1. #1
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    Default This one is for Capt. Gonzo

    Hey Cap, I found this on another BBS and thought of your continuing efforts to defy gravity:

    1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

    2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

    3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

    4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

    5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

    6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

    7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

    8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

    9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

    10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

    11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

    12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

    13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

    14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

    15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

    16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

    17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

    18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

    19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

    20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

    21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

    22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

    23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

    24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

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    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

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  2. #2
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    Brother Sharkie...

    I love it!

    I'm going to print it out and post it on the bulletin board at 9B1 (Marlborough Airport)!
    ‎"The education of a firefighter and the continued education of a firefighter is what makes "real" firefighters. Continuous skill development is the core of progressive firefighting. We learn by doing and doing it again and again, both on the training ground and the fireground."
    Lt. Ray McCormack, FDNY

  3. #3
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    Thumbs up

    One of the maxims we always used was:

    Thou Shalt Maintain Thy Airspeed and Altitude Lest the Earth Reacheth Out and Smite Thee.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  4. #4
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    Cap, heres a few more for the notice board

    "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
    At the entrance to the old SR71 operating base Kadena, Japan

    "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
    Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)


    "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

    "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
    From an old carrier sailor

    "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter and therefore, unsafe."

    "When one engine fails on a twin engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

    "Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."

    "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
    If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."

    "Never trade luck for skill."

    The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
    Why is it doing that?"
    Where are we?"
    and "Oh S...!"


    "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

    "Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

    "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

    "A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."

    "I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."

    "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

    "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

    "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or
    doing anything about it."

    "When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten"

    "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

    Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."

    "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
    Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

    "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum."
    Jon McBride, astronaut
    "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."
    Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

    "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

    "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
    Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970


    "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

    Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

    "You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

    As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!
    United Kingdom branch, IACOJ.

  5. #5
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    DaSharkie will understand this one:

    If you're flying in a CH-46, and you don't see hydraulic fluid leaking from the ceiling, hold on-because no leaks means no fluid!

    Funniest gripes (maintenance complaints) and the mechanic's replies-From Military.Com's Marine Aviation forum

    (P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
    (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers or ground crew.)

    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: The autopilot doesn't.
    S: IT DOES NOW.

    P: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
    S: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Pilot's clock inoperative.
    S: Wound clock.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: 3 roaches in cabin.
    S: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
    S: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

    P: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
    S: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

    P: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
    S: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

    P: Whining sound heard on #2 engine shutdown.
    S: Pilot removed from aircraft.

    P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Funny sounds from behind instrument panel.
    S: Installed non-funny sounds.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to "straighten up, fly right, and be serious".

    P: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
    S: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

    P: Turn-and-slip indicator ball stuck in centre during turns.
    S: Congratulations. You have just made your first co-ordinated turn.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
    S: Fresh seat cushion on order.

    P: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
    S: Ground checks OK.

    P: Weather radar went ape!
    S: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess.

    And this one from a pilot instructor who ejected from a military trainer aircraft:
    P: Reason for emergency eject: Landing gear would not retract
    S: Aircraft had fixed landing gear. Aircraft written off.

    P=Radar antenna bad
    S=Spanked antenna put in corner antenna promises to be good

    P= Loud Squeiling noise heard over ICS when both Pilots key mike at the same time. Gets louder when leaning towards center of cockpit.

    P: Copilot relief tube is too short...
    S: Sounds like a personal problem to us.
    S#2: Your girlfriend says the same thing.

    copilot mirror broken, suspect ugly co-pilot

    P= severe grazing on co-pilots windscreen.
    S= chased cattle away, no more grazing

  6. #6
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    Talking And...................

    Anybody notice that some of these fit when operating BRTs as well?
    Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
    In memory of
    Chief Earle W. Woods, 1912 - 1997
    Asst. Chief John R. Woods Sr. 1937 - 2006

    IACOJ Budget Analyst

    I Refuse to be a Spectator. If I come to the Game, I'm Playing.

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  7. #7
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    I think the original #12 applies to all vehicles, or life in general too !

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by gunnyv
    DaSharkie will understand this one:

    If you're flying in a CH-46, and you don't see hydraulic fluid leaking from the ceiling, hold on-because no leaks means no fluid!
    Hey Top,

    I had a Staff Sergeant at Lejeune tell me that when I was at MCT. I remember it to this day.

