith Street
    XXXXXXXX
    Fire Chief
    Fire Department
    XXXXXXXX
    XXXXXXXX

    Dear Chief,

    I am taking this opportunity to thank you for putting out the fire in my house at 366 Lincoln Street, although you will note from the address above that I do not live in the house any longer. I can see that a fire in the cellar is fairly easy to put out. You just fill it up with water. Too bad my fire wasn't in the cellar.

    I was quite worried when the fire engines arrived, with all that confusion and running around. My husband said, "it's a good thing it was daylight or there might have been more accidents." I hope the man who fell off the fire engine when it lurched in front of the house is all right. The other engine, the big one, just missed running him over.

    They really got the hose off the engine fast and piled it up in the middle of the road and started looking for the ends. One man pulled out one end, put a big spray nozzle on it and dashed into the house. Another man found the other end and put a big nozzle on it and ran to the side of the house. Then they both shouted to "start the water". How ingenious, I would have thought they would have had to screw the hoses onto a hydrant or truck to get water out of them !

    I felt so sorry for the man with the cap on who was left with the engine. He was wringing his hands, pulling on knobs and, one would have thought that he almost looked like he didn't know what else to do. He finally got into the engine and drove it down the street out of sight.

    I also felt sorry for the man in the white helmet who kept dropping his portable radio and waving his arms a lot. Lucky for him it was a mild day so, when the water from the hose hit him, he probably didn't catch a cold. After he found his helmet, hand light and portable radio, he began waving his arms again but, since I was so far away, I couldn't hear what he was saying. He seemed a might upset and angry.

    After a while, the smoke was getting blacker and blacker so, I thought it best that I get some of my belongings out of the house. I was putting together some of my most valued possessions when two men with tanks on their backs and masks on their faces rescued me. You men are so thoughtful.

    They were in an excitable state and talking incoherently through the masks. One pointed to a door; I tried to warn them but, it was too late. They opened the door to the closet and both charged in. I was able to get the bigger fellow out without too much trouble but, the smaller man's tank was caught in the wall. He certainly hit the wall hard and the big man was right behind him.

    I immediately went to the window to attract attention. I know there was a lot of men outside running around and yelling. Just then, the man with "Captain" on his helmet and another man with "Battalion Chief" on his helmet, were running around the house at top speed and collided head on. The "Battalion Chief" was furious; the "Captain" didn't get up. It's a good thing that they moved him because that's where the big metal ladder landed when it fell over.

    In the excitement, someone had closed the closet door where the little man was trapped and, it wasn't until a little bell started ringing on the man's tank that anyone thought about him. You people certainly think of everything ! Imagine a bell on you that rings when you get caught in a closet.

    They got the poor man out but he almost suffocated when they attempted to revive him with the breathing machine. Three other people were turning knobs on the bottles and the air hose while arguing about how to use it. Fortunately, the man had enough strength to keep pushing the face mask off or he might have smothered there and then.

    By this time smoke was blanketing the neighborhood. I was most impressed when your new ladder truck pulled up and the men raised the big ladder and chopped a hole in the roof. My neighbor still wonders why they cut a hole in his roof instead of mine but, I continue to tell him that he should shut up and leave the firefighting to the professionals.

    I went upstairs where it was very hot and smokey. I opened the windows and, it wasn't too bad. Outside, men were struggling with a ladder which was caught up in some electrical wires and branches. Someone had moved it, stranded a guy on the roof and, they now were trying to get it back to him cause he couldn't get down. They certainly were excited, dancing around with that ladder !

    Then I heard a lot of noise coming from the stairway - hacking, coughing and swearing. The language was awful ! A man exhorting the others, "get up there, you @*#%&#@*, get up there !" Through the smoke, I could see a man lying near the top step of the stairs. He shouted, "Hey Cap, there's a lady up here !" It must have been "Cap" who yelled back, "Give her the line, maybe she can get a shot at it and, watch you language, you @#$&*X$."

    Because of the difficulty I had getting that big hose around, I would suggest that the bigger men hold the hoses while the little guys run around with the tools.

    If you remember, after the fire was out, there was a rash of accidents. A man wearing a white hat and, with more bugles than the others on his collar came upstairs and berated the man with "Capt." on his hat for throwing debris out the window without checking to see if someone was below. Shortly thereafter, there were shouts to stop. The man with all the bugles had just been hit by a falling sofa while walking along the side of the building.

    The officer with "Safety" on his helmet was injured and almost drowned when he fell through a hole in the floor and ended up in the flooded cellar. A chair had been placed over the hole but the man in the white hat who had gotten wet earlier made them move it because someone might have tripped over it. He then told the man with "Safety" on his helmet that he was a dopey bastard anyway ! Such language !

    A "Capt" was making a close examination of a wall when someone struck it with a heavy tool from the other side. The "Capt" seemed okay but his helmet was wedged on his head; they couldn't get it off. He also seemed somewhat shorter.

    The man with the white hat became very pleasant, although he was still quite wet. He told me how lucky I was and pointed out to my neighbors and myself the importance of calling the Fire Department in case of a fire. Most big fires are the result of delayed alarms. Imagine what would have happened had I waited to call.

    In closing, I would like to say that we haven't had so much excitement and commotion around here since the little boy rang the false alarm and the big ladder truck rolled backwards down the hill into the car with "Chief" painted on it and the bell in front.

    Thank you again for your efforts on my behalf and, I will try not to leave the iron on the ironing board again.

    Respectfully yours,
    Mildred Farquas

    ROFLMFAO!!!!
    Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

    IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

    "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
    RUSH-Tom Sawyer

    Success is when skill meets opportunity
    Failure is when fantasy meets reality

  8. #8
    District Chief distchief60b's Avatar
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    Way too FUNNY!!!
    09-11 .. 343 "All Gave Some..Some Gave ALL" God Bless..R.I.P.
    ------------------------------
    IACOJ Minister of Southern Comfort
    "Purple Hydrant" Recipient (3 Times)
    BMI Investigator
    ------------------------------
    The comments, opinions, and positions expressed here are mine. They are expressed respectfully, in the spirit of safety and progress. They do not reflect the opinions or positions of my employer or my department.

  9. #9
    MembersZone Subscriber mcaldwell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by captstanm1
    Way too FUNNY!!!
    Agreed!

    The part about the FF's putting nozzles on both ends of the hose and running in different doors of the building reminded me of an incident around here a few years back.

    A rookie who had been absent for several weeks of holidays (and therefore getting rusty quick) had been assigned the hydrant seat on a routine alarm call. As we pulled up to the building, he quickly went to work to pull the line off the back of the truck, and prepare the hydrant for connection.

    The only problem... He pulled the 1 3/4 precconnect off the back, not a supply line. He had the nozzle off, and was trying his damdest to get that hose on that hydrant using whatever he could find in that hydrant bag when we finally ordered a stand down. He never did live that one down.
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

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