1. #1
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    Default Updated national Threat Status

    Following the events in London the other week the French government
    announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run to
    Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and
    Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed
    France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military.

    As a response to this:

    The UN has condemned the atrocity and in turn issued warning advice to all
    member states. The recommended action being 'Lets all get together to have
    a meeting to decide the Agenda for a further meeting to discuss what
    wording we should use in a post Soviet\9/11 era to describe alert
    state levels for the wider community with priority going to African nations
    who have no real threat from Islamic militancy'

    However, nobody has yet
    deceided who will make this decision.

    The Italians have increased their alert level from "shouting excitedly" to
    "elaborate military posturing and strut". Two more levels remain,
    "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

    The Germans have also increased their alert state from "disdainful
    arrogance" to "full dress-uniform and marching songs". They have two higher
    levels, "invade all neighbours" and "lose".

    The Aussies have up'ed their alert state from 'throw another shrimp on the
    barby', to 'brash drunken banter' . They withhold their highest security
    measure of 'Finally admit we're all descendants of Convicts'.

    The little known NATO ally Iceland, have moved their alert state from
    'Sitting chilly eating pickled fish' to 'Frozen vigilance'. They have
    ruled out going to their highest alert 'BjorkCon 1'

    Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "isolationism" to "find somewhere ripe for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "take on the world" and "ask the British for help".

    Finally here in Kiwi Land we've gone from "pretend nothing's happening" to "have another beer". Our higher levels are "bloody mongrels" and "win".
    Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
    Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

  2. #2
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    Default

    'Finally admit we're all descendants of Convicts'.
    My great great great grandfather was not a convict. They never managed to catch so as to convict him. He came over on a boat and changed his name.
    "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

    For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

  3. #3
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    Default

    The Germans have also increased their alert state from "disdainful
    arrogance" to "full dress-uniform and marching songs". They have two higher
    levels, "invade all neighbours" and "lose".
    ROFLMAO!!!

    I'm apologize to any of our German friends, but that is f'n funny!

    The Italian one is good too.
    Never argue with an Idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience!

    IACOJ

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    Default

    LOL Opening a new thread created by Kiwi is much like opening a new Stayback thread.... ya just never know what you'll get
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  5. #5
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    Default

    ROFLMFAO
    Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

    IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

    "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
    RUSH-Tom Sawyer

    Success is when skill meets opportunity
    Failure is when fantasy meets reality

  6. #6
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    Thanks for the laugh Kiwi.

  7. #7
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    Default

    As bold and brave the little brown bird from down under may be, it’s a little known fact that it was Ireland that quietly initiated hostilities with Iraq, even before the US sent troops into the theater. The Irish Ambassador called Sadaam and told him of the declaration, and the Iraqi dictator told him that Iraq had many, many weapons with which to wage war. The Irish Ambassador said, “I see. We’ll get back to ya.”

    Calling Sadaam back, he told him that all was well since they had plenty of weapons themselves, so the war was back on. Sadaam told him that he had thousands of tanks with which to wage war. The Ambassador said, “I see. We’ll get back to ya.”

    When he called him back the Ambassador told him that the war was good to go since they had recruited several of the locals’ tractors and SUV’s, so the war was back on. Sadaam countered that he had a 2 million man army. The Ambassador said, “We’ll get back to ya.”

    He shortly called back and said, “Ok, you got us. The war’s off.”

    Sadaam asked, “So the might of the Iraqi Military finally brought you to your senses?”

    The Ambassador responded, “Not bloody likely. There’s just no way that we can feed that many prisoners!”
    Steve Gallagher
    IACOJ BOT
    ----------------------------
    "I don't apologize for anything. When I make a mistake, I take the blame and go on from there." - Woody Hayes

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