    Of course with the first operational squadron of Ospreys spinning up next year, I wonder if it will apply to them too?
    "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

    The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

    "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

    "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

    www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by gunnyv

    If you're flying in a CH-46, and you don't see hydraulic fluid leaking from the ceiling, hold on-because no leaks means no fluid!

    I once heard the $hi+hook described as "a bunch of worn-out parts flying in loose formation."
    ullrichk
    a.k.a.
    perfesser

    a ship in a harbor is safe. . . but that's not what ships are for

  10. #10
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    The Royal New Zealand Air Force used to fly a plane called a Bristol Freighter.

    More commonly known as a Bristol Frighter.

    or 10,000 nuts and bolts flying in sympathy.

    The only redeeming feature was that the wings were that damn big it would float for hours on water.

    My Father made a flight on one, from the bottom of New Zealand to the top, into a head wind. Normally a 4 hour flight in a C-130 (Done the trip myself).
    His was into a head wind and took 14 hours and two refuels. He said it would have been faster to get out and walk alongside pushing.

    Frighter scroll down to the bottom
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

  11. #11
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    Does NZ actually still have an air force or are you completely relying on us now? If so i think you should reconsider. We rely almost entirely on America. We have enough resources to slow someone down until the Americans get a battlefleet or two to us.
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by ullrichk
    I once heard the $hi+hook described as "a bunch of worn-out parts flying in loose formation."
    I've seen something close to that........A helicopter is a collection of parts flying in loose formation.

    Thanks for the laughter!
    Chief
    Wren Volunteer Fire Department
    IACOJ
    Southern Division

    http://www.wrenfiredepartment.4t.com/

    In Memory of:
    FireFighter/Pilot James Archer
    1946-2005
    "Rest in peace James, you now have the ultimate set of wings on you."

    Thanks, LeuitEFDems

  13. #13
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    This is how its done huh?
    Attached Images Attached Images  
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  14. #14
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    Does NZ actually still have an air force
    Of course we do, 1,000's are training as we speak.

    Attached Images Attached Images  
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingKiwi
    The Royal New Zealand Air Force used to fly a plane called a Bristol Freighter.

    More commonly known as a Bristol Frighter.

    or 10,000 nuts and bolts flying in sympathy.

    The only redeeming feature was that the wings were that damn big it would float for hours on water.

    My Father made a flight on one, from the bottom of New Zealand to the top, into a head wind. Normally a 4 hour flight in a C-130 (Done the trip myself).
    His was into a head wind and took 14 hours and two refuels. He said it would have been faster to get out and walk alongside pushing.

    Frighter scroll down to the bottom
    It seriously takes 4 hours to fly from the bottom of NZ to the top? I didn't know NZ was that big!

  16. #16
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    Take a look at the (WORLD Atlas, not USA map) you plonker.

    NZ is three islands, very LOOOOONG north-south, very narrow east-west.

    And for your information we have a damn site more coast line miles than 'da good ol US of A'.

    Apart from that a C-130 is neither the fastest or the most elegant method to travel more than 2 feet off the ground.

    The best part of flying in one of those is when some nobber opens the door and indicates "Hook Up."

    Good Grief.
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

  17. #17
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    Take a look at the (WORLD Atlas, not USA map) you plonker.
    NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Dont even look at a world map!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    DONT TRUST WHAT YOUR GRADE 8 TEACHER SAYS!

    okay, now for the reason that you should be suspicious of your grade 8 geography teacher:

    GLOBAL MAPS LIE! i know you might be thinking 'this guy has had too much guinness', but i am only on my third one

    Discard all of your global maps and instead turn to your globe. some of you may not have a globe in your house, so you will have to trust me on this.
    When you look at your globe, have a nice long look at greenland (its that 'big' island sorta near Canada) and see how small it is. Now look at a flat 2D map of the world. There is certainly a discrepancy is there not?
    When you make a 2D rectangle of a sphere, you have to make countries that are near the equator smaller then they really are and you have to make countries nearer the poles MUCH larger!

    I always used to think Greenland was HUGE! but it turns out it is only the size of Queensland (the redneck state i live in, ever notice that the closer you get to the equator the more redneck a state is. QLD is at the North of Australia, near the equator. Coincidence? i think not )
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingKiwi
    Take a look at the (WORLD Atlas, not USA map) you plonker.

    NZ is three islands, very LOOOOONG north-south, very narrow east-west.

    And for your information we have a damn site more coast line miles than 'da good ol US of A'.

    Apart from that a C-130 is neither the fastest or the most elegant method to travel more than 2 feet off the ground.

    The best part of flying in one of those is when some nobber opens the door and indicates "Hook Up."

    Good Grief.
    Heheeheeee, I have a few hours racked up ride'n in one o' those. Strapped in, tied and bolted down is more like! Fortunately I never had to experience the "Hook up" bit, which is a good thing in my book. The last run I did on one, was from Larnaca to Lahr... only about 5hrs being bolted in one of the noisiest a/c I've ever flown in. Good thing for ear defenders!

    Like Kiwi says it ain't the most elegant form of travel.
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  19. #19
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    And for your information we have a damn site more coast line miles than 'da good ol US of A'.

    um actualy we have approximately5,000 more kilometers in coastline in the US

    http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/...k/geos/us.html



    http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/...k/geos/nz.html
    Last edited by BFDNJFF; 08-12-2005 at 12:34 PM.
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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingKiwi
    Take a look at the (WORLD Atlas, not USA map) you plonker.

    NZ is three islands, very LOOOOONG north-south, very narrow east-west.

    And for your information we have a damn site more coast line miles than 'da good ol US of A'.

    Apart from that a C-130 is neither the fastest or the most elegant method to travel more than 2 feet off the ground.

    The best part of flying in one of those is when some nobber opens the door and indicates "Hook Up."

    Good Grief.
    Actually, for your information, I did look at a map of NZ on the official website and saw how big it was. I also know that the C-130 most certainly isn't the fastest flyer out there. No need to get all ****ed off about it....

    Quite frankly, I think NZ is very beautiful and would love to make an extended trip there some day. I hope everyone esle isn't as moody as you....

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    Quote Originally Posted by PattyV
    NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Dont even look at a world map!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    DONT TRUST WHAT YOUR GRADE 8 TEACHER SAYS!

    okay, now for the reason that you should be suspicious of your grade 8 geography teacher:

    GLOBAL MAPS LIE! i know you might be thinking 'this guy has had too much guinness', but i am only on my third one

    Discard all of your global maps and instead turn to your globe. some of you may not have a globe in your house, so you will have to trust me on this.
    When you look at your globe, have a nice long look at greenland (its that 'big' island sorta near Canada) and see how small it is. Now look at a flat 2D map of the world. There is certainly a discrepancy is there not?
    When you make a 2D rectangle of a sphere, you have to make countries that are near the equator smaller then they really are and you have to make countries nearer the poles MUCH larger!

    I always used to think Greenland was HUGE! but it turns out it is only the size of Queensland (the redneck state i live in, ever notice that the closer you get to the equator the more redneck a state is. QLD is at the North of Australia, near the equator. Coincidence? i think not )

    That's why I like globes so much more than maps. Odd thing is, my 8th grade teacher told us about that, in fact I think all of my teachers pointed that out during the years....

  22. #22
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    Post What makes the world go round!!!

    All of my teachers took the globe and said, "Now see here, all these other people in all these other states (or countries) have no idea that NEW Mexico is a actually part of the United States, so just get used to it."

    That's all I know about the globe.

    Just kidding....
    09.11.01--Never Forgotten
    FTM_PTB

    "Darn those pesky flaming mice."

  23. #23
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    No need to get all p!ssed off about it
    I am not,
    not moody
    not annoyed
    not even upset
    not angry
    not slightly miffed even
    not paranoid.
    just not

    so there

    you have just been notted.

    And the coastline is correct, you see you have to double our length of coastline, because we have tribal groups claiming they own the coastline, so if every one owns it, and one race owns it, there must be twice as much. Simple eh. Its just maths Jim, but not as you know it.
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingKiwi

    And the coastline is correct, you see you have to double our length of coastline, because we have tribal groups claiming they own the coastline, so if every one owns it, and one race owns it, there must be twice as much. Simple eh. Its just maths Jim, but not as you know it.
    umm those figures are whole coastline of the country doesnt matter who's claim they are.
    did you even click on the link?

    CIA Fact Sheet on NZ
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  25. #25
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    MalahatTwo7's Avatar
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    Mar 2002
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    Loco madidus effercio in rutilus effercio.
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    Beware the Kiwi Bird they are known to bite sometimes. Who'd a thunk such an innocuous little creature could have such BIG TEETH? LOL

    **and yes, I had to look up that word to make sure of the spelling - its my "big word" for the day. **
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

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